The Probability Factor

Chapter Twenty One-The End of the Long Goodbye

(dialogue in italics is spoken Sindarin)

Our visit with Thranduil was short, only a week, and that was so we could resupply our stores and rest the horses for the next leg of the journey. Elrond was going to pick up the rest of the elves sailing on this journey at Imladris and we were apparently stopping by the Shire to collect a couple of Hobbits. I had never seen a hobbit before, and only knew of their existence from tales I was told by Celeborn, Galadriel and Haldir. I was curious about this tenacious race, as Haldir had told me about the two that had seen to the destruction of the Ring. Apparently there was a ring that was the embodiment of evil and these two hobbits had toiled through dangerous land to see to its destruction.

So while I waited for our next leg of the journey to begin, I spent my time hiding out in our room with Haldir. He kept me occupied with stories and helped me with my Tengwar, as I was utterly hopeless. To keep the King happy, we took meals in our room, and I was snuck out once a day during the mid-day meal to walk in the gardens. It was an odd treaty but at least the King was mollified, he didn’t have to look at me and I had a roof over my head. Galadriel and Celeborn would visit after supper, just before we’d retire to bed. They would tell me about the little things that had happened that day and we’d play some games to pass the evening in an amiable fashion. I had gotten used to living in a windowless room, but yearned for the fresh air of outside. The night before we left, Thranduil was kind enough to forgive my trespass, and allow my husband and me to attend the farewell dinner. I didn’t know if the King was really okay with this as he seemed quite angry that I was there to begin with and I hoped he hadn’t been talked into it. Haldir assured me that Thranduil was not the type to be talked into anything, and he probably was being generous for our last evening.

The dining hall was a study in opposites when we walked in that evening. It was laden with garlands heavy with flowers, at various stations sommeliers stood with wine and the tables groaned under the weight of the food. I looked at Haldir to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating.

“This is the King I know, my love. He seems to have had a change of heart,” Haldir commented.

We were seated at the back of the hall, which didn’t surprise me in the least. I was shocked to have been invited at all, so being at the back of the hall just solidified my expectations of the evening. The food was good and the wine was supposedly among the best the King had in stock. As I didn’t drink alcohol, I had to rely on Haldir’s judgement about the wine. I enjoyed the evening as it was nice to be among friends once again. Many of the elves we travelled with sat at our table, and it was pleasant to be able to catch up and shoot the breeze with them. All too soon it was the end of the meal, and to my amazement, Thranduil announced that there was to be dancing in the ballroom through the doors at the far end of the dining hall. I wanted to take a walk through the gardens while everyone else was occupied, so Haldir and I snuck out as everyone moved to the other room.

The evening was cool and the gardens were empty as we walked through them. Some of the flowers had closed up for the night, and the buds fairly glowed against the darkness surrounding them. As we walked along the paths we brushed against the leaves of the bushes that lined the way. Billions of stars glittered overhead, tiny jewels against the black liquid expanse of the sky. Haldir had put his arm around me to keep what warmth I had intact, and I leaned into him as we walked silently throughout the garden. We came upon my favourite spot by a pool with a small water feature. Some night jasmine was blooming, filling the air with its delicate fragrance. Sitting down on a small bench, Haldir and I watched the night sky and enjoyed each other’s company.

After what seemed like hours, Haldir kissed the top of my head, “It is getting too cool out for you. We should go in.”

I involuntarily shivered and nodded, “All right. Let’s get to bed. We have to be riding just after dawn, right?”

“Yes, so it would help if you got as much sleep as possible now. You will not have such opportunity as we travel.”

With that, we got up and returned to the palace, and back to our room.

I slept hard that night. Haldir had to shake me awake the next morning, I was so fast asleep. I felt like I was dragging through the morning, getting dressed at a sloth-like pace. After eating a light breakfast with Haldir, we went to the stables to get saddled up. The place was brimming with activity as the retinue of elves made sure everything was ready to go and mounted their horses to prepare for the long journey ahead. Galadriel spoke to the King briefly, as did Elrond and Celeborn, before mounting their steeds. With a nod and a wave, Galadriel started us off, out the gates and leaving Eryn Lasgalen, much to my relief. King Thranduil left the moment Galadriel, Celeborn and Elrond went through the gates. I was sure he was as glad to be rid of us as I was glad to get the heck out of dodge.

