A Gift of Love

CHAPTER 22

Home Once More

We are two days from Imladris when the attack comes. Perhaps we have become complacent in our manner or perhaps the enemy more stealthful. Whatever the answer that caused us to lapse in our vigilance it almost cost us dearly and serves as a reminder that none are safe in such times of evil.

My eyes turn immediately to Elrohir who mets my gaze as soon as the first crude arrow strikes the tree as he passes. Relief flooding through me as I thank the Valar for the continued lack of judgment among the dark horde.

Elrohir nods to my concern, then his sword is drawn and the first orc falls to his blade. My attention stays with him longer than is wise, lingering at the mastery and fluid grace of his movements in such stark contrast to the lumbering brutes at his heels. A guttural harsh cry rouses me and my own drawn sword meets black flesh. They are easy overcome, no match despite their advantage of surprise. Elrohir¡'s eyes blaze in the aftermath of battle. He does not long for this, but it is in his blood and his training to fight. There is a base elemental satisfaction to feel the hot blood course through our veins.

The slash of the knife blade is only slight across my skin. It tears at the fabric, drawing forth only a little blood along its trail. There is a sharp pain, much like that from my arm the last time we were confronted, but it does not hinder me and the wielder of the weapon is swiftly dispatched. We gather up the slain enemy and it is only Elrohir¡¦s frown of concern that causes me to think on the wound.

"To the healer Elladan,¨ my brother insists as I shake my head.

"'Tis a trifle,¨ I insist in return, taking the offered water skin from him to wash the dirt from it. He produces a clean piece of fabric to further clean the blood that has congealed on the cut. Elrohir shakes his head, taking the cloth from me to clean further and inspect the wound with the eye of his father. Once satisfied the cloth is thrown on the burning fires. He would still have me seek the healer but does not press.

We are close to the borders of Imladris as dusk approaches. Though we wish to press on to within our own land it is more prudent to wait. We camp so that it is possible to cleanse some of the grim of travel and battle from us before we enter the gates.

I dismount to stretch the ache from my muscles, my leg slips under my weight. I cling a moment to the flank of my horse, he unmoving to support me. Anxiously I look for my brother, thankful his attention is elsewhere. The feeling lasts only a short time and when he turns to me I have been able to remove my pack and set it down next to his with no sign of any weakness.

We watch as small groups withdraw from the campsite to bathe. I see the ones I would watch more closely leave together. It is with a small smile that I note later one returns before the other two, they linger together at the edge of the campsite before rejoining the young one.

It is no matter that it is Elrohir and I who seek the river last. We welcome it rather for it allows us more time to be with each other. My brother¡¦s blood still runs hot within him, a legacy of the fighting and our own enforced chaste ride. We have not had the privacy for anything more that needful kisses and harsh caressing of willing yet unattainable flesh. Our hands and fingers glide and scrape over each other¡¦s back while hips and groins are pressed close in the chill of the water that glides around us. We resist the growing need within us to love. For come the morrow we will be home and we can better savour this feeling.

Elrohir comes behind me, his hands rubbing the soap into my hair, fingers massaging my scalp, brushing over my ears and neck. So soothing that I could well drift to sleep under such ministrations. I sink below the surface once he is done, ready to attend to him in similar fashion.

We leave the water once we are done, dress and dry. As I watch him I begin to regret we have made the decision to not love. Elrohir laughs and pulls away.

"Think on what we will have once home.¨

I bring him close to me nonetheless. The world seems to turn about me a little quicker than my mind can comprehend as I hold him. Elrohir returns my embrace thinking nothing amiss and the strangeness passes once more. When we part I am ready to walk with him back to the others.

We lie close together on the soft ground. And are soon in slumber.

My dreams are haunted this night, full of images too fast to hold to, yet when I awake what remains is an emptiness. I reach out to Elrohir by my side, catching hold of a rumpled blanket that lacks the substance I expect to find. There is no rational thought as I stand hurriedly to seek him out. My eyes dart around the camp, panic rising with each glance that does not hold my brother in sight. When he emerges from the line of trees, my eyes close to calm my pounding heart. He touches my hand briefly once he stands by me, smiling that all is well and my concern is unwarranted. I do not notice that another watches me, turning to his companion anxiously. My attention is fully on Elrohir¡¦s return.

