A Gift of Love

CHAPTER 24

My brother¡¦s recovery is slow but steady. Day by day I can see that he grows stronger, more able to accomplish tasks that days ago tired him. It has become a new ritual with us that in the warmth of the afternoon we rest together. Oft it is curled in the large chair Ada has secured for us, placed on the edge of our secluded garden under our twin trees. When the wind blows cooler we retire to our bed. I shall miss such times when Elladan is well recovered, for I know he needs to ride once more. I feel the restlessness within him, for I feel it also though my own need is tempered by the life I carry within me. I cannot place at risk what has been fought so hard for and what almost cost me dearly already.

We spend much of our time reading. I have noticed those who have always been close to us exchange amused smiles at this. How long the three who closely nurtured us as elflings have waited to see us, Elladan for the most part, devour the histories of our people so willingly and veraciously. Indeed there seems to be no limit for Elladan¡¦s appetite for the tales of the past. He is reading now as I watch from the open archway leading to the garden. His long graceful legs are tucked one under the other as he leans slightly against the arm of the chair. His dark hair falls loose about his shoulders, a part tucked behind his ear, the slim point pale against the fall of hair. One hand holds the book, slender fingers splayed over the cover. I do not have to see his face to know his brow is furled in concentration over the words, that his eyes shine with a distance light as he sees the words transformed into images. He has come much more slowly to reveal what it is he sees, what the words mean to him and I now in part understand his reluctance as an untried elfling to read such stories. They have never been mere words to him, stories of long past battles written on fading paper. They have always been more alive and real that even Ada could imagine. What dreams they must have caused him. That he reads now shows not only courage but a deeper understanding of what they are to him, what they represent to us as elves in this age.

I have come from meeting with Ada. He has probed and pressed my swelling body to his satisfaction. And it seems to the satisfaction of one who stands constantly in the shadows. I do not fear this unknown presence, instead it give me comfort. Ada does not acknowledge that another stands with us, at least not to me. I have seen the tilt of his head at times when he looks up, then return to some part of my body he has not yet touched with his healer¡¦s hands.

There is a little laugh that echoes around me and I smile as I step toward my brother.

Elladan is aware of my presence as we are always aware of each other. That he does not turn as I approach means only that his attention is focused strongly on the pages before him. He searches for tales that would tell him more of his protector. He spoke of his vision upon laying down the parchment, questioned on how it came to me. I could offer him little more than the barest of clues. It had come to me. I had thought it by accident when I first took it in my hands. I know it now to be less accident than design. That Elladan names his defender Elured with such certainty leaves with me no doubt that they reside within Imladris, that they ride with us on occasion. That they ride with Elladan when I cannot.

Ada has not discouraged our questioning. His answers though are not well placed to enlighten us beyond what we already suppose. Neither he, Glorfindel or Erestor will say yes to the asking. Ada will say only that many came to Imladris to seek peace and shelter from a land that had witnessed such strife. They were welcomed for the gifts their spirits brought. We have asked no more of them. Elladan has turned increasingly to the vast sources of our library. Neither of us will intrude upon the small family he has glimpsed around us, we will keep what we know to ourselves. What they have done for us deserves that and more.

Elladan turns to me as I press my cheek to his, our lips meet in a soft kiss. He closes the book, lying it down on the table at his elbow while I nestle into the chair beside him and into arms relieved of books.

He asks without words, kissing my head as his hand rests on my stomach.

¡§All is well,¡¦ I tell him, laying my hand over his. We sit comfortably in our world for a while. At times I find it difficult to imagine what it will be like in a few short months to come, when these moments will be short and less quiet.

The sun begins to set as we make our way inside to a waiting Ada and Glorfindel. They smile to a puzzled Elladan as I return their smiles. I know what I have planned has come to completion. My stomach knots a little. I have not spoken to Elladan on this, I hope it is to his liking. I take my brother¡¦s hand, leading him to the space that we will bring our sons to once born. He frowns at me quizzically as I open the door. He walks slowly toward the centre of the room where Ada and Glorfindel have place my gift. Elladan touches the carved wood as I stand behind him. His long slender figures trace over the motives inscribed on the pale wood, grace over the curves.

¡§It is beautiful Elrohir,¡¨ he whispers as he turns to me.

My arms go around him to hold him close. I am glad. This is what I have wanted for our sons and for Elladan.

I know Ada and Glorfindel stand behind us watching. Glorfindel¡¦s arm around Ada perhaps, though I do not look, as he too wipes at a tear remembering when he laid two identical babes in a cradle such as this. Elladan, in my arms, looks to me with a smile so heartrending on his lips that my breath is caught. I smile at the tears falling from his grey eyes that match my own.

