Mea Culpa

Mea Culpa - part 3

by Imogen

Warnings: domestic abuse, attempted sucide, violence, language, slash
Pairings: Orlando/OC, Orlando/Viggo, possibly others
Thanks: Beta Gwen, thanks so much!
Archive: sure, just tell me

Chapter 3

Viggo looked up, a bit startled, as Dominic and a doctor came in. He mentally scolded himself. He wasn’t the only person who was worried about Orlando. His friends, the people who were always there for him, when he should hbeenbeen, were also worried. Despite the glare Dom was directing at Viggo, it couldn’t compare to the depths of self-loathing Viggo was feeling right now.

“Viggo Mortensen?”

The doctor moved towards him. Why was the doctor talking to him? Dom had handled all the medical info. Then taking a sideways glance at Dom, he saw the young man grasp Orlando’s hand and immediately berated himself for being selfish. Dominic had already dealt with more than anyone should have to, and how much more was he supposed to take before he snapped?

“Uhh what? Umm. Yes, I’m him, that’s me. I mean, I’m Viggo ... how can I help you, uh, Orlando?”

Oh, very smooth, Mortensen. Not bad for an actor with years of practise. Running his hand through his hair he wanted to hit himself. Dr. McCoy smiled kindly.

“It’s OK, I’m Dr. Elizabeth McCoy and yes, before you ask, I’ve seen Star Trek. It’s been the bane of my life. Thank you Captain Kirk,” she said with a smile. Viggo felt himself relax slightly. Obviously she wasn’t going to hold his little outburst against him. “I’ve been speaking to Orlando’s friend, Mr. Monaghan.”

“Call me Dominic,” Dom said, his voice almost wistful and far-away sounding. He hadn’t moved from the chair. “I don’t think I can cope with any formalities at the moment.”

“OK, Dominic. I don’t know how much Mr. ... Dominic has told you about Orlando’s condition. I’ve been put in charge of Orlando’s case, so if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to come to me.”

“Thank you. I really appreciate this.”

Dr. McCoy waved off his thanks as she glanced at the clipboard, to Orlando, and back again. She sighed.

That was not a good sign, Viggo thought to himself. Then she indicated for him to follow her.

As they stepped outside she turned to Viggo. “I think it would be better if we spoke away from Dominic. He’s a very strong man but I think he’s past his breaking point. He’s heard all he can take about his friend’s condition. Right now I think the only beneficial thing would be to leave him with Orlando. There are a few things I need to discuss with you, and I’m afraid they may be rather personal. I think we’d be best in here,” she said, indicating a small room off of the main hallway. “I doubt if we’ll be disturbed in here. Please take a seat,” she said, indicating a choice between a set of overstuffed chairs and uncomfortable, plastic ones.

Viggo chose the overstuffed chairs, as he had a feeling this would take a while and didn’t want to get butt cramp.

“As I’m sure you’re probably aware now, we’re having to deal with two separate issues with Orlando. First, and the most immediate concern, is his attempted suicide. Although his condition is now more stable, I cannot predict that he will fully recover from this, physically and more pointedly, emotionally. I can treat physical wounds, but I cannot heal a wounded mind. I can tell Orlando has a lot of people who care very deeply for him. His two friends have been beside themselves since Orlando was brought in, and I doubt you have been much better. Now I don’t know your relationship with Orlando-“

”We were once ... involved,” he whispered, almost as if feeling ashamed, though why he didn’t know. He was never ashamed of Orlando being his lover; no, he was proud of that. Orlando was worth being proud of. Perhaps it was shame that he had let Orlando go, and thereby delivering him into Mark’s hands.

“I see. I doubted you were Orlando’s current partner, especially in relation to his other injuries. I feel I must be blunt with you Mr. Mortensen. It’s obvious you still care very deeply about him, and from your friend’s comments, it’s obvious that the feeling was more than mutual. And although this is not my business, this obviously goes some way in explaining a possible motive, as much as one is ever needed for these types of cases.”

Viggo looked down and began to fidget with his hands. He couldn’t look up and see Dr. McCoy’s face. He couldn’t face the pity or anger he might see there. It would make things too real, bringing it back to the here and now, exactly what had happened.

“As I mentioned, there were two things. The other is his obvious abuse, and I can categorically state this is abuse. There is no way that Orlando’s wounds are self inflicted, apart from his wrist injury.”

“But people hurt themselves all the time. Orlando’s one of the most accident-prone people I know. Is ... is it possible some of the injuries were, maybe, accidental, like, Orlando banging into something?”

