Disrupting Haldir's World

Chapter 8 – Elisabeth Takes Charge

Haldir spoke to the horse, urging it into a gallop. He knew that scream only too well and it was one that he had hoped he would never have to hear again. He focused on where it had originated and headed with due haste in that direction. Leaping from his horse as he loaded his bow, he took out the first warg before his feet even hit the ground. The creature’s face was covered with blood and Haldir felt a wave of dread for Elisabeth wash over him. A second animal attacked and Haldir dropped it in mid air at the same time that Rúmil’s arrow found its mark. Putting away their bows for the close work, they both pulled out swords and attacked the creatures with a fury. Haldir slashed his way through the wargs as he finally caught sight of what had to be Elisabeth, though the still form didn’t resemble anything living. He heard movement and whirled, impaling another of the creatures through the heart before pulling out his sword and dispatching the last of them. He moved quickly towards the bloodied body that had to be Elisabeth and turned her over, terrified at what he now saw.

He did not understand how she could be alive, but when he placed his hand over her chest he felt the faint beating of her heart. Quickly, he gathered her into his arms and carried her onto his horse, praying that they would make it back in time. Whispering into her ear as they rode, he encouraged her to hold on, promising to get help for her.

“I love you, Elisabeth,” he whispered over and over. “Please stay with me.”

Once in Caras Galadhon, they flew through the mallorn trees until reaching their destination. Haldir jumped from the horse and raced up the long, spiraling staircase with Rúmil close behind. Entering the great hall, he laid Elisabeth down on the bed at Lady Galadriel’s request.

Gasping at the sight of her, Galadriel touched Elisabeth’s head and began saying quiet words in Elvish. Haldir was helpless to do anything but watch, wondering how she could still be alive when she had been so badly mauled. Her arm was torn in several places and there were many other gashes and bites on her face as well as the rest of her body. Haldir could not see a single spot that was not coated with blood.

“If she were still human, she could not have survived,” Galadriel told him as she read his thoughts. “The elvish blood that Celeborn and I have shared with Elisabeth is giving her a chance to fight, but I can promise nothing.”

Haldir held Elisabeth’s slender hand, constantly reassuring her that he was nearby, though he did not know if she was even aware of his presence. They cleaned the blood from her and tried to force down a small amount of an herbal remedy, but still she showed no signs of life, other than the fact that her heart still beat. Now they could only wait and pray.

While he held his vigil, Haldir began to see some improvement in her color and finally noticed that some of the gashes seemed to be shrinking. Taking this as a good sign, he was able to finally admit that there was hope. As the hours went by, Elisabeth’s body gradually healed, though she did not wake and that concerned him.

Galadriel approached and tried to ease his anxiety. “She sleeps because her body must use all of its energy to heal itself,” she assured him. “She will survive.”

Still Haldir agonized until he finally saw her pale blue eyes flutter, then open.

“Elisabeth,” he said in relief, kneeling down at her side and kissing her hand.

“Haldir?” she said, touching his hair. “Where am I?”

“You are back at Caras Galadhon,” he said, kissing her gently. “I thought I had lost you.”

“There were wargs,” she said, closing her eyes against the memory. “They knocked me to the ground and began to bite. It is all I remember.”

“Rúmil and I dispatched them, but we thought they had killed you. You were healed by the powers of Lady Galadriel and the elvish blood that now runs through your veins.”

She opened her eyes and raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, I know,” he told her, brushing his lips across her knuckles. “You would not have survived as a human. I am ready to admit that maybe what you did was the right thing, even though it was done without my knowledge or approval.”

“I am sorry I had to do it that way,” she told him, sincerely. “When you told me you wanted me to leave sooner than planned, I became desperate. This was the only way we even had a chance to be together. I did not mean to upset you.”

“Elisabeth, you have caused emotions to surface in me that I did not know I possessed. It bothered me to think that my feelings for you were so strong that you could make me feel fear for the first time in my life. I have done a lot of thinking about it and I am learning to accept it,” he hesitated and swallowed nervously before continuing. “If you want, I will bind myself to you.”

She smiled sadly at him for a moment, “No, Haldir.”

“No?” he asked, unsure that he had heard the word.

“You are speaking of a lifetime commitment; a lifetime that will span eternity. This is not a decision that can be lightly made and this is not the time to make it. Let us wait until we are both certain.”

“But…I am certain. I want you to be my mate, Elisabeth,” he insisted, never having expected her to turn him down.

“No, not until you are ready and right now, you are not,” she told him kindly. “I love you, Haldir, but I will not do this unless I am sure it is what we both want.”

