One Slip

Title: One Slip
Author: J.D. Rush
Fandom/Pairing: LotR, RPS; Elijah Wood/ Sean Astin
Rating: NC-17 for m/m sexual situations. You have been warned.
Summary: You always have to be on your guard.
Warning: This is a slash story aboaaut real people. That means two pretty boys together. If you don't want to read that kind of story, don't read THIS story. You have been warned again.
Disclaimer: Not true. Never true. I'm sorry for implying it. Oh, and the song belongs to Pink Floyd.
Author's notes: No betas were hurt in the production of this story. All mistakes are mine.

One Slip
One Slip
J.D. Rush

"One slip, and down the hole we fall
It seems to take no time at all
A momentary lapse of reason
That binds a life for life . . . ." 1

It wasn't supposed to happen to Sean Astin.

He was married – HAPPILY married. He loved his wife, Christine, more than anything else in the world, well, except for his lovely daughter, Alexandria. He was a proud father, and a devoted family man. He was the last man anyone would think to have an affair. But then, sometimes life throws you a curve, and all you can do is hang on.

It all started when Christine took Ali back to the States for the holidays. Sean and his wife had discussed the matter for a while. Chris hadn't seen her family in nearly six months, not since flying down to New Zealand to be close to her husband. The long separation wasn't difficult for her at first, as she soaked in the sights and experiences of their new home. But in recent weeks, she had started getting homesick – not just for her family, but for her friends as well. Sean hated the thought of not sharing Christmas with his beloved wife and daughter, but he couldn't fault Christine's longing to spend some time with her own family. Plus, they both agreed, it wasn't fair to keep Ali from seeing her grandparents during the holiday season.

So, one week before Christmas, the Astin family had their own private celebration. Chris scolded Sean repeatedly for going overboard with the gifts – "You're going to spoil Ali," she had teased.

"But I love spoiling her . . . and you," he had replied smoothly, handing her a small velvet jewelry box, accompanied by a tender kiss.

They were just finishing dinner when a few members of the cast – Orlando, Billy, Dom, Ian, Liv, and of course, Elijah – stopped by with more gifts for Ali, prompting an exasperated sigh from Chris and a hearty laugh from Sean . . . he wasn't the only one who enjoyed spoiling his adorable daughter. The gang stuck around for coffee and dessert, enjoying an evening of friendly conversation. All except for Elijah and Orlando, who sat on the floor playing with Ali and her new toys instead.

Far too soon, however, the day came to an end, and the revelers said their goodbyes. Once the Astin family was alone again, Sean gave Ali a bath and got her ready for bed, while Chris did a quick clean up, and packed a few last minute items for the trip. She had just plopped herself onto the couch when Sean reappeared.

Chris smiled up at her husband as he held out a hand to her; clasping it, she allowed him to pull her to her feet, and wrap her up in a loving hug. He kissed her cheek, then her forehead, before pressing his lips to hers. A gentle kiss, a loving kiss, a familiar, comfortable kiss. They parted as if by some unspoken agreement, and Sean saw the invitation in her eyes. With a quirked grin, he grasped her hand once more and led her to the bedroom.

Their love-making that night was slow and affectionate, drawn out as long as possible, knowing it would be the last time for a long time. As they relaxed in the afterglow, Sean cuddled Chris close, inhaling her scent, imprinting it on his mind. Snuggled down, she quickly fell asleep, but slumber eluded her husband. He couldn't stop worrying about her flight, worrying if there'd be someone at the airport to meet her and Ali. Worrying about being alone for six weeks. Eventually, Sean's exhausted mind shut down, and he was finally able to get some rest.

The next day, Elijah showed up bright and early at the house, offering to tag along to the airport. Chris smiled a grateful smile – not only would the young man keep Ali occupied while waiting for their flight, but he'd keep Sean company on the drive back. She knew her husband well – Sean would definitely not want to be alone.

