A Gift of Love

CHAPTER 28

I look aghast at Elrohir. His words swirling around my thoughts. My hands shake as I hold his in them.

"Truly?¨ I ask, knowing the foolishness of this question. I can see and feel it is so.

I want to scream at the babe that I am not ready. How can I be? My mind cannot even command my body to stand, to dress, to hold Elrohir beyond the gripping of his hands tightly.

Yet Elrohir is serene. There is a calm and peace in his eyes as he slowly lets go of my hands to caress my face.

"We are ready, " he tells me softly,¨ it is time.¨

It is he who helps me up, holding me tightly, he who comforts me and gives me strength.

"I will wake Ada,¨ I murmur, scooping up my discarded clothes from the floor, dressing hurriedly.

Elrohir nods as he too dresses, slower than I. He hides well the pain that tears in a wave through him. I smile to him. I feel the resonance of it within me and would seek to drive it from him.

"Not for long,¨ he replies to my unspoken plea, "soon we will hold what we have strived for and this will be a distant memory.¨

I leave Elrohir reluctantly with a promise that I will be swift and he is to await my return. He smiles wryly saying there is little choice. As I walk to Ada¡¦s chambers I glance to the night sky. Brilliant light shines from the darkness and from somewhere a smile touches my lips. The child will come into the starlight as we had wished.

I knock hurriedly at the door, hearing the stir within. Ada opens the door a little at first, then fully for me to step across. Glorfindel appears in the archway of the bedroom, his hair loose and tousled about his shoulders, as is Ada¡¦s. Had the issue been less grave I would have laughed bemused at the picture they present, and they would have flushed with the knowledge. Both stand flushed in cheek now, but I venture for different reasons.

There is nothing I need to say. Ada nods and with his lover disappears once more. Within moments they appear once more.

"Bring him.¨ Ada embraces me, kissing my brow. When he steps back he regards me with knowing eyes.

"You love him, you will not harm him.¨

I nod, turning with haste to collect my brother.

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I wait sitting on the floor of the room that will soon hear the sounds of two small babes. My hand rests over my stomach which is silent and still. Had it not been for the peace I find descend upon me my fear would be unfettered at this. I know though that they only wait now for us. What they have had to do is done. They are ready for this world. They have grown and been nourished I know not how from the seed of both Elladan and I. It seems so long ago the Elladan let slip his mask of indifference to sire a child. The very child he held so enraptured in his arms has grown as quickly as the race of men do. We hear news that another child is born, of kin. I am glad he will have a companion, it is not easy for sons of rank to find one who understands. I trust they will grew strong as will our sons, and that they know peace, not constant war.

It seems an age since we were offered a way to fulfill this dream. I smile as I recall the bitterness of the potions we drank, wishing the road was strewn only with sweeter things. I grin broadly as I remember those sweeter things. The first time Elladan claimed my body to do this. The tender look as he overcame his fear of causing me pain and his own hesitation at finding himself astride of me. He is an accomplished lover, I could wish for no better, no matter where it is his desires lie. I can look back in amusement now at the wizard's sly smile at our enforced celibacy. We, who need and seek each other constantly, fretted so much for each other. Perhaps it is in part of being twin, in part being elf, but there is a constant want to be one with the other. As my hands move, soothing the life I carry, I wonder at the ties that will bind these one to the other. It will be easier and more harsh, sons of brothers that they will be, thought not without past example. I would wish for them with us at this time, as they have been in their silent constant strength to us. Aiding and saving. For while we could not now be eagerly awaiting this without the aid they offered, I know with certainty also that had they not watched so carefully my brother, our children would know of him only in the tales that would be told. I shiver at those thoughts that assail me had Elladan fallen. I shudder recalling the times he rode without me by his side, though I could not deny him his birthright to do so. He is born warrior more than I. Would I have survived such a loss? I cannot say. Would I have continued for the sake of those he sired? I fear I would not have found the strength, not even for them, had my life¡¦s love been taken from me. I rejoice that such a choice was not offered and my brother/lover is still with me. There is a slight movement, and with a sweep of my hand, I acknowledge the calling these two gave to their Ada to bring him home safe when they too feared for him.