He didn’t know what to say. She was absolutely right because as much as he loved her, the commitment still scared him. He had been willing to do it because he thought it was what Elisabeth wanted and after what she had been through, he felt that he owed it to her.

As if she had read his mind, she added, “I will not have you bind yourself to me out of a sense of obligation. You will know if and when the time is right. In the meantime, I wish for you to treat me as you would any other elleth that you spend time with.”

He felt a slight sense of relief but at the same time he experienced a deep feeling of loss, of rejection. Was this how Elisabeth had felt when he had asked her to leave sooner than planned? It hurt. He gazed at her for a while, confused about his conflicting emotions.

“I am glad that you are back,” he said at last, touching his lips to her forehead. “My talan felt so empty without you.”

“That reminds me,” she said. “I need to see where Lady Galadriel wants me to stay.”

“You shall stay with me,” he said, confused.

“No, Haldir,” she told him. “It was acceptable for a temporary measure, but for long term, I should have my own home. I want you to be completely free while you make up your mind about us. If you want to be with other females, you cannot do that if I am living with you.”

“You do not mind if I have other females?” he asked, warily.

“As long as you do not mind if I have other males,” she smiled innocently.

His face darkened. “I knew there was a catch.”

“No, no catch. When and if we decide to bind ourselves to each other, it will be for life and I want to be sure that we have no regrets at the time. If you still desire other females, then you are not ready for that commitment. You will have complete freedom but I want you to know that I will have the same freedom.”

He regarded her thoughtfully for a moment. “Fine, then; complete freedom for both of us.”

She smiled, hoping she hadn’t made a mistake. “I think I need to sleep a little more, now. I am still a bit tired.”

“I shall leave then and check on you later,” he said, brushing his lips across her cheek.

He went to his talan but it was too quiet. He decided that a walk around the city might be pleasant, though he found that it was not as enjoyable without Elisabeth at his side.

“Haldir!” he heard a voice and turned to see a blond elleth approaching. He smiled.

“How are you, Tara?” he asked, eyeing the beautiful elf.

“I am fine, but I have heard some disheartening news about you,” she began, frowning. “I wanted to see if it was true.”

“And what would this news be?” he asked, though he had an inkling where this conversation was leading.

“I have heard that you were thinking about binding yourself to the human woman. Is this true?” she had taken his hand and was caressing it with her fingers.

“It could happen, but nothing is certain,” he stated, deciding that he would have a little talk with Rúmil when he got his hands on him. “Where did you hear this?”

“Oh, word gets around,” she replied in her sultry voice. “So if nothing is certain, does that mean that you are still free to see others? You could come over to my talan so we could…talk about old times.”

He smiled. He knew exactly what she had in mind and it was usually quite pleasurable. He briefly considered it, but images of Elisabeth kept popping into his head.

“I am sorry, Tara, but now is not a good time,” he told her at last.

“When will be a good time?” she asked.

“I do not know. My situation is a bit uncertain at the moment,” he admitted.

She let go of his hand as he began to walk away.

“Haldir, think about what you will be giving up before you make a decision,” she reminded him.

He smiled, nodding as he walked away. He would think about it later. Right now he wanted to check on Elisabeth and see how she was doing.

He anxiously climbed the stairs to the giant mallorn tree and was surprised to see Elisabeth sitting up, dressed in a new gown. He imagined that her other dress had been disposed of, as it was drenched in her blood and had been torn apart by the beasts.

Sensing Haldir’s approach, she turned to look at him when he entered the room and his heart surged with love for her. He thought briefly about his encounter with Tara and decided that the elleth paled in comparison to Elisabeth. He sat by her side, now, taking her hand.

“How do you feel?” he asked, concerned.

“Much better,” she admitted. “It is incredible but I think that I am almost back to normal. I was just about to go see my new talan. Would you like to join us?”

“Us?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, Rúmil is on his way to get me. Apparently the talan is next door to his.”

