Vaniel, My Heart

Disclaimer: All familiar characters are owned by JRR Tolkien and are used without permission. No monies are being made from this work. Original characters are part of the story and owned by the author.

Vaniel, My Heart
by Sienna Dawn


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Chapter 20 - In Minas Tirith

First days of March.....

Finally, after several more days of travel, the company arrived in the fabled Minas Tirth, the city of Men and capital of Gondor. It was a glorious day! The wind gently blew, driving all clouds away. The sky was a brilliant blue, the sunlight clear and sparkling.

The city itself, designed in seven levels, forming a circle, was packed with visitors and travellers. After the company had passed the great city gates, Aladwyn and Eodwyn were recognized by the sentries, and the group was led toward the house of the King, where they would all stay. As the company passed the city streets, their senses were assailed from all directions.

Everywhere there was color! And sound! And people laughing, running and strolling past the dozens of outdoor shops. Merchants fanned out from the city's entrance, lining the walls of the many buildings, all displaying and hawking their wares. Jewels, metals, fabrics, food and wine, tasty meat pastries and so much more! Taverns had their doors and windows opened wide, inviting in the thirsty traveller with the promise of a free first beer.

They passed trumpeteers as these announced with song the start of a new play inside red and white striped tents. They stopped briefly and watched a lively puppet show, while children stared in rapt attention. Over on a field not far from the puppet show, young men played shinty, the popular ball and stick game. Banners of red, blue and green flew everywhere, as each town proudly displayed their sigils and emblems, making ready for the archery and hawking competitions. There were outdoor chess games, while mummers danced and wove in and out of the throngs of people that crowded the streets.

But amidst this gaiety, two hearts silently suffered.

Vaniel was enchanted by all she saw. And yet, her heart was sad and no amount of music or laughter could dispel the sense of doom she felt. Ever since her encounter with Eodwyn in the Firien Wood, she had felt uneasy by his side and often caught him boldly staring at her. She had not accosted Haldir about the actual incident with Eodwyn, and she felt vaguely that if she did, trouble would soon begin to stir between the two. She had briefly considered speaking to Elladan about it but had instead decided against it. While it was true that Eodwyn had done no more than follow her into the deep recess of Firien Wood, Vaniel felt that he had lied to her about Haldir's whereabouts, and often pondered what her fate would have been had she gone into the dark thicket where Eodwyn pointed to. Eodwyn's stare and tone had disturbed her deeply and she had begun to distance herself away from him, but this seemed to spur the man on.

As for Haldir, she thought dejectedly, in the past days Haldir had barely spoken to her. She had already ceased trying to draw him into conversation, for the Haldir of old was back. Silent and distant, cordial and civil, but whose eyes regarded her with only deep friendship and no more. Gone was the gentle affection she had seen in his eyes.

Vaniel had come to believe that Haldir's desire for her had grown cold, and she no longer felt his deep blue gaze wander over her face and come to rest on her mouth in hunger and need. No more did he seek her company during the long ride to Minas Tirith, instead travelling with Ramion or Nithoniel.

And yet, Vaniel's mind logically argued, nothing had happened between them. She knew his heart was loyal to her. Therefore, she mused, his behavior was born from perhaps guilt over her decision to stay with him no matter what life brought them. But she knew he was also accustomed to getting his own way, and wondered just exactly what had he done.

Looking over at Eodwyn, Vaniel wondered. Would Haldir have dared to approach the Man? She frowned at the thought. Would he? Vaniel was no fool. Her long years of captivity with the Wild Men had sharpened her senses. She realized that Haldir's change of heart seemed to correspond with the increased attention from Eodwyn. Her mind whispered questions incessantly...would Haldir turn her over to the Man? Had his guilt over Athryn pushed him that far? Or was his declaration of love for her hollow? Had Haldir repented his words, realizing later that he would be bound to both her and Athryn?

Vaniel shook her head and then noticed for the first time that Eodwyn had been observing her.

"Sad thoughts on such a glorious day?" He smiled. "My Lady, the city drapes itself in its finest and yet you merely glower?" Eodwyn's eyes teased Vaniel.

