So sadie...how awful is this story?

GayShaggingAuthor’sNotes: So I’m going to try to be like Alyssa here and write the worlds longest a/n. ***So yeah, today…I went to skewl and for some raisin my math teecher was holding a nife to me….why, I don’t now.*** Okay, no more Alyssa. Please, please let this girl continue. My amusement depends on it. I stole William the Great Scott from Captain Obvious….I’m sure she doesn’t mind sharing! ***And to gayest cats (eeew, gross name!)…., u jest don’t see my geinous! Why r u bein such a meenie? I thought I sed ’no flames, review me and flame me if you want, I’m despirate.’ Wat part of dat don’t u understand?***

Okay, on that note, let the games begin:

Lij: *enters* Doctors say Orlando’s going to be okay, but the rope burn is pretty bad.

Craig: Well if the Mary Sue crisis line wasn’t so damn busy, we could have gotten to him earlier.

Lij: He just needs the three r’s: rest, rim job and rogering.

Viggo: *gets up* Okay, if you insist.

Lij: Not so fast. We’ve hired a professional. *gets out business card* See? *reads* Ewan McGregor: masturbatory aide, rent boy relief and sexy as all fuck Scotsman.

Billy: *enters* Aye, did somebody ‘ive meh a calling?

Lij: No, we were talking about the other sexy Scotsman. But you’re welcome to take Orlando’s place.

Billy: Cor blimey. Whit is it with woontin fookin Orli always?

Craig: *scared* Can we start….please?

///I'm so Smart! I was suppose to wake up at 6:20 for band practice, but being soo smart, I messed up setting my alarm and I wake up at 5:20 and didn't notice I got up an hour early until I was done getting ready, grr, stupid me, oh well I'll write. Hey I guess it puts me at the same time as my story.freaky. ~~~ Zerah Star- yep heat is nice although too much might melt me.to used to stinkin freezing Calgary and Saskatoon weather.evil.snow is great in the winter but ya get tired of it after about March///

Billy: Aye. ‘Specks me language.

Craig: No Billy, she speaks ’braindead teenybopper’ not Scottish or whatever it is you just picked up.

Billy: Fook yeh, A’hm noticen how the women like eth.

Viggo: I miss Orli…..

///Senydegger- I'll sing, I'll sing, I swear I'll sing!!! I know your not on well fare.although like everybody where I used to live was! Well, everybody but us. *Shiver* so glad I don't live there anymore. You would so melt!!! You would melt into a tiny little puddle and then I'd splash in you!!! Oh man my mom freaks me out in the morning, she has like 3 cups of coffee and she's all like "Good Morning!!!" and I'm like "ah! Psycho morning mom!" ~~'//

Craig: This touching public service announcement brought to you by the offices of Alyssa for Prime Minister. Please use her as an example of what not to do with your life and your education.

///Ya if ya haven't noticed I'm hyper. Today I had to write my dam LA written exam.oh so not fun! But I think I did ok last year I got like 82 on it or something so I should do pretty good on it, my grammar is getting better and so is my spelling(thank goodness)///

Billy: Her spelling was actually worse before this?

Lij: Hey! Where’d the accent go?!?

Billy: I was starting to annoy myself. If you want to hear it, Ewan does a great job.

Viggo: Ewan, Ewan, Ewan. *crosses arms* Everyone seems to be talking about him these days.

Lij: Well yeah. Duh.

///Then we had SAD YAY (student appreciation day) it was great we had a dance and I was fooling around and dancing all weird, we fake break-danced really badly and, of course, we discoed Oh YA! Then of course they had to put in those gay corny slow dances.ok ok fine! I did dance with someone! But it still makes them corny and gay!///

Craig: For somebody who likes to use gay as an adjective, she hasn’t used it once for Legolas.

Billy: Sssssh. Don’t burst her bubble.

Lij: Who would dance with her?

Viggo: Sadie, maybe.

Lij: *snickers* Maybe they went out on a double date with the hobbit lezzies.

Craig: Maybe one of us should give her a live journal code for an account. She’s obviously desperate to tell somebody about her life.

Viggo: She’s desperate for a lot of things.


///~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Don't Mess Wit Me-

Well at lest I'm not freezing my butt off anymore

The sun had come up and, YAY, It was warming up, but by the middle of the day I knew I would be hating the sun.///

Billy: *as the sun* Feelings mutual, bitch.

