When least expected

Chapter eight Kindness and harsh words

The celebration had started without the presence of the guards, but when they arrived they were seated at the Celeborn sides. He had personally made the table-arrangements.

After assuring they were alright and had calmed their breathing, they had obviously run here, Celeborn rose and everybody went silent to hear his words.

“My beloved people, today is a joyful day. As you know my wife Galadriel has sailed for the West. And Haldir, Rumil and Orophin have stayed to serve me. I’ve been informed many of you have pointed out they are no longer Galadhrim and I agree with you.”

A loud applause erupted and Celeborn had to wait for it to die down before he could continue. “Today these three outstanding warriors have asked permission to change their title and I’ve granted it.”

A new applause rose, this time accompanied with loud cheers. Celeborn had to silence them with his hand.

“It is hereby official. From now on Haldir, Orophin and Rumil are Celebhrim. But,” he quickly added before the next loud applause erupted, “I will add a second title to their names.”

This was unexpected and a dead silence came to life. The three brothers looked amazed as well. What second title? They hadn’t asked for one?

But Celeborn continued. “Olim si Haldir, Orophin ar Rumil nauvar a istar Voronda. Ar le, Haldir, nauva a ista Nastar.”

The biggest cheer ever arose and many came to congratulate the new Celebhrim with their extra titles. They themselves did not understand why they were given these titles and had gone quite red. A shade that deepened with each congratulation.

Haldir was staring to his plate, he had been given a second extra name and he did not understand it. Looking up would mean utter embarrassment, for he knew he could not utter a single word.

Celeborn saw Haldir’s silence and interpreted it wrongly. He bend over to whisper in his ear. “Haldir, I do not wish for you to feel ashamed. Please.”

Haldir did not lookup but he softly answered. “I do not deserve this honour.”

“I can think of no one who deserves it more.” Celeborn used the same words Haldir had spoken to him earlier this day. “You fully deserve it, Haldir, and so do your brothers.”

“But why give me a second. I do not deserve another.”

Celeborn used two fingers to tilt Haldir’s head up and make Haldir face him. “Oh, but you do.”, was all he said. The words were soft and contained a silent message. A message Haldir did not understand.

But seeing the beautiful grey-green orbs of his lord filled with care, trust and thanks filled his own with tears. It has been so long since he had seen anything but pain, longing and sorrow in them.

Celeborn gently wiped the tears away. “You deserve it.” And he turned his attention towards the crowd again, fulfilling his duty as their lord.

Orophin and Rumil greatly enjoyed themselves and made sure Haldir did so too. Tonight they would have to play ghost but for now all was well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The party had ended hours ago and all had gone to their homes or to business.

The Celebhrim and three women had gone of to see if they could scare away the humans and Celeborn had gone to bed. He was tired and needed an early night. But he wouldn’t get much rest.

Loud noises, coming from below, woke him. He groaned. Was it that impossible to get a good night’s sleep? Looking out the window he judged the night only half spent. He didn’t know what was more appealing: getting up and investigating the noise or turn and try to sleep. He still lay in bed indecisive when his door was flung open and the now gaping mouth revealed Haldir.

Haldir didn’t wait for permission, hen’t n’t even think about the time or that his lord may already be resting. Instead he just barged into the room. “My lord, it worked, it actually worked. They didn’t know how fast to run…Oh..” Haldir now saw Celeborn sitting upright in bed, seemingly just awoken by Haldir.

Because Celeborn did not wear any long sleeping gowns to bed, he only wore thin trousers, Haldir had a full frontal view of the normally covered chest. The image went straight to his groin and he reddened in embarrassment.

Celeborn, thinking Haldir had become ashamed by bursting in here, addressed the reddening guardian, trying to reassure him. “Haldir, what a pleasant surprise. I take it my plan has worked, then?”

Haldir was glad his little indiscretion was overlooked and he quickly answered. “Yes, my lord, it was a complete success. They did not know how fast to run. If all goes well we should not have to perform this trick for long.”

“That is indeed most joyous news and I appreciate you telling me straight away.”

“I am sorry for waking you, my lord. Please forgive me my enthusiasm.” Haldir bowed and made to leave.

Before Celeborn even realised what he was doing he had jumped out of bed and approached the departing figure. “Haldir, wait.”

Haldir stopped and waited for what was coming. Lately his lord was full of surprises. And he loved it.

Celeborn put his hand on Haldir’s shoulder and gently walked them both to his private rooms. “Sleep has eluded me long this night. Will you not keep me company?” Celeborn felt how Haldir tensed. ‘Just like the bowstrings you fire so often’ he silently thought.

But Haldir nodded and accepted the chair, having absolutely no idea what was in store for him. Truth was, neither did Celeborn. He had acted on impulse and now was at a loss as to what to do next.

If he had a board game, they could play, but he had given all of them to Elrond as a departure gift. Discussing the stars was folly, he realised that. Haldir would think him childish. So, while he desperately tried to find something he could entertain Haldir with, he remained silent.

Haldir, on his part, grew more worried during the silence. He wanted to know why he was here. To sit in a chair? He couldn’t believe that, not when every time Celeborn had asked for his presence the lord had chattered away every time. But on the other hand, after Galadriel had left, Haldir had never been invited anymore. Maybe Celeborn was just unsure? Maybe he should break the ice? “Is there something you wish to discuss, my lord?”

Haldir’s voice shook him out of his reverie and Celeborn hurried to answer. “There’s so much to discuss and yet there is nothing.”

Haldir looked puzzled. What had Celeborn meant by that? “I’m sorry, my lord, but I do not understand.”

“There’s no way you can. And please, call me Celeborn.”

