A Gift of Love

CHAPTER 21
Sojourn to Lorien

It is with a gleeful heart that we sight the valley from atop the hillside. What stretches out before us is a sight to gladden even the hardest warrior. I look to my companions with a smile. Yet as beautiful as the land is we return to, it is to what dwells within the borders that my mind turns to. Too long have we been apart, not able to touch other than in our dreamings. That has sustained us both, given us much needed comfort and assurance that all is well. Yet there is a yearning to stand face to face, body to body. To feel more than lips ghosting over mine.

//We are almost home// I send the message to my awaiting brother. He does not need to reply, I feel the excitement in him along with the relief.

//Soon I will hold you in my arms// I reply. Before me I can see his smiling face.

As we descend the hilltop I recall our parting. I could not look back on my brother as we rode away. I knew he watched us, could feel it as I blinked into the sun. Now I ride home, back into his embrace with the hope we will not part again soon. It has been nigh impossible to not think on him and wish him by my side.

We reach the gates and I catch the first sight of him. I dismount with undue haste, sliding from the horse that bears me before he is stilled. I run to him and he to me, laughing dark hair flying behind us. Our arms wrap around each other and we embrace tightly, remembering now where we stand. I will taste the softness of his kiss when we are alone. I spy Ada on the steps, his smile matches ours. Others come to lead away the horses, and for once I will leave them to it, I am selfish in my need to be with Elrohir. Around us others are of like mind. Cherished ones coming forward to claim back their loves. I try to catch our watcher in the midst of the enveloping crowd but once more he has slipped away. I had hoped a chance may arise as we journeyed home, yet he contrived to keep his distance from me. I must be content to know I have returned him home, safe. I do not dwell for long on it, my attention is taken once more by my brother, his hand in mine, forsaking propriety leads me up the steps.

"My Lord¨ I bowed to Ada, who steps forward to embrace me soundly. There is a smile and nod from our golden haired mentor. I know they have both worried for us. Me for the dangers of the road, Elrohir for the anxious wait for me to return.

We are dismissed our company and I. Elrohir hurries us to our room. There is little we do not know of each other in our time apart, many times I would reach to him or he would call to me and we would lie on the soft grass in the embrace of each other and tell of the day. Not always did we make love, at times we were content to simply be. A dream, an illusion it may have been but it was real to us while we dwelt there.

Once the door is closed shut, Elrohir is in my arms, showering kisses over my cheeks and neck. His hands work their way under my clothing. I drop my sword to the ground and do likewise. We are unashamedly ferverent in our need for each other. Somehow amid the tangle of hands and clothing we are undressed. My hand runs over his still taunt stomach. I find it hard still to believe that he carries our child within that sleek body.

However there is no mistake to be made from the look in his eyes. They are dark and he smiles at me, a hand guiding toward our bed. My own body shivers in anticipation, his hand warm on my skin. Our dreams have allowed us a measure of intimacy but does not replace the feeling of his body pressed to mine when we are together. Gladly I obey his unspoken instruction, climbing onto the bed, resting on my hands to look over to him. He comes to me slowly, his mouth curled to a grin. When his hands rake over my buttocks I moan my acceptance of him. His mouth is hot on my back, kisses mingled with soft bites before he claims me as his only.

The sun rises before we do. Elrohir casts a weary eye to me, his smile tender. We have loved often, denying each other nothing of ourselves until we had fallen into deep sated sleep clinging to each other. There were no dreams for us this night, there was no need. In their place was the steady heart beat of my brother and his warm breath on my skin.

Our idyllic existence returns to us and I am glad of it. I have seen enough of the evil of this world for a time. I wish to be with my brother and share the changes ahead for us both. Yet Elrohir chaffs at the inactivity. We are trained for more than plotting battles on a map and reading endless accounts of times past. I do not forget that he has been so these last two months. Word reaches him that Ada will send forth to Lorien a dispatch of riders carry some document to our grandsires. His eyes gleam at the news as he sets forth to convince Ada to include us in the company.