“If you’re talking about ‘walking into a door’, I’m so I k I know this is difficult to hear, to know that someone you love had been hurt like this, but I assure you that the injuries were not accidental. Some of the injuries are recent and some are not. The timeframe alone would indicate abuse, as well as the general pattern and structure of the injuries. There is also something else I discovered, I haven’t actually told Mr. Mon ... Dominic this. I’m not sure he could have taken it. It appears Orlando was raped at some period before he attempted to commit suicide, and it does not appear to be an isolated incident.”

Viggo slumped down in his chair and began shaking. This was too much. Was that why Orlando tried to kill himself? Oh God, he couldn’t even begin to imagine the torture Orlando must have gone through. To be not only abused by someone who was supposed to love you unconditionally, but to be raped; to imagine Orlando screaming in pain, his features twisted in agony while he was violated in one of the worst ways imaginable.

He felt the rage well up in his gut, only this time he welcomed it. Someone was going to pay very dearly for hurting Orlando, not only Mark, but this ... rapist. Both were going to suffer. He’d see every bruise, ever cut, every tear Orlando had shed because of them repaid in spades. Whether he had help or he had to do it alone, something would be done. There would be no police involved in this, no prison. As far as Viggo was concerned, they’d never see anyone again. When he found them ... that would be the end.

At that moment, he forgot all his pacifist sensibilities; he craved violence, to see the bloodied faces of the men – no, monsters - that had caused Orlando such pain. He wanted them to suffer the same pain, the agonies Orlando had been put through. But even through his haze of anger, he knew it was a fool’s errand. It was unlikely he’d ever find the rapist ... rapists? The very word made him feel sick to his stomach.

“So you’re saying not only did his boyfriend abuse him, but some ... random, sick, twisted bas-“

“With all due respect Mr. Mortensen, it’s much more likely the rapist was his boyfriend. Most people still assume a rapist is hiding in a bush or in a dark alley. The truth is, they are more often someone we know intimately – perhaps think we love. Boyfriends, husbands, cousins, friends. The most unlikely people, the ones who should protect us. That’s why they get awayh ith it so often; no one would suspect or want to admit that someone they love could do such a terrible thing.”

“But what makes you sure it’s ... him? I mean, it could have been anyone. Surely ... is there any, um, evidence?” he asked, feeling sick as the words came out.

“Not currently at this time. I’m not sure of the time frame, but I’m pretty sure from the scar tissue that the last attack maybe happened a few months ago. Some go back longer tthatthat, which is another reason I’d suspect the boyfriend. This wasn’t a one-time deal, I’m afraid. The scar tissue is really just ... well ... healing over itself. We’ve sent some samples away for analysis. Obviously we can’t do more just yet. As for identifying the rapist, considering this boyfriend’s MO – from conversations I’ve had with Dominic and Elijah, and the state of the injuries - I would strongly suggest he was the most likely suspect, and it is quite possible the attack was a springboard for Orlando’s attempted suicide.”

“But ... why would Mark rape Orlando? I don’t understand. If they were in a relationship, surely ... sex ... would be a natural part of it, so why would he force Orlando? I don’t understand. What would be the point?”

He couldn’t wrap his mind around this. The idea that anyone would force themselves onto someone was a repulsive thought, but to do this to someone like Orlando, who loved so freely? Why would someone seek estrestroy that, to demand that, especially if it was Mark? He’d had Orlando’s love, his body. Why would he feel the sick need to force himself ... he couldn’t even form the words in his brain.

“I’m not a psychologist, but from what I’ve seen, a major issue is control. If Mark did rape Orlando, and I’m 98% positive he did, it would be another way of controlling Orlando. He can control Orlando’s body, his pleasure and pain. When we engage in sexual acts, we are, physically, at our most vulnerable. We are completely exposed. My guess is it would be an act of dominance, control – similar to the animal kingdom, staking a claim on a possession, forbidding others access.
Again this is mere speculation. You would need to talk to a psychologist for that, and I would strongly advise you to, including Dominic and Elijah. They’ve had to live through the abuse as well and it will have affected them too. I also suggest that if you can find him, try to get Mark to face up to what he’s been doing. I’m aware he’s the last person you want to see, but you have to think of Orlando. You can remove Mark, but you can’t remove the damage he’s done, physically and emotionally, to Orlando.”