The day is pleasant as we ride. The closer we come to our home the more I long for it. Our stay in Lorien was all we could have wanted, but to come home to all that is familiar is a balm to my heart. I feel unease about something I cannot define, the morning¡¦s events and my night still troubling me.

Ada waits as is his want for us at the steps. The relief that we are returned clear. We all dismount and the ache that has been with me the past days returns. My eyes slide closed against my will to block out the headiness I feel as my feet touch to the ground. I force them open as Ada strides toward us and my mount is taken. I look to the one who leads the horse away quizzically. I am met with a nod in reply, a gesture that there are other matters that need more attention. I turn to Ada and am caught in his embrace, joined by Elrohir.

As we ascend the steps Elrohir relates a little of the news of the orc horde we encountered. Glorfindel waits to hear him out.

"They have grown bold indeed to venture this far.¨ His head turns to Ada who nods. I cannot help a smile. Whether they acknowledge it or nay, they are understanding each other without the need for words. Glorfindel will organize a patrol to scour the area beyond our lands. There is a look our father¡¦s eyes that in part asks that Glorfindel does not go mingled with the knowledge that he will not stay behind.

I take up Elrohir's story of our time in Lorien, giving news of our grandsires and the Golden Wood. Ada laughs at our tales of tree climbing and I am glad such tales have been able to shift his concerns if only for a short time. I cannot begin to understand the constant dread he feels as he waves his sons and his lover away. It is been hard enough for me to leave Elrohir but the once, and in that I left him safe within Imladris. To watch him ride and be the one who stays is too wrenching for me to contemplate.

As we near the door to our chambers, Ada and Glorfindel leave us. They and we have much to do before the promised reunion for the evening meal.

I throw my pack to the ground with a heavy sigh. I am weary as I sit on the bed to remove boots and untie sword and jacket. Elrohir does likewise, then leaves for a moment to prepare a bath for us. Though the river the night previous washed us, warm water with its soothing herbs and oils will not be refused.

I stand to Elrohir¡'s embrace once the bath is prepared, going with him to the steam filled room. I breath in the mix of scents and it seems to clear my thoughts and ease my tiredness a little. We both sink into the water gratefully, positioned with Elrohir laying against my chest. My hands run over him slowly. He catches them, covering them with his own, turning his head to kiss my lips. He is soon facing me, hands in my hair, holding me to him as he kisses deeply, my lips and tongue answering his demand as his hard erection presses against me.

"I cannot wait longer,¨ he breathes as we part but a small distance. In truth though the world around me does not seem to want to consider the ache in my head, I cannot wait for him either.

Now it is I who straddle him as he moves to lean against the other side of the bath. There is wry smile on my lips, wondering if the design had been planned for such activity.

There is little preamble in his need. He lifts my hips to pull me down upon him as he arches to meet me. He groans as he enters my body, pressing hard, delving deep. He stills there a while as I savour the fullness this creates within me. Then he moves and all pain before is vanquished, now there is only Elrohir and my thoughts have no trouble in their focus. I climax without the need for his hand on me, yet his fingers curl as he strokes the hardness. His urgency is also played out swiftly, the warmth spreading through me as his thrusting slows and he leans further back into the water.

"I am sorry,¨ he whispers, biting as he nuzzles at my shoulder.

I shake my head as I lay bear my neck to him with a tilt of my head.

"My need for you is as great Elrohir, there is no harm done here.¨

"Then tonight?¨ he asks cheekily, aware of my answer to him.

"Tonight lover, under the watch of stars.¨

We will not have to wait long, already the sky is dusted with the reds of dusk. We rise from the bath and draped in towels return to the bedroom. We will dress presently to attend dinner. For now we will lay and rest awhile. Elrohir tucks his head into my shoulder, fingering the bruise left on the other. My hand strokes his hair.

" love you,¨ we whisper together before drifting into our slumber.

