I'm Going Slightly Mad!

Title: I'm Going Slightly Mad! Part 5

Author: Lydia NightShade

Rating: Strong R I think.

Pairings: Vig/Orli-bear, Dom/Elijah implied

Warnings: total crackfic… RPS… my muses… swearing… crazy, possibly
not too funny humor… it's all in your tastes I suppose.

Summary: An evil marionette terrorizes our sexy boys… specifically
Orli-bear! My muses come in because… they wanted to!

Beta: My cracked out ass!

Feedback: Aw come on… ya know ya wanna!

Author's Notes: I've got med-head… I should have refilled my effexor
like two days ago and I haven't so I'm a little loopy!
Hehehehehehehe!

Author's Notes 2: Kally's (pixiepegasus) muse Athena makes a special
guest appearance. She's a padawan and a mix between human and an
alien race of unknown origin. The Goblin King tried to make her one
when she was little, but she escaped. She lives at Hogwarts now with
Obi-wan.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Viggy… I'm so horny…" Orli whispered.

"What does that mean?" Will asked, dropping back to talk to
the men. You don't have horns anywhere."

"Hmm, hmm ha. Oh, you don't worry about that, hot boy… come
to daddy!" Orli drooled as he lifted his arm for Will to snuggle
under.

"So you are my daddy!" He beamed happily. Both 20th century
men grinned at the innuendo.

"No he's not… not yet… soon you'll know though." Viggo
laughed.

"Who's ya daddy?!" Orli shouted in the Superfly voice. Will
looked terribly confused.

"Um… you are." He answered. "You're like Jack, aren't you?"

"You'd be safer up here, innocent." Aurora called.

"I'm your daddy! How come I'm ya daddy? `Cause I did this to
ya mama!" Orli continued, thrusting into midair.

"What are you doing?" Will asked completely perplexed by the
deep voice and weirdass actions.

"I don't know!" Orli sobbed, stopping after the spell was
over. "I hate this place! It makes me so retarded!"

"But you're still damn sexy, honey," Viggo cooed, kissing
Orli on the cheek.

"You're… /together/?" Will asked, shocked and amazed. "Jack
told me that there were men like that, while we bathed."

"WHAT?!" The two men barked.

"You /bathed/ with Jack?" Viggo asked before scoffing.

"I don't think Mickey would approve of that," Athena
snickered, covering her mouth to keep from drooling. "Oh, that's a
lovely picture." The two muses gazed off dreamily, plots forming in
their brains.

"Well… he said they did it all the time on the ship… to
preserve the water supplies… isn't that true?" Will asked innocently,
blushing.

"Um… yeah! In fact… we should shower together right now."
Viggo offered.

"Yeah, get naked!" Athena chimed in. None of them had noticed
that the two muses had fallen back to listen to the conversation.

"I can't be naked in front of women!" Will stated adamantly.

"Oh, why not? If it makes you feel better… we're not really
women… we're muses!" She offered. "Right, dark lady?"

"Normally I wouldn't fall to the mortal level, but… yeah! Get
naked!" The almighty muse of angsty booboos commanded. Will blushed a
deeper crimson and pulled his skimpy, money making, fangirl aimed,
shirt closed.

"I suddenly find this excessive v-neck rather embarrassing."
He bit his bottom lip and twirled his foot on the grou"Am"Am… am I
just a sex object? I mean… that's not why people went to see the
movie is it?" He asked obviously unsure of himself. He raised his
eyes to look at his newfound crew, but they all avoided eye contact.

"IT IS, ISN'T IT?! I FUCKING KNEW IT!! I'M JUST A CHEEP
THRILL!!" Will shouted angrily.

"No! No, no, no… you're a great actor! And you're very cute,"
Orli cooed, pinching Will's cheek and smiling. Will rned ned the
smile and wiped the angry tears from his eyes. "Now take off your
close for daddy."

"Perverts! You're all bloody perverts!" Will snapped, glaring
at them.

"Can we continue? This story is getting lost in the dialogue
and we're not getting anywhere." Aurora droned. The rest looked at
her oddly, pursing their lips in thought before nodding in agreement.

"Good. I can sense the others are not far off. There is still
a plot to all this madness. I believe if we follow it, whoever is
controlling all this will end it finally."

"Oh, than I can get my dignity back?" Orli asked excitedly.
Viggo messed his lover's hair and laughed.

"Now, now, poopiekins… you know you never had any of that. I
think you lost that when you capsized your boat with John."

"That wasn't my fault!!!" Orli roared, his face flushed and
angry. "You old bastard, I hate you!"

"Man, I am /so/ going to kick whoever's ass wrote you so damn
whinny." Athena grumbled. "So are you going to get naked or not?!"
she asked annoyed, looking at Will. He blushed and glared at her.

"Gee, he's so testy." She mumbled, taking her place at the
lead with Aurora.

~Meanwhile~

"Slow down! You'll spill me! And fat boy's falling behind,"
Nightshade ordered angrily.

"I'm /not/ fat!!!" Sean A. screamed, losing his temper. "You
make one more crack and I'm spilling your ass all over the next weird
thing!"

"You could start with him." Jade said in her monotone,
pointing to the fleeing Goblin King. "It's okay, your evilness, the
snausages pop singer is gone." She shouted at the prancing lord of
darkness. He saw them and came to an abrupt evil halt because
everything he did was EVIL!! Muwahahahahahaaa!