¡§There are times I cannot believe it can be so,¡¨ he murmurs. His arms are around me as he kisses me deeply, both of us drifting to that world that contains only each other. When at last we pause to become aware, Ada and Glorfindel have left us. Elladan takes my hand, leading us back to our bedroom.

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I cannot find the words to describe the joy I have felt gazing at the cradle that will hold our child. Cannot find the words to express the love I feel for the one who had it made and joyously presented it to me. So I do without words and kiss him once more as we stand once again secluded in our chamber. There is something I would give to him and hope he finds similar delight in it.

Would that I could give him a ring of silver to wear on his hand that would proclaim him mine in the tradition of our kin. Such thoughts are not new to me though I have known them to be fanciful dreamings. Yet Elrohir stands pressed to me with child. Perhaps it is time to dream once more. I step back a little from him, my arms still around his waist. I smile softly to him, shaking my head a little. He looks askew at me, half smile, half puzzlement.

¡§I love you Elrohir,¡¨ I say simply though those words fall far from telling him how I feel. He is everything to me.

He leans back to me, and I feel his tender lips on mine.

¡§No more dark dreams Elladan,¡¨ he advises me. I nod. He knows where my thoughts are taking me.

¡§No more dark dreams,¡¨ I murmur in return, letting go of him to step to the small cabinet that stands by our bed. I smile at the little coloured bottle that sits there with its rainbow colours dancing over the bed. But it is to something else my attention is taken.

I open a draw, pushing aside the trinkets there until my hand halts on the black velvet pouch that I seek. I think for a moment whether this is the right time. I have held to the contents since our return from Lorien. I was to give it to Elrohir the night the sickness took me and the days and weeks since then I have not been strong enough to seek it out.

I hold the slight weight in my hand. I can feel Elrohir behind me, curious and anxious over what it is that I seek. I turn to him with a shy smile.

Opening the pouch I tip the contents into my hand. It gleams in the light.

Elrohir looks from me to my hand.

¡§It was crafted as we left for Lorien, ready for our return. I was to give it to you before¡K.before illness took me. I would that you wear it. It is but a token of my love for you, I would wish it more, but it is not yet the time for such things.¡¨

I hold out my hand to him as he steps closer. His fingertip barely touches the slim chain, passes a hair¡¦s breath over the joined rings of silver that bear his and my name. He looks to me and my heart stops its frantic beat in my chest. Taking it by the slender thread he holds it up, regarding it intently. I hardly realize that my breath is held, waiting for him to speak.

He reads the names inscribed along each band, I see his lips forming the words that promise love eternal to him.

¡§Tell me you think it fair,¡¨ I plead as I watch him. He shakes his head and through shimmering eyes, smiles.

¡§¡¦Tis more than fair Elladan, more than fair.¡¨ He holds the chain up beckoning me to place it round his neck. I kiss his shoulder as I move the dark hair aside, fastening the clasp. He moves to the mirror to see, fingertip tracing the rings. One day I vow I will place one of similar kind on his finger, and I will wear its mate on mine.

Turning he opens his arms to me. ¡§Forever,¡¨ he whispers, ¡§adornment or nay, I will love you.¡¨

I feel my body stir as I clasp him close. He holds me at arms length, raising his eyebrow as his hand draws over my chest. I watch, he takes his hand lower. My eyes close, a moan pressing past my lips as the palm of his hand presses to my groin. I feel his mouth on mine, tongue pushing at my own parted lips. I had been almost to the point of despair at my lack of response to him. He by contrast had been patient and caring of me, delighting in the touches we bestowed on each other. He said with a smile that it reminded him of earlier days when we feared to go further, unsure and untried in the ways of love. He said he recalled the first time we had come together, shared a first lover¡¦s kiss and he had felt my hand on him. It had been like to dream to him. I had smiled back as I too recalled that first time we touched each other. I had been so afraid that I had lost him. It had been better than any dream I could have conjured up alone. He had stroked ready flesh as I did to him. There had been nothing more that first time, it had been enough to simply feel the hardness of him under my hand and the warmth of the seed that spread over my fingers at his release. And to know I was the first and would be the only one to know this. That no other would see the look of lust in his eyes and know his love. To understand that he did love me as I loved him.

Now we both had yearned for more, now we knew what joy the other offered in fully loving each other. I had urged Elrohir. His constant decline had more to do with his regard to my feelings than lack of desire. I would have had him make love to me no matter, my desire raged, but my body was not ready. Now it appeared it was.

Elrohir slips his hand passed the loose tie around my waist, pushing down the thin fabric. He caresses my swollen flesh with his hand and fingers. It sends a familiar thrill through my body.