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I wake a short while later, carefully slipping from Elladan¡'s embrace. I watch him for a moment, the steady rise of his chest, the flow of his hair over white pillows and pale gold tinged skin, the soft curl of his lean body and long sleek legs. He is perfect in repose, exquisite in the way men see elves. I tear my gaze from him as I make my way to the room beyond. I am thirsty and hungry, and although the evening meal will not be long in coming, I am grateful for Ada¡¦s thoughtfulness in the fruit, bread and juice he has had brought to us while we bathed. I chew absently on a piece of honey cake, my attention on the plans we have made for this room. I can see the cradle sit in the corner, I would have the same as the one in which Elladan and I were first placed. I will not ask Ada to remove the original from its place in his memories though, that is for him to keep and for us to create new memories to share.

There is a stirring in the bedroom and I turn as Elladan emerges. His hair is tussled about his shoulders and his eyes sleepy still. He leans against the doorway before coming across to me. He touches my cheek, then looks to the food plate. His eyebrow rises in a manner that could only come from the witnessing of such a query from Ada. I shrug and offer him the last remaining cheese. He shakes his head.

"It seems you are more in need of it beloved,¨ he replies as he turns my hand to my mouth. "We best dress, Ada and Glorfindel will be ready for us to arrive in a short while.¨

"Yes,¨ my hand trails over his chest, then withdraws. "Tonight,¨ I whisper to him with a smile.

"Tonight,¨ he returns, his fingers running over my arm.

We dress identically this night by my choice. I feel this need for closeness, to be one with Elladan in this manner. I reach out to him as he dresses, swept by melancholy. We stand in each other¡¦s embrace until there is a knock. He kisses my brow and we walk to the door.

Ada frowns at our choice of dress but says nothing. Glorfindel merely smiles.

Dinner reminds me of the last meal we shared with Galadriel and Celeborn. A simple meal shared with family. The talk is of life in Lorien, the tasks we performed and the training we undertook. Ada and Glorfindel seem pleased at our participation, suggesting we see to imparting our newly honed skills, along with the contingent we took with us, to those who would patrol with Glorfindel once chosen.

We do not need to consider this. For me it will keep Elladan close to me. I touch his hand and nod. And I know for him it will mean he can watch me more closely. I know he feels guilt that he causes distress when we are parted.

We complete the meal, moving to the garden. Elladan holds my hand, Glorfindel stands close to Ada. When we speak of the border lands, Ada¡¦s hand rests on the arm of his lover. I tighten my hand on the one that holds mine. I shiver unaccountably in the warmth of the night, looking quickly to Elladan to reassure myself he is whole. I find I am not completely set at ease. There is something about my brother that eludes me this evening. I try to let it pass, focusing on Glorfindel¡¦s plans. That he intends to go is clear, that he and Ada disagree on this is also clear by the way Ada looks into the darkness of the night. Yet there would be no way to dissuade him, he knows his duty as does Elladan and I. And in his heart so does Ada. Glorfindel puts his hand on Ada¡¦s shoulder, turning his gaze to him. Elladan and I step back. We will leave them at this moment. Ada needs to feel the strong embrace of his lover and I need to feel my own lover's arms around me.

We retreat to our rooms, tuning only once as we leave, to see Ada step into the offered embrace.

Once alone, we rid ourselves of our garments, Elladan hurrying me to our bed. He pulls back the coverings, lying with his arms reaching for me. No force can prevent me from stepping to him. He lies so wanton before my gaze, his hand running over my chest as I come close him. There is no mistake in the look in his dark eyes, nor the response of his body to my presence.

I trail a line of kisses down his body as I kneel on the floor beside him. His hands stroke at my hair and across my ears as my head moves. When my tongue laps at his erection there is a loud gasp from him, his fingers tightening to pull at my hair. He calls my name breathlessly, a hand raking over my back.

I continue to run my tongue the length of his hard shaft, the sweet taste of it clinging to my lips as I moisten them with a flicking tongue. He arches his back lifting his hips from the bed to entice me further. But I will not be hurried though I ache with every fibre of my being to bury myself within the smooth heat of him. I loved him in haste previous, I would do it with more exquisite leisure now we have little to disturb us.

