A Gift of Love

CHAPTER 27

Elrohir sleeps. He often does in both day and night hours. Ada sees no harm in it, merely Elrohir¡¦s body needing rest from the constant tug at him from the life within.

I leave him to his rest, at times laying beside him to feel the warmth of his body and breathe the scent that is his. We make love less often now, it tires him and he finds the stirring restlessness within his body acutely when we do. So we have returned to the simple touches that began our love for each other so long ago. I find as much comfort in that as I did then. Find the tenderness of such slow caresses is a joy.

I stand in the center of a room that will soon be filled with evidence of the love Elrohir and I share. I touch the delicate carvings of the cradle, stare at the murals that decorate the wall, each one a reminder to me of what my life with Elrohir is.

I have tried to imagine what the future will bring, tried to think of holding a small child in my arms and knowing it is mine, ours. Closed my eyes to try to hear the sounds. Yet I cannot summon these things to me. I wonder, at this late time, whether I am ready. Ada has smiled saying only there will be much change in our lives. Change. The word sounds strange to my thoughts. There are so many constants in my life, so much that is a part of me and defines what I am not only to myself but to others. Ada listens to my thoughts, nodding to me, placing a hand on my shoulder. He says we can never truly prepare ourselves for the joy and the pain. He tells me I will know my new place once a child is placed for the first time in my arms, and though there will be trials and mistakes, I will know.

Standing now, eyes tight shut I wonder at his words and the truth of them. I am not ready my thoughts scream at me, but there is no turning back the march of time. Can I change that which is essential to me? Can I give up that which defines my life? Will I know how to care for the life that is being given to us? Can I share my beloved brother? There is such confusion within me. And there is such fear. Fear I had wished forgotten and lost amid the dark reaches of my mind.

A breeze catches the curtains at the window the opens into the garden. There is a presence with me that takes my hand. I curl my fingers around, surprised by the slight press against them.

//There is no cause to worry, Ada.// A soft voice that is felt as warm air brushing against my cheek rather than is heard. // We will all be ready when it is our time. You have love enough for us all and that what is to change will be done willingly by us all. Soon we will embrace and your doubts will ease.//

There is a faint laugh in the distance and the voice fades from me as I open my eyes to a stirring from our bedroom. Elrohir calls to me as I turn to walk swiftly to him, one lingering glance behind me as I leave the room, the door clicking shut behind me.


Elrohir sits, leaning back on the pillow that cushions his head against the bed. His dark hair tumbles over his shoulders, down the cream skin of his chest. My heart beats fast at the sight. He steals my breath with his beauty. I kneel at the bed by his side. He takes my hand, rubbing a fingertip over the paint that stains mine.

"It is complete?¨

I nod. "It is done.¨

He lifts my hand to his lips. The kiss is warm, the feel of it races through my body, igniting a passion I dare not wake at this moment.

"I should like to see it.¨

I smile. I have kept him from the room these past days. It seems foolish of me, but with so little unknown between us, I had wanted this as a surprise to him. He knows already the form of it.

He tugs at my hand as he rises. Naked, the curve of his body is more obvious to me. I run my hand over him, note the sliding shut of his eyes as I do so and the black fire within them as he opens them. His kiss is not delicate as he pulls me to him.

¡§How I have missed you,¡¨ he moans, his hand caressing my thigh as he moans softly once more. I close my eyes as he undresses me, my hands in his hair as he slips to his knees to pull off the leggings from me. I step out of them without bidding, for with this I know how I too have missed his more intimate touch.

I do not, cannot, resist as he pushes me to the bed. His hands caress every part of my skin within reach. The grip on my wrists is hard, the kiss needy. I comply as he parts my legs to place himself between them, gasp as he pushes without ceremony into my more than ready body. He cries out as he is sheathed within me, leaning to bite at my shoulder. Hard bites, hard desperate thrusts that have my senses reeling, my vision clouded. My wrists ache in his fierce grip as I twist, not to break free but to drive him further. His eyes blaze as he looks to me, my blood tinged on his lips. I push up to him, my kiss as wild as his, our mouths clashing, bruising, tearing. I scream as he repeated delves deep, clutching at him while he is unrelenting in his assault. Unable to hold longer he too cries out his release, falling into my arms, his body slick with exertion, his hand sliding between us, taking my hard erection in his palm, stroking unrelenting until the seed flows over his fingers. He lifts that hand and smears his finger over my lips, then leans to kiss me, his tongue raked over my mouth.

I feel the frantic beating of both our hearts as we lie in silence, arms, legs wrapped around each other.

"I am sorry,¨ he whispers, the pad of his thumb caressing the marks on my neck and shoulder.

When as I whisper that there is no need between us for such words, he kisses each bruise tenderly.

"Still, I am sorry.¨

Lifting his head to mine, I kiss him with equal tenderness.

Our breath returned, our hearts beating with more calm, I take his hand.

"Come, I will show you.¨

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I watch as Elladan leads me into the other room. He winces with a small gasp of pain. My eyes trail along his body. He would have faired better tackling an Orc in single combat. The bruises that lie along his body are stark on his pale skin. Blood still dotting the deeper bites and scratches. I meet his eyes with sorrow. It weighs heavy on me that he is hurt by my actions. He smiles back at me with a shrug of acceptance, his fingers holding tight intertwined with mine, thumb rubbing over my wrist.

"It matters not Elrohir,¨ he whispers. We are at the door, his hand resting there for a moment, before shyly opening it, pushing it fully open and with a nod asking me to enter first.

