Call of the Sea

CALL OF THE SEA


Chapter 8

After the council I followed Aragorn to his chambers, knowing I had to speak to him immediately. He answered my knock promptly, almost as if he had been expecting me, and gestured me into the sitting area.

I did not sit.

“Aragorn, I am so sorry.” I did not need to elaborate.

He let out a short and bitter laugh. “I sometimes wonder which of us is the elf, Legolas, when it comes to matters of self control.”

His harsh words stung me, andookeooked at the floor. He must have relented, for he added: “In truth, it is not a problem; he would have had to be told, before we set off on this mission.”

“But it was not my place to tell him, particularly not in such a fashion, and again, I am sorry.”

There was a long pause, during which I collected myself. I stood up straight but turned to the window to avoid his eye. Thus I did not see the expression on his face as he said, in a soft voice, “I suppose I should be happy, that you are still prepared to leap to my defence.”

My body tensed. What was he implying? I turned to him, but now he was looking away. Trying to convince myself that the comment was meaningless, I hurriedly redirected the conversation. “Do you trust him?”

Our eyes met, neutral territory having been gained.

“I think so,” he replied slowly. “He is tempted, but so shall we all be. At least he has stated his case, and now he has given his word. I know the men of Gondor; he will not break his oath.”

“Yet he resents you so.”

“Perhaps in the course of this desperate quest he may come to love me more. He has little reason to trust me, as yet.”

I conceded this point as fair. With unspoken agreement we now sat down, and talked quietly for a while. I was most curious about the halflings and had many questions for him; his stories of their exploits made me smile, even as his description of the black riders chilled me to the heart. Knowledge of the enormity of our task seemed to hang between us, and I wondered briefly how my fate had drawn me into this.

He read my pensive gaze. “It is an unthinkable plan. There is no shame in wishing it had not come to this.”

I looked at him, a long look.

“If you are committed to this deed, Aragorn, then I would only wish to be at your side. I, too, keep my word, as I think you know.” I stood as I said this, but smiled to soften the implied accusation.

“Aye,” he also stood, and stepped towards me. “Now is the time for true friends to hold together. My heart cannot be light, but knowing that you and Mithrandir are with us will keep the dread at bay.”

Another long look, in the course of which my heartbeat quickened, and then we stepped into an embrace, a chaste, soldierly affair of hands on shoulders, but it was enough.

I did not aim to touch his spirit, but perhaps I should have tried harder not to do so. For the connection was still there, and knowledge of him surged through me once again. I pulled away quickly, but the damage was done, and he knt. t.

How could it be, that he loved and desired me still, even now?

“Aragorn, I . . .”

He cut me off with an angry gesture, avoiding my eyes. I did not need to see his to know the guilt and pain written there.

“Legolas, I am sorry.” It was barely more than a whisper. “Just leave it, please.”

He turned, and walked towards his bedchamber, leaving me no option but to depart, my mind a mass of confusion and panic.

********************

Two hours in the forest had not made me any happier, but at least I knew what I had to do.

I sought Elrond, and was lucky to find him in his study, with only Mithrandir for company. Apologising for the intrusion, I asked him to send for me when they were finished, as I wished to speak with him. However the Istari rose, and with a narrow look at me, said,

“No, stay, Legolas. We are finished here, and I must speak to Frodo.” He glanced at Elrond, who widened his eyes then nodded slightly, while I wondered what unspoken thought passed between them. Then Mithrandir left the room and I faced Elrond alone.

His tone was kind. “You are troubled, Legolas. Sit down and tell me… perhaps I can be of some help.”

I sat down across the desk from him and swallowed hard. I could think of no other way to approach the issue, so I came straight to the point.

“Lord Elrond, I am sorry for this, but I must speak. Having considered it fully, I do not believe that I should be part of the fellowship, and I ask you to find another to take my place.”

An eyebrow raised – the closest I had ever seen him come to an expression of surprise. But his voice was kind.