Seeing the humor there, Vaniel swallowed the retort she had ready, instead smiling a civil but distant response, "Aye, you are right, my Lord. 'Tis too much a fine day for worries and ponderous thoughts."

Eodwyn laughed good naturedly at Vaniel's choice of words, "Ponderous indeed, my Lady." Urging his steed to stay close to Vaniel, Eodwyn took it upon himself to show the many decorations that flanked the city squares. Despite her misgivings about Eodwyn, he brought a smile to her face and soon Vaniel's low laugh was heard between them.

As they rode together, a pair of blue eyes observed them from behind. Had Vaniel turned at that very moment she would have realized how wrong she had been about Haldir. But she did not turn and she was not to know how close to a broken heart Haldir was nearing.

Instead, it was Elladan, a silent witness to everything that was taking place, who rode back to Haldir. He desired a private word with the Marchwarden before was set into motion a turn of events that Elladan suspected would lead to a tragic conclusion. But he was loathe to give his advice now, for he had given it freely before and none had heeded him.

Riding up beside Haldir, Elladan saw the deep pain in his friend's eyes. Discreetly, Ramion and Nithoniel distanced themselves.

Elladan's grey eyes observed Haldir. "We make for King Elessar's residence. Will you stay the night?"

Haldir nodded, "Aye, I will. I need to speak to Vaniel."

Elladan turned his face away from Haldir and watched the boisterous crowds. "This is not a good idea, Haldir" Elladan suddenly spoke. But Haldir had heard him well enough, and his blue eyes hardened against further argument.

Inwardly sighing, Elladan gave Haldir one final look, lowered his head, and spurred his mount to join Aladwyn.

Within the quarter hour, the company arrived at the entrance to the King's House, where King Elessar and Queen Arwen resided for the duration of the festival, for they had many other residences in Gondor.

The Palace itself reflected the taste of Men, being flanked by wide columns on all sides, and a wide stairway that led to the building's inner Halls of Receiving. Below the Palace were the stables where their steeds would be housed while in Minas Tirith.

Several pages greeted the company, with much decorum given to Aladwyn and Eodwyn. Although she had not considered this before, it became obvious to Vaniel, judging by the pages' deferential treatment of them, that the brother and sister were most likely of royal blood. She wondered why this had never come up during the trip. She observed as they dismounted and gave instructions in Westernesse. Immediately, several pages approached Elladan and herself, and she was assisted off her steed with the utmost care and courtesy. Turning back, she noticed that Haldir, Nithoniel and Ramion had been instructed to bring the horses 'round the back of the large building and she sighed as Haldir disappeared from view. Not once had he turned to her. Suddenly, Vaniel felt an icy cold grip her heart. The sense of doom about her was growing nearer. Trying to not give in to the despair she was beginning to feel, Vaniel fought to calm her mind and her heart.

Seeing Vaniel's inner struggle cross her lovely features, and the look of distress on her face, Eodwyn approached Vaniel and cupped her elbow.

"Come, my Lady, for you are most certainly weary. Bathe and rest, as is your wont. Tonight I shall escort you to sup." Eodwyn's eyes smiled with affection.

Sighing, but careful to hide her dismay, Vaniel thanked Eodwyn, " 'Tis most kind of you, Eodwyn, to show an interest for my welfare." Glancing once at the man, she turned her gaze toward the wide stairs and allowed herself to be led forward.

As she climbed the steps to the royal residence, Vaniel felt as if the very air was being squeezed from her lungs, so deep was her foreboding of doom.

In a sudden flash of clarity, Vaniel knew that the world of Men would never be for her. Wonderful and alive as the city was, Vaniel knew then her spirit would die here, or anywhere, that Haldir was not. She needed to be with him, her soul cried out. She needed to know that no matter where in the world he was, that she too was nearby. Now it mattered not to her that her love for him went unreturned. Trying to not show her sadness, Vaniel knew that her spirit had bonded with Haldir. And as was the way of her kind, if she was long kept from him, she would fade and pass from the world. Looking up at Eodwyn's fine features, she wondered if the man would ever understand that. Now did Vaniel comprehend her sense of impending doom; it was a warning from the Valar, a warning of her own passing if she stayed here much longer.