The four of them sat in the airport lounge, waiting for the boarding announcement. Sure enough, Elijah spent the time entertaining Ali, while Sean sat quietly with Chris, holding her hand, and sending her shy, secret smiles and glances. Sean was feeling quite proud of himself. He thought he would have broken down and caused a scene, but he was holding up remarkably well . . . at least until it was actually time to board the plane.

As he knelt down to give Ali a big goodbye hug, she handed him her favorite stuffed bunny, "So you won't be lonely, daddy." At that, he had started crying, and Chris was even more thankful that Elijah was there. She gave Sean a final goodbye kiss, then took Ali's hand and headed towards the gate. As she handed in their tickets, she turned around and waved one last time; Elijah already had his arm around Sean's shoulder, comforting him. That made her smile – she didn't feel so guilty now, knowing Elijah would look out for her husband in the coming weeks. She was leaving Sean in good hands.

Elijah. Who could've guessed he and Sean would become such fast friends? They were so different even though they shared some common ground, the most obvious of which was the fact they were both child stars that had made a successful transition to adult stars. But Sean loved Elijah's youthful exuberance and his endless source of energy, and his seemingly impossible combination of innocence and worldliness. And Elijah loved Sean's quiet, gentle nature, and a practicality that had kept Elijah out of trouble more times than he could count. Their friendship was as solid and deep as the relationship they shared with their characters. They were virtually inseparable, both on and off the set. Closer than friends, maybe closer than brothers. And if there were feelings between them that weren't quite appropriate for two men – especially when one was happily married – they were never discussed or even acknowledged.

Too dangerous. Much too dangerous.

At first, Sean was okay with Christine's absence, still laughing and being his usual jovial self on the set. Each night, Elijah and the rest of the guys did their best to keep him busy, taking Sean out to dinner or to a pub or a movie or just over to someone's house for some poker. Anything to keep his mind off his family.

But as the days went on, Sean started withdrawing into himself, getting quieter on the set, declining to go out with the gang more and more often. It wasn't affecting his work – he was far too much of a professional for that – but when the cameras were off, he simply seemed to fade away. By the third week, he stopped going out all together, his entire existence consisting of going to work then going home, alone.

Elijah could sense how much his friend was hurting, how desperately he missed 'his girls'. He hated seeing Sean so despondent, but couldn't think of what to do. Any attempt to get him to join the gang in their nightly rabblerousing was met with a sad smile and a weary, "No thanks, Lij – maybe some other time."

Finally, by Thursday of the fourth week, Elijah had had enough. He knew he had to break Sean out of his spiraling gloomy mood, and figured he might have hit on a plan. If the gang was too noisy and chaotic for Sean, then maybe some one-on-one male bonding was the ticket.

The next day, as Sean was preparing for his scene, an assistant walked up to him and handed him a note. It said simply, "PlayStation World Championships. Tonight. 8:00. My place. BYOB." Sean immediately looked across the set to see Elijah giving him one of his beaming gap-toothed grins, and a big 'thumbs up' sign.

Sean sighed. He really didn't want to go, wasn't really in the mood to be with anyone, but how could he refuse a smile like that?

The answer was, he couldn't.

So, at exactly eight o'clock that night, he was knocking at Elijah's door – six pack in hand. When the door swung open, he was greeted by his friend's shiny happy face. "You came!" Elijah exclaimed, almost seeming surprised.

"You said tonight, right?" Sean asked uneasily, wondering if he had misunderstood.

"No, no – you're fine. Come on in!" A barefoot Elijah grabbed Sean by the hand and dragged him into his rented cottage. "Everything's already set up – pizza just got here a couple of minutes ago." He pulled Sean towards the bedroom where, sure enough, an open pizza box lay on the bed (one piece already missing, Sean couldn't help but notice), a pile of game cartridges sitting beside it. Elijah jumped up on the bed and gestured towards the games. "Choose your poison!"