¡§At last,¡¨ I moan to him, my hands in his hair as he kneels at my feet, his mouth placing small kisses along the hard length, fingertips beneath soothing at the round orbs.

He looks up to me with a grin, his eyes shining. He is happy for me, I can see it reflected in his eyes.

¡§You were never any less to me Elladan.¡¨ His voice is soft and he speaks the truth.

¡§Nor you to me,¡¨ I reply as he nods slowly.

His hands grip my hips, thumbs resting on the bone, fingers splayed over my buttocks as he opens his mouth. His tongue flicks over the surface of my skin, from tip to base. Already I can feel the warm liquid pearl. I flex forward as his eyes look upward searching my face. I will not last long.

¡§Just like the first time,¡¨ I laugh. We had not been able to hold long then, we had waited too long, had been too anxious and in too much want.

The want has never changed but we have learned to be more patient. Not now though as his mouth closes over me. Now it is too exhilarating to have him able to caress willing and able flesh. I have waited too long.

My brother is skilled, we have learnt much about each other and the ways of pleasure. It perhaps was not the manner of lessons our guardians would have had us learn, but they were the ones we learned most eagerly.

Tongue and lips slide over me and I am hard pressed to remain from thrusting into the moist space that is his mouth. My cries echo faintly about the walls around us. His hands grip me tighter as he feels the approach of my release. Deep he takes me into his mouth and throat, his tongue swirling over me. Hips press forward, my head back as my back arches, my mouth opens wordlessly. My body shudders and Elrohir¡¦s mouth fills. Suddenly tired my head falls forward, a dark curtain that trickles over Elrohir¡¦s shoulders. His hands are at my waist holding me to him while he rises from the floor. Then his mouth is on mine and the kiss is deep.

He still holds me tight as I sag a little against him. ¡§Time to rest,¡¨ he whispers, guiding me to the bed.

I lay down with a sigh. ¡§Thank you Elrohir,¡¨ I murmur as he curls around in front of me, taking up our usual position. I rest my hand on his stomach as dreams take me and my brother to another world.

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I wake to a sky as dark as the strands of hair that falls across my shoulder. My brother is nestled close, his head buried in the curve of my neck. He sleeps still. I can hear his rhythmic steady breathing, far removed from the raking breathes of his illness. In his dreaming his hand is moving slowly in circles over my swollen stomach. Elladan will deny that he sees anything other than taunt skin and in truth he would be half correct in his judgment. I see more of the soft curve that robes now hide for I have discarded the tighter leggings and tunic.

I let Elladan sleep not wanting to disturb the rest he needs still. He fancies himself recovered, and he is well down that road, his body¡¦s response to my closeness evidence of that. Yet for all of it, he tires easily still. We can wait for the evening meal I tell the groan that comes from within me. So I lie in peace with him and watch his hand stroke his sons, soothing them also as they press against him in reply. I feel the deep bond already between them. Soon I will realize my dream when I see my beloved brother hold his babes in his arms. I have seen it often in visions, yet still I look to the reality with great eagerness and joy. I have no doubt on his joy though it is still fraught with fear for my well being. Just as I fear for him, I sigh. I have been selfish in his slow recovery for it has kept him at my side and safe.

Elladan stirs behind me, his hand caresses my cheek, just as my stomach once again reminds me that it has been some time since we ate.

I feel him smile behind me. ¡§Dinner brother?¡¨ he asks.

I turn to face him, my hands around his waist, my leg over his. ¡§Perhaps,¡¨ I reply, rubbing my body against his. He grins as I feel him respond to my actions.

¡§Later then,¡¨ he says, careful to pull me close, allowing space for me to fall between his spread legs.

¡§Later then,¡¨ I repeat to him as I kneel. My hand rests on him, fingers already gliding across the taunt flesh that stands hard from him. With my other hand I stroke myself while he watches, enrapt by the actions.

He moans softly, arching up as I enter him. I remember late that he has not been loved like this for some time, but he shakes his head, pressing closer and firmer to me.

¡§It matters not,¡¨ he huskily tells me, his eyes alight with desire, though he bites at his lip to ease the pain. I lean to suck at his tormented mouth, licking my tongue over the bruising lip. He rakes his hands over my back. It does not take us long to find the rhythm of our coupling, soon the gentle rocking of our bodies becomes more fierce and demanding and our cries to each other fill our senses. Elladan has been my only lover, I his, yet we know with certainty that there could be no other who would drive us toward such passion. I care for none the way I love him.

Elladan¡¦s eyes slip close for a moment as he lies spent under me. I have fallen into his arms, my head lies on the pillow next to his. I watch him struggle to regain his breath before I suggest we bathe and go to Ada.

