I'm Going Slightly Mad!

Title: I'm Going Slightly Mad! part 2

Author: Lydia NightShade

Rating: Strong R I think.

Pairings: Vig/Orli-bear, maybe some others implied

Warnings: total crackfic… RPS… my muses… swearing… crazy, possibly
not too funny humor… it's all in your tastes I suppose.

Summary evi evil marionette terrorizes out sexy boys… specifically
Orli-bear! My muses come in because… they wanted to!

Beta: It's not worth the beauty that are my betas

Feedback: I would like to know if this is any good or if it's just
dumb. It's not like I expect it to be /brilliant/, but I would like
to know if it was a complete flop or not.

Author's Notes: Thanks so much for the feedback last time! It really
made me feel good! You guys rock! I proof read this part more
carefully so don't worry!

Author's Notes 2: I'm very, very sorry.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"I'm not crazy! I have to burn it!" Orli shouted as he wrestled with
Viggo for control of the marionette.

"I won't let you destroy my antique just because you have
some weird Chucky delusion!"

"It's not Chucky! This is way scarier!! Not some pintsized
carrot top serial killer!" They fell to the floor and Viggo managed
to get the prize from his lover's grasp.

"We have to burn it Viggo!" Vig was unimpressed and pulled
out his trusty duct tape as if from thin air and slapped it over
Orli's mouth. "Mmmrrrrrr!!!" he thrashed and squirmed under Viggo's
hold, but the older man was much stronger.

"Until you calm down I'm going to have to restrain you." He
took Orli's wrists and taped them together in front of the younger
man's chest and then taped his hands to his chest.

"Mph! Errrr!" Orli grunted trying to pull free. He was
fuming.

~Ding Dong~

"Doorbell!" Viggo chimed again, rising from the carpet and
heading for the door. Orli continued to struggle until he felt the
puppet straddling him.

"Mmmmmmm!!! Mego! Mego!" he muffled, trying to call for
Viggo.

"Silence! Now about that soul! I want it!!" The evil
marionette licked his lips as he pulled the tape back. Orli kept his
mouth shut tight. "Open your mouth!"

"Mmmemm!" Orli shook his head and tried to buck the dangerous
dolly off his tummy. The toy was unamused and pinched his nose.

"You have to breath sometime!"

~Meanwhile!~

"Coming!" Viggo shouted as he headed for the door. He opened
it to find Ian… dressed in a bad imitation Gandalf costume. "Ian…
what… are… you… /wearing/?" Viggo asked, curling his lip in disgust
at the Halloween witch hat, painted grey and the bath towel that
served as his cloak, and then the grey jumpsuit. There was straw
sticking out of everywhere and the normally refined, regal hair was
doing a fabulous impression of Einstein.

"I… have /no/ idea," he said, honestly perplexed. "But! No
time to explain! The hot one is in danger!" He pranced past Viggo and
into the living room.

"And they call /me/ eccentric!" he scoffed, following his
possibly intoxicated co-star. He arrived to find Ian… or /Gandolf/
as it were… waving around the old broomstick aka Gandolf's staff as
Orli tried to inch away from the marionette which was now thrashing
on the ground.

"Arrrrr! You'll never exercise me! I'm evil!
Muwahahahahaaa!!"

"Back to hell with thee! You shall not pass!" Ian bellowed,
donking the puppet on the head with his broom… er… staff! The
marionette hissed and then turned onto his stomach beating his hands
and legs on the ground like a child with a temper tantrum.

"It's not fair! I never get a soul!! I hate you and
everything you stand for!"

"I think it's working!" Ian beamed, bashing the marionette
again.

"Ow! Oh now, I'm just pissed!" It roared, rising up and
putting up its fists. "Come on, Mr. Big shot imitation wizard! Think
you're so great let's see what your old fart English ass really has!"

"Um… run!" Ian shouted, darting pasted his co-stars and
bolting out of the living room.

"Right behind you!" Orli squealed following him. His running
slightly off because of his taped hands.