Sean put the beer on the nightstand, and sat down next to his friend to examine his choices. While he was busy perusing the titles, Elijah reached over and grabbed two bottles from the carton, opening them both deftly, and handing one to Sean. Absentmindedly, Sean took a sip, even as he continued picking through the cartridges until he found the one he was looking for, and passed it to Elijah.

"Final Doom?!" the young man laughed. "You're kidding, right?"

"What's wrong with Final Doom?" Sean demanded.

Elijah took a sip of his beer. "Oh, nothing's wrong with it – except I'm going to kick your ass."

"Says you."

"Wanna bet?" Elijah challenged, evil sparkle in his eye.

Now it was Sean's turn to laugh. "No way, Elwood. I've seen some of your bets, remember? I'm not in the mood to stroll through downtown Wellington in one of Liv's dresses."

Elijah scrunched up his face and pouted. "Fine. No bets. But you're still going down, hard."

"Talk is cheap, my friend," Sean said with a smile. "And I might surprise you."

"You'll surprise me if you get past the first level," Elijah mumbled, plugging the cartridge in, and passing a set of controls to Sean, who had dug out a piece of pizza. He looked down at the control pad, then back at the pizza, a perplexed look on his face. "Problem?" Elijah asked.

"Yeah – napkins?"

Elijah rolled his eyes. "It's just us guys, Seanie. Use your shirt."

"Lij, that's gross," Sean grimaced.

"That's only because you've been married for too long," Elijah joked, as he hopped off the bed and went in search of SOMETHING Sean could use to wipe his hands. He returned a few moments later with a roll of paper towels. "Will these do?" he asked, sarcastically.

"I guess they'll have to," Sean conceded, ripping off a few squares, using a couple as a make-shift plate, and wiping the pizza sauce off his fingers with the rest. Elijah, meanwhile, snagged a piece of his own, and was happily munching away, not paying any attention to the blob of tomato sauce that fell on his tee-shirt; Sean just shook his head, tolerantly. "So, who's first?" he inquired, jerking his head at the game system.

"You," Elijah said in between mouthfuls. "I'll even spot you some points."

"Smartass," Sean laughed good-naturedly, as he kicked off his shoes and made himself comfortable. Elijah then hit the START button, and the war was on.

++++++++

Two hours later, the beer and pizza were long gone – along with a bag of chips and half a package of semi-stale OREOs that Elijah dug out from one of the kitchen cupboards – and the guys were battling each other as if the fate of the world depended on it. Sean hated to admit it, but he was glad that Elijah had forced him into the silly competition. He was having a great time, even if his young friend was being obnoxious in victory. "YES! Take THAT, you loser!" Elijah shouted in glee, pumping his arm in the air as he advanced to the next level.

"Loser?!" Sean repeated, indignantly. "You're only three levels ahead of me, Woody. It's never over until the fat lady sings."

"Yeah, well, tell Rosie O'Donnell to warm up her vocal chords, because the end is drawing near!" Elijah smugly replied, his fingers expertly manipulating the control pad.

"Oh, yeah?" Sean shot back, his hand reaching out and snatching the device from his friend's hand.

"You fuck!" Elijah shrieked, watching in disbelief as his guy bit the big one on screen.

"Good. Now it's my turn," Sean smiled, gearing up his own player.

"No it's not," the younger man argued. "You cheated!"

Sean was busy concentrating on not getting his character killed, but he managed to retort, "You'll have a hard time proving that in a court of law."

"Give it back!" Elijah squealed while making a grab for the pad, but Sean ducked out of the way, still playing his round.

"Make me," he challenged, as he maneuvered his guy through the maze.

Big mistake. While Sean's attention was diverted, Elijah leaped at him, knocking him onto his back. "Give me back my precccioussss," he giggled, his fingers grasping the hand that still held the stolen control pad.

"You little shit!" Sean laughed, pushing at Elijah's shoulders and in the process dropping the mechanism. "Get off of me!"

"In a sec," Elijah snapped, his hand scrambling after the errant gadget.

