I'm Going Slightly Mad!

Title: I'm Going Slightly Mad! Part 4

Author: Lydia NightShade

Rating: Strong R I think.

Pairings: Vig/Orli-bear, Dom/Elijah implied

Warnings: total crackfic… RPS… my muses… swearing… crazy, possibly
not too funny humor… it's all in your tastes I suppose.

Summary: An evil marioe tee terrorizes our sexy boys… specifically
Orli-bear! My muses come in because… they wanted to!

Beta: It's not worth the beauty that are my betas

Feedback: Aw come on… ya know ya wanna!

Author's Notes: I don't know… I'm a little bummed and thought maybe
some comedy would make me feel better… thought about writing some of
my ansty stories but I think that would just make me feel worse… and
I do love writing Muse Theater so more crackfic. Also I don't know
if it'll show up when I post or not, but I'm writing in purple
because I'm sick of the normal stuff and I'm using Century Gothic… my
favorite font… I'm sure you all care so much lol!

Author's Notes 2: Kally's (pixiepegasus) muse Athena makes a special
guest appearance. She's a padawan and a mix between human and an
alien race of unknown origin. The Goblin King tried to make her one
when she was little, but she escaped. She lives at Hogwarts now with
Obi-wan.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


"I am /not/ David Bowie," the man snarled angrily. "I am the
Goblin King!" He raised his arms, fag hig his cape and raising his
chin proudly.

"Oh my god! I think you're wonderful!" Nightshade swooshed
giddily. "Can you unmelt me?"

"What…/is/… that?" the evil royalty asked. Ian, Billy, and
Sean A. still swooning at his feet.

"Right now she's just a bitchy puddle… my those are tight
pants you're wearing… who's your tailor?" Terra asked seductively,
licking her lips.

"I make it all myself… and I do my own hair as well." He
professed arrogantly.

"That's not something I'd brag about," Billy mumbled
desperately trying to stop his tap dancing feet.

"That's it! You all have to die!" The King growled, flexing
his arms and fluffing his hair more flamboyantly. "No one insults my
hair and lives!"

"Oh Dommie! Harder! Deeper! Fasterrrrrrrrr!!!!" Elijah moaned his his doggie mimicking lover continued to hump him in the worst way!

"Ahem… excuse me! Goblin King threatening eternal damnation
here!" Elijah looked at him through lust clouded eyes and nodded his
head before getting back to what actually mattered… I mean come on…
if you're going to be damned… why not be damned while having really
great sex, eh?

"Oh man… can we just pass and pretend this never happened… or
perhaps you could tell us how to get out of this fucking Labyrinth of
doom?" Jade asked exasperated.

"No. Because of you people the walls won't stop playing Queen
and there's this weirdass animated dog running around whispering
Snausages! I want you dead! Unless of course… you have a child I
could turn into a goblin?"

"You can't have my babies!" Sean A. shrieked, bursting into
tears and turning to Ian for comfort.

"Uh-huh….. anyone else?" Bowie asked.

"You can take the little blue haired hard-on over there."
Nightshade offered, almost spilling herself with excitement.

"Hey! Why not take the puddle?! She actually likes this
stinky place!" Terra pouted.

"My Labyrinth is not stinky!"

"Snausages!" A silly animated voice barked.

"What the hell?" the fellowship exclaimed as a small animated
dog popped his head out from a corner.

"Snausages!" It said again tip toeing to behind another wall
quickly.

"I'll turn him into something… unnatural!" Ian boomed,
raising his broom/wizard staff and aiming at the strange animation.

"Snausa… Ladies! Gentlemen! Here we go, here we goooooo! Oh!
Make some room, coming through, give me some room, I'm over due.
Gonna get naughty! Sweat dripping off of my body! Gonna get dirty!
It's about time for my arrival!" The dog started singing as it
suddenly turned into… Christina Agu… something Ecuadorian…

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" the fellowship screamed as the
sleazy popstar started gyrating and feeling herself up. "Run!" Jade
screeched, taking off at the lead.

"Oh fuck this!" The king squawked as he followed
his /captives/ and took off in a heap of dust. The Dirrty girl
didn't seem to notice and continued to molest and degrade herself.

