Mea Culpa

Mea Culpa 1/?

By Imogen

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own Viggo, Orlando or any of the Fellowship *sigh* they own themselves. Anyone you don’t recognise, I own.

Pairing: Viggo/Orlando, Orlando/OC, implied Orlando/Kate

Summary: Abuse wrecks everyone’s lives. Who picks up the pieces?

Warnings: domestic abuse, attempted suicide, violence, language, explicit sex scenes, both consensual and rape

Notes: This is my first fic and I'm really nervous about posting it, due to first time nerves and the subject matter. Please be aware this will not be a pretty story folks. It may not seem entirely obvious what’s happening at first. This fic deals with domestic violence/abuse and its ramifications. If anyone finds this upsetting please don’t read. There will be violent scenes in it. I’m not going to sugar coat those scenes, but I’m not going for all out gore. It’s not a 'traditional' hurt/comfort story either, although there will be comfort, don’t despair. Hopefully there will be a happy ending, or at least some form of closure but I can’t guarantee it. I haven’t done a huge amount of research for this, and fortunately I do not have first hand experience of this, for forgive me if things aren’t entirely accurate.

Thank you: wonderful, amazing beta Gwen. Thank you so much!

FYI: 'Mea Culpa' is Latin. Roughly translated it means 'my fault'

Feedback: please it’s vitally important over this. I want to know if I’m doing a good job with this fic. If it’s too horrible or crap I’ll stop, but please tell me how I’m doing.

Archive: fine, just tell me where


Mea Culpa

Chapter 1

It shouldn’t have happened, not to anyone, not to his friend. Thoughts swirled around Elijah’s head as he moromorosely, never moving a muscle. Over the past few hours Elijah felt he’d gone through every emotion known to humankind (maybe use mankind), and now all that was left was pure exhaustion, and sorrow. Oh, and the anger.

Yes, anger had become a permanent emotio you young Elijah Wood. That was another signal things weren’t right. After all, Elijah didn’t get angry, did he? He got upset, excitable, crazy, devastated, and sometimes he became annoying, but he had never experienced pure unadulterated anger. It had been eating him up and part of him was grateful for that constant anger: it meant he could still feel ... something. He was surprised he wasn’t numb by now. God knows he’d like to be, but he couldn’t, nor really would he want to. It would mean giving up, and he couldn’t.

Elijah Wood did not give up, not on anything or anyone. Especially on friends in need.

***

Dominic’s eyes narrowed as he sat with the consultant. Strictly speaking, he shouldn’t be here as he wasn’t family, but then again, he was the next best thing. Sure he wasn’t related by genes or blood, but he was as close as any family, perhaps closer in some ways. Family you couldn’t choose. Friends were the family you chose, he remembered he’d heard the saying before but couldn’t think where. He couldn’t think about much at the moment. His mind kept repeating part of the conversation with the staff.

“He doesn’t have any family in America, they’re in England. I’m his best friend ... Yeah we’re both from England ... Sure I’ll act as the family spokesperson...”

He was bitterly regretting that now. Oh he’d do it again and again, even knowing what was coming next. But that didn’t make the sickness any less. He’d practically had to bribe the staff to tell him what was happening. For God sake, his friend could die, probably was dying, and he had found him. Eventually he wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer, and one of the doctor’s had taken pity on him.

Dom had never been punched, well, not properly, but he was getting a good idea of what a solid hit in his gut would feel like. His mind briefly flitted to Lij ... how was he coping? He prayed it was better. How could it be better? Dominic only had to hear what had happened, and had been happening under their noses for months. Elijah had to see it. That surely had to be worse, right? He’d been waiting for the ambulance when Elijah had unexpectedly come around.

Dom didn’t hear the wine bottle shatter; all he remembered was seeing Elijah’s face as the colour drained away. Dom had had to become harsh to Elijah, to keep him from becoming hysterical, explaining the ambulancs ons on its way ... but Elijah’s face. He silently thanked God that Elijah didn’t have to hear this, he was still innocent in so many ways, or was until what he saw today. It was almost as if Dom could see a piece of Lij’s innocence slip away from him, as the colour faded. He never wanted his friend to see that; he never wanted to see that…

“I hesitate to bring this up, but it’s best you know-“ the doctor began cautiously.

