A Gift of Love

CHAPTER EIGHT

Potions, Magic and Discussions

Elladan lies spent in my arms as he had fallen to me. His body is slicked wet by his exertions, damp hair sticking to my arms and chest, his still hot breath fanning across my shoulders as his own chest labours to assert control. His hands shake as his fingers sought mine and twine around them. I grip that hand tight in mine, grateful to be his anchor as he makes sense of what he has felt. I know well the emotions but am never ready for them, so overwhelming are they in intensity. I have never loved another as I have loved Elladan, nor has he allowed any to touch him, so I do not know if what we feel is what passes among lovers or it is our bond as brothers and twins that brings forth such emotion within us. This time though we have journeyed on a seldom trod path, one which I think on with a smile as I smooth back Elladan¡¦s strands of hair, I will delight in traveling further.

At the touch of my hand on his cheek he looks up to meet my regard of him. He is still flushed with the hue of passion, his cheeks stained pink, his eyes still flickering dark. I know my own features reflect his.

"I did not hurt you? I was not always careful.¨

It is true he had plunged deep and often into my body, and I unused to such will indeed bear the results of some little time. But it matters not, I bow my head to his to kiss his lips, telling him so.

With others we would talk. I have told Elladan most of what I know, both he and I would have to learn more. And still there was much to say alone, things that arre best left between just the two of us. But for a time we rest and speak of nothing more than our love for each other. Elladan sleeps and I let him. Much as I am anxious for the next step, Elladan has drained himself emotionally in accepting my boon, I can ask no more of him until he is ready.

The hour turned to early evening, the sky painted itself in red and gold streaks. I alternately watch the play of shadows on the walls and my brother. He gives a shudder and nestles closer to me each time I run my fingers over his cheek or play with his ear, or simply move his hair from his face. I believe he had no concept of his beauty and his attraction to all around him. There is a grace and sensuality to him that cannot be only explained by our elven heritage. Elladan is more than the sum of his forefathers. He would say he sees the same in me, but he does not see what I see, what he chooses to turn a blind eye to. I wonder what those who do not hide their lust for him would whisper once they were privy to our plans. I wonder what those who cast unwelcome glances to us would turn away to murmur. I wonder but did not falter.

I kiss him as he stirs to wakefulness. It will not matter what is said, few would confront us openly. What they chose to think of us means nothing to me. All that matters is what we have chosen. All that matters to me is the gift I can now give the holder of my heart and soul.

It is a delight to watch Elladan leave the world of dreams. His eyes at first unfocused blink, long eyelashes batting on his lids. It gives him an irresistible wanton look. As he turns his gaze to me my mouth is hard on his. His hand goes automatically to my hair and ear, caressing, teasing. With no other thought, I roll him onto his back, his legs curled over my thighs. Our eyes open we see each other¡¦s mind.

Reluctantly I pull from him. We know full well where this will lead us, just as we know the wizard will not wait many more days for us.

Elladan touches my cheek.

"We should bathe.¨

Even knowing as we did, the closeness does not lend itself well to detachment. We are unable to refrain from no contact, holding though to a measure of restraint not often seen within our sanctuary. They are light touches in the warmth of the herb infused bath Elladan has prepared. I sink gratefully into his thoughtfulness, suppressing the groan as the water stings. Elladan bites his lip nonetheless at my discomfort, I hold out my hand to him in reassurance.

"Perhaps,¨ I smile, "it is justice for the times you bore such.¨

He smiles back. I can see him remembering those first times when I had been so completely lost in the velvet smoothness of him.

"Aye,¨ he replies as he takes my hand and enters the bath, a wry smile curling his mouth. I take him in my arms and we laugh.

"You healed and returned for more.¨

"I did, willingly for you to take me to such pleasure and desire.¨

"And so shall I willingly, for you take me to such pleasure and need¨

We wash each other as had been our custom even before we had declared our love, careful as we had been then to not touch too intimately and awaken our desire. We had barely managed it then, we so barely manage it now.

Once finished we leave the water, I hand him a towel and turn away. I wonder how we had been so individual all those long years ago, for even as I dry and dress, I steal glimpses of him. I bite my lip to hold back my longing as I had done then also, only now I do not have to imagine what it would be like to have him share my bed. I know, making the longing harder not easier.

Dressed we step closer, Elladan coming into my open arms. We kiss soft, finding courage within each other to open the door and step out.

We do not have to look far for the wizard. He sit on the bench in the near garden, the only path we could have taken from our rooms. There is no sign that he noticed our presence just as there is no doubt he waits for us.

