Chain Lightning

Chapter nineteen


Between Heaven and Here

By


Kris Kristofferson


You got your reasons to choose not to ever believe me, believe me.
Maybe life done you so dirty you’ll never be free.
Look what you’re doing to someone who surreally loves you.
Is that the lonesome old way you wanted to be?
I didn’t think so…

Partner, I know, we could be soul to soul if we want to.
Oh, ain’t it worth it, there’s so little lovin’ today.
Wastin’ our feelings on something when so little matters.
Think of the time and the chances we’re throwing away.

We can do better than this, we can go for the glory.
I hope to God we can handle the worst of our fear.
Then if you will, if you’re up to the thrill of a lifetime,
Maybe we’ll tear down the walls between heaven and here.

Maybe the secret is making believe when it matters,
Maybe just keeping it simple and close to the heart.
Love is so easy to make and so easy to shatter.
We can be stronger together or tear it apart…

Chapter nineteen

Between Heaven and Here

By

Ghost in the Mist


The sea seemed to be telling them “hush…. hush… hush…”

They had talked it over with their friends. They had discussed it and turned it over a thousand times until it had become one huge circular debate. It just wound up going around and around and not getting anywhere, the question of whether they should make public their personal lives. They had heard every argument for and against and still the matter was unsettled until Ian had finally put his foot down and reminded everyone this was a personal decision and
not one to be made by committee.

Billy and Sean had decided to take a long walk on the beach and try to sort out their own feelings. Now they lay on a secluded stretch of beach under a half-moon sky, heads pillowed on one arm and hands linked. Their walk had been a long and silent one. They had been here for some time now and still had not spoken, only watched the silent night sky strewn with silvery points of light and the half-moon. They lay here quietly and listened to the sea.

“Hush… hush… hush…”

Sean rolled over on his side and lay his hand along Billy’s cheek. Sean looked very sober.

“Baby…” Sean said.

“Yeah, Sean?” Billy looked at Sean. Under the starlight Billy’s eyes were even more enchanting, and Sean became tongue-tied for a moment, losing himself in those eyes. He shook his head as though clearing his thoughts.

“Listen, baby, I need to say this.” Sean said.

“I’m listening, Sean.”

“Well, I’ve thought about it, and this is what I think. You’re going places, baby. You were born to fly. You’ve only begun to reach your potential.” Sean stopped and watched Billy.

“That’s awfully sweet of you, Sean, but what has this to do with our decision?”

“It’s not sweet of me. Not one bit, it’s the truth. You’ve got talent, baby, real talent, and you’re going places. But you aren’t quite there yet.”

“Sean, what are you trying to say? Just say it.”

“I’m not going to let you put your career on the line. This stays private. Not because I’m ashamed of you, because the world is fucked up like that and you have too much to lose.”

“So we keep a low profile, then? We keep it private?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I think we should. Anyway, I think our private lives should be just that, private. This belongs to us, not to the public. I’ve seen what having the public in a personal relationship can do. It can kill a relationship, baby, and I won’t risk that.”

Billy looked at Sean, looked and saw the care and tenderness on his face. Yes, those things were there, that and more. There was concern there; worry was there. Sean looked careworn. He was absentmindedly stroking Billy’s face with his thumb as his palm rested against Billy’s cheek. All those emotions were there on Sean’s face, the care, the worry, the tenderness and something else. There was the look of protection. Yep, Billy saw it there, plain as day. Sean was trying to be the father figure again, to fulfill his role as caregiver and protector.

Nevermind Billy was a grown man and had been for some time, nevermind that Billy had taken care of himself from a very young age and had not done badly at it, nevermind that Billy didn’t need a protector, didn’t need a father figure. That didn’t count just now, not to Billy. What mattered now were the emotions behind that protective urge of Sean’s. Because at the end of the day, it was love.

“Sean,” said Billy, “What’s behind this? What made you decide this? I know you have a reason.”

“Well, have you ever read any slash?”

“A little. Really, it doesn’t interest me, I was just curious. Have you?”

“Yeah, I have. There’s a lot about you and Dom.”

Billy’s eyes snapped. “I know. A lot of people assume a lot of things about Dom and me.”

“Don’t pretend it doesn’t anger you. I can see it.” Sean ruffled Billy’s hair, effectively chasing the anger away.

Sean, is there any, um, slash about us?”

“Some. Not much. I guess some slashers have a little more taste than others do. Gourmet slashers, so to speak.” Sean gave him a grin and a wink.

“Is that part of why you want us to keep it private, Sean?”

“Well, that and the photo manipulations. With slash you have to participate, you make a decision to read, but that isn’t the same with photo manipulations, those are just there, you can’t stop yourself from seeing them. I saw that photo of you and Dom being given a photo manipulation like that. You both looked rather upset and shocked, and I thought to myself when I saw it that it was almost like a rape. Invasive and against the will of you both to have an image just handed to you. A visual rape. And I’m so sorry that happened to you two. I hope it doesn’t do harm to your friendship. I know you two are like brothers and I would
hate to see that damaged.”

Billy moved closer to Sean. Sean was right, it had upset both Dom and Billy. It upset him now just thinking about it, and Billy felt himself automatically move closer to Sean. Sean put one arm under Billy’s shoulders and pulled him close. Billy knew then that Sean sensed his upset and without a thought, drew Billy close because Billy needed comfort just then. Billy thought maybe Sean was
right, maybe he really did look to Sean as a father figure.

Billy curled an arm on Sean’s chest and toyed with the buttons, nestled his head on Sean’s shoulder. Sean gave him a gentle squeeze.

“It… it did feel like a rape, Sean. It felt horrible.”

“I know, baby, and I’m sorry I wasn’t there to stop it. For Dom’s sake, too. I care a lot for that wild friend of yours. I didn’t like him being hurt anymore than you.”

“You really are an habitual Daddy, aren’t you? Bet you have a soft spot for animals and old people, too.” Billy grinned.

Sean laughed. Billy could always make him laugh. He looked around the dark beach to reaffirm they were still alone and found the beach was completely deserted.

He rolled over on top of Billy, scooping the slighter man into a firm and gentle embrace. “Let’s do it here. Here and now.”

“Are we feeling a bit randy, mah bonny braw man?”

“We are, but I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about, well, marriage. A secret marriage, here by the sea under the stars.”

The sea said “hush… hush…hush…”

Billy looked up into Sean’s eyes, falling into those brilliant green opals. They were like the sea, mutable and immutable, endlessly restless and depthless, filled with promises unmade and prophecies unfulfilled, capable of endless and tireless forgiveness and love yet tinged with a hardness and sadness, an unforgiving set of stones on which a soul could be shattered or mended.

“Let’s do,” Billy said. “Here and now, let’s do it.”

Billy held Sean’s face between those small, clever hands and pulled Sean into a soft and long kiss. His heart was doing that dance again, and he could sense the lightening in Sean’s heart. Sean’s arms tightened around him and the kiss became deeper, more hungry.

“Let’s do it, Billy baby.” Sean said “Let’s tear down the walls between heaven and here.”