Lij: You’re really good at this Bills! Better than Orlando even…

Viggo: Shut up! Nobody is better than him!

Craig: Ooooooh. Look at me! I’m Craig, the sexy bitch and nobody pays attention to me!

Viggo: Hey Craig?

Craig: *batts eyelashes* Yes, Viggy-pudding?

Viggo: Can you check on Orlando for me?

///I had kinda been annoying when Arie tied my hands up again.///

Lij: Can’t you use your Army training to get out?

Craig: Wrong fic. You’re thinking of the adventures of GI Jane and her loyal bup pup.

Billy: Can we go there? It’s funnier than this.

Viggo: Well, why don’t you bring your precious Ewan in here to make it better.

Billy: *gets up* *looks around* Oh, you were kidding….

///~~~ "Why do you need to do that? You know we're not going to run away." I had said earlier.

"Yes, but should we not tie you it would take us another entire week to get to Minas Tirith."

"Oh."I smiled and looked at my feet. ~~~

"I'm so stinkin tired."

"Me too." We walked quietly for awhile. Listening to the quite lull of the forest, beautiful birds sang and I wondered what they were saying. Even the trees seemed to sing, it was a lovely lullaby.to bad I couldn't go to sleep.///

Viggo: *as the beautiful birds* Chirp, learn to spell, chirp, go to hell, chirp, that rhymes!

///"The trees are so beautiful." Sadie said super smoothly and I began to wonder if she was a stinkin elf.///

Craig; But I thought she thought Elves were hot.

Lij: She thinks Sadie’s hot.

Viggo: ‘Sadie said super smoothly.’ I wonder if she knows that’s alliteration.

Craig: Don’t tell her, it’ll give the girl an ego.

///"Man, I know.Sadie you think that tree was really talking to me?" She burst out laughing; Legolas gave us yet another funny look.

Man aren't you just the king of funny looks, and hottness, I mean! Oh never mind.

I started getting this really sick feeling in my stomach, as if something bad was gonna happen. I saw Legolas slow on his horse. My eyes widened.///

Viggo: Here’s a movie fact. The original script had Legolas saying “I have a really sick feeling in my stomach” but Orlando couldn’t say them with enough elven grace, so he had to mumble some shit about a shadow and a doubt or something…

///"Sadie! Sadie something's wrong!" I said it with more fear than I had intended to.

Legolas stopped and Aragorn did the same.

"Orcs." Legolas' voice was no longer smooth and beautiful, it seemed as if just the name alone was foul and disturbing.///

Craig: Quick guys, give me something else that’s foul and disturbing.

Lij: I’ll take ‘this whole fic’ for five hundred, Alec.

///"How far?" I was looking around the huge unknown type of trees as if I was expecting an orc to just jump out at me any second.

"They're waiting, an ambush."

"Ah!" I let out a terrified yelp. Aragorn looked back at us, I wanted to be brave, but this wasn't like any of my daydreams, in my daydreams, I kicked orc butt, I actually knew how to fight.///

Billy: *crossiingeingers* Heeeere Orc-y, orc-y, orc-y….

///Aragorn and Legolas quickly dismounted and cut the ropes that bided us.///

Lij: Damn whoever taught those ropes the wonders of ebay.

///I looked up into his strong eyes with fear in my own. He put his hand on my shoulder and handed me his elven dagger. My eyes widened, this was the dagger Haldir had given him!///

Craig: Yeah, I’m sure Haldir gave him something else….

Viggo: *as aragorn* Now go sacrifice yourself. Take one for the team!

///It began to glow a brilliant blue. I looked at him again; he smiled at me encouragingly. He pulled me next to Sadie; he and Legolas mounted…..///

All: *giggle*

///and stood with us in the centre. I held my cross necklace that hung around my neck; I always did when I was nervous.///

Viggo: If Orlando was here he’d go off on another rant about Christianity in Middle Earth.

Billy: I get the feeling that you’d rather have him here than me.

Viggo: Wow you figured that out without keen elven senses!

///I gave a silent prayer and looked into the eyes of my friend, they were full of fear and excitement.but mostly fear. Wanting to seem brave I grabbed her hand and gave it a tight squeeze, I felt her return it.///

Craig: So I decided to grab her breast…..

Lij: Eeew. Only sexy lezzies are Arwen and Eowyn in the other room.