“I would have thought that you would be happy to have your wish fulfilled. For surely this is the final stand, and if Aragorn returns, the whole of the West will know that he is no mere ranger.”

“You judge me right, my lord; I wish with all my heart to accompany him and the halflings on this quest. But it is too important a task to be jeopardised by the selfish whims of an individual. It is not for myself that I ask to be released, but for the good of the fellowship.”

“Will you explain yourself?”

This part of the interview I had rehearsed in detail. I spoke carefully.

“My lord, look at me. I am the thirinceince of the wood elves. My life has been spent wandering the paths of Mirkwood with little thought to the world outside its borders. I have little wisdom or lore, and none of the power of the Eldar. If one elf only is to travel with the fellowship, it should not be me. There are dozens in your house who have knowledge and skill far beyond me, and who would serve the cause far better. You must see that.”

A sad smile came to Elrond’s face, and he sighed.

“I see more than you guess, I think. I agree that there are many more powerful elves here in my house. And I would send none of them on this mission, for fear that they would betray it.”

I stared at him, puzzled.

“Legolas, did the ring speak to you, during the council?”

I replied slowly. “I heard it, and it troubled me greatly.”

“Yes, but did it speak – to you? Did it call you by name, and talk to you of the wishes of your heart?”

I shook my head.

“There will come a day when it will do so, I have no doubt,” he went on. “But let me tell you something. The ring spoke to me. It spoke to me of power and wisdom beyond my hopes. Its lure was strong, and would be stronger than me,I weI were to let it stay here in Rivendell. The powerful and the wise are easy targets for the ring, for the quest for power and wisdom is well understood by its maker. Those who feel envy, greed, or resentment, or seek revenge for past wrongs, it will readily pull into its sway. Why do you think the hobbits have held this thing for eighty years, yet have not fallen to its power?”

“Because they are a simple people?” I suggested.

“Simple in their aspirations, maybe, yet strong in spirit. Do not be offended, Legolas, if I say that you are like them in many ways. You have wisdom, but it is not the lore of ancient deeds and prophecies, rather the wisdom of the Earth itself; and the dark lord knows little of this. Your spirit is strong, and your heart and soul are pure. You have little love for the material wealth of your father’s kingdom; you seek always the simple peace of nature. What could the ring offer you?”

I had hoped to avoid speaking so directly of my feelings for Aragorn, but it seemed I had no choice. Of course, Elrond would have drawn it out of me one way or another. Gazing intently at my hands, where they lay clasped on the desk in front of me, I said, “Perhaps my heart is not so pure. I too have desires . . .”

“Aye, and if I had any doubts of that, you dispelled them for me this morning.”

I felt myself flush as I recalled my ill-advised outburst at the council. But when I looked up and met Elrond’s eyes, I saw that he was smiling, a small, warm smile.

“Ask yourself. Do you love him, or are you merely suffering the pangs of unfulfilled desire?”

“How can you ask?” My anger was quick, and thoughtless. “I love him – without limit – I would bind myself to him today if it were possible.”

“Then I see nothing impure in it,” he said gently, and my anger left me. “And I doubt if there is much the ring can do with feelings such as yours. It is a difficult path for you, to love and know that your love can not be returned in full, but I do not believe that is what you are afraid of. He needs you, you know, and not just for your eyes and ears and skill with the bow. Your love and friendship will bring great strength to him, even as they bring you sorrow. Are you strong enough to accept this?”

“I am. But . . .” I had to force myself to say the words. “It is not myself I fear for.”

He waited. How could I tell him that the man betrothed to his daughter had feelings for another? I searched for words, and found none. Eventually Elrond took pity on me and reached across the desk, placing a hand gently on mine. He waited a moment, giving me the chance to withdraw my hand, but I dit mot move. I closed my eyes and felt tears forming, as he softly touched my mind. I breathed deeply, letting him in, feeling the relief of a burden shared without the need for speech. From him I sensed only warmth, concern and comfort.

The moment passed and he sat back, breaking the contact. We remained in silence for a while, but at length he spoke.

