So sadie...how awful is this story?

*Orlando prepares a noose as Craig and Viggo come back in*

Orlando- Oh thank God! I thought you would leave me alone here!

Viggo- We would of included you if you hadn’t taken your vow of celibacy.

Craig- I’m in such a good mood now. *lights cigarette* Bring this bad boy on…

Orlando- This is already hard to bear, much less with you turning all American.

A/N- Yay! I saw TTT Again yesterday so happy! I love that movie.I hate how they made Faramir evil. Stupid movie ppl. The first time I saw it with Sadie We both screamed when it ended cause they left out.well, who know who they left out.*mutters something about evil and movie ppl* ~~~ Zerah Star- uh.I was talking Celsius, not Fahrenheit.I would love to go there me's love heat.dam Calgary with dam snow in dam May grr

Viggo- Oh, is she Canadian? That would explain a lot.

Orlando- Someone once told me that Canada to the US is like NZ to Australia.

Craig- Only NZ doesn’t have the Frenchness and electricity.

Nosila- I know it's very unoriginal but I wanna see if I can do a good job anyway, and if not then it gave me and Sadie a good laugh. Ya I'll try in future chapters to add more description, it's not my strong point.

Viggo- Other than that, you’ve got the Pulitzer lined up for you baby.

LioraJean- I would kill myself before I wrote a Mary-Sue, So you can trust me when I say it's not going to be a mary-sue.there is a lot about Legolas being hot only because well, he is, and plus Sadie really is totally obsessed with him.

Orlando- Maybe I should have given her my noose then.

Craig- Well she does have a bit of a point here. Mary Sue’s are supposed to be competent and over talented and she’s just….sad.

Viggo- Kind of like Gollum or something.

Senydegger- Sadie I don't really think you count.Oh well, I need your help on chapter 8 it's gonna be in POV and I have a feeling itonnaonna suck. But I really hope not.

Viggo- Don’t do it Sadie! You’re not her bitch.
Orlando- It seems like Viggo’s got quite the thing here for Sadie.

Craig- *sings* Sexy Sadie, what have you doooonnneeee…

*noise*

Viggo- What was that?

Orlando- I think the sound of John Lennon rolling in his grave.

Viggo- Sounds different from when Tolkien does it during MSTs.

Craig- That’s because John’s ashes are in a mayo jar, under Yoko’s bed.

Orlando- Really? Ew! Poor John.

Viggo- Did anyone else ever wonder if him and Paul were lovers?

Craig- No, but thanks for giving me something yummy to think about while reading this.

Thank you for reviews, you can write 'em even if it's to bash me

Viggo- Make up your mind you silly wench! I thought you said earlier, ‘don’t flame me.’

Orlando- And we’re doing so well at not flaming her, aren’t we boys?

Craig- Actually we aren’t. My humour goes out the window after a good shag.

Orlando- Then on with the story.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -Not now! -

I felt as if I might fall over. But I had knew I had to see Sadie's face, not wanting to pull my eyes away from him, I reluctantly I turned to look at my friend just in time to see her faint.

Viggo- I remember when *I* tried to not pull my eyes away from you, Orlando. It was a painful process and makeup was pretty pissed with me afterwards

Orlando- Imagine, if she hadn‘t been looking when e fae fainted…

Craig- I shudder to think.

"Sadie!" I almost screamed as I ran to her side.

Viggo- Almost? Did she not feel it was worth the energy? Poor Sadie’s collapsing here!

Craig- She‘s saving her voice for when she beds Legolas later.

Orlando- Hypothetically speaking guys: when you hang yourself, how long are you usually suspended in the air before you die?

Craig- Har. Orli’s hung. Heh heh.

Viggo- Shut up, Beavis.

"Oh! Gr! Sadie this is not the best time to be doing this." I shook her "Sadie! Wake up Ya Poo!" I continued to shake her and slapped her (not to hard) across the face. "Sad-" I was cut off by the fact that Aragorn had now placed the end of his sword to my neck. My eyes widened as I followed the tip of the blade to its owner.

