Call of the Sea

CALL OF THE SEA


Chapter 9

Gimli was waiting at the foot of the ladder when I descended from the great Talan, worry written large on his face.

He clasped my arm, and burst out, “She gave you counsel?”

“Aye, though she offered little comfort.” I replied softly, taking his arm and steering him rapidly away from the impassive, yet ever alert, Galadhrim at the foot of the huge mallorn tree.

When we reached a more private clearing, we sat together on a fallen trunk. He studied my face for a while in silence.

“Well?” he grunted, finally.

“She can do little, although whether from inability or from unwillingness to contravene fate, I cannot tell. She is steeped in it, Gimli.”

“Are there no drugs?” he asked, impatiently.

“She says, and rightly, I ame, te, that it would be too much of a risk. If his consciousness were to be wholly submerged, it may be that the will of the ring would take hold completely, despite our efforts. And she is not prepared to fight the ring so directly herself. I think her own power makes her too visible, too susceptible to the Eye.”

“So it falls to us, then,” he said sadly.

“To me, Gimli.” I met his gaze squarely, willing him to challenge me. He said nothing.

“But promise me that if I fail, you will stay with the hobbits and carry on the quest with them?” I carried on. “I think Galadriel would hold Aragorn back, at least, if the worst came to pass.”

“If I am to promise, at least in return tell me what this desperate plan of yours entails!” He sounded angry, but I knew he was only trying to disguise his anxiety.

“Desperate is right,” I rejoined, trying to delay telling him all. “These are desperate times, indeed.” The thought of Elrond’s words, spoken so recently, yet a lifetime ago, gave me some small strength.

My friend deserved the truth, after all.

“I shall lure him into letting me approach him. Once he believes himself to be in total control, I shall slip past his defences and join my spirit to his. Together we may then eradicate the ring’s influence from his mind.” I said this evenly, hoping that I sounded confident, at least.

There was a long pause as the dwarf stared at me, thinking a my my words. it it seemed that understanding dawned on him, reflected clearly in his features. In different circumstances, it would have been comical.

“You intend to…. seduce him.”

I gazed at my hands, unwilling to meet his eyes.

“How can you even contemplate such a thing?” He was angry now, spitting the words out. “Have you no….”

“No what? Would you have me feel shame?” I responded incautiously. “Speak not to me of shame, for choosing to do what I must.”

houghought rather to say, ‘Have you no wit’!” he shouted. “This is madness, Legolas.”

“Gimli, we have tried everything to get past his guard; you, me, Frodo – reason, anger, tears, entreaties. I have tried to touch his mind when he sleeps, but even then the barrier around it is impregnable. He is so strong, even though he has forgotten the fact himself. If we can not force our way past the barrier, he must be made to drop it for us.”

“And how do you know he will . . .” he broke off, mouth still open, as I stared at him.

“He will, Gimli. Do not ask me to explain.”

“If he is as far gone as we think, he could hurt you badly, or worse.” Chief amongst his qualities is Gimli’s ability to state the truth unflinchingly.

“If I do not succeed, he may well do so . . . afterwards. But I am sure that the desire to control and humiliate is just too strong for him to let this opportunity pass.”

“How can you speak of such an . . ge .ge .ge . . . so calmly, as if it meant nothing to you?”

“If there is no other way to help him, then I am afraid I have no choice. I am thrice sworn to protect him, with my own death if needs be.”

“Thrice?” He asked

“Aye. I have sworn to him, to Elrond . . . and to Arwen. You see why I must do this.”

An uncomfortable silence fell on us at the mention of Arwen’s name. Again I remembered her words about going to him, giving him strength, and wondered once more if she could possibly have known where this would lead. I found it hard to believe; and in spite of Galadriel’s words, I remained unconvinced. However, I was not eager to tell the dwarf as much.
mli,mli, every time you go into battle you accept that you could be stepping up to your death. This is not so different. Besides, it is not just about me, and him. The one thing that has been made abundantly clear to me by all the wise ones is the fact that the fate of Middle Earth is somehow in Aragorn’s hands. If I must die saving him, so be it.”

“I like it not.” An uncommon understatement from the dwarf.

“No more do I, Gimli. But what else can I do?”

Neither of us spoke for a while, and we avoided each other’s eyes. Then, placing a surprisingly gentle hand on my forearm, Gimli turned to me. “Tell me, Legolas, how long is it since you and he were lovers?”

I stared at him, at the depths of sympathy in his normally unreadable eyeTherThere was no point in trying to keep the truth from him. I had already learned that his heart was as sturdy as his frame; he would keep my secret.

