Shadows Of The Past

Title: Shadows of The Past (8/?)
Author: Janalynn27
Type: FPS
Pairing: Erestor/Glorfindel
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Slash, Rape, Non-con, AU
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. They belong to the estate of J.R.R. Tolkien. No disrespect is intended and no profit is being made.
Beta: Patricia Pleasant aka slayer9649, Thanks a bunch! Any other mistakes are of my making.
Summary: Glorfindel uses Erestor as a shield to say no to a suitor and Erestor is tormented by the past.
Timeline: Early TA
Feedback: It is greatly appreciated
Author's note: Okay, I know Greenwood the Great wasn't called Mirkwood until about 1050 TA but in my story it is already called Mirkwood. The twins are around 22 yrs. Old which is about 8 human yrs. Old.


Chapter 8


Glorfindel awoke to find Erestor curled around him like a cat, his fingers clutched amid his blonde locks. A small smile came to Glorfindel’s lips as he felt Erestor’s breath upon his neck. He lay there, content in holding his best friend, feeling at peace for the first time since his return to Arda.

Erestor slowly came out of reverie and he snuggled closer to the warmth before he realized that its source was Glorfindel and that he was practically lying atop of him. Lifting his head, he looked into Glorfindel’s eyes with a hesitant smile, “Morning.”

Glorfindel thought he had never seen anything more beautiful than the sight of Erestor, with his sleep mussed hair. Smiling back, he said, “Good morning. Did you sleep well?”

Laying his head back onto Glorfindel’s shoulder, Erestor said, “Yes, I did, hannon le (thank you), Fin, for staying the night.”

Glorfindel held Erestor tighter and said, “You are welcome, but as I said last night, there was not anywhere I would have rather been.”

They lay in silence for sometime until Glorfindel’s stomach made a loud rumble, which caused them both to laugh. “I think maybe I should go and retrieve us something to eat,” Glorfindel said as they moved to get out of bed.

Erestor turned to fix the bedclothes so Glorfindel could not see his face, his grimace at the thought of him leaving to go to the kitchens. Mentally berating himself for his weakness, he pasted what he hoped was a smile on his lips and turned to say, “Yes, I think I will take a bath while you are away. I should get to work, sometime today, for the feast this evening, which will, I am sure, go well into the night.”

Glorfindel frowned when he thought of Erestor having to go to the feast, knowing that he was uncomfortable at them, and most likely would be more so, with the circumstances concerning Thranduil. Walking up and taking Erestor’s hand into his, he said, “Es, I am sure Elrond would not mind if you leave the feast early. He can come up with a plausible excuse for your leaving shortly after the meal is through.”

Erestor looked down at their hands and thought how strange it was that where before he would have cringed and shook with fear from the mere thought of physical contact, that now his soul celebrated the touch and he trembled from the need of it. Giving a slight squeeze to Glorfindel’s hand, he looked up and said, “I will be okay if…will you stay by my side? I think I will be fine if you are with me.”

Glorfindel smiled and said, “Of course, I will not leave you. But Es, what I told Thranduil, I know that he will be watching us closely. I am sorry for the mess I made.”

Erestor reached up and caressed Glorfindel’s cheek, “I know him, he will most definitely be watching and so will others. I…I am not too sure how long I will be able to stay but we will just have to act as if we are lovers, for Thranduil’s sake.”

“Es, I am so very sorry to have to put you in this situation,” Glorfindel said as he shook his head, still finding it hard to believe that Erestor had forgiven him so easily, “Do you realize that I may need to kiss you? Would that upset you too much?”

Erestor sighed at the thought of Glorfindel kissing him. He was just not too sure whether it would bother him or not, but knew that he would do anything for Glorfindel, he had done so much for him this past night and even now, worrying about him. “Fin, I will be fine, I think I can manage a kiss,” he said smiling up at his best friend, his soul mate.

“Fine, but you will tell me the moment it becomes too much and I will escort you back to your chambers,” Glorfindel said as he pulled his hand from Erestor, “I will go and get us some food. I will return shortly.”