Here Dr. McCoy paused, as if giving Viggo time to process this new information. Her gaze was sympathetic but unwavering. Viggo didn’t meet her eyes.

Find Mark? He didn’t think he could do that, not without beating the man into a bloody pulp, and that wasn’t taking into account what Dom and Elijah would do if they ever got their hands on him. While neither man looked particularly intimidating - hence their hobbit stature - he’d quickly discovered appearances were deceiving. Elijah, in particular, could get vicious when upset, and he only became this way when his friends were hurt. Dom became quiet and it was then you needed to be careful. The normally gentle and placid man could become rather threatening when his friends were threatened or hurt. He also had a rather powerful punch, not that Viggo had first hand experience of it, thankfully.

He briefly recalled one night where they’d gone, against Viggo’s better judgement and Ian’s insistence, to a rather dingy club - a cross between a BDSM and Goth club. Viggo almost laughed at how uncomfortable Beanie looked and how Orlando’s eyes widened like an owl’s. Then Viggo had laughed when some slutty guy in PVC had strutted over and blaly cly come on to Beanie, rubbing himself against his friend. Beanie wasn’t impressed, and in fact had looked quite put out. Fortunately, for Bean at least, the PVC guy noticed Orlando, and all thoughts of Bean were gone.

Suddenly Viggo didn’t find things as funny. Orlando had politely brushed him off and went to rescue Sean from the PVC pervert. Amazingly he kept coming up to Orlando all evening and Viggo’s patience was wearing thin, Orlando himself was certainly uncomfortable with the attention. He couldn’t blame Orlando but he internally cursed Ian for bringing them to this place. No matter where they went people were always drawn to Orlando, but in a place like this, it was really a no-brainer. Things had come to a head when PVC had grabbed Orlando and kissed him quite forcefully, not giving Orlando a chance to back away and gave him a good grope before releasing him. That had done it ... Viggo saw red. Unfortunately, before he could do anything, PVC was sporting a bloody nose and an annoyed Dom warned to sto stay away. Dom had made sure Orli was OK before he’d casually gone back to the table as if nothing had happened. After that, Viggo had made a mental note not to piss Dominic Monaghan off, or grope Orlando if he didn’t want it, which was unlikely, he hoped. His mind was sharply brought back to the present and he mentally shook himself.

"It will take a lot of time for Orlando to recover, physically, mentally, emotionally. It isn’t something that he’ll recover from in a few weeks, or even months. It could take years, and even then it’s likely he’ll have flashbacks. During his recovery-"

"Wait a second ... you said recovery. You mean he’s going to survive?” Viggo interrupted, not caring if he was being rude. He’d found himself wondering if Orlando would recover, or even wake up from his unconscious state.

Dr. McCoy sighed slightly. Such an innocent and harmless question, yet so agonisingly heartbreaking. Survive ... that’s what abuse victims did; they survived. But did they ever truly recover? She couldn’t say, but knew that it was better to be truthful. No matter how well intentioned, false hope never helped.

“He’ll recover. A few more minutes and he wouldn’t have been as lucky. He could have suffered severe brain trauma, or more likely, death. While it was a cry for help, I think Orlando was determined to kill himself. The very fact that he had a back up plan points to that conclusion. I’m not sure how to say this. I’ve already mentioned it to Dominic and Elijah. Don’t be surprised if Orlando is angry, for being saved. He no doubt saw death as an escape, something to be embraced, and you, all of you took that away, so be prepared for anger ... a lot of it. He’ll no doubt suffer severe nightmares, flashbacks. He may have panic attacks, sleep walk, irrational outbursts of anger or frustration, suffer extreme melancholy, insomnia. He may become suicidal again or try to inflict self-harm or even go through hyperactivitHe mHe may go through some or all of these; I can’t specify which as everyone reacts differently. His body will be going into shock, rather like withdrawing from drugs. Don’t be surprised if he flinches when you touch him. It is simply a survival method. Most likely he’ll want to hide from everyone, especially his friends and family. The closer you are, the more he’ll hide. Don’t take it personally."

"Thanks for being so honest with me," he said, finally looking at her.

Dr. McCoy smiled slightly. She got up and turned to Viggo. "You can stay here if you want. I imagine you need some time to ... digest what I’ve told you. I know it’s a lot to take in and a bit mind-boggling. Feel free to stay here a while. I’ll see you’re not disturbed. I am truly sorry this happened to Orlando. He seems to be a very special man."

"He is," Viggo whispered, gazing at the wall.

TBC in chapter 4

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