Elladan¡¦s hand drifts to mine. I catch hold of it as we sit at the wizard¡'s feet. And wait. The light is hazed, the pipe he draws on glowing in the fading light.

He does not move, staring to the dusky sky. We say no word either, Elladan¡'s hand gripping mine. I look to him, willingly him not to falter in this silence. At last the Grey Wizard casts his eye to us, takes one last draw then lays the pipe within his staff.

"Walk with me.¨ His tone set no argument, as with Ada, a command lay within each request.

Elladan and I rise to our feet, our hands still locked. There is no need to hide from him, after all what we seek implies far more intimate gestures than the mere holding of hands.

"Your father, Lord Elrond, has seen much of what has and will transpire.¨

I feel Elladan tense beside me, concerned still over acceptance. My thumb runs over his to settle him.

We walk further along the now moonlight paths, both Gandalf and Elladan with eyes only for the way they travel. My gaze has wandered between them, resting more often on my brother. How vulnerable he looks with the slight frown crossing his face. I wish the wizard would speak.

It is at the crest of a hill that he finally stops. The lights dance in the near distance, figures moving around within and out of the shadows.

¡§What transpires between you and they,¡¦ his hand sweeps over landscape before us. I want to tell him what they would think matters not to me. It is Elladan's acceptance only. My brother's hand grips mine sharp again, a sign of his returned nervousness. He is the elder, what others think bears more heavily on him, more so when matters concern me. But Gandalf has begun again, cutting short the raising of my objection. Elladan has not turned to look at either of us. I wonder what it is he thinks on in his silence.

"That is a matter of diplomacy with which I hold little sway. My part in this is to council you on the manner of the deed.¨

It cames as a relief to me that he would speak on such. I hope that Elladan will calm once he hears the wizard¡'s words.

Gandalf rustles in his long age- worn robe until finally three vessels are in his hands. Had it not been so auspicious an occasion I would have laughed aloud at the sight of him. They are not small items and where he had had them hidden is a mystery only a wizard would solve.

He holds them up the light of the moon and stars. Only then does Elladan turn his gaze from Imladris. The gleam from the glass reflects on his face and he smiles.

I reach out my hand to accept them, not realizing as I do that it is not to me that the Wizard looks but to my brother and it is not to my waiting hands that he places the sculptured jars. I watch as they glow being passed from one to the other. In a moment whatever transpires between them is gone and Gandalf speals of more practical things.

Through his words to my brother I learn what each is for and when. Elladan clutches the flasks to him as if they were dwarven silver as we walk back alone along the winding path. Gandalf the Grey stays atop the hill looking to the lights of Imladris for some time. As I look back I fancy he is searching for something within those lights. Or perhaps someone. Or perhaps I imagine too much.

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I walk alongside Elrohir close with my arm around him, already protective of his well being. I find I watch his footing, his push against a branch. He frowns at me as I shrug back. I kep close hold on the containers also, letting Gandalf¡'s words echo in my mind. The red spun glass is for now, two sips each day for one turn of the moon. We had looked to each other, Elrohir and I when in a tone no different from any lecture he gave in our youth, the wizard informed us that we need not stray from our regular bedplay unless we desired it, for this potion was to prepare Elrohir's body in physical ways. It is the blue hued vessel that will have Elrohir ready to accept my seed and at that time only will it be necessary to "Change your habits, Elladan.¨ I had nodded, too taken aback by the words to do anything other than incline my head mutely. I could not imagine having this forthwright a discussion with Ada. And by the look on Elrohir¡'s face, neither could he.

"But,¨ the creased features of the old visage smirked, "you must not pursue such intent for half the month.¨

I had stared, Elrohir had stared. Surely we could not change my habits as he had put it during that time?

Slowly Gandalf had shaken his head, knowing unerring what it was we were thinking, repeating his instruction more firmly, gesturing to the third far smaller phial.

"During that time, you Elladan will take one sip from this, at the same time as your brother."

So we had it. Elrohir would continue to drink the potion until the time our seed had joined and new life had begun. How this would happen I did not ask, I was assured of the possibility and that was enough. I would leave it to those more skilled in such matters to ponder. How we would know it had happened concerned me more. I had no wish to see Elrohir imbibe any more of the magic than was necessary. At this Gandalf had chuckled.

"You will know, you will surely know.¨ He let it at that.

As we reach our home, I part from my brother and we walk the distance to our rooms with our hands brushing against each other. By the time we have closed the door behind us and I placed the flasks on the table, I am avid for him.

He leans close to me.

"We have a month brother, I would that we make the most of it.¨

I sigh into his arms. It is not the month my mind is set on, but the time that follows. But for now I push those thoughts aside to fill my mind with the elf that holds me.