Amnesia

Amnesia

The elf woke and looked around disorientated. Where was he? Oh right, this was supposed to be his rooms. He rubbed his temples. But where was that again? And who was he?

He sighed and got out of bed. Sitting on the bedside he closed his eyes and forced his memory to work. More than a couple of days wouldn’t come to him and he allowed his tears to fall. Every morning he went through the same paining process. Waking up without any knowledge and having to remember he didn’t have his memory anymore wasn’t the best way to start a morning.

He sighed when there was a knock on the door.
“My lord, are you awake? My lord?”
The elf cocked his head. /So I am a lord? Does this happen every morning?/ He realised it did and sighed again, standing up. “I guess I am.” His voice was empty and he looked around in wonder. None of these items told him anything about himself.

He looked at the door. “Come in.” /Or do you always remain on the other side?/
The door opened and revealed a raven-haired elf, who bowed respectfully. “How are you doing today, meldir?”

He cocked his head and narrowed his eyes. He sighed and shook his head, seeing nothing that could resemble a recognition in the other’s eyes. “My name is Erestor and I am your chief counsellor. You had an accident a week ago, do you remember?”
The elf shook his head. “I fear I do not. I remember nothing. No more than yesterday morn.” He sighed. “You are about to tell me something shocking, but I cannot tell what it is.” He looked at Erestor. “You say this daily, don’t you?”
Erestor nodded. “Aye, you seem to have trouble remembering your past at the moment and since we are all part of it…”

He trailed off and sighed. “Would you like to have breakfast here or in the dining room?”
The elf before him shrugged. “In the dining room. I suppose I should give my memory a lot of triggers. Now would you kindly see me there and tell me who I am?”

Erestor inclined his head and smiled. “Your name is Elrond Peredhel and you rule Imladris, my lord.”
Elrond frowned and rubbed his temples. “And I do not remember that because…?”
Erestor closed his eyes. “Because you had an accident last week. You fell of your horse and hit your head at least trice, maybe more. Your memory is gone, but the healers are hopeful that in time it will come back.”

He opened the door and walked Elrond inside the family dining room. The twins looked hopeful but their expressions saddened when seeing Erestor and Elrond.

Erestor smiled supportively. “Allow me to introduce Elladan and Elrohir to you, my lord.”
Elrond narrowed his eyes and cocked his head. Something was trying to be acknowledged in his mind, but he just couldn’t reach it. “You seem familiar.”
Elladan smiled. That was the first thing to a memory their father had given them whole week. “That’s because we are. Sit down and eat breakfast.”

A servant stepped closer and leaned in to whisper in Elladan’s ear. The twin smiled. “Erestor, Glorfindel has just crossed our borders. He should be here within the hour.”
Elrond frowned. “Is this realm so small then?”
Elrohir grinned but shut up when Erestor glared at him, before answering Elrond. “Nay, my lord, but Glorfindel is not one to stop or slow down and Asfaloth, his mount, his the fastest horse in our stables.”
Elrond nodded, having stored the information. He wondered why he even bothered. He would have lost it on the next morn anyway. “And who is Glorfindel?” /Why does my heart stir when I hear his name?/
Elladan smiled. “He’s the leader of our army and the best friend we could wish for. Along with Erestor that is.”
Elrohir nodded. “Aye, the five of us are a tight family.”
Elrond looked at Erestor. “We’re related?” There was disbelief in his voice and Erestor shook his head. “Nay, meldir, we are not. Only you, Elladan and Elrohir are real family and you’ve accepted Glorfindel and myself into it.”
Elrond now looked at the twins who smiled at him.

He rubbed his head. “This is getting confusing. Why do I bother storing all information away, when I know tomorrow is just going to be the same? Why do you even bother telling me again and again?”
Elladan smiled. “Because we hope someday we won’t have to do so anymore. Ro and I have to work now and so does Erestor. Why don’t you go sit in the sun for a couple hours before exploring the place.”
Elrond nodded and allowed Elladan to guide him to the balcony from where he could easily access both house gar garden should he wish to investigate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Glorfindel smiled when he entered the court yard and dismounted. A stable groom already rushed towards him and he smiled. “Give him something extra. He’s done extremely well.”

He walked towards the house and smiled, seeing Elrond walk towards him. He altered his course and bowed respectfully.

It didn’t startle Elrond anymore, since every elf he’s passed since breakfast has done the same. About to walk on he did frown when the blond addressed him.