Yet, her good breeding propelled her forward with a calm and steady expression. Her footsteps sure and confident, now that she realized her path and what she would follow, she glanced once at Eodwyn, but remained silent.

Later that evening, after having bathed and rested, Vaniel sat patiently as her hair was braided and she was dressed. She felt somewhat stunned and dulled, as if only a part of her were present. She reflected on that for many hours, wondering why she felt so incomplete, so fractured, something she had not felt before.

Sighing deeply, Vaniel let the women dress her. When they were finished, the women stepped back and allowed Vaniel to observe their handiwork.

Vaniel looked at her reflection in the full length mirror and sighed. She knew she was considered fair by her people, but this night her looks did not interest her. Despite her sadness, Vaniel smiled. The women had dressed her hair in an elaborate style, braiding several thin strands and tying these with bejewelled ribbons. Her gown was of a shimmering silken blue which made her appear all the more pale but brought out the dark of her hair and gold of her eyes. Unconcerned about her looks, Vaniel sighed and turned away from the mirror, coming to stand before a large open window that overlooked the brightly lit streets of Minas Tirith.

She had not seen Elladan since their arrival, and both Aladwyn and Eodwyn were absent. But no one was so dearly missed by her than was Haldir. He was foremost in Vaniel's mind, as she indifferently listened to the coos and ah's of the human women when her elven life-force's glow became more noticeable as the sun set and night neared.

Watching the streets below, dressed and ready, Vaniel was not interested in going to a banquet nor a celebration. She wanted to find Haldir, to speak with him, ask him the reason for his coldness. But then a soft knock came and her ladies opened the door. Standing in his finest, there stood Edowyn, as promised, come to lead her to supper.

Upon seeing Vaniel, Eodwyn's breath caught in his throat. She was loveliness incarnate. In a swift glance he took in the dark brown hair reaching past her waist, curled and framing her delicate face. A thin circlet of silver and sapphires rested on her head. Her golden eyes were luminous, although he could see they concealed a deep pain. Her dress was her own, made of the soft, filmy material that all elven women wore. It sparkled in the glow of the candleflames as if made of starlight. As a man, he could not help but admire the thin waist which flared into gentle hips, her slim arms bare, the neckline dipping to reveal just a hint of bosom, but no more.

Smiling, Eodwyn stepped inside the room, "My Lady, you are a vision of loveliness." He saw his words brought a deep blush to Vaniel's fade and she lowered her eyes in modesty.

Pleased with the reaction his words brought, he stepped closer to her. As he neared her, Eodwyn caught a light scent of lilacs and roses. But at this time of year? He realized then it came from Vaniel and his smiled widened.

"My Lady, I am come to take you to supper." Reaching out toward her, he extended his arm. He saw Vaniel's hand reach to take his offered arm and he made sure their fingers touched.

Vaniel made no movement to break the contact between them, but she noticed Eodwyn's fingers were warm and steady. "Thank you, Eodwyn. But I am unsure upon the customs of the Atani. Will you guide me in this?"

Laughing, Eodwyn held out his arm for Vaniel. "Most certainly, my Lady."

Smiling, although her heart was sad, Vaniel walked beside Eodwyn as he led her to the large hall.

The couple walked in silence, following the sounds of merriment and loud conversation, the clanking of plates echoing in the silent corridor. Suddenly, the long corridor widened into a large chamber where several tables were set up. Already many were dining, drinking and laughing.

Not used to this sort of loud feasting, Vaniel hung back. Eodwyn placed a large hand over Vaniel's slender one, as he felt her grip tighten.

"Nay," he whispered, drawing his head lower to hers. "There is naught to fear here, Lady."

Raising her golden eyes to his, Vaniel saw that Eodwyn meant what he said and she relaxed.

They entered together, some marking their entrance indifferently before returning to their meal or drink, while others watched in silent amusement as the elf was led into the midst of a human vortex of sounds, aromas and colors.

