When least expected

Chapter four Moving on?

A week had passed since Celeborn’s suicide attempt. Envinyaroa had decided to keep the exact details hidden form the others and he had given word Celeborn had had an accident.

Every day there were inquiries to his patient’s health. He made sure to let Celeborn hear it when he received them. He hoped it would bring the gloomy lord back.

Haldir already was himself again but he refused to leave the house. He had send Orophin and Rumil away, ordering them to guard the realm. Knowing their brother to be right they had left. But Haldir had stayed, claiming Celeborn needed a guardian.

Envinyaroa didn’t know the real reason behind Haldir’s decision but he sensed it to be more than just doing his job. He had no troubles having him around though. He was glad with the company and the help.

When Haldir wasn’t helping the healer he was standing next to the door, guarding his lord.

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Celeborn always woke up when Haldir came into the room. He never let it show and he knew Haldir would not be able to see his eyes turn to awareness.

He was glad Haldir stubbornly kept him company, but he was also annoyed because it had been Haldir that had brought him here and it had been Haldir that had found him.

He wanted to shout at him for interrupting. But wasn’t that exactly what he had expected? It had been the reason he had walked so far, but apparently he hadn’t gone far enough.

He sighed and decided to await the time when Envinyaroa would release him. He could try again after that. But then he would make sure to go farther away.

He figured today would be a good time to start talking that annoying healer into letting him go. He was getting frustrated here anyway. Haldir’s never ending presence and Envinyaroa’s unstoppable talking. It nearly drove him mad.

He moved to get out of bed. Haldir was besides him immediately, offering a hand. Celeborn brushed it aside. “I don’t need help. I don’t want it. Leave me.”

But Haldir refused to let Celeborn do it alone. He was too wobbly and too weak. He stood next to Celeborn, holding him up. “Please, my lord, I know you wish to do everything alone, but this is one time you will have to accept some help. We give it anyway.”

“He’s right you know. And Haldir isn’t going to back away any more than you will, so unless you want to create another war, I suggest you allow him to help you.” the healer interrupted. He had witnessed the show with mirth. “Besides, it’s the only way I will allow you to leave.”

He knew Celeborn was fit enough to leave, but he was reluctant to leave him alone. If Haldir was present, the chances of another attempt were lessened.

Celeborn groaned. If Haldir was going to be by his side, having another go at it, would be rather difficult. But he caved and leaned on Haldir for support. “A walk would be nice”

Both Haldir and the healer chuckled at the comment. But they were also glad Celeborn was letting at least one other in.

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Days passed slowly as Celeborn fell back into his old habit. Sleep, eat, work, gaze, walk. Day in day out. But there was one difference: Haldir was never far away. He had become Celeborn’s shadow, always close by. Ready to offer assistance. But also ready to stop some folly. And as hard as Celeborn tried to pretend Haldir wasn’t there, it never worked. And shaking the elf was even more impossible. If Celeborn sped up, so did Haldir, even though the Warden always kept the appropriate distance, he was too close.

And so the days passed with Celeborn stubbornly trying to ditch Haldir and Haldir staying close just as stubbornly. Whenever they passed the healer or one of Haldir’s brothers a laughter would erupt afterwards. To them seeing Celeborn followed by Haldir was extremely amusing.

Other elves saw it too, but they had other explanations. Rumours slowly started coming alive about Celeborn having a new lover. Gossip told of a certain Galadhrim warming his lord’s bed.

Hearihesehese rumours did little to stop the mirth Orophin and Rumil felt. But it did remind them of a certain request they still hadn’t made.

They went to find their brother. They still had to ask his opinion and then the three of them could ask Celeborn. And since Haldir never left their lord’s side anymore it was easy enough to find both.

It was in the libraryt tht they found them. Celeborn reading a book on road maintenance and Haldir standing guard. They went to stand by him.

“Hello brother. Have you heard the news?” Rumil couldn’t resist teasing his older brother.

“If you are referring to me warming his bed. Yes, I’ve heard. Does the rumour also state a wedding date?” His voice was even, but his eyes betrayed his own mirth at the gossip.

“No, not yet, but we’ll let you know as soon as we’ve heard.” Orophin stated seriously, having a hard time keeping his face stern.