Hesitate?!? Dominic almost yelled. She’d hardly spared him any of the other details so why the hell would she care about this ‘sensitive piece of information?!’ Even in his anger he knew it wasn’t her fault. She was being professional, calm and in control. He wondered if she had dealt with many cases like this. Surely she must have - she was a doctor but Dominic wasn’t. He’d never had to deal with this, not on any personal level. He’d read about it, heard about it. But it never happened to people he knew. Especially not to his friend. Forcing himself back to the present, he listened to Ms Doctor.

“I have put your friend on suicide watch, just as a precaution.”

WHAT?!? Oh please no. That’s what they did to criminals…his friend wasn’t a criminal. He could barely move. Surely they didn’t think…not again. This was too much. He couldn’t lose his friend, not now, definitely not like this. Oh no. He’d sworn to look after him, and he would, by any means necessary.

***

He was normally a morning person. Really he was, but even Mr. Bright N Early didn’t appreciate a phone call at the crack of dawn. He was trying to finish his latest canvass, and he really didn’t want any interruptions. There were some times when Viggo just needed to be alone, be at one with his art. This was one of those times. He was finding it difficult to concentrate with the obnoxious ringing. Fortunately the answer machine picked it up.

“Viggo Mortensen’s home. Sorry I’m not available right now. Please leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible”

“Viggo! Viggo! Pick up the bloody phone!”

It was Dom. Why on earth would Dominic Monaghan ring at this time of the morning? In fact, why was he ringing period? He secretly doubted the hobbit knew what ‘A.M.’ meant. He would have grinned but Dom’s tone made him uneasy. He sounded furious…and scared.

“Viggo pick up. Sod your stupid painting or whatever. I have to talk to you NOW! It’s an emergency!”

Dom’s voice was growing more intense. Sighing, Viggo put down his sponge and walked over to the phone.

“Listen Viggo Mortensen, I-“

“What’s wrong Dom, you do realise this is the crack of dawn?”

“Yes I do,” Dominic snapped. “I need you to get down to St. Mary’s Memorial hospital now.”

“St Mary’s?! Dominic, what’s happened?” Viggo whispered, his voice sounding strangely choked.

“Just get down here…” Dom growled. He couldn’t explain why he was so mad. God damn it, why was he still talking? He should be driving to St Mary’s.

“Damn it Dominic, what the hell is going on?! Who’s hurt?!”

“…Orlando. H-he tried to kill himself.”

****

Viggo Mortensen was not a violent man. He’d never hit anyone, never threatened or deliberately harmed anyone, but that was about to change today. Viggo could feel an anger unlike any he’d known pumping through his veins, and he welcomed it. All because of one man – Orlando - his friend who was lying on a hospital bed on suicide watch. Because of Orlando, Viggo felt the alien urge to kill someone. And this wasn’t irrational anger; no, it was cold hard fury directed at one target: the man who had driven Orlando to this desperate act.

He felt like a wreck; God knows how Elijah and Dom had coped with everything. To say Dom looked like the living dead was a terrible cliché but unfortunately, an apt description. White chalk face, large dark circles under blood shot eyes, at least a day’s worth of stubble. Under other circumstances he would have laughed at his friend’s appearance and guessed a hangover, but his eyes chilled him. Dom looked lost and frightened. All of the anger from earlier seemed to have seeped out of him, leaving an empty shell.

That had frightened Viggo as Dom quietly handed him the ‘coffee’ from the vending machine. None of them were hungry but it gave them something to do. Dom had paced the waiting room a few times and then tried to fill Viggo in on the details that the doctor had told him, without breaking down, which was proving a Herculean task.

Elijaijahijah just looked drained, deflated, as if all the life had been sucked out of him; he looked as if he’d…shrunk. It was obvious Elijah had been crying, large tears streamed down his face and his hair was mussed, half plastered to his head. When he hadn’t dashed outside for a cigarette, he’d been relentlessly biting his nails, jigging his knee, anything to try and take his mind off Orlando. It looked unnatural on two men as lively and fun-loving as Dom and Lij. They shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t be worried sick about Orlando. Hell, even Orlando shouldn’t be here.