Elladan grows more impatient, his nails dragging hard over my arms, his body pulsing. Slowly I climb onto the bed, the pads of my fingers teasing at his nipple that stands tight on his chest. I lie down next to him, this time taking him in my mouth. He responds likewise. I jerk into the warm wetness as his lips pass over me and his tongue laves the tip, suckling a little of the pearled liquid that rests there. I too can feel his seed on my tongue, I swallow it greedily, wanting more. We move against each other, our hands clasped together in a fierce grip. We continue, our tongues sweeping over in synchronized motion. We have loved enough to know what it is that the other desires, yet we have never loved enough to not feel the thrill of each caress of hand, swirl of tongue or kiss of lips. We will never loosen the spell one has over the other for we willingly allow it to hold us fast.

Yet this is not what we yearn for, merely a prelude for what is to come. I will not allow Elladan to bring me to completion, just as he will not want it so. We part with reluctance nonetheless. I turn to press my body to his and my lips to his mouth. The kiss is searing, the fire raging through us. I almost cannot let him go in the fierceness that engulf me. My need to claim him rises and this kiss too is brought to a close.

"Yes,¨ he whispers, "now, Elrohir, I do not want to wait to feel you move within me.¨

He looks at me with eyes so dark, I have no doubt my own match his. I nod slowly, watching him as he spreads wide his legs and I kneel in the space they create. He lifts his buttocks up, bending his legs to press against the bed with his feet. There is nothing I can resist about my brother, and less so is my control when he offers himself thus.

I stroke his thighs, then hold him, pressing lightly as first until I feel the tight muscle relax and give in to me. His legs wrap around my shoulders, crossed at my back. He pushes to me rather than me to him and I am taken in, slowly sliding against the walls of his body. He grins to me as I glance at him, then at where our bodies meet. I move within him, drawing out almost full length, simply for the joy of watching how his body takes me back once more. The thrill of being slowly encased by the warmth of him, the velvet heat that engulfs me, the acceptance I see in his eyes when I look at him. He urges me for more, moving against my push to drive me deep. Yet that would undo me too soon, and I am not agreeable to that.

My hand curves over his smooth stomach, fingers along his thigh. I turn my head to lick along the taunt muscle that strains to push him closer to me.

"Elrohir,¨ he calls into the still air of the night, his fingers digging into the bedding under him. It is when he reaches for my hand that I am completely lost with him. I move faster, not fast enough for him who writhes and twists beneath me. He thinks I torture him so for the pleasure of hearing him moan and call my name, and in part it is true, but also because of the pleasure it brings him as his chest heaves in breathless pants. And because he deserves to be loved well for all the love he has shown me. His love for me had him ready to abandon a dream of a child, I am glad we are able to bring the impossible to him.

I move a little faster, with a little more need though desire is never far from us, between us. His muscles clench around me, holding me still for a moment, a precious moment, savouring the oneness of us. I watch again as my hard flesh glides almost from him then pierces him once more, taken full in. He moans louder now with each thrust, I touch him and he cries out, shuddering as he spills across my hand. I hold the still hard erection stroking until I too cannot deny my body any longer. Elladan instinctively arches high up, driving me deep as I press to him, release coming swiftly in a warm flow that fills him.

I fall into his arms as he uncurls his legs from around me. We lie in silence save for our hard breathing, our hands anxious still to touch hot moist skin. When at last our hearts and our breath calms, I roll to Elladan¡¦s side to kiss him gently. He smiles a tired happy smile to me. As I watch him, his eyes glaze into sleep. I follow soon after, thankful to be home safe and grateful to hold my brother as he rests.

The morning arrives too soon. There is no time for our thoughts to turn to loving as we would wish, only to washing and dressing. Ada and Glorfindel would have us present when they discuss the course of action to defend our borders. Then it is hoped we can begin the training with some of those who will ride with Glorfindel within the next days.

Our morning meal is brought to us once more. Elladan receiving it at the door, and taking upon himself to sample the fruit before setting the tray down on the table. At my frown, he takes another large piece.

"Before you consume it all,¨ he winks to me, sitting down opposite at the table.

I growl at him then take a piece of honeyed bread. He is possibility right. I am hungry once more, and could most likely eat all that is set before us. I notice however, that after several bites of the second fruit, Elladan puts it down on his plate. Thinking he finds the taste not to his liking I think nothing of it and set about eating a honey cake. I offer one to Elladan and though he takes it, after I will recall he does not eat more than a crumb.

