A Gift of Love

CHAPTER 29

I wake with Elladan nestled into my arms, his hand still protectively on my stomach. My own hand slips down to cover his, feeling the flat surface. I gently rub his hand over the skin, gasp just a little as his fingers touch the ridge of scarred, raw flesh. It would disappear soon enough and my body would bear no trace of it, a reminder only in my mind.

I stroke back the hair that strays onto my brother's beautiful face. He is worn more than I by his ordeal of hours before. His nightmares made real before his eyes. Yet it is the joy that radiated from him that I will forever remember. The look in those grey eyes that so often turned to me in love beheld another to love. I did not feel the racing form of jealousy that so often accompanied such a thought but I cannot deny a shadow of it flared. As he lay the babe in my arms, I too found a new love. I smile now at his surprise to discover we had to prepare for two, not one. Later I will seek to discover how it was that we so misunderstood each other in this. For now it matters little. They are safe and whole.

The candles that had lit the room have been extinguished. While we slept, clad only in the loose garments that had been laid in the room, Ada would have returned to assure himself all was well between us. Perhaps he spent a moment regarding his sons who slept curled together, grown now into defenders of the realm, then rested his gaze on those his sons in turn have brought forth. Perhaps he allowed then himself a moment to reflect and rejoice. Perhaps he took each small form in his arms as he had done so long ago and he remembered.

As quietly as my wound allows me to move, I do so. I would not disturb my brother in his rest. Still I cannot resist the kiss I lay on his brow. He is enthralling as he lies there, my hand traces over his cheek and shoulder as I stare unashamedly at his body stretched out on the bed. His muscles taunt on chest and stomach as his rhythmic breathing says he still slumbers in dreams. Strong arms that I have oft sought refuge in, and that delivered life from my body. His skin is painted gold in the early light that streams into the room. And I yearn for him. He is what guides me, sustains me. He is so deceptively slender, how often has that been the downfall of our enemies.

There is the sound of soft breath as I stand, stretching a little until a pulling at my stomach reminds me of the wound there. I smile as I touch again the mark, my walk is slow to where Elladan lay his sons to sleep.

They lie close, heads turned to each other. Their identical grey eyes, so much like ours, glazed still in sleep. Small hands have escaped their covering. I smile. Incomprehensibly tiny fingers touch each other.

I fear to touch them, frightful that they are a vision yet before my eyes. There are tears before I am aware. The thought that Elladan and I created these wonderous creatures seems beyond my reckoning. I watch them, in the same thrall I had upon their arrival. I note each detail. The soft curve of their noses, the bow of their mouths. The dark crown of downy hair. As they together shift a little, the morning glow catches the golden fleck that stretches down one side of each head. Mirror image, one to the other. They at least will not be able to play as my brother and I, except to the least observant.

And yet we have not separated them in any other way. They yet have no names by which the world beyond those who witnessed their birth will know them. I think on how best to honour those to whom we owe a debt that can never fully be repaid.

Arms slip around my waist, and I lean back. Elladan¡¦s breath is warm on my neck, his lips sweet as he kisses my cheek.

"They are beautiful are they not?¨ he whispers in awe.

I nod.

"As is the one who sired them.¨

"As is the one who gave them life.¨

"They will cause many a heart to flutter,¨ I reply, while observing something more.

"They are for each other,¨ Elladan murmurs, and I know he looks at the joined hands, "As were we.¨

I turn to kiss him and feel my own arms around him.

"As we are,¨ Elladan murmurs.

The next kiss is more ardent but we do not press anything further. The wound is too raw, it would pain my brother too much to refuse me. So I do not ask. Instead we return to our erstwhile bed and lie with each other, touching with practiced fingers, whispering with hearts and words our love for each other.

Ours sons continue to sleep peacefully.

It is later that we awake to careful movements within the room. I turn to Elladan who also looks to me. Ada stands with the infants, watching them. His hand strokes each. Then he turns to us.

"They are well,¨ he smiles, not hiding the joyful tears that he allows to fall. We go to him, his arms open to our embrace. We stand in this silence awhile until there is a plaintive cry.

Elladan stiffens. I do not have to seen his eyes to know they rest on the babes.

Ada laughs as another cry reaches our ears.

"They are hungry, your little ones.¨

Ada has not come unprepared for such a possibility. Elladan scoops up one tiny bundle as I do the other. Ada gestures for us to sit as the cries become more insistent. He gives to each of us a strange shaped bottle.