“It is a pleasure to be home again, my lord, but may I inquire what the urgency was?” He looked around. “All seems fine to me.”
Elrond cocked his head. “Urgency? For what?”
Glorfindel raised his eyebrows at Elrond’s words. “Don’t tell me the twins pulled a prank on me, meldir, when they wrote me I was needed here.”
Elrond frowned but shrugged and turned. “Follow me.” He had already found where the others worked and decided to bring this elf there, since he so obviously had been summoned.

Glorfindel easily followed, puzzled by his lord’s strange behaviour.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elladan and Elrohir were discussing a message from Thranduil when the door opened and revealed their father. They smiled warmly and their smiles grew when they saw Glorfindel entering behind them. They jumpp anp and closed the distance to hug him. “Glorfindel, we’ve missed you.”
The blond grinned, glad the twins were all right. “Will someone please tell me what is wrong? Why was it so necessary I hurry home?” He looked at Elrond, who had cocked his head and seemed to study the room.

Suddenly the grey eyes lit up. “You are twins.” He smiled. “I had a twin once.”
The twins exchanged happy glances. “We know.”
Elrond sat down and turned gloomy.

Glorfindel frowned. “El, wh, what is wrong?”
Elrond looked at him and again the strange look came over him, unnerving Glorfindel. He smiled. “So you are Glorfindel?” He shrugged. “I lost my memory. And apparently they have to tell me that every day.”
Elladan nodded and handed Glorfindel some water. “Aye, adar fell of his horse and hit his head severely. The healers cannot say how long it will last. And we are barely coping with Imladris.”
Glorfindel gasped and blinked. He needed a moment to take this in. But it did explain Elrond’s strange behaviour.

He sighed and nodded, standing up. “You can cope a little longer I think. Maybe Elrond should see more of the valley than just the house and the gardens. Care to join me for a ride? Asfaloth can carry us both.”
Elrond didn’t know why he offered it, but he jumped at the opportunity to spend more time with him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elladan stretched and groaned when he sat down. “This is getting worse. I don’t understand how adar could do this daily without getting such painful and cramped up muscles.”
Elrohir grinned and started massaging his brother’s shoulders. “You know darn well Glorfindel massaged him frequently and maybe he was better at hiding it.”

He sighed. “I saw no changes, toron.”
Elladan nodded. “It is still early. Give it time. Glorfindel only arrived today.”
Elrohir sighed. “Aye, but if he doesn’t trigger a memory today, why will he tomorrow? Why are you so adamant Glorfindel’s presence will trigger adar’s memory?”
Elladan smiled. “You know why. Glorfindel holds his heart, Ro, and his soul will recognize its other half, and force the mind to remember.”
Elrohir sighed, saddened. “It’s just so frustrating, seeing adar walk in here every morning without knowing us. It pains me.”
Elladan leaned back and reached out to caress his twin. “It pains him too. I cannot imagine what it must be like to wake up without memory every single morning.” He sighed and looked hopeful. “Let’s pray that soon will change.”

They returned their attention to the papers they were working on and neither twin noticed the dark figure leaving the shadows again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elrond’s thoughts reeled. /So Glorfindel spoke the truth. I am their father./
He sat down on a chair and watched the cooks prepare dinner. He smiled, already knowing he would eat in here. /Elladan said Glorfindel is my other half. Is he? And why doesn’t he show it? Kiss me? Or have we broken up?/ It never occurred to him he had kept it a secret throughout his life, not knowing Elladan knew.

After a while he reached a decision and went to Glorfindel’s rooms. Maybe he could find some answers there?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Glorfindel smiled when he saw Erestor walking towards him. “Elrond is much revived, Erestor. I do believe the valley triggered some memories. Can you tell me what exactly has happened?”

Erestor nodded and guided the blond to his study where he sat him down, telling Glorfindel all he needed to know. After half an hour Glorfindel’s head reeled and he felt bad for not being here, knowing he could have prevented it.
Erestor sighed. “Don’t blame yourself, meldir. There’s nothing you could have done to prevent it had you been here.”
Glorfindel shook his head. “Nay, I could have made him stay here and place his trust in his sons. You know I’m the only one he listens to when it really matters.” He growled and kicked over the table. “For once I go on a vacation and what happens?” Tears leaved his eyes and he left Erestor’s study in an angry haze.
Erestor sighed, feeling sorry for his friend. He knew nothing would erase the guilt from Glorfindel’s mind, but he hoped somehow something would lessen it. Sighing again he turned his attention to the many papers awaiting his attention. Tomorrow everything would start again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elrond reached the blond’s rooms and stepped inside. He felt saddened when it was empty, but didn’t wonder about his feelings anymore. It was logical if they were lovers.