He seems deep in thought. When I speak to him, he blinks as if to return to this world.

"I had thought,¨ I begin,¨ that in part we can use this room for the nursery. It is large enough and the garden beyond offers a safe area."

Elladan nods, taking hold of my hand.

"At times I cannot believe it to be true,¨ he whispers, ¡§that soon it will not be only the two of us within these rooms. That you have done this.¨ He pauses and I wait as he forms the next words. "I love you Elrohir, even without this I would love you always and be happy with you. But this,¨ his thumb runs over my wrist, "this is a great gift.¨

I place my other hand over his. "I would give you anything Elladan.¨

"And I you Elrohir, anything to keep you safe and by my side.¨

There are no more words between us for a long moment. We gaze at each other, lost in our own world. I rise first.

"Come, Ada will be waiting once more for us.¨

The morning is taken with maps, respectful argument and finally a decision that is a compromise for both Ada and Glorfindel. Our golden one knows what it means to Ada to watch him ride, yet he also has his duty. I see they had long spoke on this when alone, and reluctantly Ada has relented. Just as he must do for us.

Plans made we settle into talk of the afternoon. Those Glorfindel chooses will be among the first to receive preliminary training. He and Ada are most interested in the knowledge we have gained and will accompany us to the training field.

It is warm as we assemble. We have decided to spar with long poles as we were first introduced. It is designed to give a balanced awareness of the body and the space around it. The pride of both Elladan and I suffered at the hands of the Galadhrim at this sport until we learnt the finer points. It will take more than the hours we have before most leave on patrol, but they will have gained and can practice as we did when the chance comes to them.

We split into two groups, Ada and Glorfindel, along with several others, including Erestor watch. Elladan and I show the first maneuvers, then issue the heavy poles to the others. I take my group a little to the side, casting a glance often to my brother. He moves with all the grace his heritage bestows on him, deadly and beautiful all in one form. My attention goes back to the pairs who now move into mock combat. Each move is structured in precise steps. This is not battle but akin to movements in a dance. Each pair moves around, poles clash hard against each other. In this the aim is to unbalance your opponent. There is little chance for injury.

So it is in surprise when I wheel round at the gasps that come from where Elladan's group practices. I see Ada, Glorfindel and Erestor run to the circle that has formed. My heart pounds within my chest. I hardly notice I am running, pushing aside those who gather round. I stop, unable to move at the sight that greets me.

Elladan lies on the ground, there is blood where he lies. It oozes from his mouth, over lips I kissed only a short while ago. Ada kneels beside him. Glorfindel has gone to the young elf who grips his pole, face ashen in shock. I look to him as he shakily explains. Glorfindel nods and I am caught between trying to understand how this happened and going to Elladan's side. At last my decision is made. I kneel on the other side of my brother's prone body. I touch his brow and there is no sigh of recognition nor movement from him. His eyes are dull and glazed, his skin hot. It will not be until later as I am sitting beside him as he lies in our bed that I will learn what it is that lead to this.

The young one is reassured that his part was minor.

Ada picks Elladan from the ground, Erestor places an arm around me as we hurry back to the house. I try to reach Elladan as we have been able to in the past, though it is more true that he reaches to me. There is nothing. I call his name softly in my mind. Darkness answers me. Always he has come to me who I have called to him. Always. I stumble, it is only Erestor's arm about me that saves my fall. I lean heavily on him as we mount the steps. There is a small measure of comfort in following Ada to our rooms and not elsewhere.

"I do not know,¨ he answers my question though I have asked none.

Those near by say he parried a light blow to the pole, it appeared to slip from his grasp, the young one in reversing his hold struck him rather than the anticipated wood.

"The blow was not with force,¨ Ada wipes the blood from Elladan's mouth.

I had known that, yet my brother was felled and he lies unmoving. His clothes are stripped away as Ada looks first to the fading scar on Elladan's arm, then the still crimson mark on his leg.

"Twice?¨ he turns to me.

"Twice,¨ I answer in mute tones, unable to take in what is before me.