When Sean saw what Elijah was trying to do, he cried out, "Oh no you don't!" and gave Elijah a hard shove that rolled them both over, knocking the empty pizza box to the floor. Game forgotten, they started to roughhouse, rolling around on the bed, each trying to gain the upperhand. The room was soon filled with Elijah's irrepressible giggles, a sweet sound that Sean had almost forgotten over the past few weeks.

Finally, Elijah managed to pin Sean beneath him. Straddling Sean's waist, arms pined over his head, Elijah triumphantly crowed, "Winner and world champion!" before leaning down and giving Sean a fleeting kiss on the cheek.

"No, you're just a bully," Sean gasped. He gulped once, trying to catch his breath, then muttered an aside, "Shouldn't have had that third beer."

"Are you sure that's the problem, old man?" Elijah grinned, cheekily.

"Old man?!" Sean echoed, incredulously. "I'll show you who's an old man!" With that, Sean bucked up, throwing Elijah off him. The young man landed on his back with an 'Oomph', and before he could get his bearings, Sean pounced. Elijah squealed in surprise at Sean's dexterity and quickness – not seemingly hindered at all by his recent weight gain – and soon the tables had been turned.

Sitting astride Elijah's waist, Sean looked down into startled blue eyes and smirked, evilly. "Not bad for a pudgy old hobbit, eh?" Then, to show it was all in fun, Sean also leaned down and gave his friend a kiss.

The kiss lasted but a moment, just a friendly little peck on the lips. Nothing the two of them hadn't done dozens of times over the past few months. Such displays of affection were common among all the actors, but especially between the hobbits, and particularly between Sean and Elijah. In fact, it was even a running joke on the set that they were becoming more and more like Frodo and Sam with each passing day.

But something changed that night. As Sean drew back from Elijah, the young man reached up and tenderly cupped Sean's face in his hands. The action froze Sean, who found himself suddenly staring into Elijah's fathomless blue eyes, and captivated by Elijah's lips, which were wet and parted and inviting. And in that moment when diligence is ignored and restraint is forgotten, Sean allowed Elijah to pull him back down, their mouths instantly seeking one another. Tender, sweet kisses quickly escalated into a hungry desperation to taste and experience each other to the fullest. Sean moaned softly when Elijah licked urgently at his lips, begging entry – a plea Sean couldn't ignore. The moaning only got louder as Elijah slipped inside, and their tongues touched for the first time.

Sean's fingers threaded through Elijah's hair as the kiss grew in passion and intensity. He felt like he was drowning, lost in a sea of sensation, as Elijah's tongue gently swirled around his, slicking and sliding, intent on plundering every inch of his mouth. But even as Sean melted into Elijah's skillful ministrations, a hundred thoughts assailed him simultaneously:

"Sean, what the hell are you doing?"
"You're a married man."
"You're a HAPPILY married man!"
"You're a proud father."
"He's ten years younger than you."
"He's just a kid."
"He's you're best friend."
"He's a guy."
"Goddamn, can he kiss!"
"Did I mention you were married?"
"You're straight, you moron!"
"Aren't you?"

This last thought was the most disturbing. Sean had never looked at a guy 'that way' before, but there was no denying how he felt towards Elijah at that moment, not if his stiffening cock was any indication. As the kiss deepened further, he noticed that Elijah seemed to be sharing his plight, as he felt the young man's erection pressing against his thigh – Sean wasn't sure if he should feel smug or horrified by this development.

Even as he warred with his emotions, however, Elijah was taking things to the next level. His hands slipped from Sean's face to start working on the buttons of his shirt. It took Sean a minute to realize that his top was suddenly completely unbuttoned and Elijah was pushing it from his shoulders. It took Sean another minute to realize his own hands had gripped the hem of Elijah's Smashing Pumpkins T-shirt and was pushing it up the young man's torso.

Sean's mind yelled, "Stop!"
Elijah's mind yelled, "Keep going!"

