breaking the ice

Chapter twenty A silver lining.

Elrohir stirred and woke. He blinked his eyes trying to remember why he woke up and where he was. Inhaling he smiled but then his eyes widened and he flared up as he recognized Orophin’s scent. Scared and bewildered he stared at the elf on the bed. When he saw the arm on his back fall to the bed he realised he had woken because Orophin had moved his arm.

Seeing Haldir’s words were true he tentatively reached out and placed a strand of hair behind Orophin’s hair. “Orophin?” The green eyes settled on him and Elrohir managed a weak smile. “What’s wrong?”

Orophin did not speak but turned his head away, blocking Elrohir out. He did not respond to Elrohir’s words and slowly the twin started to panic. He flung himself at the listless elf and rested his head on Orophin’s shoulder, crying his tears.
No matter how much Orophin wanted to block everything out he could not stand to see, hear or feel Elrohir cry and hesitantly raised his arm to fold the twin in an embrace.

Feeling the hand on his back made Elrohir look up and the despair in the feline eyes took him aback. “Orophin, why are you like this? I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He lowered his head but continued repeating those words: I’m sorry.

Orophin turned his head and drew in some breaths before he gave voice to his thoughts. “Are you? For what?”
Elrohir tightened his hold on Orophin, ecstatic the elf had spoken. “I am, I am. For everything. For putting you in here. For not believing you. For being stupid and afraid. For everything.”
Orophin’s second arm was placed on his head and Elrohir’s lips curled to a smile when he felt his hair petted. “Afraid of what?”
Elrohir breath came in gasps and his tone nearly broke as he answered. “Of losing you. Of not being able to stop you.”

Orophin tightened his hold and his eyes filled with tears. “Celebrían.” It was a mere whisper, no more than a caress of the wind but Elrohir heard it and though it pained him to hear his mother’s name he was glad. Orophin’s tone had been one of understanding and that, more than anything, brought out all of his tears and slowly his fear gave way to hope.

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Rumil panicked now that his knocks were unanswered. /He should be here. Where else can he be?/

A passing servant raised his eyebrows at seeing him pound on Erestor’s door. “He’s not there.” Rumil smiled and asked if perhaps the servant knew where to find him and was instantly showed to the patio.

Rumil bowed and left, intending to talk to Erestor. If he didn’t do it now he’d chicken out and he couldn’t do that. He smiled when he suddenly realised Galadriel was running through the corridors dressed only in her open thin bathrobe. He sped up, unwilling to run away.

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Elrond smiled at his sleeping lover. /You’re healing fast, meleth. Tomorrow the bandages can be removed. And I shall have to wait a day before we can make love again./ His eyes darkened in need just thinking about it.

He jumped when the door was thrown open and Galadriel marched in. Seeing her practically naked he quickly averted his head.
Glorfindel too flared up and reddened at the sight. He lay back down again and closed his eyes while he strained his hearing. Trouble was at hand.

Galadriel stood before the flustered Peredhel and pushed him to the ground. “Just what did you think you were doing? Did your brain leave you the moment you and Glorfindel became intimate? You half-witted, insane, brainless …”
Galadriel hissed when she was forced to the ground. What confused her was seeing the blankets around her and Glorfindel towering above her.
“Watch your tongue, milady. And for pities sake, cover yourself up.” His eyes were dangerous and he extended his hand to help his lover up, who accepted the offer.

Elrond placed a thankful kiss on Glorfindel’s cheek and glared at Galadriel. “Do you mind telling me why you burst in here, barely dressed, and yell at me?”
Galadriel’s eyes spat fire and Glorfindel squished his lover before temporarily removing himself to the bathroom. When he returned Galadriel stood and glared at Elrond with an intensity that would have scared a Balrog. Without warning Glorfindel emptied the bucket over Galadriel, drenching her.

She sputtered but the sudden cold did quench her fire and she sighed. “Elrond, forgive me, are you all right?”
Elrond nodded. “Aye. But what is it?”
Galadriel sighed again. “Rumil. You shouldn’t have had him mothered by a she-elf.”
Elrond’s eyes narrowed in confusion. Glorfindel closed his eyes, sensing Rumil’s pain and discomfort at that. `Of course. It makes sense. Remember what Celeborn told us.` Elrond’s eyes widened and he nodded. “Erestor will help him through it. I’m such an idiot.”

Galadriel smiled. “We all are, son of mine. I took my anger out on you. Forgive me.”
Elrond shook his head. “I deserved it. What happened?”
Galadriel shrugged. “I failed to notice his upset state and drew him into an embrace. He broke down. Erestor and Haldir are with him though.” She sighed and turned to go.