Erestor had to stop himself from crying out at the loss of Glorfindel’s touch. Forcing himself to nod in acquiescence, he turned and walked into his bathing chamber, closed the door and leaned up against it. Erestor did not know how long he stood there, trying to gather is thoughts, but finally he made himself draw a bath. Erestor managed to bathe and put on a dressing robe, before he truly became distraught over Glorfindel’s absence. Sinking to his knees just inside his bedchamber, Erestor wrapped his arms about his legs and rocked back and forth, pain gripping his soul. In his mind, Erestor knew that Glorfindel was well and that he would return soon, that it was irrational to be so upset at Glorfindel’s leaving, but his soul, his soul was not listening. It called out to its mate, demanding that it be heard, demanding the touch of the other. A tear slipped down Erestor’s cheek and with an anguish whisper, breathed, “Fin.”

Glorfindel just made it down the second hallway when a small body threw itself at his legs. Turning, Glorfindel found Lindir, distraught, beating his fists against his stomach. Sighing, Glorfindel thought, ‘It seems that I am getting beat up a lot.’

Giving Lindir free reign for another minute, Glorfindel then grasped him by the arms and lifted him up to eye level. When he saw the tears streaking down the Elfling’s cheeks, he sighed, “Penneth (Young one).”

Hiccupping, Lindir shouted, “You…you…you kissed him! You touched him!”

“Aw, penneth, we need to have a talk, you and I,” Glorfindel said as he hugged Lindir to him and headed to Erestor’s office that was just down the hall, knowing that they needed privacy.

Lindir clung to Glorfindel, so exhausted he was from lack of sleep caused by his worry for Erestor. When Glorfindel walked into Erestor’s office and sat down in a chair, Lindir sat on his lap and stared at him, silently demanding an explanation.

Gently wiping at Lindir’s tears Glorfindel said, “Yes, I did kiss Erestor, I did touch him. It is a very complicated situation, but you must know that Erestor is fine, that he has forgiven me and understands why I did it. Lindir, I must ask you something. You know that something from Erestor’s past hurts him very much, do you not?”

Lindir sniffled and after wiping his nose on his sleeve said, “Yes. I do not know what causes him so much pain, but I know he was hurt somehow.”

Glorfindel smiled down at him and said, “You are such a bright penneth. Yes, Erestor was hurt; he lost someone that he loved very much, just like you did. He has buried it for a very long time, but now he is trying to deal with the loss and to start to heal. Will you help him, for I am sure that he would love to have your help?”

Lindir nodded enthusiastically and said, “Of course, I would do anything for him. He…he told you what pains him so?”

Nodding, “Yes he did. It will take some time, but with you and me, we can help him heal and be whole once again,” Glorfindel said as he ruffled Lindir’s hair.

After a few more minutes, Lindir’s tears stopped and he scrambled off Glorfindel’s lap and ran to his chamber to work on a new piece of music, wanting it to be perfect for this evening’s feast, wanting it to be perfect for Erestor.

Glorfindel sighed in relief when Lindir took off down the hall, hoping that he and the pen dithen (little one) could truly make Erestor whole again. He was almost to the kitchens when he met Elrond in the hallway.

“Glorfindel, how is Erestor this morning?” Elrond ask anxiously.

“He is doing better, I think. He told me everything last night…” Glorfindel started to say but his words died away and a frown came upon his face.

Elrond gasped as he saw Glorfindel become pale, “Glorfindel?”

Glorfindel felt Erestor’s pain rip through him. Swaying, Glorfindel breathed, “Es,” then took off down the hall, Elrond fast on his heels.

Glorfindel ran into Erestor’s bedchamber and froze when he saw Erestor sitting upon the floor; his wet raven tresses draped over him like a shroud so he could not see his face.

Elrond collided into Glorfindel as he came to a stop. Looking over Glorfindel’s shoulder he cringed at seeing Erestor huddled on the floor, his pain filling the air around him.

Glorfindel slowly approached Erestor whispering, “Es? Erestor, it is Fin, are you okay?”

Slowly the pain started to ease and Erestor blinked as if he were coming out of a daze. Just as Glorfindel knelt down beside him, he launched himself into his arms.

Glorfindel gasped as he fell backwards with Erestor ending up in his lap. Wrapping his arms tightly around Erestor, he was dismayed when he felt him tremble. When Erestor let out a whimper and buried his face into his neck, Glorfindel looked up into Elrond’s eye, silently pleading with him for help.

Elrond walked forward and knelt a few feet away from Glorfindel and Erestor, “I feared this would happen,” he said quietly.

“What, Elrond? What is wrong with Erestor?” Glorfindel asked as he brushed Erestor’s wet locks of hair from his face.