They both made quick work of their pants and skivvies, clothes disappearing like magic in between gentle caresses and rough ravenous kisses. Sean sat up just long enough to pull off his socks before Elijah pulled him back down on top of him, relishing the feel of being crushed beneath Sean's larger frame, and took possession of Sean's lips once more.

Sean's mind yelled, "This is so wrong!"
Elijah's mind yelled, "This is so right!"

Sean finally broke the kiss, much to Elijah's dismay. The young man moaned pitifully, until Sean's lips returned, pressing against his ear. "Shhhh," he cooed soothingly, nibbling the tender lobe, before trailing a line of butterfly kisses down Elijah's throat and chest. Encountering a tempting pebbled nipple, Sean flicked his tongue over it, causing Elijah to moan again, this time in obvious pleasure. Pleased with that reaction, Sean began worrying the sensitive little nub between his teeth, the room soon filling with Elijah's staccato whimpering.

Sean was so busy working on the tasty bud that he missed the sound of a nightstand drawer opening and the fumbling of fingers as they searched blindly for something. Only when he heard Elijah gasp, "Seanie," did he look up.

Elijah was holding out a tube of lubricant to him.

And with a hand that didn't seem to belong to him any longer, Sean reached out and took it.

Sean's mind yelled, "No!"
Elijah's mind yelled, "Yes!"

Running on instinct, seemingly powerless to stop the flow of events, Sean squeezed some of the lube onto his fingers, and started preparing Elijah. He and Christine had done this a few times, and he knew what to do to make his partner comfortable, and to bring maximum pleasure. Elijah made a high-pitched keening sound as Sean's finger slipped through the tight opening, carefully and patiently working its way deeper. Sean slowly slid in and out, marveling at the sounds Elijah made with each thrust, and the way Elijah undulated his hips in tandem with Sean's movements. It occurred to him then that Elijah was no novice, that he had had others in his bed. It made Sean a little angry, a little disappointed, and a lot jealous.

Well, if he couldn't be the first, he'd be the best.

A second finger joined the first, gently pistoning, gently stretching. Elijah's cries grew louder as he bucked up towards Sean, trying to drive those skillful fingers even deeper. There was no doubt Elijah was ready – he was MORE than ready . . . .

But was Sean?

Sean's mind yelled, "I'll regret it if we do this."
Elijah's mind yelled, "Just get on with it and fuck me already!"

Sean sat back on his heels, slicking himself up. As he did, he looked down at Elijah, and his heart flipped over. The young man lay writhing on the bed, sparkling azure eyes half-lidded with undisguised desire. His arms were thrown wide open, hands clutching at the scattered sheets, his legs spread apart, eager and wantonly. His stunning face was flushed and sweaty, his chest heaving, his erection lying flat against his stomach, weeping and darkened to a deep rosy blush.

He was gorgeous. Breathtakingly gorgeous.

Even so, Sean could have still walked away. There was still time to end the madness, to do the right thing, to stay faithful to Chris. He could still walk away, but he didn't. Instead, he continued to stroke his cock, eyes glued to the dreamy vision before him.

A slow, sultry smile spread across Elijah's face as he watched his best friend pleasure himself, the strong, blunt hands gliding over slippery hard flesh. A small, uncontrollable groan rumbled forth from Elijah as he imagined those hands on his own body, and that cock . . . .

He bit down on his lower lip to stifle another needy groan, even as he spread his legs a little wider, a hand reaching up, beckoning to Sean, enticing him to claim what was his.

Sean's mind sighed, "God, he's beautiful."
Elijah's mind sighed, "God, he's beautiful."

As if in slow motion, Sean watched as Elijah grasped his slicked cock and guided it towards him. Their eyes locked, seeing all the love and friendship and devotion they shared for each other. No words were spoken as Sean thrust forward, easily breaching his lover.