When she was at the door she turned again and smiled at Glorfindel. “Guard his dreams tonight, Glorfindel. And give him something happy to dream about. Maybe it will lessen it.” The blue orbs widened and she smiled, reaching out to mentally talk to him. `He was there when they found Haldir and his brothers. From what Celeborn told me it wasn’t a pretty sight. And he hadn’t even told me everything. Be there for your lover, Glorfindel.`
Glorfindel inclined his head.

Elrond smiled. `We will look after each other tonight, meleth.`

Galadriel blinked her eyes when she received an echo of the thought and wondered what was happening between the two. But she had other things to worry about and she would not prey in their affairs. They seemed happy enough as is.

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Orophin closed his eyes and smiled. This he could fight.

When the crying subsided he softly raised the Peredhel’s head to lock the eyes with his own. He wanted Elrohir to see his eyes when he spoke. “Elrohir, please believe me when I say I do love you and want to be with you and make you happy. Not because of who your family is but because of you. I love you and I really want to make this work.”

He sighed. “If you want me to I can transfer here.”
Elrohir shook his head. “No! You’re a elda o alda, a true one. You would miss the woods too much. And you were right before, we should figure out where we want to take this.”
Orophin smiled. “You flatter me with your words. I am not a true tree elf. I would be happy anywhere.”
Elrohir sighed. “But your brothers are going back. You’d miss them too much as well.”
Orophin shook his head. “We can visit each other regularly. And besides, if Ru and Erestor get together I dare say Haldir will be the only one returning.”

Elrohir shook his head, a truly stubborn expression entering his eyes. “No. I will not let you stay here. Not for me. I’d hate myself for it.”
Orophin cocked his head. “So now you’re saying you’d rather be parted from me?” His eyes widened when Elrohir nodded. “And you would be all right with that? No doubts about my continued affections? No thinking I will abandon you once I leave?”
He could read the answer in Elrohir’s eyes and smiled. “Then I will not think of leaving you even for one day. Not as long as that fear resides in you.”
Elrohir opened his mouth to protest but Orophin placed a finger on his lips. “No, don’t utter any words of protest for we both know they’d be lies. Maybe you’ll be over your fears by the time your father releases me from his care?” /I can always stumble and break my leg if he isn’t./ “And it was planned for the three of us to stay until both Haldir and I have healed. And his a long road.”

Elrohir smiled and nodded. “Can we sleep?”
Orophin nodded and kissed Elrohir. “I am tired again.”
Elrohir grinned. “Of course you are. You are healing. And this cannot be a comfortable position for you. I am putting weight on your leg. I will sit on the chair.” His eyes flared when Orophin opened his mouth to speak and tightened his hold. “No argument, Phin. Now release me.”
Orophin rolled his eyes and did as he was bid. “So what if I add to my healing process. With you around it doesn’t matter.”
Elrohir blushed though his posture became firm. “But I can’t stay here forever. I do have responsibilities.”
Orophin cocked his head. “Since when? The day you stabbed me Erestor lectured you on ditching your duties.”
Elrohir grinned. “But only for one day. And I really should help Rumil bind the books.” He laughed to himself when he noticed Orophin had fallen asleep. Soundlessly he stood and left, leaving a healer at Orophin’s side.

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Haldir smiled when he saw Elladan pacing. “Don’t ware down the floor, Peredhel.”

Elladan turned to the sound of Haldir’s melodious voice. “Haldir! What brings you to these parts of the house?”
Haldir smiled and walked closer. “Only my feet, Elladan. Would you care for some company?”
Elladan smiled grateful and nodded. “Aye. Though I am not much for company tonight.”
Haldir silently sat down. “I am the eldest of three, Elladan. I understand your worries.” He placed his hand on Elladan’s knee. “But I have no doubt Elrohir and Orophin will heal each other.”

Elladan smiled and resumed his staring in the distance, though this time he remained seated and did not start pacing after a second. He frowned when he saw Haldir write and cocked his head. The March Warden did not strike him as the sort of elf that would write.

Haldir intercepted his look and smiled warmly. “Your father instructed me to do this. It should help me organize my thoughts and find my problems.”
Elladan leaned forward, curious. “You’ve got problems?”
Haldir grinned and nodded. “Aye. My love left me standing alone at the wedding. Well, more or less anyway. It makes it hard for me to trust love, even between others.” He sighed. “I have to come over this or I’ll continue hurting Ru and Phin.”