“I understand,” he said. “A man’s heart is far more complex than that of an elf. I do not believe that what he feels for you in any way diminishes his love for my daughter; and it may prove a strength to him yet. But he fears weakness in himself, and may see it as such, for the ring to exploit. But still I think it is a risk we must take.”

I stared at him openly now, unable to speak.

“Have you wondered, Legolas, how you came to arrive in Rivendell at the precise moment that the council was called? Why did Gloin and Gimli, or Boromir, for that matter, choose this time to appear, seeking counsel? I have never been so certain that there is a hand greater than ours at work here. This task is allotted to you, and you alone of the elves; you must bear it as well as you can. Let your feelings give strength and purpose to your acts. The ring must go to Mordor, but I think you know that will not be the whole of it. Aragorn must prevail, if peace is to be found for Middle Earth; and desperate times may indeed call for desperate measures. Do what must be done and feel no guilt, for there is too much at stake here.”

My face must have betrayed some usiousion at these last words, for he added:

“If the time comes, you will understand what I mean.” A pause, then, “Will you go with the fellowship, Legolas? Will you accept this task?”

“I will, my lord, though my heart is still heavy.”

We rose, and he embraced me with his healer’s hands, and for a moment I felt at peace.

********************


I retired early that evening, having no mind for feasting and song. I first spent a while with Bilbo, telling him the latest news of Mirkwood and passing on to him my father’s letter and gifts. He was fond of the old hobbit, and held a great deal of respect for him. I remembered this as we spoke a little of the fellowship’s quest; the thought of the four merry youngsters setting out innocently for Mordor was enough to break my heart, but perhaps there was a strength there that I had yet to see.

Back in my room, I prepared my pack for the following day, as I was to set out with the scouting party towards Mirkwood. I had mixed feelings about this; part of me longed to set off with Aragorn to the West, while another part was thoroughly relieved that I had a valid excuse to avoid him for a while, at least until I had ordered moughoughts a little.

I bathed and combed my hair, then pulled on my nightshirt, deciding on the bed rather than the forest as the night was restlessly windy. Shortly after I had settled myself there was a knock at the door. My heart lurched, as I immediately thought of Aragorn, although I had not been aware of his footsteps. I was wrong; at the door stood a young elf in the simple garb of a servant. He bowed to me, and delivered his message:

“The lady Arwen apologises for the intrusion, but she wishes to speak with you in the library.”

I was speechless, and simply stared at him for a moment.

“Prince Legolas. . . .?” His voice was tentative and betrayed his concern.

“Please tell the lady that I shall be with her in a few minutes.”

He bowed again and scurried off.

I slammed the door in my haste and looked around for something to wear, avoiding the question in my head. I had no fine robes with me, so I pulled on my hunting clothwhicwhich lay laundered and ready for the morning. It seemed fitting, somehow; and I muttered under my breath, “Thus the little wood elf prepares to meet the great queen.” I braided my hair behind my ears, staring at myself in the mirror, and willing myself to be calm. I had no idea what she might want to say to me.

Arwen stood alone in the library, and turned towards me as I entered, although I was sure I had not made a sound. Needless to say, she was radiant, in a fine white gown. She smiled her overwhelming smile and extended a long, pale hand.

“Prince Legolas. Thank you for coming so quickly. I am sorry to have disturbed you.”

I took her hand briefly and bowed. “My lady. It is my pleasure.” Somehow I kept my voice level.

“I had hoped to meet you yesterday, but it seems that my brothers reached you first.” Her smile took on a less solemn aspect. “They think very highly of you,” she added graciously, then gestured towards two small chairs.

“As I do of them,” I replied, settling myself opposite her.

“Forgive me if I do not waste your time with pleasantries,” she said, holding my gaze steadily. “You are wondering why I have requested your company, and you must rise early in the morning.”

No reply seemed to be expected of me, so I gave none.

“I wished to talk to you about the quest and to ask of you a great favour,” she began. “I sense that your part in this expedition is troubling you, and it may be that I can ease your anxiety a little.”