A soft groan caused Sean to stop his advance for a moment, to let Elijah relax and adjust; when he was sure his friend was ready, he started slowly pressing forward, sheathing himself inch by careful inch. Push, retreat, push, retreat, pausing with each stroke to steal a kiss from Elijah's sweet lips, until they finally lay flush against each other. Elijah took that moment to pull Sean in tight, capturing his mouth in a searing liplock.

They stayed like that for some minutes, just luxuriating in each other, soaking in the sights, the smells, the textures and the tastes of each other. Their breathing gradually synchronized, until it seemed as if they were one being instead of two. Sean couldn't help but marvel at how natural, how wonderful, how – RIGHT – it felt to be connected to Elijah this way, a feeling he had only ever known with Christine.

The thought of his wife brought on a momentary flash of guilt that stabbed Sean through the heart, but then Elijah wrapped his legs around Sean's waist, and squirmed slightly beneath him. Sean gazed down into those eyes, so bright and blue. He took in that smile, so open and loving. He studied that beautiful ethereal face and perfect naked body. Elijah was like a depraved angel, sent to earth to tempt mere mortals. Innocent, but just barely.

One look – and Sean was hopelessly lost.

He drew back, then pressed forward, then again – back and forth – the rhythm soon established. Two bodies joining and parting, a dance performed for the first time, effortless and perfect as if done all their lives. An easy tempo set to the music they made together: the creak of the mattress, the soft grunts and shallow pants, the slap of skin against damp skin, and Elijah's pleasured mewing rising above it all in the sweetest of melodies.

As time went on, the cadence became faster and more frantic, even as they both tried to hold back, tried to prolong their dance as long as possible. Elijah's hand wrapped itself around his aching cock; Sean's hand wrapped around Elijah's. Stroking together. Hips rocking harder and faster, moving, colliding, pounding, sweating, cursing, faster, faster, faster . . . until the night exploded around them, surrounding them both in a spectacular shower of light and heat and fire, their mingled cries of passion combining together in a beautiful symphony of love.

With barely enough energy to pull out of Elijah, Sean collapsed on the bed beside his friend. Elijah's warm, sated body instinctively curled around his, and within moments, the young man was asleep. But already the guilt and self-recrimination was assailing Sean, leading to a long, sleepless night. Finally, near dawn, he drifted off into troubled slumber.

++++++++

Sun streaking through the open blinds woke Sean the next morning. Still drowsy from the remnants of his peculiar hazy dream, he stretched out his left arm, searching for someone who should be beside him. Feeling nothing but cool sheets, he cautiously cracked open one eye. "Chris?" he murmured sleepily before it all came back to him – where he was, what he had been doing. Who he had been doing it with. He sat up with a jolt, panic washing over him like a flash flood as he realized what he had done: he had cheated on Christine – his beautiful wife – with Elijah Wood, his best friend.

Definitely not one of his finer moments.

Sean's eyes darted around the room frantically, looking for his clothes and an escape route, when Elijah walked in, dressed casually in an old pair of sweat pants and a baggy Star Wars tank-top. Added to his morning bed-hair, it made him look about twelve years old, and Sean instantly felt even worse, if that was possible. "Ahh, you're awake!" the young man greeted, flashing a luminous smile.

"Um, yeah," Sean croaked, "a couple of minutes, I guess."

"You were sleeping so peacefully I couldn't wake you," Elijah said, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. "And since today's an off day, I figured I'd let you be. Hope you're not mad."

"No, no – thanks. I . . . I haven't been sleeping well lately," Sean sheepishly confessed.

Elijah nodded knowingly. "Yeah, I've gotten that impression the last couple of weeks. Sometimes you looked dead on your furry rubber feet."

That got a feeble laugh from Sean. "Yeah, sometimes . . . thank God for double espresso, huh?"

"And loud music," Elijah added with a grin. "Although I doubt Ian would agree with me on that."