I hear the gentle footsteps across the smooth floor, feel the tender hands lift me into strong arms. I lean against him and we stand together. After this night it will no longer be simply Elladan and Elrohir.

A strange thought occurs to me as Elladan takes my hand and we walk from our rooms and into the corridor leading to the room that has been prepared for us. We have thought on no names. Not one word has passed between us on this. Later perhaps, when Elladan looks less as though Ada has commanded him to spend the rest of his days cataloging the herbs and plants of Imladris, we will think on it and decide.

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I hold to Elrohir as we walk slowly, as he holds also tightly to me. My constant thought is for him. If I should lose him¡K¡K¡K

"You will not,¨ he whispers, "we have not come this far to lose anything.¨

He has such trust and such conviction in me.

"Perhaps.....perhaps Ada...............¨

"No,¨ Elrohir's voice is harsh. He stands still before the door that will open for us to enter the room. His eyes fix me in his gaze.

"No,¨ he says softer now, but with no less conviction. "I have always wanted you to be the first. It will be you Elladan, no other will touch me until it is done. Only you Elladan¨

My gaze leaves his and fixes on the floor at my feet. I recall the guidance Ada has given to me. I have watched his skilled hands, listened to his words as he showed what must be done. Elrohir had held my hand and smiled. I do this because he wishes. I have not shared my nightmares, they flood my mind now.

"Dreams only Elladan, only that,¨ Elrohir whispers, his lips barely a breath from mine. "There will be blood, and there will be pain. I know and accept such things. I have spent these last months in preparation. You will be with me, that is all I need.¨

He looks to the sky beyond the colonnades. "The stars shine for us.¨

I look to him and smile as best as I am able, turning the handle, I open the door.

The room is light with a myriad of candles though the room is not bright, rather it glows in golden hues.

Ada stands with Glorfindel, waiting. To the side is the wizard whose presence among us was unknown to me. I look to Elrohir who shrugs with me, but is as delighted as I that he is with us at the end of this journey. That by the giving of the potions he guided our steps towards this moment. I look expectantly around but in the light, even for elves, I cannot see into the darkness. I had hoped, but perhaps there is time yet.

Elrohir slips off the loose robe as Ada assists him to the bed that has been arranged. Near by a smaller bed stands adorned with a small pile of white blankets, towels and next to that a bath, water kept warm by a series of small flames. I notice little else.

I watch my brother, my hand caressing his cheek as he lays his head on the pillow. There is a faint rustle and we both look up and around. Three figures stand now in the semi darkness of the shadows cast by the candles. They do not move forward, nor do they speak, yet by their very presence I am calmed.

Ada takes my hand, placing into it the knife. I stare at it, turning it in my hands, watching the play of light, seeing the blood stain it and my hands. My eyes follow the light cast by the blade, and there dancing on the wall and ceiling are rainbows.

"It is time Elladan.¨

I kiss my brother. "I love you so very much.¨

Then I move from his lips, my hand slipping down his arm. He grasps my hand in his, then he gestures to the knife and I hear the words I have dreaded since this began.

"Do this Elladan, end it.¨ His face contorts in the wave of pain, but he doesn¡¦t not cry out. Our little one is impatient.

Ada gives Elrohir a cup. From the way he grimaces and swallows I guess it is not pleasant. At my frown Ada nods to the now empty goblet.

"It will ease the pain a little.¨

Glorfindel stands beside my brother as he gratefully takes his hand. Ada wipes a cloth over Elrohir¡¦s stomach. I know it contains herbs that will further lessen the pain I will inflict. Lessen but not take away the hurt, nor the soreness in my heart as I am avowed to do this.

I hold the knife in two hands and summon forth all the strength and resolve I have. The room is silent and as the knife lowers my hands cease their shaking. Ada¡¦s eyes shine with love and respect for us. Elrohir and I lock a gaze, then I turn to my task. Elrohir tenses but there is no sound as the knife cuts the first path across the base of his stomach. There is a hiss through clenched teeth and lips as the slice deepens. Ada wipes a cloth over my brow while Glorfindel does the same for my brother. I feel this pain as if it were my own.