Viggo couldn’t bear to think of the horror his friends had been going through for the past 24 hours. It had been Dom who had found Orlando sprawled on the bathroom floor, numerous bottles surrounding him. To make matters worse, Orlando had cut along one of his wrists; presumably he lost consciousness before he could do the other one. It was clear that it was no accident. Orlando had intended to kill himself, either by an overdose, or if that failed, by slitting his wrists. Because of this, Orlando (once he’d had his stomach pumped and his cuts sewn up) was put on suicide watch, as if he was a criminal. Orlando had apparently regained consciousness about two hours ago but hadn’t requested to see anyone.

Was he ashamed? Angry? Betrayed? Viggo didn’t know. Just like he didn’t know why Orlando had tried so thoroughly to kill himself. And part of him, selfishly, didn’t want to know.

In the years he’d known Orlando (it’d been about nine years now) he was sure he’d known Orli well, understood him. He was a young man full of sunshine and laughter. He’d been almost awestruck by Orlando when he first met him. They guy had been like a hyperactive chipmunk, the perfect partner in crime for the Hobbits. He’d seen the hyperactive sunbeam change to the elegant, calm regal elf with barely a blink. It frankly had stunned Viggo, who’d spent hours getting inside Aragorn’s head, his mannerisms, and here was this young, mowhaked colt who could slip between a bungee jumping daredevil and an aloof, calm elf in the blink of an eye.

It soon became obvious that Orlando would be one of the biggest stars from the Rings films. Sure enough, Pirates of the Caribbean came immediately after. Troy, Kingdom of Heaven, tes tes 2 ... to name just a few; he lost track of the number of films Orlando had worked on in the following years. He’d changed from an excitable young man to a confident actor, yet somehow still incredibly grounded.

By the age of 29, he’d won an Oscar for Best Actor, and had been nominated for his second Oscar, which he also won. At 30, no one could say he was just another Hollywood pretty boy. And now at 32, he was recovering from an attempted suicide.

Just what had gone wrong?

He tried to think of recent times when he’d seen Orlando, which he admitted were not as frequent of should have been, or he would have liked. Had there been signs then? Would he have noticed if there were? Of course there were no answers to his questions. It felt as if his very heart had been ripped out; he wanted to scream and cry. But more than anything he wanted to ask why.

Why had Orlando tried to kill himself; why did he feel his life had become so unbearable; why didn’t he go to Dom or Elijah? Or himself, for that matter? Why did he want to hurt his friends so much? Why?!? Of course he would never ask Orlando those questions. He couldn’t imagine the pain Orlando had been going through.
The cameras had never noticed it, nor the interviewers or numerous co-stars. Could it have been that easy to miss, or had Orlando been holding up a flashing neon sign for help the entire time, and no one had noticed?

***

Viggo knocked gently before he entered the room. He almost hesitated at the door, trying desperately to find some excuse for not going in. When did he become such a coward, so spineless? His friend was in there, hurt and lost and he couldn’t work up the nerve to go in. What the hell was wrong with him? Oh, he knew what was wrong, but he didn’t want to admit it, to face the reality he’d been avoiding for nine years. He was partly responsible for Orlando’s condition. Of course he hadn’t directly caused it, but he’d helped chip away at Orlando. He’d started everything...


*** begin flashback ***

Orlando grinned at Viggo as he splashed the American with water. “You’re nuts you know?” Viggo grinned. “And you love me for it,” smirked Orlando, sticking out his tongue.

Still garbed in Legolas’s costume, ears and wig, Orlando looked absolutely adorable and utterly bizarre. The Elf was always so poised, so graceful at times Viggo almost forgot it was Orlando underneath and to see ‘Legolas’ acting - well, cheekily - was, frankly, quite funny.

“Yeah I do,” Viggo whispered, as he found himself gazing at the elf, his elf. When did Orlando become his? He was old enough to be Orlando’s dad for God sake! But unfortunately that not what his body and heart were saying. The boy was undeniably gorgeous, even if he didn’t seem to notice it. He wanted that beauty for himself, to call his own, to possess and claim Orlando as his.