"¨Tis what is used when babes cannot suckle at their mother's breast,¨ he explains.

I had understood that I would not share the same body form, that the means to sustain our sons would come from a different source, but Ada had not gone beyond that in our instruction. He takes the strange vessel, placing one end near the mouth of the one Elladan holds. Tiny lips parted unbidden, a tongue exploring this thing. Ada moves the tip a little closer. It is quickly engulfed. Ada relinquishes his hold to Elladan, who looks to me briefly then back to adore his son once more.

Ada turns to me, handing a second container. The white liquid swirls as I tip it slowly toward a seeking mouth. Soon the one I hold matches his brother in his eager feeding.

Ada watches us, Elladan and I exchange glances, smiles through our tears. Ada waits until the liquid is consumed. Together Elladan and I hand back the bottles, wiping the drops that remain from lips swollen from the effort.

Elladan gazes into grey eyes. He is lost in them as he presses a finger softly to those lips. Then he holds his child to his chest, his cheek rubbing against the babe. He smiles to me over the dark head as I likewise hold the one in my arms. Each bundle sighs a soft moan. We hold them a long while, Ada still with us, watching, remembering.

"We will wait a little longer to announce this,¨ he is saying, eyes moving from one to the other of us in turn, "though there will be little to stop the knowing of it.¨

I nod. I do not mind, there is nothing that will cease this joy in my heart. There will be those we rejoice with us, those who will stand aside. Such is the way of it.

"There are cloths for them.¨ Ada motions to the neat pile of folded linen, breaking into my thoughts, as Elladan examines his hand.

I can accurately surmise what he looks at with a flicker of distaste as I feel the wetness through the blanket that is wrapped round the babe I hold. We look to each other and then to Ada. He shakes his head, eyes laughing.

"This once, then it falls to you, I have served my time with the two of you.¨

Taking Elladan's charge from him, Ada lays the little one down on the bed, removing the now wet blanket. I stand with him, holding our other son so that he rests on my shoulder and Elladan's. Tiny fingers lace around the stra strands of my brother's hair.

We watch the folding and fastening of the cloth with the same attention we give to a new method of training. Once complete Ada picks up the contended babe and holds him close. He whispers words neither Elladan nor I are privy too. With a kiss he returns him to Elladan¡¦s waiting arms.

The little one I hold squirms within his cocoon, restless to be rid of it. Ada accepts the bundle. We watch again the neat folding of the cloth and the smooth way Ada slides the pale skined bottom into it. Again there are words unheard to this babe before I receive him back into my arms.

"They are a fitting tribute to your love and to our line,¨ Ada's voice is strong though far from devoid of emotion. He would not have begrudged us our childless existence, safe in the knowledge that we were above all content with our choice. But he like Elladan is overjoyed at the presence of them.

Elladan stands close, his free arm around me, a kiss to my cheek. "And to the courage of the one I love so dearly,¨ he murmurs back.

Ada leaves us with the promise he will return soon with food for us now we have seen to the babes.

We settle back on our bed. When Ada returns, I would ask that we go to our rooms, the place that is ours, that is our home within many such homes. It is pleasant here, but I yearn to take our young ones to their room, to show them what love their sire has for them in the world he has created for them. Until then we sit, holding in amazement still as their eyes flicker and they are soon asleep.

I look to Elladan, his own eyes alight with pride.

"You have gifted a most precious thing to me Elrohir.¨ He leans back onto the pillows at his head, I lean against him. "My love for you knows no boundaries, even before this. They are beautiful.¨

I can only smile. My heart calls to his and is answered in a way that only those so close in kinship and love can comprehend.

"That we had this choice is my joy Elladan.¨

He kisses me lightly once more, then briefly his eyes slide closed.

"We have no names,¨ he says, his eyes upon me once more, " I had thought¡K¡Kperhaps¡K..to honour those who came before us and showed us the path to take.¨

I nod. It has been in my mind also to, in some small way, to honour them as best we could.

"They are a gift as much from them to us as that I would gift them to you,¨ I muse.

"Truly a gift,¨ Elladan murmurs slowly, his thoughts elsewhere as unconsciously he rocks the babe in his arms.

He turns to me with a grin.

"Eluredant and Elurinant,¨ he announces.

"Yes,¨ I reply. Elured and Elurin's gift to us shall be so named.