Craig- Way to go Aragorn, ending the chick fight.

Orlando- Maybe if they looked like Demi Moore he would have kicked their arse himself.

Craig- Mmmm, kinky Vig the woman beater.

Orlando- He could have put his *other* sword in front of her face.

Craig- Perv.

Orlando- Shut up, you were thinking it too!

I weakly smiled "uh, Hi." My smile soon disappeared when I felt Legolas raise his bow to my head.

Craig- Didn’t you get the memo, Orlando? Don’t be so loud when you’re a three thousand year old elf assassin.

Viggo- The physics of this is simply mind boggling. He’s supposed to be about six feet, yet he has to raise his bow to get it to her head which is at ground level.

Orlando- It’s like one of those maths problems. ’This Mary Sue is traveling at 20 km/hr towards hell and the other one is from Mordor and going 33 km/hr.’

Craig- Which one will make you vomit first?

“Ok that's not fair! Two against one, and I don't even have a weapon!"

"Who are you?" Aragorn asked again in his commanding voice.

Orlando- You tell ‘em baby! Who’s yo daddy!!!

Viggo- Not fair? Helms deep is not fair, having to read this isn’t fair.

Orlando- It just occurred to me….what are we doing alone in the woods Vig?

Craig- Well duh, he walks Legolas home from middle school every day.

What Am I doing? Stop acting like a scared deer Alyssa! I raised my chin and looked strongly into his eyes (I so kick butt at staring contests)

" My name is Alyssa Rebecca Vessey, Lady of Calgary, Canada where the free peoples roam." I said it as strongly as I could; I knew a thing or two about Middle Earth, the longer my title the better.

Craig- You clever girl you.

Viggo- Yeah, drunken brain-dead orcs have nothing on her.

I tried to keep from moving my eyes from his as Legolas turned to his king. "I have never heard of such places before." He spoke so smoothly, oh man he was hot!

Viggo- You hear that? Hail to the king baby.

Orlando- Since when the hell are you our king?!?! Craig, did you hear anything of this?

Craig- Yeah, apparently Aragorn won us in a poker game.

No Alyssa! No melting! Oh but, he is so dam sexy. NO!

I felt a great relief as Legolas put down his bow.only to take out one of his long knives and point it towards Sadie!

Sadie started to stir, I had already broken my staring contest with Arie to look down at my friend, I was still kneeing by her side.

Viggo- Her poor friend’s convulsing on the ground and she’s picking up guys.

Orlando- She’s doing a great job of it too! Look, she’s got a pet name for you and everything.

She opened her eyes only to let out a scream at the site of Legolas' knife. "Put that away you idiot!" I yelled at Legolas. He seemed surprised by my outburst and pulled his knife away.I'm not sure if he knew what the word idiot meant.

Orlando- *as legolas* I think I’m getting a pretty good definition of idiot now, eh Arie?

Viggo- Shut up idiot!

Sadie had pure panic in her eyes. Not to mention they looked as if they were going to explored out of her head. "Oh my god! Whhe hhe hell is going on?!" She went to sit up but I grabbed her

Craig- Pure panic in her eyes? Maybe she just needs some eye drops to get it out. Unfiltered, dirty panic is so much harder to remove.

Viggo- Yeah, but they’re busy being explored out of her head.

Orlando- One small step for fangirl, one death leap back for the English language.

"Sadie we're in Middle Earth." I tried to whisper as quietly as possible so the Elf wouldn't hear. I leant in and whispered in her ear "just follow my lead."

I grabbed her hand and pulled her up, Aragorn had backed off a bit seeing that I only wanted to help my friend. I wasn't really scared anymore and could barely hold my excitement in!

Oh my goodness, I'm in Middle Earth!!! Ah! This is so cool!

Craig- Maybe we should tell her about the sale Middle Earth’s gift shop is having on Frodo postcards.

Viggo- Sean will kill her if she buys any…

Craig- True, but bad joke Vig.

Viggo- You’re right. Sorry veryverygay.com MST girls and very secret diaries people….we’re big fans!