Our journey to Imladris took just over four weeks. By the time we arrived, I had never been so happy to see something civilised in my life. Throughout the trip, I had been suffering the queasies, and food had become an anathema to me. By the last week, I had been cramping on and off, and vomiting frequently. Haldir was terribly alarmed and the healer advised us that I needed to get to Imladris where I could be properly cared for as soon as possible. I had an inkling that this was a pregnancy gone wrong, as I had missed my last period and I had classic signs of first term pregnancy. The only thing that made this a pregnancy gone wrong was the sharp pain that came and went. The day before we reached Imladris I had breakthrough bleeding. This alarmed the healer and our journey began early the next morning before sunup. A rider had left our encampment not long after I began to bleed, in order to let the healers in Imladris know what was coming.

The healer had me lie down in one of the carts, as she monitored my pain and bleeding as our retinue continued to Imladris. We arrived just before noon, and I was rushed into the healing rooms for care. Their version of a gynaecologist did a pelvic exam and then inserted a poultice into my womb to stop the bleeding and fix the issue. I was told I had suffered from an ectopic pregnancy, and they would try to dissolve the embryo and save my life. Luckily I was only about a month and a bit along, so they felt this could work. Otherwise my life could be held in the balance as they tried to remove the embryo surgically. I had seen their version of surgery, and while it was better than mortal medicine by spades, it wasn’t up to modern 21st Century medicine. I was begging god for a good laparoscopic surgeon if this didn’t work, I was so upset about the whole thing.

All Haldir could do was hold my hand and wipe away my tears, bless his soul. I knew this was tearing him apart, but I wasn’t in any shape to comfort him. I was currently overwhelmed by pain and emotional turmoil as the pregnancy we had been working to have was being sucked away from us. My body was wracked with tears as pain seared through my abdomen. The healer was rubbing it while she checked my heart rate. They had no way to check my BP, but I was sure if they had, it would show as being through the roof.

Elrond had come in at one point, felt my abdomen and spoke quietly to the healer and the gyno. He then came over to my bed and spoke to Haldir.

“My friend, you need rest as does your wife. I have prescribed a sedative for her, and I would suggest you get some rest while she is sleeping,” he kindly told Haldir.

Haldir gave Elrond a grim smile, “I wish to sleep near my wife tonight please. I do not want her to wake without me near.”

“It will be done my friend,” Elrond moved from Haldir’s side and spoke to some of the staff that occupied the healing rooms.

While he was arranging for Haldir’s sleeping arrangements, I was given a semi-sweet drink that tasted a bit minty. Soon I began to feel sleepy and I kissed my husband’s hand as I drifted off to sleep.

The next morning my pain had lessened substantially. I felt relief as the healer proclaimed me past the danger period, once they finished examining me. Haldir gave me a kiss on the head once the healer had walked away.

“Susan, I do not know what I would have done had you succumbed to your illness. I was so worried that we did not have the medicine you are used to from your home,” he admitted.

I nodded weakly, still feeling worn out from my ordeal, “Don’t worry about it. I survived and that’s all that matters. I know you’ve probably never seen this type of pregnancy before in the elven community, but it’s not uncommon for mortal women over the age of 35. I will have to be careful if I get pregnant again, and make sure I am under medical supervision as from what I hear, the chances of having another ectopic pregnancy go up once you’ve had one.”

Haldir tensed at my words, “Perhaps we should not risk your life my love.”

I frowned, “It doesn’t mean I will have another one Haldir. I am just saying that my chances go up. I can’t remember what the odds are, but I know a friend of mine who did have one, was been able to have a normal pregnancy later on.”

Haldir looked down at me, “That may be so, but your friend had the benefit of your medicine. I know we are primitive compared to the medical miracles your home is capable of, and I cannot risk losing you to our lack of technology.”

“I hate to break it to you Haldir, but even our medicine would be considered primitive compared to other societies more advanced that us. It is all a matter of opinion and level of development. Don’t say that Arda will never have what Earth has, because you are at a level we have experienced in the past. Civilisations live and die, and technology and technological advances go with it. You have creativity and desire to have knowledge, and that is the basis for any type of advancement. It is what you do with that, which will determine the outcome of this civilisation,” my little speech had tired me out somewhat, and I let myself drift back off to sleep.