He argues that the time of danger has passed. I look to him with a frown. I had known he stayed at Ada's request, I had not known that there was still danger for him. He grips my hand in his.

"'Twas a minor concern Elladan, a mere chance only,¨ he whispers in reassurance, "much less a chance than you faced hunting.¨ His free hand runs over my arm, healed now but still bearing a scar of reminder.

I nod. He is a little more than four months with child, his body growing more accustomed to the changes wrought by potions and no little faith. If his body was to turn on these changes it would have been done already.

Ada listens. He has the wisdom of the ages and the love for his sons. He knows as I that Elrohir cannot be caged for much longer. And that it would be wiser to acquiesce now to make the future more tolerable, for it will not be long til there will be no possibility of him riding distances beyond our borders.

So it is that Ada judges it safe for Elrohir to ride and not for so long have I seen the excited gleam in his eye at the prospect.

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I have been more content than my brother supposes during the past weeks. To have leisure to pursue interests other than our training has been a reward I had not anticipated. The freedom of the vast library of Imladris has been at my disposal and unfettered by the impatience of youth, I have come to cherish the quiet moments of reading the ancient texts. I have learned more of our history, managing to thread together the scattered evidence of the lives of those I have come to consider our silent watchers and benefactors. Whether real or imagined, Elurin and Elured live with us. One day it is my hope that their story will be told to full account.

Yet as I fold clothing into the pack that lies on the bed I will not deny there is an air of anticipation to see again the world beyond. The roads to Lorien are safer for the endeavours of Elladan and those like him, though as I belt my sword to my waist there is a spark that flares as I run my hand over the hilt. On impulse I draw it forth, relishing the heavy feel of it in my hand as I practice for a moment one of the many maneuvers Glorfindel had us practice until it was blazed into our memories. It is reassuring to me that I have lost none of my warrior spirit, though I do not seek battle as no soldier does, were it upon me I would not turn from it.

Elladan watches from the doorway to our bed chamber. I know he leans against the wall, his face alight with a smile. He knows my greatest fear is to be seen as less than what I am. I resheath the sword as he steps toward me, his arms around my waist, his mouth on my neck.

"Nothing has changed Elrohir,¨ he whispers, turning me to face him. "Nothing will.¨

I touch his cheek, bringing his lips closer to mine. There is nothing changed in him either, I can feel his love as I press my mouth to his, and as he parts my lips with his tongue to entwine it with mine, I feel the desire that has not wavered over centuries for me.

"We must go,¨ he breathes huskily, though his eyes and body betray that thought. "Ada waits with the messages we are to deliver as do those who ride with us.¨ We part with a promise in his eyes that will be fulfilled later.

As is Elladan's due as captain he takes the leather wrapped bundle of papers before we mount. Our company is small, a little over 20 with cloaks pulled around them, hoods concealing elven features for the road ahead. We turn out mounts to the gate and though I attempt to dampen it, I cannot help the grin as Elladan turns to me.

That night we manage to slip away as Elladan does not back away from his promise. I love him fully amid the sweet scent of the woods. I have oft yearned for a soft bed when we are abroad, but this night it is bliss to lay him down amongst the fallen leaves and still warm grass.

We muffle our cries of delight with kisses and bites to each other¡¦s skin, then lay silently with each other to watch the stars burning bright in the sky. Presently we dress and return to the camp, a shy smile from those who stand guard our greeting on return. We do not suppose we are the only ones who have enjoyed such a tryst.

Dawn arrives and we ride once more, I a little sore from so long the day passed. I have not traveled so far since last Elladan and I returned to our home.

"'Tis well that we did not add to your discomfort.¨ My brother jests as I shift once more to gain a more comfortable seat upon the horse. I glare at him and promise it will be he in need of comfort come the morrow.