“Please do. I can’t be late to my own wedding, now can I?” Now Haldir turned to look at them. He wondered why his brothers had come. Not to make fun, they always did that at home.

Rumil closed the distance to whisper in his ear. “There’s been some discussion going on between everybody. That we aren’t Galadhrim anymore, but Celebhrim. Maybe we should ask Celeborn permission to change our titles? What do you say?”

Haldir took a step back and gave it some thought.

But his musings were ended when Celeborn spoke up, for the first time since they had left the healer’s house. “There are some troubles with the road to the south. I don’t know what to make of it. The reports travellers give are contra dictionary. I would ask the three of you to go and find out.”

Haldir shook his head. He was not leaving him alone. “But my lord, surely it does not take three to check a road?”

But Cern wrn was going to push this. “Yes it does Haldir. None of us know what’s there. It’s not safe to go with only two. Especially not if those two are Rumil and Orophin.”

And for the first time in years and smile was seen on his face. Rumil and Orophin were insulted but they happily stepped over it as they saw the smile. They didn’t care if it had come at their expense; it was there.

Orophin took his chance. “My lord, there is something we’ve been meaning to ask you for a long time now.”

“Yes, Orophin, what is it?” It sounded a bit annoyed, but Celeborn wanted the road checked, not to get questions.

“Well, we were wondering if we……..” “Could take some time off when we get back. Just a day or two to relax.”, Rumil interrupted. He knew his brother wanted to ask permission to change their titles to Celebhrim, but he feared it might bring Celeborn’s ghosts back.

Again the smile resurfaced. “Of course you can. You three have not taken any free time since the others have left for the Undying Lands. I’ve been thinking that maybe you should teach the rest how to fight. If all of us can take up guard duty it would make it easier on you. By all means; take some days off. And then we will talk about this. Lelyëar sii, the three of you. Don’t have me make it an order Haldir. I appreciate your concern, but it is unnecessary.”

Haldir had no choice but to go with Rumil and Orophin to check the road to the south. He hoped Celeborn wasn’t planning another attempt.

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Celeborn had seen Haldir’s begging eyes as the three brothers left. Begging him not to do anything again. And Celeborn wouldn’t.

He had pondered about doing it again, but he knew that Haldir would save him again. And now that Haldir was gone it was still foolish to try. He knew Haldir would have made some arrangements to keep Celeborn under supervision.

So after some days of thinking Celeborn had come up with the perfect solution. He would let himself fade away. He was far away as it was. It would only take some days.

Checking the road to the south was serious, but he was glad. Now Haldir wasn’t there to make him eat or drink. For the last week he had had no appetite and only Haldir’s worried look had forced him tt sot something.

He locked the door of his room and went to his mirror. A bitter laugh came. He was nothing compared to what he once was.

Celeborn, relative of Thingol and the most powerful Sindarin Prince. Renowned and feared by many. Many poems and songs that told his tale. And yet he no longer was that elf.

He remembered how many that met him referred to him ockyocky. He now knew that it had been true. He had thought himself invincible. That had made him act the way he had. But now he was being felled by something more powerful than he was. He could not stop it, not anymore. Not that he wished to.

He woingoing to write a message to Haldir. He did not want that one to suffer needlessly as he knew Haldir would if he left no letter. And no other but Haldir would read it. Celeborn had left orders not to be disturbed.

When he was done he took up a nice big book of songs and poems. Armed with it he made himself comfortable in his favourite chair. He started reading and soon no sounds were coming from his room.

The heavy drapes blocked the view from any curious eyes, the fire slowly died out, but Celeborn did not rise to renew it. He just sat there, reading his book, his gaze occasionally shifting to his table making sure the message was still there and would not leave, until Haldir would pick it up to read.