Orlando- *as legolas* Come with me my fairy, wy, we have some shopping to do! Why look, Frodo postcards, perhaps you should buy a crate.

I passed my gaze from Sadie to Legolas and back to Aragorn's eyes, man they had a powerful gaze.

He looked at me as if asking whom the girl beside me was.

Viggo- She knows this b/c I’m sure guys are always asking her who Sadie is….and rejecting her, what’s her name again?

Orlando- Awww. Viggo’s in lurve.

"Uh." Alyssa think! " This is Sadie Estelle Nydegger, Lady of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, where the people are well-fared" I smiled at the last part and Sadie gave me a look as if saying 'after this is all over I'm going to kill you.'

Craig- Huuum. Galadriel could use her stellar mind reading powers.

Orlando- Oh no, she’s still having a hissy fit after Alyssa here beat her in the Middle Earth beauty pageant.

Viggo- That’s only because you didn’t enter this year.

Orlando- My bikini made my hips look huge. It was a hard sacrifice to make, but I think it did wonders for my career.

Viggo- Sadie Estelle Nydegger. Now I *have* to marry her because when you say her last name fast it sounds rather derogatory, doesn’t it?

g- Sg- Sure does. Damn racist subliminal messages.

Orlando- Oprah should do a show.

"These are strange places you speak of." Legolas said smoothly, he was so much hotter than Peter Jackson credited. I linked my arm with Sadie's so that she wouldn't melt.

Craig- OUCH! She’s talkin shit about you Orlando.

Viggo- You seem to repeat the same line over and over, Legolas.

Orlando- Well along with being ugly, Peter thought I was stupid too.

"Yes, Master Elf, but we are a strange people." Sadie said finally speaking up, she spoke strongly and confidently.

Viggo- That’s my girl.

Craig- These girls are brill with the improv. I wonder if ‘whose line‘ needs a new member.

"How do we know you speak truthfully of your origin?" Aragorn asked smoothly and strong.

Man the elf is hard to keep your eyes off! I noticed he was looking strangely at my , wh, which did not surprise me.

Craig- When you look at that, at first you think she says ‘man the elf is hard’.

Orlando- Well y’know, blue hair is such a turn on.

"We do not lie of our origins, but our only proof is our worf yof you will take it." Man Sadie knew what to say.

Viggo- Sadie’s a man now? Oooh, I like her even more.

"What's wrong with your hair?" Legolas asked out of the blue cutting off Aragorn.

I had to keep my self from laughing as Aragorn gave Legolas an evil look.

Viggo- I’m gonna have to bitchslap you if you don’t stop cutting me off.

Craig- So many jokes, so many insults, so many---

Orlando- (patting Craig’s shoulder) I know luv, I know.

"I assure you there is nothing wrong with my hair." I said trying to look as if I didn't know what he was talking about.

Craig- Just like there’s nothing wrong with you being allergic to commas.

Viggo- The grammar brown-shirt returns.

"But.It's blue.that can not be natural." Sadie's and my eyes meet and I smirked.

Orlando- It’s not very natural that Sadie’s a man either. Who let these freaks in?

Viggo- I dunno, but I hope they don’t join the fellowship.

"But it is, Sir Elf do you mean to offend me?" Legolas looked as if he was at a loss for words.

Orlando- Yeah, it’s kind of hard to speak when you’re nauseous.

"Legolas please. We are taking you as prisoners."

"Prisoners!?" Sadie blurted. "But why?" I said ignoring my friend's dismay.

Aragorn looked at me as if I should already know. "Till we know who, what, and why you are here we will hold you as prisoners."

Craig- Way to go Aragorn, bagging up some sex slaves.

"Wellt's t's eas-" I elbowed Sadie for her to shut up and she seemed to understand.

"The lady of the castle will know of the places you speak." Aragorn said as if encouraging us.

Sadie and me looked at each other wandering what the heck was going to hn nen next.