Sean truly didn't know what to make of this conversation. Elijah was acting so . . . well . . . normal. No mention of what had happened between them – not even a hint that something weird had transpired the night before. Perhaps I just dreamed the whole thing, Sean thought. Maybe it was just a bizarre nightmare brought on by an ill-advised combination of beer and junk food. He had almost managed to convince himself it was nothing more than a bad dream when Elijah leaned down and kissed him sweetly on the lips.

Sean closed his eyes and gave himself a mental bitch-slap.

It had been a long time since he had last found himself in the awkward situation of waking up in a bed he had no business being in – not since he got married. He was long out of practice, but he still remembered the horribly embarrassing 'next morning' conversations, and this one promised to be a doozy. Steeling his nerves, he took a deep breath and pushed the dreaded words out:

"Lij, about last night . . . ."

A finger pressed to his mouth to stop him from completing the sentence. "Shhhhh, Seanie – don't say it," Elijah all but pleaded. "I don't want to hear it was a mistake."

"But it WAS a mistake," Sean insisted, turning his gaze away from Elijah's suddenly pinched, anguished face. "You – me – us – here . . . Christ, Lij, I didn't even use a condom!"

"Did we need one?" Elijah asked shyly, quietly.

"No," Sean quickly reassured him, "no, we didn't." A heavy uneasy silence filled the room for a beat, then two, as Sean digested the meaning of that exchange – last night, Elijah had trusted him completely, even with his life. It was an awesome responsibility, and at that moment, Sean wasn't sure he was that trustworthy anymore. He took another deep breath and released it slowly before he softly admitted, "I'm not sorry it happened, Lij. I know I should be, but I'm not."

Another pause, not as awkward this time. "Me, neither," Elijah said, just as softly.

"But it can't happen again," Sean affirmed, even as his hand inched over and clasped Elijah's gently. "Christine . . . ."

"I know. I understand," Elijah cut in before Sean could finish his thought. His voice was steady and mature, much too mature for one so young, but a touch of sadness, of longing, of disappointment reflected in his expressive eyes. He smiled a weak smile as he added, "It was one night. I'll take it."

"You'll take it?" Sean repeated, stupidly.

"Yeah, I'll . . . ." Elijah stopped, dropping his gaze. Taking a couple of meditative breaths, he continued, "Look, Sean – I knew I could never have you, and I never, ever expected what happened last night to happen. And as bad as I feel about it, I'm still glad it happened. It's something I've wanted for some time now, and I'll treasure it always."

And with that declaration, Sean Astin realized how seriously he had screwed up. For Elijah, it hadn't been just a one-night stand or a drunken tumble – Elijah was in love with him. "How long?" he whispered, afraid of the answer.

A shrug of slim youthful shoulders as Elijah answered honestly, "I don't know. A while." With a crooked little smile he added, "Maybe the first time I met you."

The weight on Sean's shoulders instantly increased ten-fold. Rubbing his free hand wearily over his face, he fairly groaned, "God, Lij . . . I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's okay," Elijah assured Sean, giving his hand a friendly squeeze. "I'm cool. 'Sides, it's my fault for falling in love with a married man." Even as he said it, he gave a mirthful snort at the absurdity of the phrase. "Fuck me, I never thought in a million years I'd ever say that."

Sean really didn't know how to respond to that, or to the knowledge that Elijah had been pining over him for months, dreaming of a love that couldn't be. His heart ached for his friend, for the pain he had inadvertently caused to someone so dear to him, and he wished there was some way he could make everything better – make Elijah happy.

But Sean knew that was impossible. There was no way to make this better, no way he could give Elijah everything he wanted – BE everything Elijah wanted. It was a hopeless situation, and had been right from the start. Elijah had understood that, which was why he had never mentioned it before. His love would have always remained a secret, but for that fateful kiss.

Not knowing what else to say, all Sean could ask was, "Are you going to be okay?" Inwardly he cringed at the lameness of the words as soon as they were spoken.

Summoning up his finest acting skills, Elijah managed a brave smile and replied, "Yeah, I'll get over it. You?"