But one set of eyes watched with interest as Vaniel passed a table where sat several lords of the house of Denethor. Dark eyes brooded on the elf and then slid down her arms. Recognizing the star-shaped mark, the man's eyes widened perceptibly. But no one was watching him, for all eyes were by now on the man and the elven maiden at his side.

Vaniel allowed Eodwyn to lead her to an empty long table and there motioned for her to sit while he sat close beside her. Before he could turn to her, several trays of food and wine flasks were placed before them. Reaching out, he poured the rich mahogany-colored liquid into a silver goblet and handed this to Vaniel. She accepted as her eyes crossed the room, searching for a certain beloved face, but finding him not. It was then she realized Eodwyn was speaking to her.

"Eat my Lady, for our meals were not so ample while we journeyed here," he took a sip of the wine, "nor the wine as hearty."

Looking at Vaniel, he watched her sip the wine and break a piece of cheese and eat slowly. Realizing he was hungry, Eodwyn reached out for a large meat tray and served himself a generous portion.

Sighing, Eodwyn ate in silence, for once at a loss for words. He knew Vaniel was nervous and he decided to let her set the tone for the night. If she wanted to eat and drink in silence, then so be it. Of course, this is not what Eodwyn had envisioned, but he was willing to wait. He knew that Vaniel had little experience in the company of humans, so he would let her take as much time as she needed.

Looking up, he saw his sister locked in earnest conversation with one of their distant cousins, Faramir's kin, whose house was related to his own by marriage. He frowned and wondered what it was that kept his sister's interest. Looking about, he also realized that neither the King or his Queen were in attendance, nor Elladan for that matter. Chewing on a moist slice of beef, Eodwyn wondered if the trio would make an entrance at all.

Just then, he turned his attention to Vaniel, pointing out and naming the different fruits, most of which she had never eaten before.

A while later they decided they both had eaten aplenty and Eodwyn suggested that they might venture forth to the great garden adjacent the banquet hall.

Vaniel was not sure that this was a sound idea, but Eodwyn had been so insistent that she had acquiesced. Far off, the first notes of a merry melody began.

Absentmindedly, Eodwyn asked, "My dear Vaniel, do the elves not dance?"

Vaniel laughed, "Yes, we do." She looked askance at Eodwyn, marking his sudden use of her name with such familiarity.

The strains of a dancing tune now sounded closer. Eodwyn nodded, "Ah." Was all he said, but then added, "I am not familiar with the ways of elves and dancing. How is it that you select partners, then?"

Vaniel frowned, "We select our dancing partners from the circle of friends or kin." She wondered where he was driving at.

Eodwyn nodded, "I see. So there are no mystery balls?" His green eyes looked upon her kindly but with a sense of growing ownership that Vaniel disliked at once.

"Mystery balls, my Lord?" Vaniel inquired somewhat amused, "Mean you masquerade balls?" She saw him nod and smile. "Nay," she answered quickly, "We do not flirt lightlty, if that is what you mean, for to do so is, well...." here she stopped and blushed, averting her eyes from Eodwyn's face.

Now it was Edowyn who frowned, "Mean you to say," he breathed incredulously, "that dancing to the elves is the same as coupling?"

Vaniel's eyes flew to Eodwyn's face, "Nay!" She laughed, "That is not what I meant, Eodwyn of Gondor." She could see his green eyes grow bright with affection. She realized he had been taunting her.

"Nay, what I mean to say is that elves know each other too well, we do not need mystery balls or the hiding of one's face from loving eyes."

"But masks are what makes the dance sweet," insisted Eodwyn, taking her by the arm and beginning to move around the crowds once more. The music was much louder now and Vaniel realized that many of the Atani had paired off and some were beginning to move in time to the music.

Vaniel was entranced by the music, so different from elven melodies, but just as striking. This music had none of the sadness so common to the Eldar's songs, and was instead a blend of happy, daring and infectious sound that made one wish to jump and dance for joy.

Men and women wove past them. Then Vaniel turned to Eodwyn and saw he was watching her.

"Come," Eodwyn took Vaniel's hand and led her deeper into the room, "Let us forsake the garden for a moment. Do you know how to dance?"

Vaniel looked at the dancing couples, "I know elven dances, but these are not the same."

