Sunbathing

Title: Sunbathing~Alternate Ending B
Fandom: Lord of the Rings
Author: Lynsey
Website/Mailing List: See links under user information/bio
Beta: None
Part: Alternate Ending B
Pairings: Erestor/Glorfindel
Rating: R
Warnings: Disturbing subject matter
Disclaimer: I do not own The Lord of the Rings or its characters. I do not make any profit from this fiction.
Summary: Erestor’s secret is out when Glorfindel walks in on him sunbathing.
A/N: This story has one beginning and three very different endings. Pick your poison. Each ending has its own warnings.


“Oh Gods, Erestor. I…dear Valar…” Glorfindel stuttered.

Scars.

Hundreds of them covered the dark haired councilor from neck to ankle. Some of them seemed to have a pattern, while others slashed randomly across his body. His back had been clear of blemishes, so it seemed that whatever demented artist had painted Erestor’s skin with their hideous marks had only done so with his front.

“What happened to you?” Glorfindel asked, nearly reaching out to touch the other elf but staying his hand at the last second.

Erestor pulled the robe over his body and held it closed protectively. “A little of this, a little of that…”

“Please, my friend,” Glorfindel said quietly. “Tell me who did this to you I’ll see them to Mandos before the day is finished.”

Erestor flushed deeply, looking down at the floor. “I…did it to myself, Glorfindel.”

The Seneschal had to sit down before his legs collapsed underneath him. He managed to make it to one of the small ottomans before he fell, sitting heavily. Erestor sat as well, careful to make sure the robe covered everything as he settled himself on the couch.

Silence stretched between them for so long that both were afraid to break it. Erestor cleared his throat a few times as if he were going to speak, but every time he would draw in breath only to exhale slowly and shake his head a little.

It was Glorfindel who finally gathered the courage to speak. “I’m sorry. For intruding that is. I just wanted…to talk about…how we felt for each other. To decide on the next step between us.” He watched Erestor’s face for a few moments. The councilor winced a little, eyes full of shame.

“I’m sorry for blowing you off the last few weeks, Glorfindel,” Erestor apologized. “I just wanted to be able to explain…” he flushed again and gestured toward his body. Shrugging helplessly, he said, “I just couldn’t find a good way to bring it up. I guess it’s a moot point now.”

Glorfindel nodded, rubbing his hands together in anxiousness. He cleared his throat and rocked back and forth a little. “Are you…going to tell me?”

Erestor sighed, the fingers of one slender hand picking at the belt of the robe. “I don’t want you to think less of me. It happened a long time ago.”

“I hold you in the highest regard. I have since I met you and always will.”

“I don’t want you to think me ugly,” Erestor whispered, daring to look at Glorfindel from underneath the shelter of his long, dark lashes.

Glorfindel shook his head. “Never.”

“How can you say that? You’ve only seen a glance. How can you look at this…this mess and call me beautiful?”

Glorfindel was completely earnest when he said, “I can’t wait to look upon you and call you mine.”

Erestor almost shed tears at that, but managed to take a deep, shaky breath and bite the inside of his cheek to keep himself in control. He nodded slowly and took a deep, fortifying breath. “I wasn’t a happy child. No one could understand why I was always depressed. It only escalated as I got older. Sometimes I couldn’t even get out of bed. My parents were frustrated and beyond themselves trying to care for me. They brought in doctors, healers, councilors…anyone they could think of really. Eventually they just stopped trying.” He shrugged.

“Why? Why were you so sad?”

“I don’t think I even really knew,” Erestor admitted. “I wasn’t abused by my parents. They both loved me very much and did everything they could for me. I wasn’t teased or bullied at school. That was part of the frustration. I couldn’t pin my feelings on one thing in particular, or anything at all really.”

Glorfindel’s brow furrowed in confusion, “Then, why…” he gestured towards Erestor’s body.

Erestor sighed and pushed his hair away from his face. “It started as an accident. I was eating an apple. The knife slipped, and I cut my finger.” He rubbed the index finger and thumb of one hand together absently. “It felt…it felt,” he said as if that explained everything. “This,” he waved his hand at his body, “was years and years of making myself feel. I always felt better afterwards. It was like I was finally happy, like I could talk to people without feeling lost and tired and like I just wanted to go sit in a dark room. I became and apprentice councilor, listened and learned. I was finally enjoying life.”