//Share it with me// I ask my brother. In this way we will be strong.

Trance like I continue, my heart beats in rhythm to Elrohir's, our breathing laboured but in unison. The blood flows down onto the white linen Elrohir lies on. Not as much of the precious liquid as I have seen from men and elves speared on the battlefield. But this is my brother¡¦s blood that stains, each drop a tear in my heart.

I glance to Elrohir so briefly. His pale skin blanched paler still. His hand tight in Glorfindel¡¦s, knuckles white taunt. Our golden haired warrior will find it difficult to hold sword or bow in the days to come. I know Elrohir's strength in such things.

I do not understand the passage of time. After Ada will say mere moments pass before the line that mars my brother¡¦s perfect body is long and deep enough. For me, as I perform the unthinkable there is a lifetime that passes.

I watch Elrohir writhe on the bed uncomfortably. Ada takes the bloodied knife from my hands to gesture to the wound. I close my eyes and breath deeply. Elrohir lies still now, I feel his heart beating. My eyes open to meet his. The exchange is brief, he smiles and I regain my focus.

Parting the tears of flesh, my fingers tentatively seek out what lies within. At once there is a nudge against my hand. I feel the prick of tears as, as gently as I can, not wishing to cause further pain to my brother and deepen the wound, I lift a small bundle into the dimmed light of the room and into this world. I cannot breathe in this moment. Elrohir moves in a gasp of pain to sit, Glorfindel hurriedly placing more pillows behind him to support him. I want to reach out to him and draw him close, but know I cannot.

The tiny form struggles within his transparent envelope. Arms stretching out to rip a passage into this world. Ada cuts a way, clear fluid runs over my hands splashing to the floor. A soft gasp in the still silence of the room and startling grey eyes turn to me. We look to each other in recognition and I cannot stop the tears now. I hold our child in my arms, cradling head in the palm of my hand and can only wonder at it.

I stroke his head with the tip of my finger, running it down from the shock of dark hair with its flash of gold, to the downy softness of his wet cheek. A tiny finger from an outstretched hand touches my arm as I do. My gaze had not left his, I am in too much of an awe to even remember where I stand. His eyes sparkle as a warm hand curls around my finger. Ada cuts at something, I know not what, but the babe is free now of his cocoon.

I look to Elrohir. There are no words, we say what we need with our hearts.

"Your son,¨ he whispers.

"Our son,¨ I reply, placing a kiss on our son's brow. He lets out a loud cry and I can do nothing but laugh and shake my head.

"So small,¨ I murmur as I step to Elrohir. So small and so vulnerable and now ours to protect.

My brother grins amid his own tears that stream in joy as do mine.

Another cry from the babe as Ada gives me one of the soft blankets that I had seen upon entering the room. I wrap our child carefully as he cries once more, softer this time, his eyes fixed on mine.

I turn from Elrohir to Ada unsure what ails him. Surely he is well. The fates could not be so cruel as to snatch him from us now.

"Ada?¨ I murmur, a tremble in my voice that even I hear. My heart beats frantically. Elrohir is calm as he regards us both.

I frown as Ada stands still with the knife still in his hand. Surely he should now see to Elrohir, repair the wound I have inflicted. Surely Elrohir is well. A myriad of thoughts assail me. Surely not at this moment of joy¡K¡K.surely not¡K..

There is another cry. And a smile from Elrohir and a soft laugh from Ada.

"So like you Elladan, impatient to be reunited with the one you began life with.¨ I do not understand Ada's words.

I stare wide eyed at Elrohir.

"He awaits his brother,¨ my brother murmurs.

I stare at both of them in turn, unable to think.

"Brother?¨ I repeat Elrohir's word in disbelief. Why had I not known? Images race in my mind, blurred by the recollection, but there, always. Twins.