Orlando- I often wander around ‘what the heck was going to happen next’. It looks lovely in the fall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ya sorry it took me longer to post this one than I thought it would I wanted to put some phrases in as Elvish, but since I have no clue how to write elvish. I gave up. I'm hoping to have chapters 5,6 up soon, I'm stilling typing chapter 7 and I haven't written chapter 8 yet so ya gonna have to wait :p

Craig- Me thinks we’re going to be here for the rest of our lives.

Viggo- Honey, perfect ENGLISH first, then work on your elvish.

Disclaimer- I own it all!!!!!!!! Well, no actually, I don't, and if you thought that, your really dumb.

Orlando- Oh my, I suddenly get the phrase ‘pot calling the kettle black’.

Craig- *giggles* *Your* really dumb, Orlando.

A/N- There was this really cute bunny at my school, (he was living under the school) he was so cute and fuzzy!(well ya most bunnies are) anyway, he died and it was really sad and then some really stupid mean retards started kicking it around and stuff, I know it was dead and it wouldn't feel it but man that's just nazty. So therefor I dedicate this chapter to all bunnies and have been unmercifully kicked around while alive or dead.may your souls rest in peace.

Viggo- Aw, look Orlando; she’s for animal rights.

Orlando- I would kill a wild boar with my bare hands and eat it’s raw, decaying flesh with utter delight if it meant this would end.

Craig- You know, I think I may have to tell the bunny story to my grandkids….there’s the meaning of life right there.

Viggo- Yes. I’ve learned that the stupid retards are okay, but the stupid *mean* retards, watch out!

Craig- Maybe we can throw a bunny carcass into her bedroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -The chapter of funny looks-

Aragorn tied my hands with a thin beautiful rope, which with no doubt was elven. I smiled at him, I knew he had to be al lest 80 years, but he looked as if was 30. He looked at me curiously. As Arie tied my rope to the saddle of his horse, I turned to see Legolas tying Sadie's hands, I laughed, she looked as if she was going die. Sadie, Leggy, and Arie all looked at looked at me, which just made me laugh more, Sadie begun to laugh too, Aragorn smiled, while Legolas looked at us strangely.

Orlando- You always do give the girls a little smile and flirt when you tie them off for heroin. *re-reads* Aragorn should just slap his horses arse and let him drag her to the Middle Earth gift store.

Viggo- Sadie, Arie, Leggy? What are we, a boy band? And why are we always looking at her?

Craig- This is just bad. So very bad.

Orlando- I thought Canada was known for their schools.

Craig- Bad bad bad.

After me and Sadie were done laughing till our sides hurt, I think the only reason we stopped was cause we couldn't breath.It wasn't that funny but that's just what we did.

Craig- Ah. Great character analysis. I feel like I’m truly connecting with them here. Perhaps her laughing at being kidnapped, or her attempt at fictional humour, is a statement for the world. Amen sister, a


We started walking behind the horses; Sadie was still drooling from seeing Legolas mount his horse. I giggled a bit, Legolas turned and looked at me funny and I smirked and stuck my tongue out at him, at this he raised one of his eyebrows and turned forwards again.

Craig- Hey Vig; your girl gets off on watching Legolas mount a horse. two two have something in common.

Aw man, that was cute!

I waved my hand in front of Sadie's face "Yoddleddle Earth to Sadie!"

"Huh!?" She said snapping out of her daydream, she blushed and I laughed.

"Ya know we must look really weird?" She whispered

"Really? Why would you say that?" I smirked

"Well look at what we're wearing for one." Sadie said ignoring my immaturity.

Viggo- Teach me, oh wise Sadie, how to ignore her immaturity.

I looked down to see my white muscle shirt and long blue boarder shorts. Not to mention my favourite runners, they were well worn with small doodles all over and said things like: 'What you with my shoe?' 'Boo!' 'I kik you' and da best 'Canadian Shoe'

Craig- *cough* lesbian! *cough*

Viggo- Who knows, maybe that will be the password to get into Moria. *as gandalf* What you with my shoe!

"My clothes aren't strange.*I give her a questioning look* are you calling me strange?"