He couldn’t count the number of times he’d gone to sleep with Orlando’s name on his lips or dancing through his head. Of course Orlando loved him, but Orlando loved everyone. His easy affectionate manner had immediately attracted Viggo to him, beside his physical attributes... Orlando’s love and joy was a breath of fresh air in comparison the habitually jaded, cynical youths. To see Orlando ahe Hhe Hobbits so full of joy and laughter, it was truly an amazing thing.

Oh how he’d like to say Orlando was his, to really know him. Know all the stupid, insignificant things couples knew about each other; to know exactly how to please Orlando, or how he looked in his sleep.

But Orlando didn’t belong to him, and never would. Not in the way Viggo wanted him to. Orlando looked up to him, admired and respected him. Having lost his father at a young age, much too young in his opinion, Viggo had become almost a surrogate father. He felt wicked having such lustful thoughts about his young companion, who trusted himlievlieved he was the calm controlled Viggo, and Viggo didn’t want to shatter Orlando’s perception, betray his trust.

But it didn’t change his feelings. Viggo’s mind drifted briefly to the book “Lolita” – yes, Orlando was like a male Lolita, innocent and unconsciously seductive, dangerous and absolutely irresistible. Ignoring the voice of reason and responsibility in his head, Viggo leaned forward and kissed Orlando. The moment his lips touched Orlando’s he internally cursed himself. To his surprise, Orlando didn’t struggle or back away, telling him he was a filthy pervert or to get a life. Orlando did the one thing Viggo never would have expected ... he wrapped his arms around Viggo, pulling him closer as the kiss deepened.

Oh, people would have a field day if they saw this: Aragorn, King of Men making out with Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood. Yet somehow, Viggo couldn’t find it in himself to even care. He’d wanted to do this for so long, and the fact that Orlando was willing ... his brain shut down.

No more thoughts. He let himself melt into the sensations, the taste of Orlando’s mouth, the texture of his tongue ... it was almost too much, almost. When they eventually broke apart for air, Viggo opened his mouth to apologise, but Orlando smiled, running his figures through Viggo’s hair. They were still close, still touching.

"You have no idea how long I’ve waited for that,” Orlando whispered, gazing into Viggo’s eyes, before moving in to kiss him again.

*** end flashback ***

He and Orlando had become lovers. It hadn’t been hard; in fact it had been terrifyingly easy to fall in love with Orlando, with Legolas, with Middle Earth. Viggo had had only one or two minor flings with men in the past but nothing major, and Orlando had even less experience; zero to be exact. He was amazed at how well they’d fit together, as if they just were moulded specifically for one and other. He’d wanted to keep their relationship private, but unfortunately Dom had discovered them, and naturally Dom being Dhe hhe had immediately told Elijah, who had then informed Billy and Sean that their Elf was in love with the Ranger.

Liv overheard big-mouthed Elijah, and being equally gossipy and nosey, had quickly passed the information on to Ian and Beanie, who’d promptly informed John, Karl and Hugo with great glee (too much in Viggo’s opinion). Ian unfortunately had done one better (worse) and took this as red to tell everyone on the set. He might as well announce it on the local news station! He could just imagine it right now.

*** Newsflash!
This just in from our ever reliable Middle Earth Gossip Columnist, Sir Ian “Gandalf Greyheme” McKellan: Viggo “Aragorn Elessar Telecontar Strider, ranger extraordinaire” Mortensen is dating the exquisitely fey and perfect Orlando “Legolas Prince of Mirkwood” Bloom. May their love unite Middle Earth in harmony and glory in the coming Fourth Age. Our condolences go out to Arwen and Gimli ... better luck next time!” ***

Within three days of their relationship, all of the Fellowship and at least half a dozen major cast members knew. Miranda and Karl had offered an embarrassed Orlando a pair of bright pink pants and Ian had informed Orlando, should he need any advice or tips *hint-hint* that he shouldn’t hesitate in seeking him out, and would be waiting to offer ... comfort, should anything go wrong with Viggo. Hugo, never one to miss out on a humiliating opportunity, had then recited a deliberately long, boring speech for Aragorn and Legolas, intoning ritual and tradition, blah-blah-blah, in his best “Agent Smith/Lord Elrond Stern Doom Voice” followed by an exceedingly dirty limerick.

