Realization

Title: Realization
Fandom: LoTR
Author: Lynsey
Websites and Mailing List: See links under user information
Beta: None
Chapter: 7/?
Pairings: Erestor/Glorfindel, Erestor/OC
Rating: R this chapter
Warnings: AU
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings. I do not make any money from this fiction.
Summary: Glorfindel and Erestor learn to love each other after the events in “Tolerance.” One young elf realizes something about himself.



Glorfindel skidded to a stop in the healing wing and frantically looked around for anyone that might be present. “You!”

A healing apprentice looked startled as Glorfindel grabbed him by the shoulders. Shaking the poor boy, Glorfindel demanded, “Where is he?”

“I-uh…”

“Glorfindel.”

The Seneschal dropped the apprentice and turned toward Elrond’s voice. “Where is he? How is he? What-”

“Glorfindel,” Elrond interrupted quietly. The lord took his captain’s hands in his and led him to a nearby bench. They sat, but Glorfindel abruptly tried to stand up again. “Glorfindel. Sit,” Elrond snapped.

The golden blond sat, glaring at the delay in finding his beloved little Erestor. “I need-”

“To listen to what I have to say,” said Elrond strictly. “I also need you to bring your energy down. You’ll frighten the boy even more if you walk into his room as you are.”

Glorfindel took a deep, shaky breath and closed his eyes. It took a few more calming breaths before he could compose himself.

“Good,” Elrond murmured. “I’m sorry to forestall you from seeing Erestor, but I wanted you to understand the situation.”

Nodding, Glorfindel swallowed and steadied himself.

“I don’t know what you were told,” Elrond began, “but I will inform you of the facts. The stable master found Erestor being pinned by Corchvorn. Erestor was struggling and protesting.” Glorfindel’s hands clenched. “When they brought Erestor here, he was in shock. I examined and healed him. Although he was injured, it was not…as bad as I expected it to be. I am assuming Corchvorn had barely…begun when they were found. I was also very surprised to see no signs of a struggle on Erestor’s person. Physically, Erestor is fine. Mentally…” Elrond cleared his throat. “Mentally, it may take some time for him to recover, if he ever does.”

The blond leaned forward with his elbows braced on his knees and head buried into his hands. “What do I do?”

“Be with him.”

Glorfindel nodded. “What is to become of…”

“Corchvorn will be put on trial.”

Nodding again, the captain took one more deep, steadying breath. “Where is he?”

Elrond pointed to a door at the end of the corridor. Glorfindel stood and walked to the door, knocking once before entering.

The room was quiet and dark; a typical room for recovering in the healing wing. A small bed was pushed up against the wall and made up with crisp, clean white sheets and blankets. Bundled up into the bed, barely a small lump in the blankets, was Erestor. Or, rather, what could be seen of Erestor sticking out of the mess of fabric.

Glorfindel’s eyes watered with grief briefly. He breathed deeply again, trying to control himself for his beloved. Briefly scrubbing away tears with the sleeve of his shirt, the approached the bed and sat on it.

“Little love,” he whispered and ran his fingers through the tangled, but clean mess of dark hair he could see. “Can you wake up a bit for me?”

The lump stirred, and the sheets slid down slowly to reveal Erestor’s pale face. His eyes seemed to be blank, completely devoid of life or light. Erestor looked at Glorfindel, but didn’t really look at Glorfindel.

“Oh baby,” Glorfindel’s heart broke a little more. “Please look at me. I know you are there. Come back to me.” He stroked Erestor’s face and winced at the feeling of cool, cold skin under his fingers.

“I’m a monster,” Erestor whispered, never really looking at anything.

“No. No no no baby, never. You could never be a monster.” Glorfindel scooped up the limp form of his beloved to settle against his body. “I love you. I love you so much, Erestor.”

“No,” the darkling protested, sounding far away. “I’m…I’m wrong.”

“Erestor, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Glorfindel hugged the tiny body to his own in the hopes that he could convey his love through body language as well as words. “It was that-that demon. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Yes it was,” the rebuke was quiet, nearly inaudible. “Yes it was. I betrayed you.”

Glorfindel tilted Erestor’s head so he could look into the dark, chocolate eyes. They were still blank, and it chilled Glorfindel to the bone to say they were the eyes of a dead soul.

“No, baby. Never. You would never do anything to betray our love. That boy forced you. You were hurt. Body and soul you were hurt.”

“No. NononononoNONONO!” Erestor screamed and began struggling. Glorfindel held the tiny body tight and refused to let Erestor pull away. “I betrayed you! I’m a monster! I betrayed you!”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“You don’t understand. Don’t understand. Don’t know.” Erestor stopped fighting and went limp again.

Glorfindel almost wept in relief and cuddled the nearly lifeless form. “Please don’t fight me, love. I can’t take it. You know I love you. I love you.”

This time it was Erestor who pulled back to look Glorfindel in the eye. The warrior was startled to find a soul once again filling Erestor’s previously blank eyes, and he was horrified to find that soul broken, raw, unhealed. “You don’t understand,” Erestor said, whispering again. “I let him. I didn’t fight him. I wanted him.” The darkling’s face twisted in untold grief. “I wanted him. I let him. I encouraged him. It wasn’t his fault; at least, not completely. I’m a sinner. Forgive me, please. I have sinned against you.”

Not knowing what to say or how to react, Glorfindel let the darkling slip back down to lie on the bed. His face was a mask of disbelief and dawning comprehension. “Elrond said…he said it didn’t look like you fought…”

Tears finally escaped Erestor’s dark eyes to wet long eyelashes with shining droplets. “I’m sorry.” The words sounded as shattered as his damaged soul. Tears traced down his pretty, triangular face to wet his hair.

Glorfindel stood. He didn’t want to believe, but the words were truth. Life ruining truth.

Erestor watched Glorfindel stand with understanding, dejected eyes. The full, dark lashes fluttered and blinked once, twice, and Erestor’s eyes again became blank, devoid of anything. His body lay as Glorfindel left it; like a child’s discarded doll.

Turning from the disturbing sight, Glorfindel covered his mouth with his hands and squeezed his eyes shut tightly. He felt like he was going to be sick. Maybe, maybe if he didn’t look it would go away. If he walked out of the room, maybe it would disappear. Maybe it would all disappear, and when he walked into his apartment Erestor would be sitting at the table pouring over his texts.

The first step was the hardest. Then came another, and another, and Glorfindel was in the hall. The door clicked shut quietly behind him as he pulled it closed. Elrond was there, standing up from a small chair placed across from the door.

Concerned, Elrond placed his hand on Glorfindel’s trembling shoulder. “What happened in there, Glorfindel?”

“Erestor…” he gulped and smothered a sob. “Erestor no longer belongs to me. You will have to find somewhere for him to stay.”

He left a stunned Elrond as he turned and strode from the healing halls. The sound of his boots on the tiled floors was too much like a death knell for his sanity. He walked faster, then broke into a run. The warrior found himself in the stables before he knew what he was doing. Dashing the tears from his face, he walked down the rows of boxes. The last one on the end was open.

Glorfindel stepped inside the box, taking in the sight of a tumbled table and chairs. Erestor’s book back sat in the straw, buckled and perfect. Glorfindel collapsed into the prickly straw. He picked up the bag and clutched it to his chest with one hand while the other made a fist that he pressed to his mouth to stifle his scream of anguish.

TBC…