Elrohir nods. I place our first born in his arms, placing a kiss on my beloved brother¡¦s lips as he turns his eyes to our son. I see the rapture in his gaze that my still holds for them both. I do not notice my bloodied hands as I return to the base of the bed, leaving Elrohir to discover the child he has gifted to me.

Our first born son quietens, his grey eyes following my steps. Once more my hand seeks out a life. Ada has wiped the herb cloth over Elrohir once more, keeping the wound clean. Soon another tiny bundle nestles into my hands as I scoop him into my arms. This one is as perfect in form as his brother. Identical clear grey eyes look to me as the envelope is torn open and the fluid that sustained his life spills to join his brother's. Those piercing eyes drift around the room, taking in all that surrounds him in this new world he has entered. A sigh from him as his brother looks to him. He too breathes his new life. I welcome him in similar manner to his brother, then hold him tight to my chest as Ada folds a twin blanket around him, leaving him in my care. Ada then attends his duty. The gaping slash along my brother¡¦s body disappearing under his skilled hands.

There is no stemming of the tears of joy as I bring our second born to join his brother. I laugh nervously, unable to cease the broad grin.

"Elrohir,¨ I whisper, no other words.

He holds out his free hand to me, releasing Glorfindel from his iron gasp. I grasp it in return, pressing the palm to my lips, holding our son tight in the other arm. My beautiful brother grimaces as Ada completes his task, his eyes slipping closed a moment. He is tired from the pain and the emotion that floods over us. His eyes open to the son I hold. I lie him into his arms with a kiss. Elrohir watches as first they look to each other, then our second born looks to Elrohir. My brother smiles at him, his hand caressing the glistening cheek. Both babes sigh softly. There had been moments when I had found the reality of what we set out to do difficult to convince myself on, even as my hands had caressed Elrohir¡¦s swollen stomach. When it seemed too fanciful to believe that the future would grace us with a child conceive from my brother and I. Long had I held this hidden dream. Now as I look at the scene before me, I can believe this to be a dream. It would not matter to me, Elrohir is all I have ever desired, that his love was granted to me is a gift beyond reckoning. That I would look upon him and our sons¡K..I shake my head, my hand on Elrohir¡¦s cheek. How I love him, how in the instant they were brought forth, I love them, have always loved them, not in competition to Elrohir, but in harmony.

"I love you.¨ And Elrohir replies with identical words. For me and for our sons.

Ada is with us once more. He looks to us. His eyes are wet with unshed tears as he regards us. He touches each child, cupping the small head in the palm of his hand. There has been not a sound other than what has passed between Elrohir and I. Nor is there any further sound. I have barely acknowledged the presence of others. I look swiftly to each in turn. Gandalf stands, his grin as broad as mine, nodding happily. The three who stand in near darkness are close, heads resting against each other, arms tight around each other, remembering perhaps their time. I nod to them, whispering my silent thanks for all they represent to us. Beyond the walls of the room the stars glow bright, shafts of silver falling upon the floor. The wondrous night sky has heralded the safe birth.

Reluctantly Elrohir relinquishes, for a time, our precious heirs. Ada holds one delicately and expertly as Glorfindel claims the other. Together they are placed in the warm water and bathed. Elrohir and I watch anxious as soft clothes wipe them clean and they are enveloped in fresh blankets. I kiss Elrohir deeply, holding him to me until our children are returned to us. We hold them in our arms until their eyes glaze, their mouths pursed as they breathe the first day of their lives. We do not notice the departure of those who shared this with us, nor do we note the passage of time as we gaze at what we have created with the love we share.

As Elrohir begins to succumb to the ardour of the birth, I gather the babes to place them side by side on a small bed nearby, though I am loathed to part from them. I watch them slumber, a feather kiss on each brow before I return to help Elrohir stand as we move slowly to lie together also, on fresh linen. Elrohir nestles into my arms as he follows his elflings to dreaming. I whisper my love to him as he smiles softly, sighing contentedly against my chest. I watch over him and our sleeping sons, until much later sleep calls to me and I am unable to resist its pull. On the morrow Imladris will wake to the news and we will take the first steps on this new journey.