For some reason, Viggo never fully understood why all the women, specifically Liv, Miranda, Cate, Fran and Ngila, seemed to flock to Orlando afterwards, being almost motherly in their affection. All the Rings cast had given their blessing and approval. But of course Viggo couldn’t leave well enough alone, Oh no, he’d had to go and irreparably fuck things up.

He’d kept questioning their relnshinship, trying to find holes and chinks. Convinced the outside world would never accept them, he broke up with Orlando, and that was something he would never forgive himself for.

*** begin flashback ***

Orlando gently kissed Viggo on the nose, grinning. He was perfectly content, but then why wouldn’t he be? Orlando loved and was loved unreservedly. He didn’t hold back or question things, which Viggo envied to an extent.

“Orlando, we have to talk.”

Oh, those dreaded four words; the four words that always signalled the Beginning of the End. Orlando’s face was marred with confusion, and maybe a little worry. “What’s wrong Vig? Something’s upsetting you. Please tell me,” he whispered, pressing another kiss behind Viggo’s ear. Managing to somehow stifle a gasp, he pulled Orlando back gently, not wanting to frighten him. “No Orlando, stop it. I’m serious. It’s about the future, our future.”

That got Orlando’s attention.

“Look Vig, I know we talked about this, but really ... I don’t see what all the fuss is about. All the publicity for the Rings is over, so why would anyone care?”

“Oh Orli, please be serious. Of course people care. They’d wonder why we’re still hanging around each other, the movies are over-”

“So what? Because the movies are over we can’t be seen in public together, because of what strangers and the press think?!” Orlando demanded, immediately pulling away from Viggo.

Oh God, he’d upset Orlando. That really wasn’t his intension. He’d wanted to make this quick and painless. Of course that was foolish thinking - there was no way this would be easy, or gentle.

“No ... it’s just ... God ... Orlando think about it for a second. You’re a hot young actor. Offers are already pouring in for you. Do you really want all that to go down the drain because people aren’t as tolerant as you think? Even Hollywood discriminates against gays, no matter how liberal they pretend to be. Why can’t you see that?”

“Ian’s been OK,” Orlando whispered.

“Ian was an old man with a well established reputation when he came out. You’re young, about to break into Hollywood. This is the last thing you need."

"Our relationship ... you think we’re that much of a mistake. Thanks for being so honest." Orlando whispered. Viggo sighed, frustrated as he ran his hand through his hair. How could Orlando be so blind over this?

"Look, face facts. I really don’t think you understand the full implications of coming out. You’re coming out to the nation, not just your family and friends. Everyone will know, and the people you love could be targeted by homophobes ... or ... or anti gay people. Society is vicious Orlando, don’t you see that? Gay or even bisexual people can pretend being ‘out’ is great. It’s not. Why do you think I never came out? It’s not just you who will be hounded; it’s everyone you care about - your mum or Samantha or Henry or even the Hobbits. They could be targeted simply because they’re friends with a gay person.”

“It’s not against the law to be gay Viggo! I haven’t committed a crime, despite what you seem to thinkm som sorry if I don’t understand the ‘gay code of conduct’ but this is kind of new to me. I’d never fancied a guy until I met you. It’s not like I have any choice in the matter either ... I didn’t exactly plan on who I’d fall in love with. Do you really think I’m so selfish that I’d put people’s lives in danger? I love Henry like he was my own, but he doesn’t care; Exene, your ex-wife doesn’t care. She gave you her blessing for God sake! Sam can take care of herself, as can the hobbits. It’s my job to entertain people Viggo and I love doing it, but it doesn’t give them, or you for that matter, the right to dictate how I live my life.” Orlando ranted, tears beginning to form in his eyes. "I love you, and I want you to be a part of my Vig Viggo. Why can’t you just accept that? Isn’t my love enough? Am I not enough?”

Viggo wanted nothing more than to take Orlando in his arms, but he couldn’t - he couldn’t back down, not now.

“I’m sorry Orlando, I can’t. I won’t expose Henry or you to such hate. You’ve got too much innocence to lose; I don’t ever want to see that go, even if it means we can’t be together.”

“Y-you’re breaking up with me?” Orlando gasped.