“How convenient,” Haldir said as Rúmil entered the room. “Yes, I would like to join you.”

~~~~~~~~~

“It looks almost like your talan, Haldir,” she said, glancing around.

“Except that mine does not share a staircase with my brother’s talan,” he commented dryly.

“If she ever needs anything, I shall be close by,” Rúmil pointed out. “You should be happy that she is not off in a distant part of the city.”

“I would be happier if she was staying with me,” Haldir informed him.

“Yes, but remember that you would not have your freedom if I was living with you,” Elisabeth reminded him. “You would have to send me away if you had other females come over and I do not think that I would like that.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and cocked his head to the side as he regarded her. “And you? Will you put a sign on your door to tell me that you are occupied if you have someone else inside?” he asked, hating the idea of her being with anybody but him.

“I guess I had not thought about it yet, but I will probably not have anyone else over unless you do. I will worry about it then.”

“And I am supposed to tell you if I…entertain…other females,” he asked, guardedly.

“Yes, it is only fair. Then I can…entertain…Rúmil,” she said, matter-of-factly.

Rúmil smiled, but Haldir only glared at him. “You would not dare,” he told his brother.

“Not unless you take another to your bed. If you do, make sure it is worth your while,” he warned his brother, “because I will make it worth my while.”

“Would you like to go for a walk, Elisabeth?” Haldir asked, frowning at his brother.

“Yes, I would,” she said, smiling at Rúmil.

“Remember, I am right next door if you need anything,” Rúmil called down the stairs after them.

~~~~~~~~~

“I know what you are doing and it will not work,” Haldir told her as they walked through the silver trunks of the mallorn trees.

“Oh, and what am I doing?” she asked, innocently.

“This is a trick. You want me to think I am being given freedom, when actually you are using it as a way to get me to want you more,” he informed her.

“Is it working?” she asked.

“You know it is,” he kissed her cheek.

“Because I wish to trap you into a commitment and trick you into wanting to be with me?” she asked him.

He glanced suspiciously at her, “Well, not exactly…”

“That is what you are saying, Haldir, but no, it is not what I am doing. I do not want any kind of a relationship with you if you do not want it. If we make a commitment to each other, it has to be because it is what we both desire more than anything. Not because you think I want it and you are going to generously sacrifice your freedom to make me happy.”

“Well, I know that it is what you want,” he said, confidently.

“How do you know that?” she asked, a little bit put off by his arrogance. “Have I ever said that I wish to bind myself to you? You are the only male I have ever been with; the only one I have ever even kissed. Maybe I want freedom, too, so that I can experience what other males are like before I commit myself to one person,” she replied, not meaning it but wanting to shake his confidence.

“You would be wasting your time, Elisabeth, because I am the best. Ask any of the elleths,” he said.

“The most humble, too,” she said, somewhat taken aback by his ego. She looked at him, but saw that he was smiling and understood that he was only teasing her.

He turned serious now, “Truly, Elisabeth, if you feel the need to experience others, I will not try to stop you, though I will not like it.”

“I will have to think about it,” she told him, having no intention of doing so.

They walked past a group of elves and one of the females called out, “Remember what I said, Haldir.”

He smiled and glanced at Elisabeth who raised an eyebrow.

“Some of my competition?” she asked with a smile.

“A friend,” Haldir replied. “Tara.”

Before they had walked far, they ran into two more of Haldir’s friends and Elisabeth was beginning to get a picture of just how popular the elf was with the females in Caras Galadhon. It was discouraging because she was so inexperienced. Men had always shown interest in her, but she had never met one that had really captured her attention, so she had not encouraged them. No other had ever awakened the longing in her heart as Haldir had done. She began to wonder what it was that he saw in her, why he had chosen to be with her now rather than one of the she-elves. Was it possible that she was just a novelty for him? Being a human woman until her recent transformation, maybe she simply struck him as being somewhat mysterious, having come from a different part of the world. Now that she was elf-kind, would that mystery and allure fade? After they spent more time together would the novelty grow old? These were questions that would have to be answered before she would allow herself to commit to him.

“Haldir, when you said that you chose me because of what you saw in me, what exactly did you mean?”

“I saw a good heart, kindness and intelligence. I saw curiosity. You wondered what I was like and wanted to know more about me. You also wondered what it would be like to kiss me,” he smiled.

“I am glad that I know the answer to that question,” she said.

“The other women’s minds felt unclean and were not anyplace I wanted to venture further,” he added. “Your mind drew me closer as though there were something inside of you that I needed to find, or maybe something familiar. I do not know if I can explain it more clearly. Does that answer your question?”

“Yes,” she said, understanding. “When you touched my forehead, I felt something pass between us and it was the same sort of feeling. Almost like finding something I had lost a long time ago.”

“Yes!” he said, turning to look at her. “That is how I felt.”

“Is that what you saw? It was not the fact that I was human and therefore a novelty?” she asked.

“No, Elisabeth,” he smiled. “I have been with human women before and in general have not found them to be any more exciting than an elleth. That is not why I want to be with you,” he brushed a strand of hair from her forehead as they walked.