~Meanwhile~

"Uuuuuhhhhhhhhaaaaaahhhhggg!" Viggo moaned as he wiped the
nasty green goo off his beautiful, sexy, manly…. O.o Pardon me! He
wiped the slime off his body.

"Haha! Serves you right! It's your fault we're here in the
first place." Orli stuck his tongue out and scoffed.

"I don't deserve to be sticky!\ggo ggo whined. "Oh! I know…
Water!" he shouted. Orli looked at him as if he was insane, but sure
enough, a river of water plummeted down onto his head. He used it
like a shower and soon was a sexy sopping wet hunk of beefcake.

"I think the narrator wants you…" the vampire creature spoke.

"Well look at me!" Viggo said arrogantly, flexing his muscles
and shaking his hair. He moved in slow motion and the water drops
sprayed all over the place and that cheep porn music played… oh
lovely!

"Stop that! I'm the hot one!" Orli pouted. "And I don't want
people oogling my baby!" he shouted in an Eric Cartman-ish voice.

"Fine…" Viggo sighed, stopping his movements and walking over
to his lover. "I didn't know you could talk like that." Orli
shrugged and spoke plainly.

"I can't…" They looked around eerily, but decided it was just
more of the odd place.

"Do you know what's going on, um… what was your name? And
exactly what are you?" She laughed at the artist's question.

"I'm the Goddess of Death, but you may call me Lenore or
Aurora. I'm the mother of all the other muses and the most
powerful. I specialize in tragedy and I'm not entirely sane." The
two men stared at each other wide-eyed and skeptical.

"Okay……"

"I know you don't believe me. Come now… time to go." She said
plainly heading off, appearing to float instead of walk.

"Why not, eh?" Orli offered following. Viggo shrugged and did
the same.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again… this is /too/
weird." Viggo sighed, his shoes squishing as he walked.

"Silence… I hate the sound of the living."

"She's scary… I liked the sexy one better… at least we got
ass then, Viggy-wiggy." The sexy, delectable, excitable, oh so
shagable Orli-bear whispered.

"Please don't call me that in front of other people…. and
that's quite the introduction."

"I can still hear you… the puppet can too… he's coming for
you… but they're someone else amongst us. Someone who doesn't
belong… unfamiliar…"

"Oh great a prophetic riddling Elvira." Orli murmured still
pulling at the duct tape. "Would someone take this off!" Viggo
laughed and moved over taking it off. A loud snap was heard and there
was a much less hairy Orli-bear glaring at his lover.

"Ow! Bastard!"

"I love you too."

"I said silence! I have enough voices in my head! Things you
can't imagine!" She snarled and twitched before turning back to
leading them.

"Might I ask where we're going, oh insane one?" Orli called,
still finding the woman amusing and full of herself.

"I don't think you should be angering /anything/ in here
poopiekins." Viggo whispered, noticing the vampress' hands clenching
at her sides.

"You can call me poopiekins, but I can't call you Viggy-
wiggy? I hate you!" Orli wailed and started to run. He rushed past
the vampire, and she held out her hand.

"Stop." She said sternly. Orli froze and squeaked.

"Release me!" he said in his best impression of Ian as
Magnito. She laughed and looked at him slightly amused.

"I never liked the Mohawk…. I'll make you better." She spoke
to herself. Orli-bear felt his hair begin to grow at an extremely
fast rate until he looked like his pirate altar ego without the
facial hair. "Better," she said in a little girl voice. "Now a
friend!" She snapped her fingers and none other than William Turner
came falling from the sky.

"Elizabeth!" He shrieked as he smacked into Viggo from
above. "Oh Elizabeth I was so worried…." He looked down at Viggo's
very manly form and gasped. "Eww you're a man! What happened to you
my love?! Where are your… um… pillows?" Viggo looked up at the sexy
blacksmith altar ego of his lover and started to lalechlecherously.

"Ho oh, I /like/ you!" He beamed pointing to the head
muse. "Two hot Orlando's! OMG!! This is almost too muor mor my old
artsy fartsy ass!"

"Hey! He can't be me! I haven't even taken that role yet! In
this universe I'm still 23 and in New Zealand!"