"Yeah, well… oh bah! I'm evil! Bow to me, or face your doom!
Muwahahahahahahaha!" He cackled maniacally.

"Are you going to sing?" Ian swooned. "I'm a big fan! And
those pants are just so lovely… and tight… very nice and tight…
hehehehe… where was I?" The knighted,ny, ny, elderly man asked.

"I only sing when I'm choreographed and paid a hell of a lot
of money." He raised his chin and stood proudly, looking down his
nose at the insane fellowship of characters.

"What a tool! It's supposed to be about the music, man!
That's why I'm going to have my own record label some day." Elijah
condescended.

"Uh huh, that's great baby, let's fuck," Dom purred,
apparently no longer impersonating a k-9. Elijah blushed and giggled
like a schoolgirl as Dom grabbed his groin and started liking his
ear.

"Oh, Dommie," he breathed, closing his eyes. The others
rolled their eyes and sighed… well, except Terra.

"You know, I think I seriously underestimated the sexiness of
you two… quite enticing." She mused, scratching her chin. Hehehe, the
muse, mused! Ha!

"I can't stop dancing!" Billy panted, still lost in his
performance of River Dance. "I'm really sweating and I think I'm
going to die soon. Could someone please knock me out?"

"Oh, let me try," Jade groaned. "I'm a muse, maybe I've got
some control over this." She put down her bucket-inhabiting friend
and stretched as if preparing for a workout.

"Lord, has it really been that long since you worked?" Terra
asked skeptically.

"Well, I had the one story that just came out. But it wasn't
very popular… think I spelled the title wrong… whoops." She
blushed. "Okay, lets get this done." She looked at Billy and waved
her hands as if casting a spell. "By all the powers of the muses… um…
be depressed!" she commanded, wiggling her fingers at the dancing
Scotsman.

"It's not working! I'm still dancing. I can't stop… I…
oh /god/… I feel terrible." Billy moaned, his dancing slowing. "Oh,
what's the point of going on? Life is so terrible. I need to heal my
heart and drown my woes!" He sobbed, dropping to his knees and baling
his little hobbit eyes out.

"You made him cry! That's so mean!" Sean A. scolded, moving
to comfort his distraught co-star. Jade frowned and shrugged.

"Well… he stopped dancing didn't he? At least I didn't make
him the thezy wzy wizard like Terra would have!"

"Excuse me! I'm threatening to turn you into goblins and all
you care about is the sobbing dancing queen?!" They all turned back
to the upset Goblin King and cowered.

"Oh, right! Sorry… please spare us your spandex wearing, evil
lordship." Ian bellowed in his Gandalf voice. Bowie smiled arrogantly
and smirked.

"Now that's more like it! Praise my hair as well! It's all
about the hair baby!" He grinned and shook his head. Ian, the hobbits
and Terra all squealed in delight.

"He's so sexy!" Elijah shrieked like a groupie.

"Excuse me?" Dom asked jealously.

"Oh, not as hot as you, my k-9 creampuff!" He cooed, pecking
his lover on the lips. "You're beautiful baby!" *muwah!* Dom puffed
up and smiled proudly.

"Damn straight!"

"Didn't there used to be an evil puppet in this story?" Sean
A. asked, looking around for said evil Pinocchio. They all shrugged
and continued on. "Well, he did seem to only want Orlando's soul…
wonder why it's always him."

"Because he has over a million webpages dedicated to him,
probably." Elijah grumbled as Dom grabbed his ass. "Hehehe!"

Suddenly, the Queen song: I'm Going Slightly Mad started to
play. The dark, bucket-inhabiting muse suddenly felt her body
solidifying once again.

"Whoa! I can feel my legs again!" she cried out
happily. "Alllllrrriiiiiighhhhttttt!!!!" She slowly began to rise
from her bucket and stretched her mighty wings. "I'm baaaaaack!
Muwahahahahahahaha! No hot boy is safe!" She cackled, lighting her
ciggie and glaring madly at the fellowship. "We need more hotties to
torture." She snapped her fingers and suddenly Johnny Depp appeared
in a pink ballerina outfit with matching tutu.

"The hell am I doing here?" he asked, examining the outfit he
wore. "You know… this doesn't bother me as much as I feel it should."
He shrugged and snagged a cigarette from the dark muse, completely
uninitiated.

"Why did you make him where that?" Dom asked, snickering.
Nightshade stared open mouthed and perplexed.

"I didn't! I fucking hate pink!"

"Go to hell and die all of you!" Bowie shrieked, huffing and
starting to storm off. "I'm going back to my castle where I'm both
worshipped and feared!" He stormed off, leaving the other characters
to ponder all that happened.

"So…" Jade drawled, "Shall we follow him?" They all looked at
her blankly for a moment and then nodded.

"Sounds good to me. I love David Bowie in tight pants." Ian
swooned.

"Hehehehe, I know what you mean!" Terra drooled. "Phew! This
story is exhausting!"

Tbc…

What will become of our heroes? What IS the plot of this story? Why
did Johnny appear in a tutu? The answers to all these and even more
questions in the next episode of…. I'm Going Slightly Mad!


hehehehehe... I just got attacked by my sister's puppy whist trying to post this, and her she comes again! hehehe!