Elrond saw the pain written in Erestor’s eyes as he looked to him before he turned his head away. Looking at Glorfindel, Elrond explained, “Erestor’s soul is wounded, never dealing with what happened to him. It is going to take some time for him to heal and you are an integral part in the process. Erestor’s soul feels yours, its mate, and yearns to become one. I fear that until Erestor has mentally and emotionally healed, you are going to have to stay with him most of the time.”

Erestor tensed at this, feeling helpless, which he hated. He also felt guilty for putting Glorfindel through this, “I am so sorry,” he whispered.

Glorfindel rested his chin on top of Erestor’s head and said, “Nonsense, there is nothing for you to be sorry for. What happened to you was atrocious. I will help you in any way that you need me to.”

“I think you two should leave Imladris for the winter,” Elrond said.

Erestor turned to frown at Elrond and asked, “Leave Imladris?”

Elrond smiled at him, “Yes, I think it best. I know you, Erestor, you will not want others to see you like this, and you and Glorfindel could use some time alone together.”

“But where would we go?” Glorfindel asked, not liking the thought of taking Erestor very far when winter was fast approaching.

“Celebrían and I have a secret cottage a half day’s ride from here. It is well stocked and with a few more provisions, you could last all winter there. It is close enough that, if for some reason, you needed to, you could return or I could come to you,” Elrond said, hoping that they would take his advice.

Erestor looked up into Glorfindel’s eyes, “You do not have to go, Fin, and I would not want to take you from Imladris if you do not wish to leave.”

Glorfindel caressed Erestor’s cheek and said, “I think it sounds like a good idea. Time away from others will help you heal more quickly. You and I can spend the winter together, but you might just decide that you have had enough of me and throw me out into the snow.”

A small smile came to Erestor’s lips and he said, “I do not think that would be possible, I seem to find your company quite agreeable.”

Elrond sighed in relief, “I think you should leave in two days, which will give you enough time to prepare for the trip.”

Erestor frowned and asked, “But what of my duties and Glorfindel’s? Two days will not give me enough time to finish the work from the last few days, let alone setting things up for Melpomaen to take over.”

“Melpomaen will be fine and believe it or not, I can help with your duties,” Elrond said as he arched his brow, “And besides, you will need to get there before the first snow falls and get the cottage set up. Firewood will need to be cut and things checked over; Celebrían and I have not been there in quite some time, not since the twins were born.”

“I agree with Elrond, if the cottage needs to be repaired or the provisions have gone bad, we may need to come back for supplies,” Glorfindel said as he absently ran his fingers through Erestor’s hair.

Erestor sighed at Glorfindel’s touch and said, “Okay, I will just have to make sure that I spend most of the day with Melpomaen tomorrow for I will be uncomfortable leaving if I do not get at least some things done.”

Elrond nodded and then looked to Erestor, “Mellon nín (My friend), may we speak after dinner tomorrow evening? I would like to talk to you about what happened and how I came to be there when…Mauron attacked,” Elrond asked, needing to explain to Erestor before they left for the winter.

Erestor drew in a ragged breath and knew that he owed Elrond anything that he asked and also knew that it was past time that they discuss what happened that horrific night. Nodding, Erestor said, “Yes, I think we should talk before Glorfindel and I leave.”

Elrond sighed with relief and smiled, “Well then, I will leave you two. I am sure that Thranduil will be stirring soon and I have to play host to a King.”

Glorfindel snorted, “Yes, he will soon be searching for you, wanting attention and, I am sure, looking about for Erestor and I.”

Elrond rose and said, “Yes, I am sure he will. Is there anything I can get you two?”

Glorfindel smiled and said, “We could use some food sent to us.”

“Of course, I will have breakfast sent to you,” Elrond said, then left.

Once Elrond was gone Erestor crawl off Glorfindel’s lap and they both stood. Seeing the dampness of Glorfindel’s tunic caused by his wet hair, Erestor said, “I am sorry I got you all wet.”

Glorfindel looked down at his wet tunic and smiled, “I am not too wet, but we will have to make a stop at my chambers before we go to your office so I can bathe and change clothes.”

Walking to his wardrobe, Erestor said, “Yes, of course. If you would like, you could bathe here, I am sure one of my robes would fit you well enough until we can go to your rooms after we break our fast.”