"Edan and Lurin.¨

Elladan looks to me as I repeat the names. "Yes,¨

He touches the one he holds, looks to me as I nod my acceptance. They will be formally named before all later.

"I name you Eluredant, to be known as Edan,¨ he says bestowing a kiss on the one who will bear the name of his protector.

"I name you Elurinant, to be known as Lurin, " I say bestowing a kiss on his twin, "so named for the ones who guided and protected us.¨

They sleep on, unaware of what has passed. One day we will tell them of their naming and how they came to be.

The time we have had alone has also passed swiftly. Ada is once again at the door, wielding this time a tray, behind him Glorfindel carrying yet another tray.

They set both down on the table. Glorfindel steps forward, his eyes gleaming as Elladan offers him the babe. Gently he takes it, stroking the soft hair. I give my son to Ada. The two stand with them cradled so gently. There are thoughts that pass between these two that speaks of remembering times past.

Elladan and I rise to the table. I confess I am hungry, though Elladan shows less appetite for eating. He watches his sons.

They are placed back into their temporary bed. Ada and Glorfindel join us.

Ada pours the thick juice into the four goblets and settles with Glorfindel close.

"You may return to your rooms when ready, I ask only that you do not exert yourself Elrohir too quickly, the wound is deep,¨ Ada looks to Elladan who shudders, "but it was clean and sharp, you will heal quickly with it."

Elladan's breath is a sigh.

Ada reaches to him, placing a hand on his thigh in comfort. "You did all you had to Elladan my son, we would make a healer of you yet.¨

Elladan smiles weakly, all knowing how he fought such a life.

"It is not what I would choose to do again.¨ He takes a sip from his goblet, his hand betraying the shiver at the recollection of his task.

Glorfindel, oft more diplomat that warrior when within the confines of Imladris, turns to other matters.

"You have named the babes yet?¨

Elladan, not trusting yet his voice looks to me.

"Aye, we have chosen with no disagreement. They will take the name of our house, and be named also Eluredant and Elurinant.¨

Ada nods. "Tis a fitting honour.¨

Beside him Glorfindel is in agreement.

Ada repeats their names softly. "Give thought to the timing of the announcement.¨

With the names upon them, there is little need to delay, but I would that we stand before the gathered Elves of Imladris on the morrow.

To this Ada agrees, and word will be sent afield with the news.

We eat speaking of other things. The new defences, word that has arrived with Gandalf and mundane issues of the household for winter.

Ada and Glorfindel leave us to attend to matters of their own, leaving us to prepare for our departure. Ada has seen to fresh clothes and a renewal of the water, albeit cool to refresh ourselves. We will bathe once ensconced in our own rooms.

Clothes in hand I drop them on the bed, drawing Elladan to me. He had taken off his bed clothes, standing naked in the morning light that streams through casting patterns on the tiled flooring. Desire again flows through me, once more I urge calm on my body as I hold him. Yet I need his closeness. His arms wrap around me as they always do, he holds me strongly as he leans my head on his shoulder. He kisses the tip of my ear and I moan in response.

"Even I do not know the depth of the love I have for you,¨ he murmurs to me. It is enough. I will not lose him to his new found love.

He cups my head in his hands and the kiss we share is wonderous.

"Come,¨ he says as we part a little, my head back on his shoulder, he stroking my hair, "let us go to our own rooms, we have waited long for this.¨

He is an anxious as I to place our babes into their cradles.

I am released from his embrace to wash and dress, my back turned to him, his eyes watching me, my mind watching him.

Our little ones safe in our arms, Elladan opens the door and we step out. Twin grey eyes awaken to glance about. They look to each other as we hold them, then to us. Assured those same eyes slip back into sleep.

There are few along this passage, private as it is. Word has indeed spread, though none will be so bold as to give anything more than a glimpse in our direction. I note the smiles. If this had been rumour, it will now be related as fact. The dawn of the morrow will be soon enough to herald the arrival to all, I realize I am not ready to share them with any but those who were first there.

Soon Elladan's hand is on the handle of our door. He smiles shyly as he opens it. I breathe deeply before stepping inside. This is the beginning of our new life, changed without recourse now. There is much that lies ahead of us. Our duty to Imladris, our duty to the ones we hold. And our duty to each other.

Elladan's arm is around me as he gently urges me forward, looking at him I know he shares my thoughts.