///An arrow set fly and I jumped, it was Legolas'

Oh god protec

We heard a terrorising orc cry and an army of ogres ran out of the trees. Legolas started shooting arrows like crazy and took down at lest half the orcs. Aragorn swinging his sword with seemly no effort took out another group of orcs.

Arrows started flying over our heads, orc arrows. More orcs advanced. Aragorn galloped away letting loose a war cry

Hey! Where do you think your going!?

An orc charged towards Sadie and I, but instead meet one of Legolas' arrows. More orcs advanced out of the now treacherous trees///

Craig: Such action, such suspense…..

Billy: Yeah, whatever….so Vig, you really don’t like me, at all?

///Where the hell are they all coming from!?

Legolas occupied by trying to protect us didn't have time enough to stop an orc that had charged him. The orc swung hard but Legolas dodged shooting the orc in the forehead. Legolas was charged again.///

Lij: Soon, he would learn not to use his credit card at the constant shopping trips to the gap of rohan.

Viggo: What would make you think I didn’t like you Orl--erm, Billy?

///We were charged. I screamed and ducked under the orc's legs, I stood up behind him and drove the elven dagger into his back, he wore no armour. I stood for a second in shock. I had never killed anything before.///

Craig; Besides the English language.

Viggo: And Orlando Bloom.

///"Alyssa! Watch out!" Sadie screamed and I turned to see another orc. I dodged to the ground and kicked his legs from under him. I screamed, he was gonna fall on me! Aragorn grabbed the orc and drove his sword though it. I could smell the foul orc blood. I turned to see Sadie taking on two orcs.///

Billy: Sadie’s into the Orc-y gang bang now is she?

Lij: Ssssh. Don’t say such foul things about Vig’s girlfriend.

///She had somehow managed to cut the sword arm off one of her attackers,///

Craig: And on the ground fell a grey, fluffy Orc glove.

Lij: ‘Oh dear,’ thought the Orc. ‘I’ll never be able to get these dirt stains out.’

///I ran and jumped on to the back of the other and stabbed it though the top of the head.

Teach you to mess with Alyssa Vessey!///

Viggo: Her name consists of nothing but A’s, E’s, S’s and Y’s.

Billy: My name has a lot of the same letters…..

Viggo: huuum. What’s your name again?

///"I killed an orc!" Sadie said full of amazement.

"Uh, it's not dead."

"What!?"

"It's still moving." I said pointing to the disgusting moving body that lay on the ground. Sadie ran to it and went psycho stabbing it in the back "Argh!"////

Craig: Damn you Vig. You should have just called the girl. Now she’s got all of this built up rage.

///"Whoa, go psycho Sadie!" Another orc ran up, me and Sadie double-teamed and stabbed it in opposite sides.

"Alright 2 ½" I grinned, this was kinda fun.

"How do you get a half?" Another orc charged "He's mine!" Sadie yelled.

"This one's mine then!" I yelled back as yet another orc ran up.

Are they just asking to die?///

Viggo: *as aragorn* You know….you girls are so good, me and Leggy here are gonna go for a walk and never come back.

///He swung and I spun out of the way, stabbed him in the back of the shoulder. It let out a cry and ran at me.

Uh oh

"Ah!" I dodged again. The orc groaned and fell to the ground with Sadie on his back.///

Billy: So she likes to be on top. Insightful.

///"Does that count as a half?" She smirked, I smiled. Sadie screamed, I felt a blow then sting in my side. I saw the blood drain from Sadie's face. I turned to see Aragorn decapitate the orc behind me. I saw the last orc fall by Legolas' Knives.

"Alyssa!" Sadie cried "You're wounded." Aragorn said with concern "I'm fine, I'll be fine, No biggie, just a little dizzy, that's all." It didn't hurt that much "whoa!" I fell over and laughed, but it hurt. "Ow."

I saw Sadie's face over me, her eyes felling with tears.

Why is she crying?///

Lij: Tears of joy perhaps, that this fic is over?

Craig: You only wish….

///Everything started to fade, I heard Legolas say something, was it Elvish? No. I saw Sadie's lips move but I couldn't hear her, everything went black.///

Billy: I had a feeling this was going to be a good story.

///Am I dieing?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'//

Craig; Dieing, no! But dying, maybe.

Viggo: Hopefully!

….to be continued….~Sincerely, the gsc!