“That sounds wonderful; I admit, I am in desperate need of a bath. Are you going to be well while I am bathing?” Glorfindel asked as he took the robe that Erestor offered him.

Erestor sighed, “If I cannot handle being alone while you are in the other chamber then I really do have problems.”

Glorfindel could sense Erestor’s frustration at feeling so out of control and placed his hand on his shoulder and said, “Well, if you need me, then, just holler,” and he turned to walk into the bathing chamber. Just before he closed the door, he peeked his head out and smiled, “And Es…do not eat all of the food before I am finished with my bath.”

Erestor smiled and shook his head at him and quickly got dressed. He was just finishing with his hair when the food arrived. Setting the food onto a small table, Erestor sat down and started to eat. Erestor looked up from his half eaten muffin when he heard the door open to the bathing chamber and the sight Glorfindel made caused his pulse to quicken. The borrowed robe was slightly too small for Glorfindel’s broad shoulders and was pulled tight against his chest, showing off his muscles, not leaving much to the imagination. For the first time since losing Gelduron, Erestor found himself becoming aroused, and he was frightened by the feelings that were coursing through his body, causing him to feel even more out of control. Reaching out to grab hold of his cup so he could wet his suddenly dry mouth, he found that his hand shook.

Glorfindel saw the distress in Erestor’s countenance and when he saw that his hand shook, he quickly made his way to Erestor’s side and took his hands into his, “Es, what is it?”

Erestor closed his eyes and tried to control his breathing. After he felt like he could talk without his voice trembling, he opened his eyes and said, “Fin, it is just that all of these emotions are so overwhelming, I find myself adrift, floundering.”

Giving him a knowing smile, Glorfindel caressed his cheek and said, “I am here to anchor you, mellon nín, I will not let you get lost.”

“I know, but you have stirred feelings in me and I do not know how to react to them,” Erestor said as he looked away.

Glorfindel touched Erestor’s chin and made him look into his eyes before he said, “This is also new to me, Es. These feelings I have for you, I have never felt them for anyone else. I love you. I would never rush you into anything; let us just take things one day at a time.”

Erestor gave him a sad smile, “And your love means more to me than you could ever know. I find myself wanting to be close to you, but then part of me, part of me is hesitant, but I know that you would never push me into anything.”

“It is understandable, with all that you have been through, to be reluctant. Anything that you ask of me Erestor, I will to give you. I want you never to be afraid to tell me or ask me anything, do you understand?” Glorfindel said as he squeezed Erestor’s hands.

Erestor nodded and whispered, “Hannon le.”

“You are most welcome. Now… let’s eat, for I find myself starving,” Glorfindel said as he sat across from Erestor and started piling his plate with eggs and bacon.

Erestor chuckled, “You are always hungry.”

“Hey, I am a strapping ellon (m. elf), I need my nourishment,” Glorfindel said while he patted his stomach.

Erestor blushed and finished his muffin, not commenting on what Glorfindel said. They had just finished their food when Erestor said, “Once we reach my office you should go to yours, I am sure there are things that you will need to get accomplished before we leave. You will need to go over things with your second, Baraon.”

“But what of you, will you be well while I am gone?” Glorfindel asked with concern. He knew that he had some things that needed to be done but did not want to leave Erestor.

Erestor took a deep breath, “I think I will be fine. Now I know what to expect and if I keep busy, I am sure that I can manage while you are away. Fin, I cannot depend on you every minute of every day, it is not fair to you.”

“Fine, but I could have Baraon sent to your office if needs be. I suppose I could spend a little time in the barracks but I will return shortly. I do not like the thought of you being in pain when I can ease your discomfort,” Glorfindel said as he pulled Erestor into a hug.

Erestor closed his eyes and just rested his head against Glorfindel’s chest for a few moments before he moved out of his arms and started for the door, “I will be fine. Let us go, it is growing late and we both have much to do.”

Glorfindel followed Erestor, staying close by his side as they made for his chambers, and after quickly changing into a fresh pair clothes, he escorted Erestor to his office. Once he knew that Erestor was buried in his work with Melpomaen, he gave a long look to Erestor and once he received a nod from Erestor that he was fine, he left, walking quickly to the barracks, determined not to be gone longer than he needed to be.

Erestor took a deep, calming breath as he watched Glorfindel leave his office. Turning to Melpomaen who had been watching him with concern, he gave him a reassuring smile and started to go through the things that his assistant would need to know while he was gone.

TBC