"This is too weird!" Viggo groaned, giving chase after the
two Brit's. They ran through the house, which suddenly became the
size of the Labyrinth… all rights reserved etc! "This is /really/
weird!"

"I wonder if David Bowie'll be here!" Orli squeed. "I'd love
to meet him!" He wasn't looking where he was going and bashed into
something. "Ow!" he looked at the object and shrieked. "What the
hell is that?!" He jumped into Viggo's arms and pointed the best he
could with his duct-taped hands.

There stood a dark figure clad in black and blue. It had
black messy hair and piercing blue eyes, which only made the pale
complexion even more prominent. It appeared female and had pointed
ears and wings.

"What the fuck am I doing here?! I'm never /in/ the story!
And this /certainly/ isn't /my/ work! I'd never write anything this
crappy!" As she ranted her fangs became apparent and the two actors
backed up more.

"It talks!" Orli whispered, fearfully.

"Shh, don't make any sudden movements… maybe it'll just go
away…" Viggo answered, equally as quiet.

"I can hear you ya know!" She hissed, lighting up a cigarette
and looking around. "Who the fuck's your decorator? I'd roast him…
this place looks like crap." She whipped her tail as she looked
around and then turned back to the frightened men. "Oh for fuck's
sake! Stop trembling! I'm not going to eat you!"

"Well you'll have to excuse us… you do look a little…
unusual." Viggo offered.

"The pointed ears are a bit much aren't they? I told her
that!" She grumbled, scratching her ear and taking another
drag. "So… you're the delectable, oh-so-fun-to-torture, hot, sexy,
squee inducing Orlando Bloom… interesting. I thought you'd be
taller." She shrugged and stretched her wings. "I bet Terra's behind
this."

"Who are you? And how do you know our names?" The creature
rolled her eyes and sighed.

"I'm Nightshade… the dark muse… I spend my life torturing you
guys and your incarnations for my own sick amusement." Both men stood
frozen, eyes bulging out of their skulls. "Wasn't there a puppet
chasing you?" she offered in annoyance after the men seemed unable to
move.

"Um…"

"Oh great I couldn't get sent into a story I actually liked…
or at least one with Johnny… ohhhhhh Edward Scissor hands….." She
closed her eyes and tilted her head back seeming to be in ecstasy.

"AHA! I found you!" the puppet panted from behind them. He
was leaning against the wall and huffing in exhaustion, clutching his
chest. "And now… huuuuhhh… I will… I will… uuuhhhggg… give me a
minute," he panted, holding up his hand. "Damn you mortals and your
long legs!""Ru"Run!" Viggo shouted dashing past Nightshade, Orli-bear still
safely in his arms. "Where's Ian?"

"He went down the left corridor… might as well follow."

~Galileo, Galileo, Galileo! So you think you can stone me and spit in
my eye! So you think you can love me and leave me to diiiiieee!~

"Ahhhhh!!!" She howled, falling to the ground and
cursing. "Not again!"

"Viggo, why are the walls blasting Queen?"

"I don't know, why does that little red squiggly line always
appear under my name?"

"Spellcheck!" Nightshade groaned out.

"Huh?"

"It's spell check… you've got one fruity name!"

"It's Danish!" Before they could continue the argument a
slight frame came crashing down from the sky and landed on the dark
muse.

"What the hell?!" Orli asked, confused.

"Get off me blubber butt!" Nightshade screeched, pushing the
fair maiden off her back with a flap of her wings.

"I do not have a blubber butt!" The blue haired girl yelled.

"Wow… I've never seen a blue haired chick with yellow eyes
before," Orli squealed excitedly.

"I'm anime inspired," Terra explained, brushing herself off.
Her head spun back to them and she squeed. "Oh my god! It's really
you!!" She lunged at them, but Nightshade grabbed her.

"Down Sheba!"

"You should talk! I'm surprised you don't have the puppet
raping him!"

"Too many splinters." The dark muse countered, blowing smoke
in Terra's face.

"Who are you?" Viggo asked.