"Ya, you got a problem with that?"

"Oh, ok.No I don't really care." Sadie rolled her eyes and sighed

"So, uh, where's use thinks we are?"

g- Ig- I’ll give you all of my assets Orlando, if you just hand me the noose.

"Middle Earth"

"Well, NO!" I said super sarcastic "I mean well, I'm guessing Arie is about 80-"

"80!?" Sadie blurted loudly and Aragorn turned his head slightly, her face an interesting shade of red. She turned back to me and whispers "80, but there's no way his 80, I mean look at him!"

Viggo- Now Aragorn’s a woman? These sex changes happen so fast.

Craig- So Arie, what’s your secret to looking so young?

Viggo- Doing naughty things to elvnd lnd lembas. Eating lembas that is….lembas and elves.

I roll my eyes "Oh my goodness.your suppose to be the smart one!" I begun to whisper "Think about Sadie he lives to be what, like 600 or something, I don't think he is going to age as fast as normal humans."

"Oh.Shut up!" I laughed at her loss of comebacks.

Craig- And we laugh at *you* honey, God do we ever.

Viggo- I mean, we’re really not needed . Th. They could just read the fic and find it amusing enough.

Legolas turned to give us a funny look.

Dam elearsears, I bet he can hear everything we say.

Orlando- Dam elven ears! That’s next to ‘dam clumsynessness’ or wherever that was in the other chapter.

I smiled and felt my face flush, he turned forwards again and Sadie spoke up.

"Well, ok, if your right that means this is all after the ring and everything."

"Ya and that makes sense, we should be somre are around Gondor, eh?" I thought for a moment "I think I have pretty good idea who the lady of the castle is too."

Craig- Yes, making sense is important. This whole story thrives upon logic.

"Ya?"

"Yep, but lets find out where we are first." I started to run so that I could catch up to Arie and Leggy.

"Lyssa? What-" Sadie said kinda looking confused, but I think she got it.

Legolas looked alarmed when I appeared beside him, Aragorn looked as calm as ever.

Man does anything surprise him?

Orlando- Death is always a shock to him. Why don’t you jump off that there cliff Alyssa, you‘ll surprise him plenty!

Craig- And take the horse you’re tied to but manage to run around from with you.

"Yes?" Aragorn said in his strong voice

Man I bet he was he was young...still kinda is.lucky Arwen

"Sir may I ask where you and Legolas were travelling when you f us? us?" I tried to speak as properly as I could, which is pretty different than my normal ungammerly correct way of speaking.

Craig- First step is admitting the problem honey. The second is to never write fan fiction again.

"Ah, yes me' lady Canada, we were travelling back from an ogre hunt in the wilderness."

"Oh, I presume that went well?"

Legolas piping in "Oh yes very well, 83 heads myself." He had a huge grin on his face.

Whoa trigger happy leggy.mmm and hot

Craig- Looks like she learned Elvish after all. Because that was so not English.

"Sir, king how many heads did you count?"

"Ah! I do not play such childish games as to count the heads of ogres."

"Really? How many did you kill?"

"106" Aragorn said smirking. Legolas' trigger happy smile faded slightly when he found that he had been beaten. Aragorn spoke with a strong, smooth voice with a slight accent when he was not commanding.

Craig- Okay, we get the point that his fucking voice is strong!

*Enter Elijah*

Elijah- Does somebody want to take a break? From the sounds of it, this one is looking pretty fucking bad.

Viggo- I cannot think of an adjective from the 39,038 languages I know to describe it.

"So we are headed to Minas Tirith, my lord?" Sadie said catching up to us.

Aragorn nodded "Yes lady of the well-fared." Sadie looked at me with a glare that could kill. I smirked.

Orlando- Way to flirt, Arie.

Elijah- Is it me, or does this girl smile at the stupidest shit known to man?

Craig- He’s a quick one.

Orlando- Yep, that’s Elijah; quick to the draw.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We had be walking for hours, me and Sadie were at the ends ropes and would get a tug once in awhile informing us we were walking too slow.