Tears began to streak down Orlando’s face and Viggo had to turn away. He couldn’t meet Orlando’s eyes, couldn’t see the hurt that he had inflicted on the younger man. “I’m sorry ... you need to move on Orlando. We don’t live in Middle Earth. Hollywood is cruel-“


“Hollywood is cruel? What about you? You’re breaking up with me because of what people think ... people you don’t even know. You’ve ripped out my heart and then you want me to move on - wham, bam, thanks. Is that it? Was I just a set fling? I gave you everything Viggo, and you throw it back in my face. Hollywood might be cruel, but you’re a selfish bastard, Mortensen,” Orlando whispered. Grabbing his coat, Orlando ran out of his flat, out of his life.

He felt his shoulders sag and tears began to form in his eyes. He’d quickly brushed them away. But seeing Orlando’s horror stricken face, he’d never felt like such a complete bastard in his life.

*** end flashback ***

Viggo tried to tell himself it was right. Orlando’s career had immediately taken off. He’d two two Oscars within four years, helped produce and even direct a few of his latest films. Shortly after Orlando began filming Pirates of the Caribbean, he started dating an American actress, Kate Something-or-other, according to Dominic. For the first few months, the fellowship had been stunned by their break-up. They’d been convinced that Viggo and Orlando were soul mates. The Hobbits had immediately gone on the offensive and proclaimed Viggo as the Spawn of Satan, which frankly, he was.

Ian, Liv and Bean had tried to be more objective, even after Viggo had confessed that he’d ended the relationship. Bean hadn’t been judntalntal, but he’d not been happy. Ian had out rightly condemned Viggo as a great fool; even Henry wasn’t impressed with Viggo’s break-up. The excuse of protecting Henry had held no weight with his son, and he’d sharply told his dad that he’d totally insulted him, acting like they were too stupid, young and foolish to cope with bigoted minds.

It was at a Rings anniversary party a few years later, organized by Elijah and Liv, that he’d run into Orlando again. He was pleased to note that Orli was still close with all the Hobbits. He’d heard the months after their break-up had been hard on Orli, and he hadn’t asked for details from Ian. And that’s also when Orlando met Mark. Orlando had recently been nominated for his first Oscar (which he would later win) and was tipped as a hot favourite. To Viggo’s amazement and chagrin, Orlando had come out six months ago, and after the envitable backlash. It seemed to make no difference to his carrier.

Of course there had been homophobic comments, religious rants, anti gay sentiments. No doubt it had been extremely tough on Orlando, but to his credit, he never backed down. Typically Orlando refused to insult or throw names at those who had insulted him and he refused to be beaten down. Maybe Hollywood didn’t care because the movie offers kept coming as fast as before, if not more so, and the audiences kept spending their hard earned money at the box office. He was still a favourite with the ladies; in fact, being gay, or bisexual, seemed to only have enhanced his sex appeal and bank ability.

Elijah explained that, apparently, women found all sexy, gorgeous gay men irresistible ... something about being tender, and non-threatening. The only difference now was that he had a healthy legion of men lusting and drooling after him, much to Viggo’s secret annoyance. When he came out, all the Hobbits had staunchly stood by him, and even Kate, his ex- girlfriend had publicly stated her affection and admiration for him.

They’d remained close friends, even after their split. He began to develop affection for Kate after that. Even Orli’s Hollywood friends, such as Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt, didn’t seem to be at all fazed by having an openly gay friend.

In fact, during the shooting of Pirates 2, an obnoxious journalist tried to get Johnny to give his ‘true’ feelings on having an openly gay friend. Johnny had become so angry that helmoslmost hit the man. Fortunately security turned up and ‘escorted’ the journalist away. At the premiere, Johnny, Keira and Orlando had been as affectionate as they were the first time around, and it was obvious that Orlando proved you could be out and be successful.

It was that night that Elijah, who’d apparently forgiven Viggo for hurting their Elf, told Viggo just how hurt Orli had been after their break-up: how he’d not eaten properly, worked like crazy, and barely got any sleep. It was thanks to Kate that he’d been properly looked after. Their relationship hadn’t been a media stunt or planned in any way, but it had been exactly what Orlando needed. Kate knew she was never going to be the Great Love of Orlando’s life, but she was OK with that.

