The Price of Pride

Elvish translations

Caun-neth – young prince
Gwedeir – brothers
Mae govannen – well met

Chapter 64


As I had the previous night, I spent that night in the woods, gathering the strength I would need for what lay ahead. I hoped I was not drawing too much, trying to keep my father’s warnings in mind, but the conversations of that afternoon had left me completely drained. More so than at any time since Aragorn had left me for Arwen. When Arien’s rays turned the sky to blush, I returned to my rooms in Imladris and picked up my gear. Then, I sought out Erestor, hoping for a private word before we left. I caught him just as he was leaving his room.

“A word, Master Erestor,” I called when I saw him.

“Mae govannen, caun-neth. What can I do for you this morning?” he replied with a smile.

“Is there any way to strengthen a person’s resistance to the Ring? We are going to be living with it, day after day, until it can be destroyed. I know my history. It will try to seduce us, one by one, until we are lost to its power. What can we do to stop that?” I asked.

“No one knows for sure, but some have suggested that the Ring cannot control a heart filled with love. The stronger the love, the greater the resistance to the Ring. That is the theory, at least. It has never really been proven,” Erestor answered.

I thanked him wal walked away, pondering what he had said. A heart filled with love. If the theory was right, I mused, Aragorn should be proof against the Ring, as long as his doubts did not weaken him. I wondered if my own unrequited love would shield me or if it would make me more vulnerable. I knew nothing about the hearts of my other companions. I only hoped that they would not succumb.

A scant hour later, we were all gathered in the courtyard of Imladris, packs attached to the hardy pony that the Hobbits had brought with them from Bree. All of Rivendell had turned out to see us off, it seemed. I noticed that Arwen wore the circlet that denoted her rank as I met her eyes across the courtyard. She wore it so rarely that it was a shock to see. I wondered what signal she was sending by choosing to wear it, that day of all days. As we waited for the blessing to leave, my eyes asked silently if she had spoken with Aragorn. She nodded slightly in response to my question. I could not help but notice the dejected expression on her face. It appeared that she had not convinced Aragorn of the finality of her decision.

Then Elrond stepped to the front of the gathering, every inch the Lord of Imladris in that moment. He faced us, the members of the Fellowship, spread in a loose horseshoe around Frodo. “The Ringbearer is setting out on a quest of Mount Doom,” he announced solemnly. “On you who travel with him, no oath nor bond is laid to go farther than you will.” I watched as Arwen met Aragorn’s eyes. Their gazes held for a moment, Arwen’s gaze pleading, Aragorn’s set.

“Farewell,” Elrond continued. “Hold to your purpose. May the blessings of Elves and Men and all Free Folk go with you.” I saluted Elrond, arm across my chest, head bowing as he spoke. I saw Aragorn doing the same out of the corner of my eye.

There was a pause, when no one moved. Then, Gandalf spoke. “The Fellowship awaits the Ringbearer.”

Frodo turned from his place at the center of the semi-circle and moved slowly toward the gate leading out of the courtyard. He walked timidly, as if in a dream. Gandalf fell in behind him, Gimli, Boromir, and the other Hobbits doing the same. As Frodo passed through the gate, I heard him whisper, “Mordor, Gandalf? Is it left of right?”

I repressed a smile at his innocence. “Left,” Gandalf replied softly. As I took my place, I saw Aragorn hesitate. He met Arwen’s gaze one last time, anguish and desire warring in his eyes. He inclined his head slowly, a final good-bye to the one he loved and was leaving. Her eyes fell as he turned to leave, hiding tears that she would not shed until she was alone. I wanted to hurt Aragorn in that moment for leaving her like that. Not for leaving – we had to undertake this quest – but for leaving her in doubt and in pain. She believed in him. Why could he not believe in himself? I never learned the answer to that question, though I asked it many times. In the end, it did not matter. He did what needed to be done, despite his doubts.


