An uir

Chapter 3



Erestor wanted to reassure them, to tell that he was all right, and he had heard every word. But when he tried to, he found out that he couldn't even open his eyes. His eyelids would not obey the commands of his brain. So he waited, and listened to Elrond’s and Glorfindel’s conversation. Little by little he grew more confused. It felt almost like a dream to hear Elrond confessing his love openly... After so many year’s grieving and suffering, he knew the truth.



When he finally was able to open his eyes, he found that Elrond was staring at him intensively. Erestor’s heart started to race when their gazes met, and for first time in many years. And Elrond’s eyes weren’t cold anymore, but full of love and worry. But Erestor felt himself completely numb. Everything had happened so quickly that he was overwhelmed for all of it.



“Erestor? Are you all right”, Elrond finally asked breaking the silence between them. Instinctively he leaned closer and stroked Erestor’s brow. His heart almost broke, when Erestor flinched away from his touch. It was obvious that Erestor didn’t want him near. And Elrond could fully understand why. He had driven Erestor away by treating him cruelly.



“I... I’m so sorry, Erestor. I’m sorry for my rude behavior, for all of what I have done to you. I’ll go now so that you can have the rest you need. Take your time to think this situation. I just hope that you don’t make any rash decisions. I really don’t want to loose you, you are far too important to the whole of Last Homely House. And... and to me also even if you don’t believe it now. I cannot blame you for that. I just want you to know that you will be sorely missed if you choose to leave. If there is anything you want to discuss, don’t hesitate to ask. You know where to find me”, Elrond said with a sad tone.



Erestor turned his head away. Elrond’s coldness had been hard to bear, but his obvious agony cut Erestor’s heart even more.



“Go now, Elrond”, he whispered. He couldn’t talk. He couldn’t think. The last of the events had been too much for him. He had to think everything carefully, and without Elrond’s disturbing presence.



Elrond left. He wandered trough corridors like a lost soul. The pain in his heart was beyond everything he had ever felt. Erestor’s haunted face burned in his mind endlessly and he was sure that he would remember it for the rest of his immortal life. He had destroyed his life’s most beautiful relationship. What madness had made him do those deeds? He could never forgive himself for his behavior, nor could he dare to ask Erestor’s forgiveness. He didn’t deserve it.



Finally he reached his private chambers, and locked the door tightly. He sank on his couch and cried more hopelessly than ever before in his life.



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Glorfindel had watched silently Elrond’s and Erestor’s short conversation. This wasn’t his decision, but Erestor’s after all. He woke up from his thoughts when he heard Erestor speaking.



“What do I do? I’m so confused right now and...” Erestor whispered.



“Shh. Just rest now. You don’t have to make any decisions now. Go to sleep, meldir. I can see that you still are exhausted. I so hope that I could have discovered it earlier”



“Would you stay with me? I don’t think I want to be alone.”



“I’m always with you, as long as you need me”, Glorfindel said gently. He climbed on bed and pulled Erestor in his arms, rocking him. It didn’t take long before both of them fell in reverie.



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Erestor woke early in next morning. He saw Glorfindel still beside him and smiled.



“How I love you. There were times when I hoped you to be my destined soul- mate. But that can never be. You are like second big brother to me, and I know that you feel same way. But I’m so happy you came back tome. Without you my world would have been so much more lonely. I am blessed when I have such dear and trusted friend”, Erestor thought.



Erestor tried to leave the bed without waking Glorfindel, but he had underestimated his friend’s warrior senses. Glorfindel blinked wearily, and then yawned.



“Maer aur (good morning). Do you feel any better, meldir”, he said smiling.



“I do, thanks to you. But I must admit that I’m little scared when I remember decisions I have to make. All this has been too much for me.”



“You are not alone, Erestor. I’m always there for you. Always, if you want me to be.”



Erestor smiled fondly at his friend.



“I know. I don’t know what I have done without you.”



Glorfindel’s face grew serious as he sighed heavily.



“Maybe the things had been better if I hadn’t come here. How much you heard of Elrond’s and my conversation?”



“I think I heard everything. I was awake the whole time, but I just couldn’t say anything. And don’t you dare to blame yourself for Elrond’s ill-founded jealousy! He could have asked anytime if we were lovers, but nay! He just made his conclusions without further knowledge. I must admit that I’m offended for his mistrust. We were once close friends, for Valar’s sake!”



“You are right, but don’t be too hard for him. Don’t you remember how the things were between me and Ecthelion?”



Erestor chuckled. How he could ever forget!



“Is it always that way when you fall in love with someone, you lose your ability to think straight”, he asked with amused tone. At his delight, Erestor saw Glorfindel blushing.



“I can answer only for me, but aye! At the beginning I was so insecure about his feelings that I was mad if he even smiled to someone”, Glorfindel admitted little embarrassed.



“I see your point. And in truth, I don’t want to leave things between us like this. I just don’t know what to think about his confession. It took me by surprise. For many years I was sure that he hated me. And what about my own feelings? Do I still love him after that all he has done to me?”



“I so hope that I could help, but it has to be your own decision. I can give you only one advice.”



“What it is?”



“Listen to your heart. It would tell you the truth, if you won’t let your pride or suspicions to dampen its voice. I was very hesitant to act upon my feelings at first, but finally I couldn’t resist. It was the best decision in my whole first life. Ecthelion was my true soul- mate and was very happy with him. I hope that you someday find yours. You deserve it.”



“I try to follow your advice. I think I’ll go to gardens, to think this all. I have my own peace there, and Imladris’ nature is so beautiful and soothing just now.”



“That’s excellent idea. I have to go to the barracks, to perform my duties. We can meet in your rooms before dinnertime, if that is all right to you. But now I must really get going. I’m a little bit late already”, Glorfindel said and rose, dressing himself quickly. He bid good day before hurrying to his duties. Instead of that Erestor leaned back, and stayed in bed for a little while. He just laid there, and thought.



“Oh Elrond! You turned my life completely upside down!



What in Arda I’m going to do with you? With us?”



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Erestor spent the whole day outside, just strolling around and thinking. And finally, when the sun was almost set he had found his answer. He realized that he really hadn’t had much to choose. His heart and soul could give him only one answer.



His mind was settled when he finally made his way back to the Last Homely House. Tonight he will face his destiny.