Elladan gasped at hearing this. His heart went out to the cocky warden. Though he at first doubted the words he now forced back tears for Haldir showed no lies. “I am sorry to hear of your loss. My heart weeps for you, my friend. Will you confide in me?”

Haldir smiled and closed his eyes, contemplating the request. He was having trouble writing it down and talking to Elladan was easy. “There’s not much to say. I fell in love and after a while I started courting her, which she allowed. She accepted my proposal for wedlock but one day before we were to exchange our vows she called of the whole thing, saying it didn’t feel right.”

Before he knew it he was buried in a tight hug, delivered by Elladan. The twin’s eyes flared with anger at the treatment Haldir had received. “Ai, Haldir. Of all the things I expected to hear this wasn’t one of themis iis is just plain cruel. She must be insane to stand you up. At least you won’t see her here.”

Haldir grinned at the words and leaned against Elladan, after finding the twin would not pull back. “Thank you for your words. I haven’t seen her since. I guess my presence must have been too much for her as well.”
Elladan smiled and pulled back but didn’t release his friend. “She probably realised the greatness of the error she made. You need closure, Haldir. Get over her and step out. There are plenty of she-elves for you.”
Haldir shrugged. “No, I’d rather stay alone for the time being. I have to be there for Phin and Ru. The roads they’ve chosen aren’t easy.”
Elladan smiled. “But they have all of us to help them, Haldir. You need to think of yourself as well. Your road is harder than theirs for you didn’t choose yours.”

He could see Haldir needed to do something and he stood. “How about some sparring?”
Haldir smiled and nodded. “That would be nice. Thank you.”
Elladan shook his head. “If anybody should do the thanking it’s me. You’ve stopped my brother from getting himself killed. You came here to keep me company and you’ve trusted me enough to talk about your past. I’m honoured and flattered and will do my best to bring joy back to your life.”
He laughed at Haldir’s shocked expression. “Don’t worry. I will not start match making. That’s adar’s area, not mine. And I won’t tell him or anyone what you’ve told me. You have my word.”

Haldir blinked, taken aback. He knew the Peredhel spoke the truth for he did not give his word lightly.

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Erestor poured himself some more water and stared out in the distance. His eyes glanced over several times but he refused to retire and sleep, knowing only to well it would only bring him nightmares. After the peaceful rest he’s had in Rumil’s presence he didn’t wish to experience them ever again. /But he’ll go back to his home. Even if he stays with me he’ll never be able to stop them forever./

He closed his eyes when he heard someone enter the patio. /That’s the only bad thing about this place: you can’t tell others to leave./
“Erestor?”

His eyes widened when he heard Rumil’s voice. He hadn’t expected to hear it again so soon. He turned and smiled at his face. “Rumil. You should be in your bed.”
Rumil walked closer and shook his head. “Nay. I desire company.”
Erestor turned back. “And what’s Haldir? Furniture?” /If he left him alone I’ll…/
Rumil sat down on the ground before Erestor. “I prefer your company, if you don’t mind.”
Erestor shrugged. “You always do as you please, so why would this be any different?”
Rumil smiled and nodded. “Thank you, Erestor. What are you doing out here?”
Erestor refilled his glass and poured one for Rumil. “Just sitting, watching.”
Rumil nodded and sighed before he lowered his head.

He had come here to talk and he should, but it was getting harder. “You know Celeborn and Galadriel aren’t our real parents?”
Erestor nodded. “Aye. Everyone knows they’ve died, leaving behind three elflings.”
Rumil closed his eyes and nodded. “But hardly anyone knows how they’ve died. Do you?” His eyes, filled with dooming tears, locked with Erestor and the counsellor shook his head, resting his hand on Rumil’s shoulder.

Rumil smiled a little at the touch and closed his eyes.
“Not even Haldir and Orophin know but I do. I’ve seen it, Erestor. We were travelling and were attacked. Adar told us to run and we did but I didn’t want to leave them and ran back. Humans killed my father, Erestor, and took their pleasure from nana. She did not perish and the care of Lords Elrond and Celeborn and Lady Galadriel made sure she pulled through. But her spirit was broken and she would eventually fade.
“Celeborn had already offered to take care of us and have her safely guided to Valinor, but she refused. Both because her husband would not be there and because she wanted to stay with us until the end. They say she always held me, no matter what she did or where she was. She did not abandon my brothers, but she never left my side. Haldir says she did that to make up for the time I did not would not have with her, being the youngest.”