"How long ago?¨

"These two days past, " I manage as images are recalled, "it did not appear to hinder him, and we quite forgot it. He has had worse.¨ This is no justification for ill informing Ada, this I know as he runs his eyes over Elladan searching for other marks. "The wound was clean, there was no poison.¨

"Nor on the arrow to his arm,¨ Ada whispers.

There is a soft noise at the doorway, Ada looks up and nods to the two figures there. With no word he crosses the room to them. I turn but can see nothing of them, shadow hiding them from me. I turn back to Elladan, wiping the cloth over his brow. His skin is clammy cold, not sure, I pulled the bed clothes around him to warm him.

There are hushed whispers from behind me, then silence as two sets of footsteps depart. Ada places a hand on my shoulder. I turn to him in more hope than knowledge.

"Stay with him, send word if there is a change in him. There are books I need to see.¨ He embraces me as he kneels beside me. "Do not despair Elrohir.¨

With that he departs with Glorfindel. I hear Ada speak to him concerning the patrols, they will go ahead, but Glorfindel is given another task that I do not hear as the door closes behind them.

As I sit and watch, I cling to my visions that have been granted to me. I calm as I recall Elladan holding his sons, watching them play, teaching them as we were taught by Ada. I will not despair when I have seen this. I will hold to what I have seen, Elladan will be well again.

I do not know when Ada returns, the sky is filled with the dark red of dusk. He holds a flask in his hand. A beautiful crystal that sends rainbows dancing on the wall above Elladan's head. I smile at them, I will tell him when he wakes that the colours follow him. Ada bides me hold Elladan so that a little of the thick liquid could be poured. Only several drops at a time, stroking his throat to encourage him to swallow. The smell is vile, I hope it tastes better, though I recall my own bitter potions and the one I still consume each day, and decide it was most likely as foul.

Elladan coughs as the last drop is placed on his tongue. I expect him to utter some curse quietly but he remains silent and his eyes still dull.

He is hot now and I wonder at the wisdom of enclosing him in so many bed coverings. Ada shakes his head when I begin to loosen them a little.

"Ada?¨ I whisper as he reseals the bottle.

He comes to me, placing the bottle on the table beside me before taking my hand in his as he once more kneels beside me.

"I¡....we...,¨ he begins,¨ believe Elladan to be poisoned.¨ At my incredulous look he continues. :Not deliberately so, it would seem.¨ I nod neither wound showed the signs that would tell us this.

"The weapons are crudely made and as crudely cleaned. They are used for many purposes.¨

"Yet we have seen many wounds, none has done this to others.¨ I cannot see why Elladan would be so afflicted.

Ada shakes his head. "The potion he was given lingers still within him. It has changed the way his body reacts.¨

I can only nod. I wonder why we had not known this, why it has taken this to find out. I hit the table with clenched fist, shaking the little bottle. It does not fall as I watch it spin. The colours are cast over Elladan's pale face. I watch until the bottle stops and comes to rest. The colours remain dancing over my brother for a moment longer before they cease. Ada seeks to move the bottle but I stay his hand. The rainbows will stay with Elladan for now.

Ada instead holds my hands. It is no fault of those who have helped us I realize as Ada helps to calm me. How could we have known, there is so little experience to draw on. Yet I cannot help to think back to our return home. Why had I not seen then what is so clear to me now. The way the Elladan sometimes clung to me, his weight sagging against me, the way he could not eat all set before him, his quick to sleep after any excursion. If I had seen, would it have mattered?

Ada shakes his head at my thoughts. "It would have made little difference Elrohir, one day or two would not have meant any difference to him. We all were unable to see, perhaps even Elladan himself.¨

"Perhaps.¨ It helps a little to know that perhaps he did not realize what it all meant. That while we watched for my body to turn against me, it would be Elladan to whom we should have looked with more diligence.

"Glorfindel goes to find the medicines we need, he takes with him those who know what we seek.¨

I can only hope they find what they seek in time. Ada leaves with a kiss to my brow, telling me to rest also. My hand rests over the curve of my stomach, then I climb onto the bed curling around Elladan. I place his arm on my stomach as we have slept since we have known. He will know his sons wait for him as does his lover.