It had been beautiful when last I was allowed, beautiful though unfinished. Now there are no words for what I cast my eyes upon. I stare mutely as I turn from one place to the next, one scene to the other. I can say nothing as I look to Elladan who stands anxious. I walk closer my hand reaching out to trace the air above the cascading water. The rainbows.

"I can....it does not.......¨ Elladan stammers as I am lost in all that this room represents to us. Documented are our dreams, our hopes. The cradle into which we will place our children stands surrounded by everything that is precious to us.

"Elladan,¨ I whisper, holding him to me. I have no words. I kiss him softly. "It is beautiful, Elldadan, it is so beautiful.¨

I feel him relax against me. ¡§I am glad Elrohir,¡¨ he sighs.

I hold to him while I look further. Elladan has reminders of the Golden Wood in the tall arch of the mallorn trees, lit by endless points of light. Our home adorns other spaces. I smile at one scene. We have seldom ventured into the realm of our woodland kin, but Thranduil will be well pleased with Elladan¡¦s portrayal of his kingdom.

Elladan touches my stomach. "It will be soon.¨

I nod. I have felt the stirring of a different sort within for days now. It will be very soon.

Elladan nods back to me, his eyes downcast for a moment before they meet my gaze once more.

"I will be glad,¨ he murmurs.

I know he is remembering the nightmares.

I brush back the hair that falls over his face. I have such confidence in what he has to do. I tell him so in the way my hand caresses his face. My warrior lover. A tenderness that his enemies never see. A love only I see. I have no fear for what he will do, my fear is for the life that he will deliver. I fear that they will not be healthy, that somehow who we are will shade them.

"It will be all right, Elladan, it will all be all right.¨ I convince myself as much as he with my words.

My brother leans his head on my shoulder, fingers running through my hair, brushing over my ears. We stand quietly, I know he closes his eyes as I do mine. We hold each other while between us, enveloped in our embrace, our children entwine themselves around each other.

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Elrohir knows what I fear. I do not have to voice my thoughts. As I cling to him and feel a movement that is not his against my own body, I hear the reassuring words echo in my head. There is no cause to worry, it will all be all right. Would that I had such certainty.

Elrohir continues to run his fingers over the bruises on my neck and shoulders. I cannot deny that the fierceness of his love startled me for he has not taken me so since the times of the hunting. Then our blood runs hot, relief and grief flood through our actions as much as love. Then we need, as others with us, the reassurance that we still live while others have fallen, that we can still feel. It is a cleansing of sorts, ridding the mind of the horrors. We have seldom come to each other in this way outside the hunt. Perhaps it is that he fears too as the time draws near, he who has been my strength. I kiss him.

"It will all be all right,¨ I whisper back to him, and he smiles up to me as we hold each other still.

"I will collect salve for your cuts,¨ he murmurs as he moves a short distance from me, our hands linked. I nod. It will ease his mind to attend to me, though I scarce need it. The bruises will fade and the scrapes heal.

I watch him as he leaves, then look around the room once more. The cupboard is crammed with tiny items of clothing. As I lift one small piece I wonder at the size of it. Were Elrohir and I so small? My hand caresses the other fabrics. I laugh as I think how many things a babe requires.

A noise from behind me tells me that Elrohir has returned. Stepping from the room and closing the door behind me I walk into his waiting arms.

I sigh softly as he smoothes the cool cream over each mark. Already the pain is less with each loving touch he now bestows on me. His lips caress the parts of me that remain unblemished. I cannot help the hiss of pain that escapes through clenched lips as he presses between my buttocks. There is a soft swept of silken hair across my back as he lays kisses down my spine. I hear his whispered apology to me repeated.

Once he is finished, his hands wiped, I pull him to me.

"Elrohir,¨ I murmur,¡¨it was a need we both felt. I would have been no different.¨

He nods unconvinced by my words.

"It was, in its way¡K¡K..enjoyable,¨ I venture.

Elrohir laughs heartily at this. "Elladan,¨ he smiles,¨is there nothing you cannot forgive?¨

I look at him, hand on his cheek. "The withdrawal of your love for me,¨ I answer, "I would fear I had pained you in a way you could not forgive me for, and for such a hurt I would not forgive myself.¨

"You have my love for all time my brother, nothing will have me leave your side.¨

Elrohir curls on the bed and is soon sleeping. I gather my book, arrange the pillows behind me and holding the book in one hand, the other on Elrohir¡¦s shoulder, I read the tales of heroes from our past, tales that one day I will add to when I speak of the one who lies beside me. For Elrohir¡¦s courage matches any within this tome.

Later I lay beside my brother, setting my book away. My arm wraps around his waist, fingers spayed over his stomach. It is not yet dark and the sun shines off the snow that dusts the far mountains, heralding the start of what men call winter. Soon the stars will dance in the dark sky.

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I lay silent, letting Elladan think I still sleep. In truth I had awoken at his first touch on my swollen stomach. But I so enjoy the gentle sweep of his hand across my skin. I love him more with each beat of his heart against my back if that were possible. So many times I have thought I love him so completely only to be shown another part of him. His warm breath is on my neck and it takes all the will power I have not to turn now, hold him in my arms to ask him to love me. Elladan¡¦s soft murmurings of love as he sleeps soon have me settling into remembrances, to the time when we had found with no doubt that a child had been conceived between us. Then there is a sharp pain and I call out through gritted teeth. Elladan is at once facing me.

"It is time,¨ I murmur.