Dressed, we meet Ada and Glorfindel in the garden. I eat with an eagerness that has all present laugh gently. I shrug and smile and continue to eat. Elladan leans over to kiss my cheek as his way of seeking forgiveness. There is no need, there is nothing he can do that would harm me, I accept their tender chiding in good grace.

After the meal, it is suggested we walk a little. I nod to Ada at this. I would take Elladan further on the morrow, perhaps a ride, rather than walk to our pool on the river to watch and swim. For now it is best we walk a little for him to exercise untried muscles. I manage to wink at Elladan. He smiles shyly, feeling mayhap he has stretched unused limbs enough. Still the walk is pleasant enough in the half moon light and still warm breeze. Ada and Glorfindel walk a little ahead of us. Elladan begs me watch them as we walk with a tilt of his head. They walk close, one hand tentatively touching the other until fingers lace around each other. Elladan grins widely as I shake my head.

¡§¡¨Tis about time,¡¨ Elladan whispers to me, and I can only agree. They have a love different to ours, but a love that unites two souls nonetheless, a love that gives them both a peace they have rarely had in their long lives.

We return along a different path that brings to our rooms first. We bid both good night with light kisses to cheeks. Elladan and Glorfindel exchange a glance that lasts several moments. What passes between them I do not guess at, but my brother holds my hand tight as he bows to our elders and we enter our rooms.

Once within that sanctuary Elladan holds me to him, whispering his love to me and promise of eternal companionship.

¡§Ride with me after the morning meal?¡¨ I ask of him after I have pledged my love eternally to him.

¡§Yes,¡¨ he murmurs the tired edge in his voice apparent, ¡§it will be good.¡¨

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Once this had been my private sanctuary. A place to come to dream of Elrohir where none would chance upon me. I have thought on it often when we come and we have come so many times together since. It is so much part of the life I share with Elrohir now, yet I return to those darker days if only to remind myself on the good fortune I have had. Not all can stand beside the one they love, not all can be as close as I am to the one I cannot live without. I fancied that Glorfindel came here too to find some calm to ease his heart while he too dreamed of a lover who seemed beyond his reach.

As I pull back the last of the overhanging branches, holding it for Elrohir to pass, I smile at the dreams we feared to lose now need not be dreamt for we both hold our lovers close to us. Perhaps when Glorfindel knows we are not here, he brings Ada to share this. I do not mind the sharing.

The ride has tired me more than I would like or admit to Elrohir. He carries the basket that he procured from the kitchens while I hold the blanket. For a moment though we stand and watch the water fall as it has done for uncounted ages. Elrohir grins as the rainbows dance their welcome to us. His hand seeks mine. He knows well what this place means to me, no longer a secret from the first time he dared to follow me. And from that time I did not venture here alone.

Elrohir puts down the food, taking the blanket from my arm to spread it on the ground. He smiles, knowing I am remembering, stopping to kiss my cheek. We came here before my illness, before Lorien, to do want we do now. Rest and reclaim strength and peace.

¡§Sit brother,¡¨ he commands and I obey, stretching out my body in the warmth of the day.

He lets me sleep a while for when I awake the light has changed its angle in the sky.

¡§A swim,¡¨ he suggests when he marks the fluttered opening of my eyes. Gracefully he rises to disrobe. My brother¡¦s beauty attracts many admirers, even now when most know his heart is given to me. He glows now with a singular beauty that I cannot define. Slipping from my garments, I follow him into the water.

The river seems to embrace me as I dive under the water to emerge close to Elrohir. It is good to be out once more, away from others, away from the small world we have been cocooned in these past weeks. I have not resented as much as Elrohir thinks. I have not enjoyed my lingering tiredness that is slowly abating, I cannot deny I have longed for a sword in my hand. But I have come to other things. The simple appreciation of having Elrohir by my side in quiet moments that have oft seemed so seldom.

We embrace, then he disappears under the surface, his hand in mine. We swim with the small fish and waving reeds to the rock by the waterfall. There we will sit awhile.

Elrohir¡¦s hand glides over the edges of the stone worn smooth by the flow of water.

¡§It will not be long now Elladan,¡¨ he whispers, his gaze in a far off place.

I nod, not sure whether he sees or he wishes me to speak.

¡§I would like this to be one of the first places we come¡K.after,¡¨ he continues, his other hand on his stomach which still belies the life within. ¡§I want this to have a special place in all our hearts.¡¨

Already there is soft laughter around us and I can see a dark haired babe in Elrohir¡¦s arms splash a curl of water into the air. The light falling on the droplets, a tiny hand reaching to catch the colours, turning to me in delight. I smile back and knowing eyes beam back at me.

¡§Yes, Elrohir, we will come.¡¨