As we approach the land of our grandsires there is intrepidation in my thoughts. That Galadriel knows fully what has transpired is beyond question, that this news would be imparted to her consort is also expected. What is unknown for us is how far the word has spread. The contact between us is sparse enough for news to have not yet reached the secluded realm, yet often enough do travelers journey as we do that such momentous news could well not be secret. Elladan leans across to place his hand on mine. A gesture so subtle yet so powerful a sign of the bond that exists between us. He knows with a gentle squeeze of my hand and we will defend our honour should it come to that.

They watch though they cannot be seen, the Guardians of the Golden Wood. There are eyes on us from all places, high in the trees where they sit with bows ready, low to the ground with hands on hilts of swords. Even we, the sons of a daughter of Lorien are not above scrutiny so well do they protect the land.

Quietly they close the distance between us so that they stand on all sides. We have pulled back our hoods so there is no mistaking our elven features, nor our heritage. We are greeted well as we dismount. Others take our horses as we walk now. I regard them more than they have interest in me. There seems to be no recognition of anything amiss among us. It could be the discretion of the well trained or they have not been privy to gossip whilst they patrol. Only time will avail me of the answer to that.

The shimmering city looms before us. Our trek has left me tired and I am glad to finally sight the candle lit trees and spiraling staircases. Our escort leaves us at the city¡'s edge as the Royal Guardians step forward. There is more recognition among them and by several we are greeted heartily. We begin the assent to be presented to the Lady and Lord.

In their presence we bow respectfully, Elladan presenting the bound parchment to the Lady. Galadriel in her white splendour passes the documents to a scribe to step forward to embrace first Elladan with a laugh. Then she steps to me, holds me at arm¡¦s distance to gaze upon me. I shift uncomfortable like so many others in her regard. She smiles, touching my cheek softly.

"It becomes you Elrohir. I see a contentment within you I have not before. You are at peace with your decision.¨ She opens her arms to pull me into an embrace as loving as the one bestowed on my twin.

"And you Elladan, you shine with love and pride.¨ She says as she releases me to take our hands guiding us up yet more steps.

"All is well?¨ she asks when we arrive at our appointed rooms.

"All is well, "I assure her.

"Rest then, refreshments will be sent for you and your company housed.¨ She looks down to where the others are gathered, puzzlement then enlightment crossing her fine features. "There are those I wish to speak with, " she murmurs turning back to us, "but that will come later. For now I will leave you, we will take the evening meal together.¨

Celeborn lingers after her. He too has given his approval of us in the clasp of shoulders. "We will talk later when the rigours of the road have been soothed.¨

It is with a sigh that I turn to Elladan.

"A bath while the food and drink come I think brother,¨ he announces. I can only agree with him. It will be good to wash in warm water, allowing the oils and herbs to work loose tired muscles. And there will be the added delight of having Elladan to myself without the need to be wary of others close by.

The room is prepared for us and after we undress I sink into my brother's arms. Allowing the water to support us I feel myself drifting to sleep.

It is a little while later as the water begins to cool around us that Elladan rouses me. I smile apologetically to him with a shrug.

Once dried and dressed I feel refreshed.

"A walk?¨ I suggest. I feel the need to become familiar with again with these woods and the power that is contained within them.

Elladan cocks his head but agrees.

We climb down the stair case to reach the floor, Elladan watching closely for any sign that the tiredness returns. But I feel rejuvenated as I touch the trees along the path. Nonetheless we walk slowly, close, not touching each other though the longing is there. We are hesitant to display our affection more openly, even among our own. Here we would honour our mother¡¦s kin.

We pass others who give no sign that they scrutinize us more than they would otherwise the grandsons of their Lady and Lord.

The leaves are set golden by the setting sun by the time we return to mount the steps to prepare to sup with our grandsires. As we approach the room, Elladan slips his hand in mine. There is comfort in that touch as we step inside the room. Laid out on the bed are two sets of clothing, almost identical to each other save for the threaded chain that sits atop. One circlet deepest blue, the other darkest green.