A thought dawned on me. “My lady, did lord Elrond ask you . . .?”

She laughed, a beautiful melodious sound. “No, indeed. I asked him about your conversation, when Mithrandir told me you had gone to see him with consternation written in your face. My father would tell me nothing, which of course told me a great deal.”

I could well believe that not a man alive, elf or mortal, could hold a secret from her.

“I think I can guess the source of your disquiet, Legolas.”

My face was burning, as I stared at the floor to avoid her kind but knowing eyes.

“He is easy to love,” she continued softly. “I could not blame you for it.”

I found my voice. “Did he speak to you of me?”

“He did not need to. When we met in Lórien, the pain of parting from you was raw in him, and a part of him feels it still. I wondered how you could have rejected him. Eventually we talked of it, and I understood. If you had not been so right in your judgement, I like to think that I would have released his heart and encouraged him to return to you.”

I was amazed. How could she sit so calmly, speaking of her fiancé this way? Finding the courage to look up at her, I saw that she was smiling sadly at me.

“You wonder why I am not jealous, how I can speak so openly of this?”

“Indeed I do not understand it, my lady.”

She sighed. “I have waited centuries for him, and I wait still. I am no young maid, in the first flush of infatuation; I have had time to learn both patience and compassion.

“I grant you, it would be easier for me if his affections were undivided. But his feelings for you are part of him. I cannot change him, so I must love him as he is. I cannot resent you for this. You should know, therefore, that your love for him neither deceives nor dishonours me.

“In the end, it will not change the way of things. If he fails, and I yet live, I will take ship with my father to the West. If he prevails I shall sit at his side as queen in Gondor. This I know. It is our destiny, written for us before we were born.”

“I know it too,” I said, and paused before continuing. “I thank you for your kind words. Yet you mentioned a favour you would ask?”

“Yes. Legolas, Aragorn is strong and wise, and in battle he will lead with valour. Yet in the quiet moments self doubt will assail him, for he has the the pride of the kings of old. It is an irony, for the very qualities that will lead men to love him, to follow him and to die willingly at his side, may also lead him to despair. I can not see clearly, but I feel that the fellowship will face many paths, and I say to you: whatever happens to your quest, go with him, Legolas. Stay beside him and watch over him. When the darkness threatens him, go to him, even when his fear prevents him from turning to you. Give him strength, when I can not. I do not ask this for myself alone, for even if the ring is destroyed, evil has spread far in these lands, and peace will not be found until there is a true king in Gondor.”

I met her eyes then, and thought I saw the glint of tears there. My resolve strengthened, and I wondered how it could be that only hours ago I had asked Elrond to release me from my task.

“My lady,” I said, “You do not ask of me more than I have already pledged to do, many years ago. I will stand at his side until he comes into his own, or perish beside him, if needs be, in the attempt. What support I can offer him, I will freely give, even as we strive for a victory that will tear him away from me. It is a bitter fate, but I will accept no other.”

“There will be loss for each of us, no matter what the outcome,” she said sadly. “For in gaining him, I must lose all else that is dearest to me.”

It took me a moment. “You have chosen the doom of Lúthien.”

“I have. I shall look upon my mortal death, knowing that I have broken my father’s heart. Yet I too would accept no other fate.”

We gazed at each other for a while. I, at least, was overwhelmed by a sudden sense of grief.

“Such is the love he inspires,” she said quietly and smiled softly, and the grief began to fade. “I am glad we have spoken, Legolas, and I hope I have eased your burden, not added to it.”

“You have strengthened my will and soothed my heart, my lady, and for this I thank you. Do not doubt that I will keep my word.”

“I doubt it not.” She stood, and I did likewise.

“My thoughts will be with you,” she said, and suddenly stepped closer. Her hands on my shoulders, she reached up and kissed me softly on the forehead. “I think I begin to understand the enigma of his heart a little better,” she said. “Farewell, Legolas.”

I bowed, finding myself, yet again, at a complete loss for words.