“Over forty years, yet to me the sweet pain of memory is as fresh as if it were only a week ago.”

He nodded, and said slowly, “And I doubt not that he loves you still, in those parts of his heart yet his own.”

********************

He was right.

I thought back to the growing contentment I had felt, as Aragorn and I had lapsed once again into the friendship of comrades in arms, the memory of the difficult interviews in Rivendell seemingly put aside. I recalled how, as the journey progressed, he had become easier and more affectionate in my company; a casual hand on my shoulder, a few private words shared, a silent companionable watch taken together. Then had come the moment in Moria when he had leaped the chasm to land in my arms. No guilt or pain had been present in that briefest of embraces, only relief, gratitude, joy and love. Even in the dread fear of our flight my heart had sung.

The joy had rapidly turned to despair as Mithrandir followed the Balrog into the fiery pit.

At first it had seemed that Aragorn was simply grieving harder than the rest of us, and covering it with a cololdioldierly attitude in front of the company. This had seemed understandable; he was closer to Mithrandir than any of us, and the two had journeyed into peril togr mar many times. I soon suspected that something was seriously wrong, however, when he pushed away my attempts to talk to him with deliberately hurtful spite.

Frodo, ever sensitive, had noticed, and tried to console me. “He is hurt too badly, and lashing out at you because you are closest to him,” he had said, but he could not hide the anxiety in his voice.

When Aragorn started speaking cruelly to the hobbits I became convinced that he was in danger himself. I had no fear for Frodo, at least while we stayed in Lórien; in her own realm, the Lady’s protection of him was absolute. Aragorn could not take the ring, but it was surely taking him, eating away at his spirit from the inside, feeding on his guilt and fear.

I had sought him out one last time, intending to force him to talk about it, but his response had been vicious.

“Do not speak of comfort!” he had hissed at me. “You seek only to satisfy your base urges by tempting me into depravity like a wanton whore.” He had swung a hand at me, a glancing blow which would have done more than make my ears ring if I had not caught his wrist, and in the moment of still disbelief than came after I heard it with certainty – the voice of the ring, speaking through him to my insecurity. “I never loved you. How could I? You were nothing but a pretty plaything . . . Hardly worthy of a king, unless perhaps as his harlot.”

I turned and ran from him, before I could hear more. His sick, bitter laugh followed me, and I knew that it would haunt me for many weeks to come.

Gimli had found me later that afternoon, and in his gruff, straightforward way, he had saved me from the descent into self loathing.

“What are we going to do?” he had asked, simply. “It has such a hold on him, we should knock him out and leave without him, yet still I am afraid that in his absence our quest will fail.”

Relief stole through me as I shared my fears with the dwarf. Yet in that moment I knew that the only means of saving Aragorn would entail an enormous sacrifice on my part.

********************

Now my friend called me back to the present. “Does she know of your plan?” he enquired.

“She does. I could not conceal it from her, although I tried.”

-Forget your shame- she had spoken in my mind. -In my many years, I have seen much.–

“And does she approve?”

“That is hardly the word. Yet she seems to agree that it is my lot, somehow.”

-I had thought to offer you the mirror, but I see there is no need. You know what you must do.-

“And what of you, Legolas? By doing this, even if you survive, exactly what are you bringing upon yourself?”

“Pain, of course. Physical pain – I do not fear it, and I shall recover from that. And an eternity of being bound to one who cannot return my love. In truth, how can that be different from my current state? My heart is already his, and that pain has been my companion these last forty years.”

I spoke these words lightly, but with no real conviction. If I had doubted that my unhappiness and yearning would be magnified ten fold once my spirit bound to his, Galadriel had made it clear for me.

“But will you not . . . become . . . ”

“Mortal? She tells me I will not. It seems that fate is reserved for a chosen few. I hardly think this will qualify as a suitably romantic tryst.” I was not completely convinced of this, but in all honesty, at this moment mortality did not seem to be such a curse.

The dwarf sighedTherThere is no other way? She is sure?”

I nodded.

“Then I fear for you, my friend.”

“And so you should. But rather give me your promise that you will not fail the others, if I should fail you in this.”

He took my hand then, and squeezed it shyly between his. “I promise. But I do not bve tve that you could possibly fail me, Legolas. Just know that if he hurts you and we have to abandon him, the Lady will not need to use restraints after I finish with him.”

“Do not say that!” I said. “It is not his fault, and you know I love him still.”

But the dwarf’s words gave me comfort, and I managed a small smile.