Once dressed Elladan fastened the blue links across my brow, I do likewise to the green. Swords of ceremonial nature only will sit at our hips. I stand back to appraise my princely brother. He stands tall, his hair braided, as is mine, to pull back the barest of strands from his face, his velvet locks cascading down his back, a perfect foil to the white tunic. He is indeed a worthy successor to thousands of years of proud heritage.

//As are you// I hear echo in my thoughts.

It is a small gathering to which we are seated, the table before us ladened with all manner of delicacies. The talk is of trivial things best suited to such a company. There will be a time later to speak on matters that have greater import. She will speak to us alone and separate as has always been her want. Whether she knows if we speak of what we have learned when we are reunited I do not know, nor do I ask it. She foretold my brother and I long before we came to acceptance. It had given me comfort in my despair to have our embracing of each other so revealed, though it did not make the bringing about of it any the easier. There were still many hurdles to encounter not least of which our determination not to see the other hurt. Yet we were born to love one another, had we not felt it while still encased within our mother's womb. Those first stirrings that told us we would not find another to give us the love that the other offered.

I am brought back by a gentle touch of Elladan's hand on mine. He queries my absence, with a tilt of his head. I place my free hand on top of his with a light squeeze to tell him all is well, that I was simply remembering.

We ask for leave as the songs end. I am weary ad long for Elladan¡¦s arms around me. Celeborn from his debate with his captain nods to give us consent and soon we are divest ourselves of the formal attire and curl naked on our bed. I nestle into the curve of my brother's body, circled by his arms, one hand resting as always on the curve of my stomach.

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We are summoned toward the middle of the morning. There has been no need for haste. Food was brought to us and we are permitted to stay within our room until word comes. Our lady grandmother is seated on a bench under the bow of a spreading mallorn tree. She rises to greet us, asking after our rest, then gestures for us to sit with her.

It seems it is Ada hope and wish that we reside in Lorien awhile, to use this time of calm to further our knowledge. It has been determined that it is best that we do this in practical service. Galadriel has called us to her to ask if this meets our needs. Elrohir¡¦s eyes gleam. Though there is little danger within the protection of the woods, he will still feel the weight of his sword about his waist and the feel of arrow let loose from bow as he has not done for what seems to him an age past. I nod my agreement to this though it surely means we will need to put aside our intimacy while we patrol the outer edges of the Golden Wood. Elrohir winks at me slyly as we bow and retreat, I have no doubt he will find a way as I chuckle lightly.

The weeks pass quickly among our cousins. There is much that Elrohir and I learn in our time, knowledge we will take back to our home. Our captain too honours us with the note he takes on our skills. And Elrohir is true to his word, we find opportunity to lie in each other's arms to love and gaze upon the stars.

Our last evening with the Galadhrim is celebrated in a manner the lady herself would approve. There are stories, food and wine, laughter and merriment. During it all, he takes me to one side, our silver haired captain. I look to him, puzzled at this.

"You and your brother¡K¡K..I have seen you....I have heard things.......¨ he begins.

There is no reason to deny what he speaks. I answer with a nod of my head, my stomach clenches as he continues.

"You are ...........happy?¨ he asks, a hope in the hesitation.

Again I nod. As I cast a glance over his shoulder another stands, part hidden in the shadows. I take his hand, then pull him to me.

"We are happy, beyond anything I would have dreamed of,¨ I whisper to him. "Go to him, tell him, he will understand.¨

He looks behind as I release him from the embrace. There is a smile as he turns back to me, placing a kiss on my cheek.

"Thank you.¨

I watch them, tentative at first approach each other, then leave them to return to my own brother and love.

It is dawn when we prepare to return.

In consideration to our arrival late in the evening the message to attend to Lady Galadriel arrives as the rays of light filter strongly through the trees. It asks for my company first as formalities demand, though we care little for such things. It has always been so. When young we would attempt to change places but would barely step outside our door before we were found out. It became a game to us each time working out another way. We learned it was to no avail, not matter our strategy she was always one who could tell one from the other.