I want to feel Elladan's presence in my dreams, but he does not come. I call to him as I had done when Ada carried him from the fields, as I had done when I feared for him on the hunt. There is no light in the darkness I feel around him. If I move his hand it will fall from me, so I do not shift. It helps me sleep though not rest.

I watch over him for days and nights. He does not become any worse, nor better. When Ada or Erestor come I spend my time watching the gates for any arrival, or sign that they return. My heart races each time I hear the crunch of stones under hooves, I bow my head when it is not the ones I wish to greet.

Ada still gives Elladan the little drops from the bottle and I still watch the rainbows dance, it does not harm him and it gives us both something to cling to.

This day I watch the clouds move across the blue sky. They darken the light and there are no rainbows for Elladan. I have begun to doubt what I have always felt in my heart. As Elladan lies unmoving except when it is we who shift him, I feel the fear creep into my thoughts. That the visions that had brought me such joy and comfort may have played me false. I see clearly why my brother does not trust such things, yet, surely what I have seen in the mirror would not be so wrong. I have never doubted the truth of them before. Ada does not say but I see by the way he looks to his son that there can be little time left and that perhaps he too doubts the truth of what he had seen. I stare into the garden, tears that until have remained unshed fall turning the vista before me into a frosted landscape.

There is a movement at the door and I turn expectantly. Ada comes once more to note any change. He shakes his head. There are no messengers that bring word. There is no Glorfindel. No mystery companions. No hoped for cure.

After noting Elladan's lack of progress to wellness, Ada comes to me. I know what he will say, the words have been oft repeated by he and Erestor. He holds me, kisses my brow and says nothing. I weep.

That night I am drawn into dreamings. But these are not the dreamings that bring Elladan to me, the dreamings of soft warm grass, bright bluing sky with gentle breezes blowing through our hair. Not the visions that have him hold me close, to show me his rainbows, to let me love him. As I look around me I see none of these things. No laughing Elladan to take me in his arms, no shining stream of water cascading down well worn rocks, no green branches with leaves dipping into the water nor soft call of birds high on the wing. All is dark here, lit only with deep red skies and glowing orange flames. Trees stand blackened against the perpetual night. And Elladan. My beautiful brother on his knees amid this horror landscape so far removed from anything he has shared with me. He is dressed in black, his hair tied back harshly from his face. Yet such a visage does not mar the beauty of him. Only the scars left by an endless stream of tears do that. His nails dig into the palms of his hands. A sword rests nearby, stained with his own blood. He wails, seeking to rid himself of this misery that haunts him. I try but cannot step closer to him. I reach out, but my hand has no substance. I can only watch him in heart wrenching silence. I shiver in the cold, chill like I have not known before. He bows his head, a bloody hand reaching once more for his sword. I cry out but he does not hear me above the thunder that cracks overhead, streaking the sky with violent white light. I scream his name, shaking desperate to reach him.

I have always known the ultimate fear for both of us would be to lose the other and then linger in sorrow. Yet to see this before me leaves me heartbroken. The depth of Elladan's pain has been hidden from me. He has hidden it from me to spare me.

I feel the hands on my shoulders, feel arms around me, enclosing me in warmth that cannot still my shuddering body. A voice speaks to me, quiet, almost unheard among the noise that surrounds Elladan. I strain to listen, thinking it him, yet it is not. The voice becomes louder though not loud, beginning to outstrip the din around me. A voice that calls to me though I do not wish to hear it. Slowly though it fills my mind and I am aware that I no longer see the desolation. Ada is by my side once more as the present streams in around me. It is in his arms I rest, though it is not his voice I hear, not his vision I see. The voice is less worldly, soon joined by a second, what I see is joy and happiness, smiling faces and bright skies. Ada holds me tight to him until I have calmed, no longer shivering under the assault to my senses that I have witnessed. The voices grow faint yet with a lingering peace and vague assurance.