Craig- How nice of the tug to let them know that. It’s really not in the ropes job description.

Viggo- Poor rope probably doesn’t have a union.

"Can we stop for a rest kind king?" I asked emphasising the word kind.

"But we have covered barely any ground, you should not be tired so quickly" Legolas said so unmerciful

"Uh easy for you to say you're the one on the horse!" I practically yelled. Sadie elbowed me informing me to shut up; I ignored the spite in it.

*Aragorn said something beautifully to Legolas I didn't understand.

Elijah- I think I can translate. “lets feed these wenches to a bunch of lions and go have a shag with Frodo and Haldir in a feather bed”

Elvish, man it's so beautiful

Sadie let out a quiet groan

That's it!

Craig- Hey Vig, who knew your Elvish could make her orgasm!

I run a bit to get some slack in my rope and then plopped down cross-legged on the ground.

I suddenly realised that this was not a good idea.

"Ah!" I yelled as my rope tightened and pulled me flat onto my face.

Viggo- And so the concrete wound from earlier opens again. Only this time it’s from grass and hopefully horse shit.

Aragorn stopped and turned in his saddle, looked at me questioning.

Elijah- Wow, that’s a lot of action with a lot of tenses. You sure you can handle that Arie?

"GRR!" Sadie laughed at me as I sat back up brushing the dirt from my shirt and face.

Legolas smirked and shook his head, then laughed slightly.

I crossed my arms and pouted a little.

"What are you doing?" Aragorn asked trying not to laugh.

"I'm resting!"

Legolas started laughing his head off.

Yes laugh, and FALL OF YOUR HORSE!

"Alright, we'll stop for a rest." Aragorn said laughing.

I smiled; I had gotten what I wanted.

Elijah- Yeah, well so did Hitler.

Orlando- You already missed our analysis of her being a racist.

Viggo- While we’re on the subject however, why is it that there are only white folks in middle earth? I’d be all for some Mexican elves.

Craig- We’d at least get to keep our hair colour.

Orlando- But I can’t pass for Mexican. I know some people who think I’m Jewish though.

Craig- They haven’t seen you naked.

Orlando- Sssh.

Elijah- What’s there to be shy about Orlando, it’s not like all of us haven’t seen it up close.

Craig- People travel many miles to experience ’the big o’.

Viggo- You’re on a roll today Craig.

"Aw, thank god." Sadie said leaning onto a tree. I got up and walked to where she was sitting and sat down.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What seemed like only a minute later Sadie was shaking me.

"What!? What do you-" I looked around "Was I sleeping?"

Sadie laughed "Ya, you were pretty out of it."

I started laughing "Sorry man."

"You two ready to go?" Aragorn asked

"Ya" as I got up I almost fell over "Whoa" I laughed "Man, I'm so dam ditzy."

Craig- This breaking news brought to us by ‘captain obvious entertainment’.

"Ditzy?" Legolas asked "Clumsy" Sadie said "Clumsy?" All three of us laughed at Legolas' cluelessness.

"What? What does that mean?"

"It's me Leggy, that's what I am."

"Leggy? You're a clumsy?" Legolas looked so confused

*Aragorn spoke to Legolas in Elvish, he blushed and turned away.

**Legolas said something to back to Aragorn.

Craig- How about a translation, boys?

Viggo- Erm, I think he said; “Wasn’t it great that time I stuck my arm up Frodo’s arse?”

Orlando- And Legolas said “it would never hold up to the worlds longest man-chain we had going at the last cast party.”

Elijah- God, do you guys have to tell *everyone* about the arm incident?

Aragorn nodded "I know, I know."

"Um Aragorn, I mean my Lord! Uh, how long will we be travelling?" Aragorn grinned at Sadie's stumble as her face flushed.

"Well, at this pace another two days." "Two days!?" I asked shocked

Aragorn laughed "Yes me'lady"

"Oh." I said frowning

"Man that sucks."