"Then I will teach you." was Eodwyn's confident reply.

Eodwyn led Vaniel to a corner of the room where very few couples lingered and swayed to the music. He turned Vaniel toward him until she faced him, and then placed both his hands firmly at her waist. Carefully, he bridged the distance between them and brought her somewhat closer to him. Her body felt supple and strong beneath his hands and his fingers itched to caress her skin. But he kept his composure and turned her 'round at arm's length while he began to show her the basic steps of several dances.

Vaniel, like all elves, loved to dance and she picked up the steps easily and very quickly. She realized that the dances of Men were in some ways similar to the elves'.

But Vaniel held back. Green eyes turned to study her face, "What is it, my Lady?" Eodwyn's voice was soft.

Vaniel looked about her as couples came together and danced apart, changing partners in an unending whirl. "But we are not to dance together?" Her eyes raised to meet Eodwyn's.

"Nay, that is the beauty of this dance. One does not know who the partner will be when the music ends."

Vaniel began to walk away from Eodwyn. Turning swiftly, he caught her in his embrace. He noticed her body trembled and he mistook that for nervousness.

"Nay, Vaniel, do not leave." His voice became intimate, "I will stay by your side."

But Vaniel had rightly read the Man's heart and she broke away from him, "Nay, Eodwyn, I am not for this." With that she turned and made to exit the chamber by a side door which she realized in moments took her to an outdoor garden. Losing herself amongst the trees, she turned toward the building and saw Eodwyn follow her. Hiding more deeply inside the shadows of the night, Vaniel knew that no human eyes could see her. Watching Eodwyn as he walked back and forth, searching for her and even calling her name, Vaniel stood hidden in the shadows of the flower shrubs until the Man went away inside.

She turned away from the building and followed a trail through the brush, allowing her spirit to be comforted by the still night, glad to be away from the boisterous crowd of the dance hall.

Vaniel breathed deeply and looked at the stars. Parting the thick foliage, her heart becoming more settled in the peace and tranquility of the flowers and trees, she leaned against a tall lebethron and closed her eyes.

Her heart was bruised and she felt out of place in this city. Fair it was, she thought, but she needed the company of her own people, the sweet sounds of waterfalls and swaying trees. Here there was too much stone.

Just then a gentle breeze swept past her face and she closed her eyes, savoring its touch. Without realizing it, the loneliness and confusion in her soul stirred a song from deep within her and she began to sing softly.

"An Elven-maid there was of old,
A shining star by day:
Her mantle white was hemmed with gold,
Her shoes of silver-grey.

A star was bound upon her brows,
A light was on her hair
As sun upon the golden boughs
In Lórien the fair.

Her hair was long, her limbs were white,
And fair she was and free;
And in the wind she went as light
As leaf of linden-tree."

At this point Vaniel's voice broke. Hot tears freely fell from her eyes. She lowered her head toward her bosom, despair and grief enveloping her at the mention of Lorien, for this brought to her mind Haldir's face. Quietly, Vaniel cried for long moments, hidden deep in the garden, with only the sturdy lebethron tree as her companion.

When her tears subsided, and she felt in command of herself once again, did she lift her voice in song, to finish the sad tale:

"Beside the falls of Nimrodel,
By water clear and cool,
Her voice as falling silver fell
Into the shining pool.

Where now she wanders none can tell,
In sunlight or in shade;
For lost of yore was Nimrodel
And in the mountains strayed.

The elven-ship in haven grey
Beneath the mountain-lee
Awaited her for many a day
Beside the roaring sea."

Yet, Vaniel stopped once more, now lost in thought, her eyes closed and her hair draped about her shoulders like a mantle. Like the fair Nimrodel, she would never sail to the West, not as long as Haldir could not pass. This she knew with a certainty. She would wait all of the ages of the world no matter how long it took, no matter how hard he fought her. For now she knew she was bound to him and could not leave him.