“Maybe if you explained it I can, my…Celeborn.” Even though it had not been Haldir’s intention for the words to come out like this they had sounded right. And not only to him.

Celeborn liked the sound of it as well. It maim dim desire. Desire another, a lover. But then he remembered how Galadriel had called him that and once again his happy mood evaporated. “Explain? There’s little to explain, Haldir.”

But Haldir’s eyes were set in silent question, so full of trust and hope, Celeborn could do nothing else but indeed try to explain. “There’s a lot I can talk about, but this nis no sense in doing so. There’s no meaning in any of it. There’s no meaning in anything. Not anymore.”

Even though the last sentences where mere whispers Haldir’s sharp hearing picked them up. His heart contracted instantly. He suddenly felt afraid Celeborn might try again. But he had looked closely for any signs, and it did not seem like Celeborn was fading anymore, nor had he tried any more suicides.

But Haldir was worried none the less. Before he could stop the words they had left his mouth. “My lord, please, not again. I can’t stand to see you dying again.”

The words had small impact on Celeborn. “I wish to die Haldir. But I can’t”

Tears were welling in Haldir’s eyes, but he forced them back. Celeborn wasn’t facing him and he felt eternally thankful for that. “Why?” He was surprised and glad his voice did not betray his emotional storm.

“Why? Because the Valar forbid me. Because I know the future.” The words were making Haldir more confused. They did little to clarify matters. “My lord, it has been a long day. I seem to have trouble making my mind work.” He hoped he would get an easier answer now.

Celeborn sighed. He was a bit reluctant to explain it completely, but it felt good to talk about it. And he did trust Haldir, more than anyone he knew. Even more than Galadriel. It was that realisation, more than anything else that made him open up to Haldir.

“I’ve looked into the mirror once and I’ve regretted it ever since. A year before the War of the Ring to be precise. I saw Galadriel….” He had to swallow a lump. This was extremely hard on him.

Haldir noticed for the first time Celeborn never referred to Galadriel as his wife anymore. When the Lady had been here Celeborn had never called her by her name or referred to as such. It had always been ‘my wife’. But that had since long changed.

Haldir knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t stop himself. Against his better judgement he put his hand on Celeborn’s shoulder.

Feeling the supportive hand made Celeborn close his eyes. That single gesture told him more than words ever could. Suddenly he realised he was not alone. Even though he had realised that earlier as well it now sunk in. But he still felt alone. ‘Alone when not alone’ he thought ‘how delightfully contra-dictionary. Like my life’ He drew in a breath and continued. “I saw her in an intimate embrace. With another.”

Haldir now understood. But he also knew how the mirror worked. He would remind Celeborn of it. “Maybe it was before you have met? Or a future that can be changed?”

But Celeborn shook his head. “It’s definitely not a future, Haldir. Nor was it before we met. It was here, in Lorien.”

Haldir thought quickly. He did not matter what it had meant or whether or not it was true. His only concern was what it did to Celeborn. And he’d rather see him happy than sad. “Maybe it was a goodbye?”

“No, Haldir. Don’t try to make me feel better about this. I know what I saw. She was kissing the other, Haldir. Kissing! And before you give any more options, she was naked and the arms encircling her were definitely -not- mine.”

The tears Haldir had been holding were now flowing freely down his cheeks. He felt so angry at Galadriel for doing this. He came to one conclusion. It had indeed been an image of the past. And because Galadriel had been a virgin when she and Celeborn had wed, betrayal was the only logical conclusion. He could not believe she had done that. He would never even think of it. Tears now flew freely down his cheeks. Tears for the cruelty of it; for what it did to Celeborn.

Celeborn felt Haldir’s hand shake and now faced his loyal friend. He was surprised to see tears flowing. He gently wiped the tears away. “Haldir, saes, don’t cry, not for me.”

Suddenly Haldir’s sadness turned to anger. He stood and glared at Celeborn as if the other had grown a second head.

“What?” Celeborn did not understand this sudden behaviour.

“You….you grieved her. You tried to kill yourself, you nearly faded. For her?” Haldir spat out the words.

Always he had kept his love a secret, knowing Celeborn was wed to Galadriel, but she had betrayed him and Celeborn had no reason to grief her as he had.

Celeborn rose too. “Yes I did. I loved her, Haldir. I love her still. And I am lonely without her.”

“But she betrayed you. She does not deserve you.”

Even though Haldir was stepping out of line, Celeborn stayed calm and waited for the storm to settle. “No one controls their heart, Haldir. Mine belongs to Galadriel and I’m forced to live alone for ever now.”

Haldir totally lost control. Keeping your emotions in check for millennia has it’s effects when you finally let go. He hit Celeborn in the face and screamed at the confused lord. “Alone? And what are we? Furniture?” He turned abruptly and left, but before he slammed the door close, he yelled. “Go to her or forget her.”

The force with which Haldir had slammed the door made it echo throughout the talan, waking up several sleeping elves.

Celeborn was left alone with his thoughts.

End chapter eight
TBC

Translations:

Olim si Haldir, Orophin ar Rumil nauvar a istar Voronda. Ar le, Haldir, nauva a ista Nastar means From now on Haldir, Orophin and Rumil will also be known as the Faithful. And you, Haldir, will also be known as the Trustworthy. Because:
Olim si means from now on:
O~ means from
Lim- means On
Si means now
Nauva is the future tense of ná meaning to be. Nauvar is it’s plural form.
A means also.
Ista- means to know Istar is merely it’s plural form.
Voronda the faithful
Ar means and

le means you
Nastar means the trustworthy. Comes from nasta- S thrust .

Saes means please