The days are weeks, by whatever strength he has been granted Elladan holds to this world. I sit beside him, read to him, tell him of the happenings, lay his hand over my stomach. It seems the world matches my mood for the weather is somber. The little bottle, now empty still stands by the bed. I read aloud one of Elladan's favourite passages, look up to him to touch his cheek. I blink at first unbelieving, but there before me are the rainbows. I touch each colour as it glides across his face, lighting the dull eyes. I stand to walk to the window, looking out to the brilliant light that shines through the garden. Each droplet of water hanging from the branches of our twin trees glimmers. There are voices, excited voices, laughing with such joy. There before me is my brother, kneeling. Just beyond his reach two tiny forms struggle to their feet, holding to each other as they sway. Then they take a small ungainly step. Another follows. Elladan's arms are outstretched as he turns to me with a broad smile. I want to run to him, embrace him, the need is so strong. I turn wanting to see him behind me, his arms around me once more. I see instead him still on the bed. I go back, take up my book, not yet able to accept the vision.

I complete only a few more pages when the door to our rooms flies open. Never have I seen Ada in such disarray. Close behind him are Gandalf and Glorfindel. In the wizard's hands is a bowl from which a liquid spills a little. I look up hoping yet stilling the hope even as it surfaces.

Ada does not, he smiles, nodding to me to hold Elladan. I lift him, the liquid is poured slowly, some drizzling down his chin.

If I thought Elladan would be cured immediately upon drinking the liquid I am mistaken. Perhaps it was simply my deepest desire to watch him wake on finishing the concoction, to hold me in his arms, for I had sorely missed his embrace. He coughs as Ada soothes his throat to swallow but there is no sudden awareness in his eyes.

Gandalf places his hand on my shoulder with a wink and a smile. I begin to think there is little that he will let dampen my spirit. He guides me from Elladan's side though I would protest given the chance. We walk along the paths that wander through the gardens. He says nothing as we walk, the sound of his ancient stick disturbing the stones our only accompliment. I do not break the silence to ask the myriad of questions my thoughts conceive of. I have long passed the need to seek blame or retribution, I seek only Elladan whole and well. I would hear the detail of it.

Gradually our path brings us full circle. We pass Glorfindel in earnest discourse in the passageway to our rooms. The three gathered bow to us, Gandalf clasps those who stand with Glorfindel by the shoulder in turn, acknowledging some familiarity between them.

The quiet of the walk has been good for me though as I walk into the room and the door closes behind us, I summise there has been another reason for it other than the benefit to my well being. I look around the room expecting to see some change but notice none. Elladan lies as he has done, the sheets around him straightened more perhaps, the water beside the bed filled, the little bottle still dancing its rainbows. Whatever transpired in secret has left no trace. I go to my brother, marking no change. I settle into my chair to maintain my vigil.

As night draws in around us, I change into sleeping clothes and take my place along side my brother. There has been thankfully no reoccurrence of the nightmares yet this will be the first time in many nights that I slumber in peace.

The day begins bright. I am rested as I have not been since Elladan took ill, and I am hungry once more, wanting rather than allowing myself to eat. I take a piece of honey cake from the tray, moving to the window. There I look over the garden I have become so familiar with. The twin trees rock gently together in the warm breeze. I watch mesmerised by their synchronized motion that I barely hear the whisper behind me.

The sound is husky, rasping of soreness and ill use, but when the whisper is repeated it is undoubtedly my name I hear.

Heedless to any thing else, I fly to his side, taking his hand in mine as he attempts to push himself up from the bed. He licks at his dry lips, squeezing my hand with what little strength he can command. There is a small tired smile as he looks to me. He lifts his hand slowly to caress my cheek. I close my eyes and lean into the touch. A touch I had thought I would not feel again.

"Elrohir," he whispers with more certainty.

His hand touches my stomach and he smiles once more.

"It is no dream then,¨ he murmurs. As his hand glides over the thin fabric of my pants I feel a movement within me. There is a press I can feel against his touch that is not of my making. I look to his hand and then to him. There is another movement, this one more firm causing no doubt as to its origin, there is faint laughter from my brother.

I place my own hand over his and for long moments we delight in what we feel until we perceive the motions to become less and less.


So taken are we that we do not hear Ada enter. When we look up he stands smiling.

"Welcome back to us Elladan,¨ he murmurs, a voice ladened with emotion.

There is one more sharp movement within me. It seems Elladan's sons echo their grandsire's words in welcoming their Ada's return.