Opening her eyes, Vaniel wondered how this bond had come to be. She raised her tear-filled eyes to the sky and whispered, "Haldir". She thought back to their only time together, when Haldir's mouth and hands had roamed her body, tugging at her, loving her and bringing her to an ecstacy she had not known she was capable of feeling. Reaching for her lips, her fingertips traced their outline. She could still feel Haldir's kiss. Tears coursed down her cheeks and into her lap. "Oh, Haldir," she whispered, suddenly understanding, and the knowledge brought her more misery.

It was then that Vaniel realized that in giving herself to Haldir, her spirit had bonded to his. When she opened herself to his kiss, his body, his touch, she had fused part of herself with him.

But, her mind asked, did he bond with her as well? Had he fused himself to her? Was he, as she was with him, compelled to be at her side? Or had he instead simply given to her a sign of trust and friendship and no more? Eodwyn's words and face suddenly catapulted into her mind. Was the man's increased pressure related to Haldir in some way?

What could she think? Dear Varda, she prayed, had Haldir bonded with her?

Lowering her eyes to the ground, Vaniel felt the hot sting of tears. Nay, she thought. He had not. For if he had, he would not have given her to the Man as Vaniel was now certain he had done.

Taking a deep sigh to steady her breathing, Vaniel closed her eyes and raised her face, her voice once again penetrating the night,

"A wind by night in Northern lands
Arose, and loud it cried,
And drove the ship from elven-strands
Across the streaming tide.

When dawn came dim the land was lost,
The mountains sinking grey
Beyond the heaving waves that tossed
Their plumes of blinding spray.

Amroth beheld the fading shore
Now low beyond the swell,
And cursed the faithless ship that bore
Him far from Nimrodel.

Of old he was an Elven-king,
A lord of tree and glen,
When golden were the boughs in spring
In fair Lothlórien.

From helm to sea they saw him leap,
As arrow from the string,
And dive into water deep,
As mew upon the wing.

The wind was in his flowing hair,
The foam about him shone;
Afar they saw him strong and fair
Go riding like a swan.

But from the West has come no word,
And on the Hither Shore
No tidings Elven-folk have heard
Of Amroth evermore.

Now Vaniel's torn heart could bear no more and she openly wept.

Far from the merry music, where no human ear within the dance could detect her song, sentries dotted along the perimeter walls of the Royal House heard the gentle voice, and were spellbound by its beauty and sadness. They knew that elves had come to Minas Tirith, but none had ever graced the city of Men with one of their own melodies. And so were human ears that heard Vaniel's song entranced by its magic and melody.

Away from the garden, below her, hidden in the darkness of the shrubbery, three elves listened to the fair voice in rapt attention. It was Nithoniel who spoke first. His sweet musical voice whispered in the gloom.

"I have not heard such a sweet voice in all my long years." He turned to Ramion, who nodded silently.

Both watched their Captain who stood rooted, leaning beneath a wide rowan, arms crossed, and whose eyes were shaded under half-closed lids. Haldir said nothing.

They listened intently, as the song was sung in parts, the sweet melody of love and loss rising to the starkissed sky. All three elves knew the owner of the voice yet neither spoke her name. It was not necessary.

"I would wager any elf within a hundred leagues can hear this fair voice." Said Ramion, finally stirring from his sitting position and coming to stand facing the direction of the voice. The gentle wind carried his hair away from his shoulders and played delicately with its strands. Turning to face Haldir, he spoke, watching the silent elf carefully.

"She sings for you, Haldir." Ramion turned back once more as the voice was lifted in song again. He marveled at the clarity and purity of the voice, so unmatched by anything he had heard before. Nay, he corrected himself. There was once a voice that could equal this. Ramion frowned and turned away. Thoughts of Vaniel's mother, Eryniel, saddened him, for deep was the pain of the elves at the memory of her fading and death.

Haldir's face was turned toward the direction of the voice and when the song ended, the wind brought to their sharp ears the clear sound of weeping. Turning to Haldir, Nithoniel and Ramion exchanged a silent glance.

Just then, Haldir roused himself and walked into the deep garden foliage, following the sound of Vaniel's grief.

"It is going to be a long night, Nithoniel." Ramion sighed and returned to his tree.

"A very long night," agreed Ramion.

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Key:

Atani - Men

The Song of Nimrodel, by JRR Tolkien

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