It was nothing more but a small piece of paper on which he had hastily put down some lines. He could remember every word he had written:
Haldir,
Díheno nín. Saes, Díheno nín an man im carnëlyëa. Nan im iest hata revia bar. Ar le úvamer leavinyë. Im esta sen. Amin hiraeta nan im iest kela. Avo tapinyë. Im iest hata le tuclyë ambar. Avo gusto. Márië ve nás. Tuata amin, Haldir, umtua amin. Nai tiruvantel ar varyuvantel i Valar tielyanna nu vilya. Namárië.
(Translation: Forgive me. Please, forgive me for what I did to you. But I do not wish to sail home. And you will not let me die. I know this. I am sorry but I wish to go away. Don’t stop me. I don’t wish for you to get yourself killed. Don’t worry. It’s better this way. Help me not, Haldir, don’t help me. May the Valar protect you on your path under the sky Farewell.)

He figured it would be four days until Haldir came back. Under normal conditions it would be more, but he knew Haldir would insist on high speed. He did not mind. By the time Haldir would be back, it would be too late.

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Orophin and Rumil were complaining. Why had Celeborn insisted Haldir joined them? Their brother had not given them a moments rest since they had left. They knew and understood Haldir wanted to get back as fast as possible, but understanding only went so far. And even at this speed it would be three more days before they were back.

Haldir realised his brothers’ tiredness. He stopped, making his brothers collide with him. They had not expected this sudden break.

“Man?” the two brothers spoke in unison.

“I am sorry, brothers, for this high speed. But I have this feeling. Something is wrong, I can sense it.”

“I doubt anything will happen Haldir. But let’s split the tasks, it will speed things up and take two days of our journey.”

Haldir agreed and he was glad he had his brothers’ understanding. But even though they would now return two days earlier, the ominous feeling did not leave him. He dreaded their return.

End Chapter four
TBC.

Note:
The info on Celeborn’s relatives comes from the Silmarillion. The Tolkien Lexicon states he sis the most powerful prince of the Sindar who stayed in Middle-Earth after the fall of Beleriand.

Translations (A lot this time, I know. I am sorry. (NOT)):
Lelyëar sii.- Now go:
Lelyëar is the plural of lelya- to go
Sii means now

Man? - what?

Translations to Celeborn’s letter:
Díheno nín an man im carnëlyëa. Forgive me for what I did to you; because:
Díheno nín means forgive me
An man means for what
Im carnëlyëa means I did to you ; carnë is the past tense of car- (to do) ; lyë + a means to you.

Nan im iest revia bar ta But I do not wish to sail home; because:
Nan means but
Im iest hata revia bar means I don’t wish to sail home : im iest hata– I don’t wish; revia – sail; bar – home.
Im iest hata comes from im iest ha (I wish it) together with ta, which is used as a denial. (not)

Ar le úvamer lavinyë fir And you will not let me die ; because :
Ar means and
Le means you
Úvamer means will not ; úva future tense of the verb um-, which is negative. PE. Not to do ; mer- will
Lavinyë means let me; Lav- to allow ; inyë me
Fir- to die/ expire (I couldn’t find fading away, but it’s a way to die so..)

Im ista sen I know this

Amin hiraeta nan im iest kela I am sorry but I wish to go away, because:
Amin hiraetha I'm sorry
Nan means but
Im iest means I wish
Kela! - Go away

Avo tapinyë Don’t stop me, because:
Avo means don’t
Tap- means to stop
~inyë is one of the many ways to say me. Other ways are ~nyë, ~en or ~n

Im iest hata le tuclyë ambar I don’t wish for you to get yourself killed. literally :I don’t wish for you to bring doom to yourself; because:
Im iest hata means I don’t wish
Le means you
Tuc- to bring
~lyë; here goes the same as for ~nyë. Just one of the many ways of you. But you have to be careful what the meaning of you is.
Ambar means doom, which can be considered a certain death. As it is meant here. I had a reason for not using fir- (to die) because I just don’t know how to say: bring death to yourself.

Avo gusto: Don’t worry

Márië ve nás It’s better this way ; literally it’s good as it is; because:
Márië means it’s good : már – good ; ~ië – (it) is
ve means like/as
ná means it
s means is

Tua amin Help me; + ta help me not. (again after the verb: tuata)
Umtua amin states the same. Don’t help me.

Nai tiruvantel ar varyuvantel i Valar tielyanna nu vilya: May the Valar protect you on your path under the sky (this is a traditional greeting, but the translation isn’t mine. I’m not that good. Not even close.)