With a kiss to Elrohir, I dress. The knot in my stomach tells me I will be glad to see this done and returned to these rooms to await my brother¡¦s return. He touches my hand gently, drawing me into an embrace. He knows I do not relish these discussions with her as readily as he does. I am uncomfortable when my mind is laid so bare to her. Yet there have been times when I have been grateful for her insight, most when the gentle way of her knowing let me see the love I held for my brother more clearly and in no small measure set us on this course.

I walk down the stone steps slowly. She stands by the water, silver container in hand. As I stand opposite her she sets it down, beckoning me to her. We stand close, she bestows a kiss on my brow. She will ask her question of me and I will answer as I always have. My answer is unchanged. I shake my head.

"What do you fear, Elladan?¨ she asks, her hand cupping my cheek.

"I fear what will be revealed to me that I cannot change.¨

She nods, how well she knows this, yet she would press me further.

"You have a gift that cannot be turned only to what pleases you to see Elladan.¨

I know this, she has told me previous. But I do not hear. I have seen already too much that I have not wished to.

"It is not for you that you fear,¨ her hand is still on my cheek as she speaks, long fingers caressing.

"No.¨

"You have seen.¨

"I have seen him in agony, blood on my hands, I feared for so long it almost swayed Elrohir from his path.¨

She nods once more to me, eyes downcast for a moment before turning her singular gaze back to me. ¡§It is not always as it seems.¨

"I have come to understand the truth is often hidden even from our dreamings.¨

"Yet you still will not see?¨

"No, I cannot.¨

Sadly I bow my head though she lifts it slipping her fingers under my chin.

"It will come, you have much time.¨

I leave then. Perhaps I will one day embrace this gift more fully than I can now.

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I wait impatiently for Elladan to return. When the door opens he stands for a moment then comes to my waiting arms. He does not have to say that he has again declined to look into the mirror. I know well his feelings on this. His visions seem to be more of pain and hurt than do mine and that he oft chooses not to see or hear what they bring to him.

"Go,¨ he whispers, "she is waiting. I will be waiting also for your return.¨

We kiss briefly, to linger would delay me further.

I slide out of his embrace, watch as he turns to look out over the trees, then leave.

She waits for me, the silver jug still filled with the water used. I nod my acceptance to stand on the foot of the pedestal while the clear water splashes into the bowl. My eyes close a moment then open to the scene reflecting there.

At first I think it Elladan and I racing across a field to the trees beyond. But the hair that flies behind as the elflings run is not pure dark. As the light shines on their heads I see it flecked with palest gold. I look to Galadriel who stands with hands resting over mine. She nods and smiles a little. My eyes turn back to the images the mirror brings to me.

One is ahead of the other, but as he turns his head to look back he slows his pace. The other runs faster to him, his hand outstretched. The hands are linked as they stand at the top of the hill, looking out over the vale. They face each other, the vision turns to one then the other. I see the grey eyes glisten as I have oft seen other like eyes that turn to me. For a moment they are still, shy faint smiles gracing their beautiful identical faces. Then one, the more bold, leans forward. The kiss is light, barely as whisper of touches. Hands are released, arms are wrapped one around the other, smiles wider now. The second kiss begins as the first, becoming more intense as mutual need is recognized. There is a smile on my lips also as one hand slips to my stomach. These two will not need to look far to find the one to whom they belong, just as their sires did not. There will be no heart searching for them as there was for us, and for that I am happy. They will accept without reservation that no harm will come to either in their confession of love. As no harm has come to those who brought them forth.

The image fades, the water clearing until I see only the crystal clearness of it. Galadriel removes her hands from the rim.

"Would he have seen what I have seem?¨ I ask.

"There is no way to tell,¨ she answers.