He looked around and noticed there was nothing resembling his rooms decoration. His heart filling with doubt he pulled open some drawers and rummaged in them. Somewhere something must have his name on it. It must!
He ran to the wardrobe but it revealed only the blond’s tunics and colours, no robes that would be his.

He looked at the bathroom and st rst ran out but he ran inside and looked around; again finding nothing that belonged to him. And everything clearly indicated use for one, not two. He staggered back as if stabbed and sank down, allowing his tears to fall. /We have broken up. But I don’t remember. I don’t even remember us./ But what pained him more was the knowledge he had to relive this pain every day for Elbereth’s knows how long. He hugged his knees close and lowered his head, allowing his hair to block him from the world.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Glorfindel entered his room his anger was still present and he marched straight for his wardrobe. He needed to change into his fighting tunic. It needed to be released.

He stopped dead when he saw Elrond in such a pitiful state. His anger evaporated and made way for sympathy. He instantly kneeled beside him and pulled him close, smiling when Elrond eagerly leaned against him.

When Elrond realised who it was – considering it was Glorfindel’s rooms, there was hardly any other to be holding him now – he pulled away and looked at him in fright.
Glorfindel frowned at seeing it. “Peace, Elrond. It’s me, Glorfindel. We went riding this day, remember?”
Despite himself the words made Elrond laugh and he smiled a little. “The memory loss isn’t that bad.”

He wiped his tears away and struggled up. “I will leave you now.”
Glorfindel frowned and stood beside him instantly. “Why? There’s no shame in crying. I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you came, but I am here now. What is it?”
Elrond had his head lowered and wondered about the warmth in Glorfindel’s voice.

He shrugged. “I overheard Elladan. He said that I would recognize my other half, that having my love close would trigger memories.” He looked up. “I don’t remember, Glorfindel. And I don’t remember our break up either.” He sighed. “And I fear reliving finding out on a daily basis.”

Glorfindel stood like he was just hit over the head and gaped at Elrond, not believing his ears. “Elladan said what?”
Elrond smiled. “That you hold my heart and my soul would recognize its other half and force my mind to remember.” He sighed, a bit sad. “I guess he didn’t add our break up into the calculation.”
Still Glorfindlinklinked. He hadn’t heard much of what Elrond had said, having tuned out when Elrond had mention his other half. But now some of the other words registered. “Break up? What break up?”
Elrond cocked his head. “Ours, of course.”
Glorfindel was completely puzzled. He had never know of any affair Elrond had and now it had also been broken whilst everybody was left unawares? He blinked. “But you never broke up with anyone.” His voice sounded sure, but he wasn’t so sure anymore. /I would have known, wouldn’t I?/
Elrond blinked. “No break up? Are you sure?”
Glorfindel nodded. “Positive!”

His eyes narrowed and in his own anger he failed to notice the pleased look on Elrond’s face. “First thing tomorrow I’ll yell at Elladan for upsetting you.” He grinned. “Good thing you won’t remember -that-.”
Elrond sighed. “But I won’t remember them, or anyone, and I want to. I want to know who I am and who you are.”
Glorfindel shrugged. “Easy enough. You are Elrond Peredhel and you rule this realm. Why the twins think you are no longer capable of that is beyond me. You’ve lost your memory, not your common sense.”

Elrond smiled and rested his body against Glorfindel, smiling when the blond instantly embraced him. “Can I stay here?”
“Of course, why not?” Glorfindel grinned. “Just don’t attack me in the morn.”
Elrond grinned as well and nodded. “Promise, though I can’t promise I remember my promise.”
Glorfindel laughed. “In which case you find yourself fighting your seneschal. Now let me go so I can make the bed. In case you haven’t noticed, it needs sheets.”

Elrond nodded and went to the bathroom. /Let’s see. I have a lover and he’s Glorfindel and we never broke up. I’ve’ got the feeling he’s going to change the daily schedule. Wish I just could remember what that was./
He swiftly bathed and walked back inside, smiling when he saw Glorfindel making the last arrangements on the bed. The image made him hot and he was unable to resist temptation and attacked the blond from behind.

Glorfindel yelped when Elrond suddenly threw him on the bed. He instantly turned and was ready to fight him off, having expected a temporal lapse. He was unprepared for the assault on his mouth.
Elrond swiftly straddled the blond and his hands already caressed the other’s body. Glorfindel wanted to break it off, but Elrond’s actions warmed him and when he saw the raw desire in the grey orbs he was lost and grew achingly hard.

Elrond broke the kiss when he felt his lover’s arousal poke him. “Even if I never get my memory back, I know I will always remember my love for you.” /As long as you are near. Elladan was right about that./ He reclaimed Glorfindel’s lips and started undressing them both.