The babes wake only when they are lain in their cradle.

"I had wondered why..I thought perhaps to resemble the one we were placed in¡Kit is clearer to me now.¨ Elladan watches as his sons look around them, I fancy the smile he has is matched by them. We will tell them tales of each of the paintings their sire has given to them, and they will learn of the love he and I share that brought them forth.

They settle quickly with a kiss to each. Elladan takes my hand to walk us to the garden.

"Come sit awhile. We will not be so far away that they will not be heard.¨

We sit but do not speak. Elladan caresses my hand, his head on my shoulder, my arm around him. We watch the breeze take hold in the trees above us, the light and shade changing with each sway of branch. The branches bend in graceful arches, the tree itself solid with the earth it rests in. Such is our lives, we will bend and sway but the foundation of our lives will remain secure.

There is a faint murmur from within.

"They are hungry once more.¨

Elladan laughs. He slips a kiss to my lips.

We feed and replace their cloths, thankful that Ada has supplied both in abundance to us.

We go to our bed, lay the little ones at our side and rest.

We are joined later for the afternoon. Ada brings us tea and honey cakes, with him Gandalf and Glorfindel. There will be a patrol leave three days hence, Gandalf will ride with them. I glance to Elladan and for the first time see no resigned look or regret in his eyes. He is content for now to stay within the tight boundaries of our home. I would not begrudge him the urge to ride, yet I am pleased I do not read such in him. There will come a time when both of us will ride again, though my heart aches to think of leaving.

Talk turns to the announcement of the birth. Gandalf laughs with such hearty amusement that such a course is necessary. There are few who do not yet know he muses.

Ada agrees.

"Yet it is required of us to do so.¨ Ada knows to not acknowledge to all these two elflings would dishonour them.

Gandalf laughs once more, his head shaking at the ways of Elves.

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It is decided that our twin sons be presented after the midday meal, in the still warm glow of the winter sun.

Ada brings the clothes they will wear, holding them for us to see with the gleam of pride in his eyes. I look to Elrohir who nods. We recognize the design and form of the clothing. It is exact in every detail to the fabric we wore when our birth was announced.

Each piece identical. Deep blue material into which silver threads have been woven, fashioned into a long silken robe. Emblazoned on each the symbols of our house and that of our kin in tiny jewels that shimmer in the light with a faint glow.

While the robes are a recreation of those we wore at the time of our birth, the silver coronets that will be placed on their heads are not. They were wrought long ago by elven smiths from dwarf mithril. The pattern on each is as identical as those who will wear them this day, as it was for us. From where they came, the two of them, into Ada¡¦s possession I know not. It is one of the mysteries the Lord of Imladris keeps. It matters not, they are a symbol of acceptance.

Our babes are dressed without fuss. They astonish me with their patience and forbearance. They sleep, and when not, lay peacefully with each other or in our arms, their eyes bright with the world around them.

Elrohir and I dress in the garments Ada has brought for us also. The silver white tunics and sword grey leggings rest fluidly on Elrohir. My heart beat fast in my chest as I gaze on him. I too yearn for him. We tie our hair in like fashion, strands of hair braided one each side, the rest flowing freely over our shoulders and back.

Elrohir takes my hand as Glorfindel lifts and places both babes into Ada's arms. With ceremony, circlets are placed on our heads, then on the babes by the one who holds our father's heart dear.

We make our way slowly. Ada with Glorfindel by his side as befits the Captain of our Guard, Elrohir and I follow with the wizard behind. It asks too much that others will join us.

"They will be with us, watching in their way,¨ Elrohir whispers to me. And so they shall, hidden as always, silent in their regard for us. I hope it will please them, these names we have chosen.

All is silent as Ada speaks. There is no murmur as he holds the babes in his arms. Turning to us, we take them back into our arms. He tells those assembled much of what is already known. The elflings were born in the starlight night, welcomed into this world by their forefather¡¦s spirit. There is a hushed whisper as we step forward to hold the infants in our hands. The streaming gold light from above lights on the crowns they wear. Ada speaks their names to the assembly. I find those I seek, bow my head as each name is received. There is a bow back and I am pleased.

There will be a banquet when the sun sets and much rejoicing. Those who cannot approve of what we had done will hold their ire, no new elven life will be disrespected, no matter from whence it came.

We have our sons safe delivered. Elrohir is safe within my arms. I have gained not lost. The blood from my hands washed away.