“So, you don’t…don’t hurt yourself anymore?” Glorfindel had to make sure. Erestor should never feel pain.

“No. Not since I met Elrond. Which that’s been…I guess I’ve lost count of the centuries.”

“What did Elrond do that made you stop?”

Erestor grinned wryly. “He didn’t know at first. We met during my apprenticeship. We worked well together, and we made the decision to transfer my apprenticeship to him. It was another accident that brought him to find out my…secret.”

Erestor was quiet for a little bit, rallying his nerves. “It was the night of a celebration. I had begged off, claiming fatigue. Really, I just wanted to go to my room and…” he trailed off and sighed. “I was in my room, knife in hand and I was…” he faded off again. It was obviously hard for him to speak of what had happened that night.

Glorfindel stood and slowly approached Erestor. He sat next to councilor and placed his had on Erestor’s fidgeting fingers. Erestor smiled in appreciation and turned his hand over to grasp Glorfindel’s hand. The councilor sighed and started again. “I was…cutting,” the word was quiet, “when the fireworks went off. I had no idea fireworks were scheduled, and I was so startled that I-I cut myself too deeply.” He raised his free arm into the air and let the sleeve fall back. A large, raised scar marred the length of his forearm. “I didn’t know what to do. I’d never-never done anything that bad before. I wrapped my arm in a towel and went looking for Elrond. He was the only healer I could think of. My mind was so panicked I didn’t even think to go to the healing wing.” He gulped and Glorfindel felt the hand in his shake a little. “I was lucky. The Valar surely watch out for idiots and fools. Elrond had returned to his room to change his clothing after an entire decanter of wine had spilled on him. By the time I got to his rooms, I was weak, dizzy, and…and I didn’t know if I would…”

Glorfindel reached up to stroke Erestor’s face. The dark councilor leaned into it and looked directly into Glorfindel’s eyes. “I didn’t know if I would survive. Valar only know how Elrond stopped the bleeding. I had slipped into a dead faint somewhere in the process. When I woke up, I told him everything.”

“How did he help you quit?” Glorfindel asked, voice quiet.

“He didn’t, at first,” Erestor admitted. “I couldn’t stop all at once. I’d be fine for a week then start up again. Then a few days and start again. Then two months and start again. I just couldn’t keep away from it without falling back into a deep despair.” He sighed. “It was a long, long process. Elrond was like a hero to me, constantly trying to find the source of the depression in order to banish it like some kind of evil foe. He was the only one to suggest that it wasn’t some kind of outside influence that caused my problem, but something inside that wasn’t working right.”

“But he healed it,” Glorfindel said, more a statement than a question.

“Yes and no,” Erestor said. “As far as he can tell, it’s not something that can be healed completely. He has found a combination of medicines that works the same as…” his eyes traced the scars on his arm. “As long as I take the medicines religiously, I’m fine. I function normally,” he laughed a little. “I didn’t even know what normal felt like until Elrond made the medication for me. I’ll never…look normal again. The scars are too many and too extensive for them to ever truly fade away. But…I feel good. I…I feel.”

Glorfindel used his hold on Erestor’s hand to slowly bring him into a tight embrace. Erestor didn’t resist, a little thrill racing through him at the feeling of another’s body against his.

“If I have any say, you will not only feel, but feel loved for the rest of your life,” Glorfindel swore, breath stirring Erestor’s unbound locks.

“I think…I think I would like that.” Erestor leaned back a little to press a kiss to Glorfindel’s cheek.

Glorfindel turned his head after the soft kiss to capture Erestor’s lips with his own. They only parted after several moments of searching each other’s mouths. Glorfindel looked into Erestor’s dark eyes, surprised that they became even darker with emotion to the point they were almost black. Glorfindel had to clear his throat a few times so it didn’t come out as a deep growl. “Do you want to…?”

Erestor flushed deeply and reluctantly shook his head. “I don’t know that…I’m ready. Just yet.”

The blond head nodded with a gentle smile. “I’ll wait. However long you want, I’ll wait.”

Erestor huffed a little, pressing a soft his to Glorfindel’s lips. “You act like I’m asking for years.” He smiled. “I have the feeling…it will happen much sooner than either of us will expect.”

“Until then,” Glorfindel said, kissing Erestor’s face and neck, “I suppose I should tell you about my own scars…”

END