We traveled slowly that first day. At least it seemed slow to me, but I was used to traveling with Elves, with trained warriors whose strength and stamina matched my own. My companions were not Elves, this time, but Hobbits and Men and a Dwarf. The Hobbits, in particular, could not maintain an Elvish pace. Still, we put some distance between ourselves and Imladris before making camp for the night. We We settled into a routine over the first few days. Sam was quickly designated to prepare the evening meal, with whatever we had caught that day, or from the stores packed on the pony’s back. Gimli, Boromir, Aragorn, and I shared the watch at night, though Gandalf often remained awake through the first watch at least. We began working with the Hobbits, teaching them at least the basics of swordplay, though we hoped to avoid danger rather than facing it. Still, they needed to know enough to defend themselves and to not endanger those around them. They were funny to watch at first, as they struggled to hold their swords, to wield them with any degree of familiarity.

“Arwen said she spoke with you,” Aragorn said suddenly as we changed watch one night. I had been about to settle in my bedroll to rest for the remainder of the night, but I sat back down next to him instead.

“We had a few minutes to talk the night before we left,” I replied, not sure exactly where the conversation was going. “She was worried about the journey.”

“Worried about me, you mean,” he countered.

“And why should she not be?” I asked. “She loves you. She has the right to worry.”

“She told you to take care of me, like I was a child who could not look after himself,” he answered.

“She asked me to watch your back in battle, to keep you from risking your life needlessly, and to be your friend when you needed one,” I told him calmly. I really did not want to be having this conversation with him. “What is so objectionable about that?”

He did not answer me for so long that I began to wonder if he would answer. “She implied that we should be lovers again,” he said in a soft voice.

“How strange,” I answered, as if the same thought had not crossed my mind upon hearing Arwen’s words. “She said no such thing to me. She said only that I should comfort you as you needed. You have a lover. I do not think you need another one.”

Arwen had given permission, but that did not mean she was encouraging us to renew our old relationship. I did not know what words she had used with Aragorn, but she had told me clearly if it becomes necessary. I would just have to make sure it did not become necessary. I did not want to be an accessory to an already complete relationship. I could never be more than an outsider to their love and I had wanted so much more than that. I had wanted a lifetime with either one of them. Now they had a lifetime with each other instead.

“I do not want another one,” he snapped. That hurt, but I tried not to let it show. “Why would she say such a thing?”

“Have you thought about what we are doing here?” I asked Aragorn. “Really thought about it? We are walking to Mordor, just the nine of us, four warriors, four Hobbits and a wizard. Against all the force of Mordor. This quest will demand everything we have, and more. The only hope we have of succeeding is to rely on each other, to stay true to each other. I will need you, your support, your friendship as we do this, and I will offer you the same in return. Arwen understood what would be needed. She is a warrior, too. She wanted us both to understand that she did not want to stand in the way of our doing what we need to do to survive.”

“Sometimes I wonder if this is not just a fool’s errand,” Aragorn sighed.

“Perhaps it is, but any other course would have been even more foolish. We have to do this. We have to find a way to bring Frodo safely to Mount Doom, and to do that, we have to rely on each other.” I hesitated for a moment, wondering if I should tell him what Erestor had said. I finally decided that it could not hurt. “I spoke to Erestor before we left, hoping that he would know of a way to resist the temptation of the Ring.”

“And did he have any advice?” Aragorn asked.

“The only theory he knew of said that a heart full of love could resist the Ring better than a barren one. There are many kinds of love, Aragorn, and we will need them all if we are to do this. I have called Elrohir and Elladan gwedeir for many, many years. Let me be that for you as well. Let me watch your back, be your friend, and support you in any way I can, and do the same for me. We will deal with the rest later. Will you do that?”

I put my hand on his shoulder, my half of a warrior’s embrace, and I waited. Would he return the gesture, or would he reject even my offer of friendship? Slowly, his hand rose to my shoulder, completing the circle, the bond that never broke between us, even when we spoke in anger or fear.