“Good,” she said.

They continued to talk as they walked along and it amazed Elisabeth to realize that they never ran out of subjects for their conversations. Their banter flowed as though they had been best friends for years and for that she was grateful. Their physical union was wonderful but they were also close emotionally and that was more important. When the newness of the physical relationship began to wear off, they would have something stable beneath it, she hoped.

“Elisabeth,” Haldir began. “I have a question about our new relationship.”

“Yes, Haldir?” she asked.

“We do still get to…join together, do we not?” he asked, his eyes hopeful.

“Of course, Haldir,” she laughed. “I will not keep myself from you as a way to trap you if that is your concern.

“I did not mean to imply that,” he told her a little impatiently. “I only meant to find out if you will go back to my talan with me. Now.”

“I would like that,” she told him, her eyes meeting his.

When they arrived at his talan he turned to her hungrily, kissing the smooth flesh of her throat as he blindly reached back to close the door. “Are you completely healed?” he asked, growling into her neck. “I do not want to hurt you, but I do not know if I can be gentle right now. It has been almost a week.”

“I do not wish for you to be gentle this time. I need you, too,” she told him, fumbling at the fastenings of his tunic.”

They left a trail of clothing starting at the door, discarding one garment after another as they kissed and caressed their way towards the bedroom. They only made it as far as the table before Haldir grabbed Elisabeth and sat her on the smooth wooden surface, pulling her legs towards him and entering her in a single movement. Lowering her back so that she was laying on the table, he pulled her legs up to his shoulders and leaned over her, thrusting into her, hard. His eyes never left hers until she cried out his name. After a few more thrusts, he finally went still as he emptied himself into her. They stayed like that for a while, watching each other, until their hearts slowed and began to beat normally. After a while, Haldir dropped her legs down to his hips before leaning over further to kiss her.

“Do not forget to clean the table before you eat off of it,” Elisabeth mentioned, humor in her eyes.

“Remind me before we have breakfast,” he told her, picking her up and carrying her to the bedroom.

“I will not be here for breakfast,” she told him.

“Where will you be?” he frowned.

“Back at my talan,” she said. “Do your other females spend the night?”

“No,” he admitted.

“Then I should not either. You need to treat me in the same fashion that you treat them. If I start spending the night, I am afraid I will eventually end up living here again and that is not what we want.”

“It is not what you want,” he corrected her, placing her on the bed.

“You want it all, Haldir. You want me to live with you and be here for you when it is convenient, yet you also want your freedom and it does not work that way,” she smiled, holding his face between her palms. “I will stay for a while, but I shall sleep in my own bed.”

He kissed her neck softly, in the hollow beneath her chin as he ran his warm hands over her body. She loved the feel of his well-defined muscles as she moved her hands freely over his flesh, touching him everywhere. They made love again, slowly now, taking their time with each other. When they were finished, Haldir pulled Elisabeth to his chest and kissed her head. They lay like that for a while before she told him that she should go.

“Please do not leave,” he asked, rolling her onto her stomach and kissing the back of her neck.

“You are not playing fair, Haldir,” she admonished. “You cannot make love to me all night just to keep me from leaving.”

“Yes, I can,” he insisted, sliding into her from behind and slowly grinding himself against her until he felt her shudder beneath him. After a few more minutes, he finally collapsed on top of her, both of them panting.

“Now, I must go,” she told him as she untangled herself from him and stood to leave. He grabbed her wrists and pulled her to him.

“I want you with me, Elisabeth. Would it be so terrible for you to stay? I promise I will not pressure you to move back in.”

“No, Haldir,” she said gently. “It is better for both of us this way. I do not want to be here in your bed one morning only to have one of your elleths come knocking on your door. It would be uncomfortable. It also makes it easier for me to hold back emotionally, just a little. I am afraid if I give my heart to you completely before you are ready, I will be hurt.”

She pulled her wrists free and dressed quickly, before she had a chance to change her mind. Kissing him one last time before leaving his talan, she walked back home along the torch lit path. When she returned, she was surprised to see Rúmil sitting on the stairs.

“Rúmil, why are you not sleeping?” she asked.

“I was just watching the stars for a while first,” he told her, motioning for her to sit beside him. She complied, also looking up into the sky.

“It is a beautiful night,” she admitted, inhaling the scent of the forest as she gazed at the stars.

They talked for almost an hour before she began to yawn and finally excused herself. Her bed was soft and comfortable, but still she tossed and turned. It was so much easier to sleep with Haldir in bed with her; when he actually let her sleep, that was.

~~tbc~~