This I know, we each come to this along our own path. My heart tells me I would have liked my brother to have been witness to what I have been allowed to see. But I know also that I will not say what it is that I have seen, he will not ask, he does not wish to know. Perhaps later, I will be able to reassure him in some regard.

I nod to her reply. "All will be well.¨

"Yes, Elrohir, all will be well.¨

I leave then returning to Elladan. He still looks out over the valley as I circle my arms around him. He leans back into my embrace, and for long moments we stand, comfortable and content in each other¡¦s company.

We spend the rest of our days with the Galadhrim. Elladan is happier, less pensive in his moods as we move among the trees, learning and teaching in equal measure. At night we love each other in full measure. He comes to me with such openness and trust that my heart can only yearn more for him. He gives to me so much that what I give to him seems so small in reply.

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It comes to our last nights. I stand at the balcony waiting for Elrohir to dress. We will attend the dinner prepared by our grandsires. It is to be a less formal occasion than we have had in the past when Ada is present. Our company who have spent their time in Lorien in pursuits similar to ours will join us as will many of our Galadhrim hosts. I look forward to it with greater enthusiasm for we are required to dress more as we prefer, in loose tunics and leggings. It will suit Elrohir more also. Though it is barely perceptible to any around us, I can feel the steady growing of our child in the slight curve of his stomach. I shake my head with a smile. In a little over six cycles of the moon I will hold a child in my arms. The apprehension so evident in my visions returns to me before I manage to calm the tide. I recall the reassurance I was given by the one whose name I do not know. The words give me comfort as does the soft calling of my name from among the trees. When Elrohir stands by my side, I am ready to hold him in peace.

We make our way along the paths that have become as familiar to us as our home. I will be reluctant to leave this place. It is true that there exists a powerful force within the Wood, not all of it to be attributed to the power of the ring that our grandmother wears.

As we approach I spy her, in brilliant white. Around her are three of our brethren, Imladris elves clad in similar hues of brown. They are alike in the way they stand, half faces in profile. I do not need to go closer to recognize the form of one, and guess at the others, for I have seen them greet each other at the end of long ventures in the courtyard, they going to their kin as I go to mine.

I halt while Elrohir steps into the crowd to be greeted by our comrades. That the four assembled talk more than polite pleasantries is apparent. Heads are bowed close in earnest conversation. Then the lady embraces each in turn, and they her. She smiles soft as each steps from her embrace. The three step further away to meld with the crowd around them before I can think to go nearer. Galadriel looks to me and for a moment holds my gaze with her piercing ice blue eyes. I hear her voice whisper to me, not in words do I hear her, but in the soothing calm of a melody. I bow my head to her as she breaks the spell with a nod. I go to seek out my brother. Perhaps there will come an opportunity on our journey home to seek these three out, perhaps they will not hide themselves as they have done so well. It is a rueful shake of my head that I think that nothing will change, that perhaps they have taken some magic with them from whence they came and use it to conceal themselves.

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I urge Elladan to my side, puzzling at his interest, unable to see what catches his eye as he comes to me. He shrugs to indicate it is nothing of concern, yet his eyes flit around the room as if he searches yet. If I were not sure of his love I would feel the taste of jealousy, my hand tightens on his before I release it. At this thought he looks to me, shaking his head.

"Never,¨ he whispers to me, knowing in an instant. Then we are carried onto conversation with others and the thought disappears.

The end of the night draws near and we excuse ourselves from the thinning gathering. We return home in two days. There is need to bid final farewell to Lorien in those days. To the one among her protectors we have grown fond of, to our grandsires, and to the wood itself. Much s I long for home, the memories of what we have done here will linger.

Elladan stands on the balcony once more looking out as has been his want. There is a smile as he points down with a nod of his head below us. Two pale haired elves walk close, almost touching, their faces alight with the gleam of radiating love. I wrap my arm around my own brother and smile with him before turning him to me and away from the balcony to our bed.