"Terra Wolf, at your service oh keeper of the sexy voice!"
She curtsied, and batted her eyelashes. "I'm the sex muse… I also do
romance… you're some of my favorites to play with… well besides the
delectable, insatiable, never regrettable Johnny Depp… keeper of the
smoldering eyes." She fanned herself. "Phew! Is it hot in here?"

"Must be the excitement of David Bowie!" Nightshade boomed in
her best preview announcer voice, rolling her eyes.

"Uh-huh… Viggo we need to get away from these crazy people!"

"We're not people! We're muses!" Nightshade hissed.

"Less talking more running!" Ian boomed, coming up behind
them. "The puppet is coming!" He ran past in his magical girlie way,
straw swishing and flying as he went.

"I wish the hobbits were here!" Orli whimpered, cuddling
closer to Viggo.

~Poof!~

Dom, Lij, Billy, and Sean A. were standing before them,
coughing from the smoke and looking horribly confused.

"Where are my potato crisps?" Billy asked sadly, looking for
the bag he'd been munching on.

"Where's my wife?" Sean A. asked.

"Where's the photographer?" Dom asked.

"Where's my computer!" Lij asked, completely distraught.

"What are you guys doing here?" Terra asked. "We almost
never use you guys."

"I don't know." Lij answered. Suddenly an insane amount of
green slime came pouring down on his head. "Ahhhh! What the fuck?!"

"Hahahaahaha! Don't you remember that show… I don't know the
name… but whenever someone said `I don't know' they got slimed!" Dom
chuckled, pointing and laughing at his lover.

"That hasn't been on since the 80's! And why the hell didn't
you get slimed… you said it too!"

"Said what?" Nightshade asked.

"I don't know!" Lij shouted annoyed. "Oh god!" he screeched
as more slime came pouring down on him. Nightshade broke into fits
of laughter and nudged Terra.

"HA! I can't believe he fell for it! Hahahahahaa!"

"Hehehehe, good one!" Dom beamed, slapping her a high five.

"Oh god it smells…" Lij whimpered… trying to wipe the gooey
substance off.

"Smells like what?" Nightshade asked again.

"I don't know… rotten eggs and rub… AHHHHH!!"

"HAHAHAHAHAAA!!! TWO TIMES BABY!" she laughed, clutching her
belly.

"You are so mean." Terra scolded, shaking her head in
disgust. "You know I put you on top once… it was well received! I
love your eyes." She whispered sexily, twirling her hair. Dom
flashed her a jealous look and moved closer to his lover.

"Oh and I suppose you're thinking about what great lube that
would make aren't you?" Nightshade hissed back.

"Well now that you mention it…" Terra mused, rubbing her
chin. Nightshade rolled her eyes and sighed.

"You're hopeless."

"Hey… if you and me are here… than who's controlling this?"
the sex muse pondered.

"I don't kn… nice try harlot!" the dark one cursed, raising
her fist in anger. Terra snapped her fingers and sighed. "Could be
Jade…"

"No… I'm right here. Goddess of Death is around here
somewhere too. This is really freaky. What happened to you?" the
red haired girl asked the now very green and slimy Elijah.

"I don't know! I was in my room and… AHHHHHH FOR CRYING OUT
LOUD!!" He heard her giggling and growled.

"Sorry, hun… couldn't resist." She smiled impishly and
circled her foot in the dirt. They heard the tiny clicking of wood
on concrete and turned to see the small figure of the evil orcish
marionette coming up.

"Viggo!! He's coming for me!" Orli whined, burying his face
in his lover's burly chest of manhood. "Oh you smell good…" He bit
his bottom lip and flashed Vig a sexy look. "Let's ditch these guys
and go somewhere… /quiet/." Viggo raised his eyebrows and felt his
cock hardening.

"Okay, baby… I'm going to fuck you so hard you'll feel me
for /weeks/."

"I can't stand to go another minute without you!"

"I need you Orli-bear!"

"SUCK ME BEAUTIFUL!!"

~BONK!!~

"OWWW! BITCH!" Terra screamed, rubbing her head. She turned
to find Nightshade picking up another stone.

"This is /not/ the time!" she seethed. Terra fumed and pulled
on her hair.