"Ya" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ya I don't know how to speak Elvish so this is what they would be saying- *Maybe we should stop, it has been a while. **Legolas, clumsy is someone who falls a lot. ***They speak strangely Aragorn. ~~~~ I was thinking I should change the action/adventure/humour to something else review and tell me what you think I should change it to.

Craig- Change it to non-existent. Print it out, look over your work and burn it along with whatever school you went to as a child.

Disclaimer: k, if ya haven't noticed I don't own LOTR but if you steal my characters, I will kill you, o u may say 'oh she will never know' but I know.I feel it in the air, lol j/k.but I will hunt you down and torture you in strange yet painful ways.

Viggo- Oh *dam*! There goes my next book of poems…

Elijah- And to think of all the eloquent sonnets and ballads you could have done with Sadie’s ever-changing genitalia and the words on the other one’s shoes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -Lambas-

What did we do today, lets see.we walked, walked, and hey! We walked some more. The only entertainment we had wasstarstare at Leggy.not that I'm complaining.

"Man, he has a nice butt." I didn't whisper.

"Alyssa, he'll hear you!"

"Oh come on Sadie, he can hear us anyway."

"Well, so Aragorn will hear."

Craig- And Aragorn gets jealous when stupid bints check out his property.

"Oh! Like Leggy isn't going to tell him everything we say anyway!" At this Aragorn turned and looked at us as if asking 'What are you talking about?' but instead said, "We will stop here for the night."

Both Sadie and I sighed dreamily as Legolas dismounted his horse gracefully. He untied Sadie's ropes from the saddle and patted the stallion's neck.

Lucky horse

Legolas sat us down and told us to stay here. Aragorn soon had a fire built and then untied ours hands.

Elijah- Throw them in the fire!

I was thankful for the fire, the night had cooled off a lot and I wasn't wearing the warmest of clothes.

Orlando- Damn skanky butches.

Leggy pulled something out of his pack and passed some to us "Here"

Sadie looked at it funny "what is it?" I smelt it, It smelt good.

"It's Lambas. One small bite can fill a full grown man." Legolas said very commercial like.

Orlando- How amazing, I just said something like that yesterday while filming! I wonder how Legolas got the extended dvd so quick.

I laughed "This is Lambas!? Cool." Sadie said taking a bite. "Whoa this is good!"

"Gemme some!" Sadie broke off a piece and gave it to me "mmmMMMMmm, Yummy!" The Lambas brang a warmth to me that no fire could give.

Elijah- Brang!?! Did she just say Brang? Oh my god, she fucking said brang!

Craig- Brang brang bo bang banana fanna fo fang.

Viggo- Watch out Orli, she’s getting all hot and bothered over your loaf.

Orlando- And to think I hadn’t even gotten out the cream cheese fondue.

Elijah- Uh guys, I think we’re past the point of sexual innuendo and euphemisms.

Craigod pod point Lij, c’mere and sit on my lap.

Legolas sat down beside Sadie

Aw no fair

Orlando- You should do something Viggo. Your girl’s slipping from your fingers.

"So what is your home country like?"

"Oh well, my home, it's ok." Sadie said "You mean it sucks." Helping describe Saskatoon better. "How can you judge someone else's home?" He looked at me as if I was gruel.

"Because I also used to live there." "Ya, then you moved on to better and bigger things." "I still think I should stuff you into my suit case and bring to back to Calgary with me." Sadie sighed, "If only it were that simple." "Ya." I said dispairily. I shivered; it was getting really cold.

Viggo- Okay, who the hell is saying what to whom? I have a headache.

Craig- Quit bouncing like that Lij!

Aragorn sat down beside me and handed me a blanket. I smiled.

Orlando- *as Aragorn* Sorry it’s a bit dusty, my lady. These blanket closets in the wilderness can go months without cleaning.

Score!

"What is wrong with your homeland?" Aragorn asked interested.

Orlando- They’re still there, that’s what’s wrong.

Viggo- When did interested show up and why is Aragorn asking it questions?

"Well, It's poor for one. Mostly everyone who lives there is poor and then those who get the chance leave for other places like Calgary."