Glorfindel moaned and pulled Elrond closer, no longer capable of any thought, let alone rational. Elrond’s passion fuelled his own and before he knew it he was filled with the other’s member. He looked at Elrond puzzlingly. When had he entered him? And why hadn’t it hurt? He knew there hadn’t been any preparation and it had been millennia since he had received last.

Elrond smiled and started a slow rhythm. “Never doubt my love, nin ind.”
Glorfindel’s heart thundered in his chest and he pulled his love closer. “Melethten. Nin meleth.” He claimed Elrond’s lips but had to abandon them when he reached orgasm.

Elrond screamed his pleasure and collapsed on his blond lover, his eyes already closing in sleep.

Glorfindel smiled and pulled Elrond closer, enjoying the fact the other was still inside him. He knew this night was the only night he would ever have and knowing Elrond wouldn’t even mbermber it pained him. He kissed Elrond’s hair. “How long I’ve loved you. You don’t love me, you think you did and do because of Elladan’s words.” His soon joined his love in reverie.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erestor frowned when his knocks weren’t answered. “Elrond!”
He opened the door and frowned again when he found the bed made. Elrond had never slept here. /Where is he?/ He ran through the corridor. He needed Glorfindel’s skills. The blond had to find Elrond. What if the ruler had woken early and hadn’t handled it? Fear clawed at him and gave him wings.

He didn’t knock but flew inside, stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the image before him. “By the Valar! Glorfindel! Elrond!” His voice woke up Elrond, who had been hovering near waking for a while.

He frowned, finding himself embraced by another, and embracing him in turn.

Erestor gasped, seeing the lost expression in Elrond’s eyes. That didn’t bode well for this day.

Elrond studied his bed partner and pulled back. When the blond moaned in displeasure he realised he had just pulled out. He hovered his hand above the blond’s face and smiled. Very slowly he remembered last night. /I’ve loved since you rode up to us for the first time, Celebrían holding Arwen./

Sensing another’s presence he looked up and his eyes widened when he saw Erestor.
He gasped and jumped up. “Erestor!” He looked down. “Glorfindel!” He smiled a beatific smile and grabbed his outer robe.

Glorfindel had woken and stared at him in wonder and dread while Elrond just rushed out. After a second Erestor ran after him and he heard Glorfindel swiftly putting on clothes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The twins jumped out of bed when their door was flung open.

Elrond instantly embraced his children. “Elladan! Elrohir! O, by the Valar, my sons!” He pulled them close and allowed his tears to fall. “Aiya, I should have listened to you and Erestor. I shouldn’t have gone out in that storm.”
Elladan and Elrohir broke down as well and wept happily on their father’s shoulder.

Erestor and Glorfindel smiled when they walked in on them like this. Glorfindel pulled Erestor back to the door. “Come, my friend. Imladris awaits.” They stopped when Elrond’s voice sounded through the room. “Wait a second you two.”

He stood and approached them, still holding his sons close. “Erestor, knock me out cold should I ever decide to do something so stupid again. And you.” He smiled at Glorfindel and now let go of his sons to pull the blond close. “You are moving in. It cannot do to have the lord of Imladris sleeping in his seneschal’s rooms. Besides, mine are more luxurious.”
He pullim cim closer and claimed his lips, releasing them when he heard his sons’ pleased sounds.

He turned and looked stern. “You two need to work on your senses. You hadn’t even noticed me yesterday.” He walked out and pulled his family along. “But you are right. We are one big family. Erestor, have you written Thranduil back yet?”
Erestor looked startled. “Aiya, he is arriving today to discuss the terms of marriage.”
Elrond smiled. “Well, I told him before I would never marry again and now I can tell him why. Come, meleth, your hair is missing some braids.”

Elladan and Elrohir smiled. Their father was back.
Erestor leaned in and whispered. “You could have warned me. I was besides myself with worry when I found his bed empty. But I do think waking up with another was the trick.”
Elladan smiled smugly. “And having that other be his other half. You know what?”
Elrohir rolled his eyes. “What?”
“I think the Valar arranged this so they’d finally faced their feelings and admitted it to each other.”
Elrohir smiled and nodded. “Glad he’s back. I will never doubt you again.”

Elrond leaned against his lover and steered him inside. “We will join you later. We’ve got some time to catch up on.”
Erestor shook his head. “Guess we will have to rule Imladris a little longer, pyn-neth.”

Adar – father
Nin ind – my heart
Melethten – you’re my lover
Nin meleth – my lover
Pyn-neth – little ones