Erestor did not know what to do. His whole heart ached hearing this and he pulled the warrior closer, embracing him. Rumil sagged against him.

“Slowly but gradually I forgot her, Erestor. I don’t remember her at all. Everything I know I know from my brothers.”
Erestor nodded. “Is that why you freaked out when Galadriel hugged you?”
Rumil nodded and let his tears fall.
Erestor tightened his hold and pulled the younger elf on his lap. “Aiya, Rumil. There’s no reason to feel guilty about accepting and enjoying the comfort of other women. Your mother would be pleased to hear how much they care for you. I am sure she would not blame you for forgetting her. You were young, Rumil. I don’t remember my parents either. Do you think me evil?”

Rumil shook his head. “But you’ve been through so much.”
Erestor lifted Rumil’s chin and smiled. “It matters not what evil you’ve survived, merely that you have. She stayed for the reasons that she had, loving her children. She loves you and gave you a new home, a new, loving family. New parents.”
Rumil growled. “But I keep seeing my father’s face as he died. Why then don’t I remember my nana?” He flung himself at Erestor and the counsellor gasped. /So that’s the real problem. His guilt is amplified because he has no memory of the women that sacrificed all for them./

He sighed and rested his head on Rumil’s hair, stroking his back. “You were little, Rumil, and I think the reason you remember your adar and not your nana is because she did not perish that day. Your father did and that got imprinted in your mind. But your mother remained and the horrid images were replaced by the nicer ones in ‘Lóriën, ones you eventually forgot because you were still young when she left you.”
Rumil smiled at the gentle words. “But why did she not sail for Valinor? That way I could go see her and get to know her.”
Erestor sighed. “For you.”

Rumil’s non-understanding eyes settled on him and he nodded. “Your mother did a very brave thing, Rumil. She must have known you had seen your father die and she wanted to spare you the pain of two tormenting memories. By staying she gave you happy ones to drive away the pain. But most importantly: she stayed to give you a new family. Rumil, if she had sailed she would still be alive in Valinor and you and your brothers would never have considered Celeborn and Galadriel your parents. Fosters at best, but never parents. But since both your own parents were dead you became their official children. She thought of her children and their future when she rejected the offer to sail.”

Rumil sniffed and smiled sadly. “How can you know?”
Erestor smiled. “Because I know you. It’s the choice you would have made. And you want to know what your mother looked like? How she was? Look at your brothers and yourself. From what I’ve been told you look a lot like your mother, little one.”
Rumil pouted. “I’m not little. Young maybe, but not little.”
Erestor laughed at the words. “Rumil, get that blanket will you.”

Rumil stood, still sniffling but feeling better thanks to Erestor’s gentle words. He came back with the blanket, unsure why Erestor wanted it.
Without speaking the counsellor pulled the woodland elf back on his lap and placed the blanket over them both. “Comfortable?”
Rumil smiled and nodded before resting his head against Erestor’s shoulder. “Won’t I crush your legs?”
Erestor shrugged. “If you do, you’ll just have to carry me around. I am not leaving this comfortable place and since you prefer my company…”

Rumil sighed, not catching the loving tone. “I can go if you want.” Fear of rejection seeped through.
Erestor used his finger to make Rumil look at him. “I want you to stay, Rumil. It seems you keep my nightmares at bay. Always I’ve had them, in Lindon and after the Last Alliance they’ve intensified. So far I’ve only known two peaceful nights. And you were close on both occasions.”
Rumil closed his eyes and his smile faded. “I’m sorry, Erestor. Your pain must be greater than mine and yet I constantly break down.”
Erestor shook his head. “You are much stronger than I am. I ran away from my pain, you don’t. We can face them together.” His voice was hopeful and Rumil smiled and nodded. “I would love that, Erestor. Thank you.”

He sighed, fighting the desire to claim those luscious lips. Closing his eyes he rested his head against Erestor, forcing his breathing to calm down. His emotional breakdown was swiftly leaving him to make way for desire and lust and that he could do without. He did not wish to scare Erestor away by getting an erection.

The counsellor smiled when he saw Rumil fight his desire. It proved Rumil had spoken the truth and would take what Erestor offered.

He closed his eyes and sighed. If Rumil had stayed in that way a little longer Erestor would have closed the distance between them. Both happiness and sadness had coursed through him when Rumil had moved and it had been that which had prompted Erestor to not lift Rumil’s head and kiss him. He wanted to be honest with him and how could he kiss him when he felt happy just now because Rumil had broken the moment?

End chapter
TBC

Translation:
Elda o alda means elf of trees: tree-elf