In an acting feat that rivaled Elijah's, Sean swallowed down the guilt that threatened to choke him and nodded. "Yeah. I'll be fine." his mind thoughtfully added.

"Will you?" Elijah asked, curiously.

"Huh?"

Elijah smiled indulgently. "Seanie, I know you. You're telling me what I want to hear, trying to make me feel better. You're saying you're fine, but I can see it in our face that you're not. Please tell me this isn't going to affect our friendship."

"No, no – nothing like that." Sean glanced down at their still entwined hands and heaved a huge sigh before confessing, "It's just I was thinking – how am I going to tell Chris?"

"Why do you have to tell her at all? It can be our little secret."

"She has a right to know, Lij."

"Don't," Elijah insisted. "You'll only hurt her."

"I can't lie to her."

"It's not a lie if it's never spoken."

"A lie by omission is still a lie," Sean persisted.

"Sean, please, don't risk everything just because of one night," Elijah implored. "It's not worth it. *I'M* not worth it. "

Sean gave a little tug to the hand he still held, pulling Elijah towards him. Gently brushing back an errant curl from Elijah's forehead, Sean sighed wistfully, "You know, if things were different . . . ." He let the sentence trail off, not really knowing how to finish it, not sure what he was trying to say anymore.

"But they're not," Elijah finished, sadly. Hand still entwined in Sean's, he brought his other hand up and tenderly caressed the older man's cheek. "Friends, right?"

"Always friends," Sean assured him as he tilted his face to receive Elijah's lips. The kiss held none of the fiery passion of the night before, but was no less loving and sweet.

As Elijah drew back from the embrace, he flashed a sunny gap-toothed grin. "C'mon, Samwise – I'm supposed to meet up with Orli and the other hobbits for breakfast." He paused a beat before inquiring, "Unless you'd rather eat in?"

"You got something other than stale OREO's?" Sean teased.

"YES," Elijah answered, huffily. "I'm not TOTALLY hopeless, you know."

"You could have fooled me. So whatcha got?"

"Corn muffins," Elijah replied, proudly. "Oh, and some donut holes – unless Dom polished them off yesterday."

Sean pondered it for a moment then announced, "Corn muffins sound good. Coffee?"

"Of course."

"Okay – you got yourself a deal. Besides, I don't think I could handle Elf-boy right now."

Elijah laughed, agreeing with Sean's sentiment. Sometimes Orlando's boundless energy and enthusiasm was hard to take first thing in the morning . . . and definitely not without at least two cups of coffee under your belt. "Corn muffins it is. Are you joining me, or do you expect breakfast in bed?"

Sean thought, then immediately felt guilty. He had to get over this – not just for the sake of his marriage, but also for his friendship with Elijah. So instead of speaking his true feelings, Sean gave a weak smile and said, "I'll join you."

He started to slip out of the bed, only to remember that he was still naked. Despite what the two of them had shared the night before, Sean felt a blush spread across his cheeks, and instinctively he pulled the sheets up to his chest. "Ahhhh . . . Lijah? Have you seen my pants?"

Elijah giggled as he reached down and retrieved Sean's jeans from the floor. He handed them to his friend, catching his eye as he did so. The lightness of the moment evaporated as a dozen emotions flashed over Elijah's face. A dip of his head broke the contact; still looking away, he whispered, "I'll just wait for you in the other room, 'kay?"

"Yeah, okay." Elijah was halfway out the door when Sean called out to him. "Elijah?"

The young man turned back, face cutely crinkled in puzzlement. "Yeah?"

"You sure you're okay?"

Elijah didn't say anything at first, then a sad little smile crossed his angelic face. His shoulders shrugged imperceptibly as he sighed, "No. But thanks for asking." And with that, he walked away, leaving Sean alone to mull over the mess he had made.

It wasn't supposed to happen to Sean Astin . . . .

But it did.

The End

1."One Slip" by Pink Floyd, from the album, "Momentary Lapse of Reason".