"IT'S ALWAYS TIME FOR SLASH!!!" she twitched and started for
her rival.

"That's enough! Break it up you two!" Sean A. scolded,
holding back the petite muse as Jade held back the evil one.

"Hello! Evil Marionette here! Give me the hot one! I want
that soul!! I'll kill you all!"

"That's it! I've had enough… eat my evil, ass wipe!"
Nightshade growled as she spread her wings and extended her claws.

"Not so fast… I know you're weakness!" he laughed, holding up
the three disk collection of Queen's greatest hits and stroking it
evilly…of course evilly. "Muwahahahahaaa!!" he inserted them into
the wall and suddenly it resonated off the walls

~Who wants to live forever!!! Who wants to love forever!!! Oooooooo!~

"Ahhhhhh!! No more Queen!" She groaned, covering her ears and
falling to the ground.

"Oh I love this song!" Orli moaned, snuggling up to his king
of men.

"Me too!" Dom sighed. He wrapped his arm around his lover and
immediately regretted it. "Eeeeeiiiicccckkkk! Oh god! I forgot the
slime!"

"Serves you right!" Lij barked, crossing his arms and
scowling from behind the goop.

"What's happening to her?" Sean A. asked, looking at the
crouching dark muse. "And why am I always being called Sean A?
Beanie's not here!"

"Because you are, now shut up!" Ian boomed. He slapped his
hand over his mouth. "I'm sorry! I don't know what happened."

"Oh god, I'm fucking melting! What the fuck is this???!"
Nightshade bellowed, looking at her claws.

"Hahahaha! I told you ye were a bitch!" Terra laughed, fully
enjoying her rival's misery.

"Get a bucket or something!" she shrieked as her body
liquefied before her eyes. "And it's the /witch/ that melted, you
blue footed booby!"

~I'm just a poor boy no body loves me! He's just a poor boy from a
poor family!!~

"Um… I have a sponge for some reason…" Billy offered, holding
up a purple dish sponge.

"Well sponge me!" Nightshade whined, becoming worried. "I
didn't know Queen fucking /melted/ me!"

"Yes it does! And now for the soul sucking!" He flew at Orli,
teeth bared and hands out stretched.

"EEEEEEEE" Orli-bear screamed, flying from Viggo's arms.

"I've got you now yo-… Arg!" the puppet screamed as a glob of
green slime splattered in his face, knocking him to the ground.

"Take /that/ Pinocchio from hell!" Elijah barked, scooping
more off his body and whipping it at the puny evil. It hissed and
shrank back into a small cubbyhole that opened up and then
disappeared.

"I hate this place Viggo, I wanna go home!" Orli cried,
trying to whip away his tears, but not being able to. "Mmmmwaaahhh!
Un-tape my hands!"

"Who cares about your fucking hands! I'm bloody melting!!!"
Nightshade screamed, no longer able to move.

"Let me at her!" Orli growled running at her. Viggo caught
him, but he continued to struggle, his hands stuck to his chest and
grunts of exertion coming from his lips. "Damn duct tape!" He
continued to struggle, until he huffed in frustration and ran off
crying. "Oh screw all of you!"

"Baby! Wait for daddy!" Viggo cooed, running off after him.
The entire assembly stared in disbelief and cynicism before turning
slowly to look at Terra.

"What?!" she asked innocently.

"Could someone please get a bucket?" Nightshade moaned, now
up to her waist in a puddle of her own melted skin.

"I've got one," Jade offered. "Strange because I didn't at
the beginning of this chapter…" She shook her head and took the
sponge from Billy and started wiping up the melting dark muse.

Tbc…

(Bad Drama Music)

Oh no! Will our sexy boys ever find their way out of The
Labyrinth? Who's controlling this mad world? Why is Queen making
Nightshade melt? Where have Viggo and Orli gone? Will Terra ever get
them to fuck like bunnies? What /is/ the excitement of David Bowie??!
Tune in next time for! "I'm Going Slightly Mad!"

okay.... I'll see how these are recieved before I put out more... please R&R!