She’d helped Orlando get back on his feet, and unsurprisingly he’d proved a very devoted and loving boyfriend. Their split had been a mutual decision. The only thing that had really changed after their split was that they no longer shared a bed, so it hadn’t been a gut wrenching angst on either’s part. They turned up at each other’s films, even went to dinner together several times. Viggo had been jealous, even after he’d heard of their split.

Then Mark came along.

Mark was a fight expert whom Orlando met while filming Kingdom of Heaven. He’d come to Elijah’s reunion party and seemed pleasant enough. Orli had been polite to Viggo, laughed at his jokes but he held his distance and never touched him, not even giving Viggo a hug that Orli was famous for. That had hurt Viggo, but he didn’t say anything. He lost that right because he’s the one who had dumped Orli.

Viggo stood at the door holding his breath. Beyond the door lay Orlando, one of the most important people in his life and he couldn't even work up the courage to walk in. Before he could make a decision, Elijah opened the door, standing face to face with Viggo.

"Are you actually going to come in, or run away? Don't worry, I doubt Orlando would notice; he hasn't really noticed much being unconscious and all," Elijah added, a bi tin tinge to his voice.

Viggo should have been shocked to hear such anger in Elijah's voice, but he wasn't; it was the truth, wasn't it? He'd been planning to run away. He couldn't look at Orlando's damaged body knowing he played some role in Orlando being where he was now. "H-how is he?" Viggo whispered, as he gazed, almost hypnotised, at Orlando's still form.

Elijah glared at the wall but kept silent, clearly biting back a sarcastic comment: `Gee Viggo, he's great. Really. I mean my best friend has been trapped in an abusive relationship and tried to
kill himself. Don't worry, he'll be the fun loving Orli we all know; he'll bounce right back. Everything will be fine, because he's Orlando.'

"Do they know when he'll wake up?" Viggo asked with a note of pleading in his voice.

"I don't know; you'll have to ask Dom. The doctors talked to him. They guessed maybe in a few days, but it could be months or years. His head took most of the impact," Elijah replied.

He couldn't do this. He couldn't hold himself together in front of Viggo. He couldn't take it anymore; the stress and worry had been eating him up.

"Not that it really matters anyway," he muttered, looking away. He didn't want to break down in front of Viggo Mortensen. Viggo sharply turned his head. "Of course it matters! Orlando matters; he always has," Viggo growled.

"Why are you here?" Elijah asked bluntly. "You haven't seen Orli in what, four years? For all you know, it could have been just a broken arm; why come rushing in? Why now?"

"Dominic told me Orlando was in hospital. And I'd always come. He's my friend, first and foremost, and nothing will ever change that."

"Not even if Orlando tried to kill himself? If he got so sick and tired of his life, if his pain got so bad, so unbearable that he turned his back on it, and just gave up? Face it Viggo ... you don't know Orlando anymore. The Orlando you knew, your Orli, never would have tried to kill himself. He was in love – with you and with life. He was happy. He's different now; he gave up."

Elijah wanted to be angry, he wanted to rage and scream, but he didn't. He moved over to Orlando.

"Look at him Viggo. Really look. This is the real Orlando." Unconsciously, Elijah brushed a loose strand of hair from Orlando's forehead, while he took his hand.

For the first time Viggo did exactly that: he looked at Orlando. He saw the bruises, the cuts and scars. The swollen black eye, the white drawn skin, the frail, powerless body lying so still. He took in the breathing respirators and the heart monitors, the tubes running in and out of Orlando. He felt himself shatter. Sinking down in the hospital chair, he took a deep, shuddering breath.

"It hurts doesn't it," Elijah said. It wasn't a question. There was no malice attached to it; it was just a statement. "To see Orlando like this. He never stopped loving you after you left Viggo. Not with Kate or with Mark. Kate could accept that; she understood and that's why they're still friends. Mark couldn't, and that's why Orlando's here," Elijah finished with a whisper.

The full meaning of Elijah's words began to sink in. Orlando's abuse was his fault. Mark was jealous of Viggo and had taken it out on Orlando. For the first time in over fifteen years, Viggo began to cry.

TBC - Please let me know if you want me to!