Viggo- Okay guys, I’m touched. Tomorrow I’m calling amnesty and having them transfer my donations from Ghana to the Canadian ghettos.

Orlando- Weren’t they from England in the first chapter? Craig?

Craig- Oh god you’re flexible.

Lij- *giggles*

"That's me.Although it's not like I'm exactly rich or anything."

"Your dad is."

"Ya well my dad is poo who spends it on moving out to Warmen."

"Warmen?" Legolas questioned

"It's an outer part of Saskatoon."

"I thought you lived in Calgary?" Aragorn gave me a questioning look as if I was lying.

"Oh, I do, I live with my mom in Calgary, but my dad lives in Warmen and I come and visit him. That's when I visit Sadie in Saskatoon."

"Your parents do not live together?" Legolas asked confused.

"Well, no." "Uh, Alyssa, I don't think they are going to understand that."

I shrugged

Meh

Viggo- Quick Legolas, give your confused elf look at the concept of divorce.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning I wake up sore from walking and sleeping on the ground.

"Oh."I groaned

I sat up to see Sadie was still asleep. I did some stretches and then stood up.

"Ah, your awake I see." Aragorn said, a little too happy.

Orlando- It’s called a morning erection. If you don’t know what one looks like, check out Craig over there.

I hate morning people

"Meh, good morning." I yawned and rubbed sleep out of my eyes.

Craig- I wonder if she had any luck getting the pure panic out of her eyes from before.

Orlando- I had to bust out the elvish medicine. And then these girls started to laugh for no fucking reason. Can anyone explain why?

*silence*

Aragorn smiled, "There is a stream though the trees you can clean up in."

"Oh thank goodness!" As id tid this Legolas came out of the trees.

"Oh, good morning." Legolas said and smiled

Orlando- ….his morning erection popping out from the ‘my friends went to florida and all I got was this crummy towel’ towel around his waist.

Elijah- I wonder what part of Florida they went to? Orlando’s always so wet and dark in the spring time.

Craig- Da-da-bum! *snaps*

Orlando- I set myself up for that one.

Man is everyone around here happy-morning-super-duper?

"Same to ya's." I said it really happy, I kinda freaked myself out. He gave me a strange but shrugged it off and grabbed his pack.

My hair is a mess

I walked over to him. "Leggy, can I use your brush?" I had kinda given up on speaking proper.

Orlando- Oh my fucking god. *prepares noose*

Viggo- Is this how she picks up guys? This is good, knowing that she’ll never be able to form offspring!

"Oh, uh.well." His gaze wondered to my blue hair.

"I'll take out any hair I get in it." I said using the power of puppy eyes.

"Oh, ok then." He handed me his brush.

"Oh thank you so much." After I brushed my hair I was cleaning Leggy's brush when I noticed some darker strains among the blond and now blue ones.

Hmm. Arie must have been using it It didn't really like Arie's but I shrugged it off.

Craig- Lovers usually share beauty products.

After Sadoke oke and we ate some more yummy Lambas we were ready to go again, I was still wearing my watch, it said it was 6 a.m. when we finally left. It was gonna be a long day.

Elijah- What a wonderful watch! It’s hard to get a time travel resistant one at a good price now a days.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well finished writing this chapter at 12:15 and I didn't do my math homework. Bad Me! Oh Poo! I have to wake up early for stupid morning band practice.

Craig- Don’t worry darling, we talked to your math teacher and she’s planning on killing you in your sleep.

Orlando- One time….at band camp….I decapitated about twelve of these girls.

Viggo- And I murdered twenty three. Since I’m cooler and all.

Orlando- *pouts* Humph. Life really does imitate art.

Elijah- She’s got me sucked in. I guess I’ll stick around to see what happens.

Craig- Plus, you can help relieve the stress this girl’s Maths and English teachers must have on a daily basis. We’re all planning on giving them the full treatment.

Ya sorry if it was a little slow it leads up to something though so it's all good. Review or I'll make up a review song and yes! oh yes! I will SING!

Viggo- Orlando, put the noose down! It’s not worth it!