"What's a New Zealand?" Will asked. He looked at the young
man that looked just like him, only with no facial hair, and
frowned. Something seemed to dawn on him and he almost started to
cry. "Daddy? You have to be!" he bolted for the confused modern-day
Brit and glomped him. "I thought you were dead!"

"I'm not you fucking father! I'm you! I mean… you're me!
Yeah! I'm the original!" Orli protested as Will continued to snuggle
into him. "Um… Vig… help me?" He asked helplessly as Will continued
to hold him.

"Oh I'm enjoying the show… I never would have brought this up
before… but since this incredibly once in a lifetime opportunity is
before me… Orli-dear… how do you feel about a threesome?" Viggo asked
excitedly, already getting hard.

"I. Don't. Believe. You." Orli growled out cynically.

"Oh come on! It's not like it's cheating! He's you!" Viggo
whined, stamping his foot. "I just want to double my pleasure… like
that gum commercial!"

"Oh that stuff never lasts that long." A new voice said. The
three hot men turned to see a five foot, tanned, red headed girl with
a white streak looking rather amused at the display of hot male love.

"There she is." Aurora stated, no emotion in her voice.

"There /who/ is?" Orli asked, getting more annoyed by the
second and still being glomped by William Turner…the hottest stick-in-
the-mud-extraordinaire!

"The one that is unfamiliar and doesn't belong… a cameo they
speak of in your world." The petite lass waved and smiled.

"Hiya! I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing here either… I
mean… I don't belong to Lydia at all… I think there was an Orlando
tape involved." She shrugged and smiled. "Oh well…this is pretty
cool. Better than that stuffy Jedi counsel." She grimaced and
shivered slightly in disgust.

"Are you aware you have silver in your eyes?" Viggo asked,
incredibly intrigued by the colors in the small muse's eyes. "Green
with silver lightening bolts."

"I know… I'm great aren't I?" She said facetiously. "I have a
lightsabor too!"

"OMG! Really?!" Orli squeed. "Can I see it?!"

"Sure, I already had to use it in here. This freaky ass
bitch, Christina Auga-I-got-a-yest-infection-lara, tried to hump me,
I had to do it."

"Oh of course." All three men ed, ed, completely serious.

"Where's Elizabeth?" Will asked, starting to get sad.

"Oh for fuck's sake, you couldn't make him gay?" Viggo asked
Aurora exasperated.

"I specialize in t-r-a-g-e-d-y." She drawled motioning with
her hands, obviously annoyed.

"Two Orli's is a tragic thing to waste," Athena
sighed. "Shall we find a way out?"

"Agreed." Aurora nodded and continued on her way. Athena
trotted on after her, followed by a very confused 17th century virgin
and two horny act actors.

"Hey could you make Johnny Depp show up?" Orli asked,
admiring his own ass as Will walked in front of him. "I'm feeling a
bit /kinky/ myself." He said, glaring at his older lover. "Damn Vig,
no wonder you want me… my ass looks great in those pants!" He licked
his lips and snapped his fingers.

"Oh please." Viggo groaned, rolling his eyes aighiighing.

"What about Ewan Megregor?" Athena chimed in. "Now there's a
fine piece of ass!" She elbowed the taller, darker muse and wiggled
her eyebrows in a `eh, eh?' kind of

"Aye… I like his soul… so pretty."

"Um… yeah…." O.o

"Excuse me? Is anyone going to actually /speak/ to me?" Will
asked, just kind of drifting in the middle of the two groups. "I know
I'm a pushover, but this is really starting to hurt my feelings."

"Hush, innocent one. The more you talk the filthier your soul
becomes." Aurora answered, and they all continued on their way.

Tbc….

Dum, dum, DUUUUUMMMMMMM!!!!!!

[Bad Drama Music]

Oh no!
What will happen to our skanky fellowships? Will Nightshade
ever get unmelted? Where is the marionette that started all this
madness? How tight /are/ those Goblin King pants? Who is Eric
Cartman's father?

Tune in Next week for more cracked out crap! On I'm Going
Slightly Maaaaaaaaad!!!!!

[Announcer is suddenly completely covered in bright pink silly string]

What the hell?

[Athena sneaks off hiding silly string can and whistling innocently]

Hey!

"What? I'm a guest… I can do whatever I want!"

Curses! Foiled again!