My recovery took weeks, and I didn’t get to see much of Imladris as I would’ve liked. I was bedridden for a couple of weeks, and then it was short walks into the garden, with lots of rest under one of the maple trees. After a month, I was allowed to eat with everyone else in the dining hall, and I was released from the healing rooms and went with Haldir into one of the guest rooms overlooking one of the abundant falls surrounding Imladris. Elrond had seen to it that I was kept on the first floor, and he asked Haldir to keep me from doing anything strenuous. By the middle of our second month, I had managed to get my strength back enough to go for light hikes in the woods surrounding Imladris with Haldir. Glorfindel had offered to guide us a couple of times, but Haldir had politely refused, wanting instead to be with me as we worked through our loss and talked about the future. At 37 I knew it was risky to have a child, especially without the medical resources I had at home, but I trusted the elves and I wanted to see if I could bear Haldir his offspring.

At the beginning of September, everyone who was riding to Grey Havens for the sailing to Aman left, along with those who wished to bid them goodbye in the Havens. Elrond’s sons had bid farewell to their father the previous evening before our departure, and I had the feeling that Elrond was worried about what choice they would make. Haldir had told me that Elrond and his children were part-elven, or Peredhil, and they had to choice of staying elven and immortal or choosing their human side and becoming mortal. I felt badly that Elrond had to go through all of this loss, as he seemed to be perpetually sad, and I hoped that he would find peace in Aman. Haldir told me that healing happened to those in the Western lands, and I reckoned it was akin to being reborn in the Pure Lands of Amitabha or Pure Land Buddhism.

We arrived on the east side of the Shire on the 22 of September, and it was then that I got a glimpse of the famous hobbits that Haldir had told me about. They were like the little people I saw on the TLC show, “Little People, Big World”, except their feet were totally hairy, and as far as I knew, the Roloff’s didn’t have hairy feet. I wasn’t introduced, but that was fine with me. The way everybody was fawning over them, I was sure they’d be worn out from all the attention. I remembered how Hollywood stars would complain about fame and I figured it had to be close to what the hobbits went through.

We travelled through the Shire and on the 28th, late in the afternoon, we arrived at the Grey Havens. It was a port at the mouth of a river that was about the size of the Fraser’s north arm. Swan-like ships, sat in the harbour, waiting for their passengers to set sail.

We stayed at an Inn near the water with Elrond, Galadriel and Celeborn. That evening we all laughed, danced and reminisced in the pub below. It was hard to watch Celeborn say goodbye to his wife. They were so tender with each other, it made me kinda teary. I had been talking to Galadriel before we had ridden into Grey Havens, and had pretty much said my goodbyes, but watching Celeborn as he held his wife gently, kissing her forehead and running his hands through her hair made me feel like I hadn’t done enough to let Galadriel know how much she would be missed by everyone who didn’t sail.

At one point during the evening Galadriel caught my eye and I heard her in my head saying, “It is all right Susan. I know I will be missed. You have done enough, as has everyone else. Thank you for your concern.”

The next day was sad as we bid goodbye to Elrond, Galadriel, Mithrandir, and the hobbits Bilbo and Frodo. Two other hobbits had joined our group. Haldir had told me they were Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took. They had been on the quest to destroy the ring as well. They did not get on board, but stood beside Samwise Gamgee on the docks and waved sombrely to the tiny hobbits standing on the deck of the ship. Many of the elves that had come with us were sailing; and soon once all the ships had been boarded, they set sail under a bright morning sky. The water was slightly choppy at the river mouth, but I could see out to the ocean which looked considerably smoother.

I sighed as we watched the ships move down the river, and out to the ocean. It was a great day for boating and I wished I was getting into a boat myself and out onto the water. I hearkened back to my childhood when my brother and I had spent many happy summers boating in the Gulf Islands and up the coast. Once we had even made it all the way up the Inside Passage and had a glorious time. I wished the elves sailing would have calm seas and the wind kept at their back so they could make it to their destination in safety. Once the ships reached the ocean, we all turned and headed back into the city for lunch and to sort ourselves out after the long goodbye.