A Gift of Love

CHAPTER 18
Home

There are curious looks at us both as we dismount and lead the horses to the stables. They are in need of rest as much as we. The looks linger between Elladan and I. They rest more oft on me. They will not see what it is they seek. Not even standing unrobed before my brother can any difference be noticed. It is only when I press my hand soft to my stomach do I know and believe. Only when I press Elladan¡¦s hand to my still taunt abdomen does he feel what begins to stir within.

We tend to our own mounts as always has been our want, taught from an early age that position does not equate to neglect of duty. The stall is rehayed, troughs filled, brushes combing out the dust of the road. We set them free to roam for they will not stray far, elven horses as loyal to this land as out their riders. Once done we are free to tend to ourselves.

We bow before our father and lord, Elladan as elder gives his report. He feigns lack of words and diplomacy when all evidence says it is not so. He is eloquent as he delivers the news of the reach of the enemy, growing more bold yet no more the wise in their endeavours. He mentions little of his part in the routing, praising instead the ones who fought with us and the ones we have lost and with a smile to me, the planning that preceding each venture. Ada bows his head at the names given as do those gathered to the council. In the shadows I see the faint shape of the wizard acknowledging his presence among us silently. The names Elladan speaks of will be known to him also. He acknowledges my part with a smile, looks to Elladan with a quizzical stare. He fully knows Elladan¡¦s full part in each quest, how could he not when tales of his courage in battle abound among both Elf and Mortal. Ada lifts his eyes to us both once more. It is father not lord who sees us now. There is relief there that we are safe home and pride in what we accomplish. Our homecoming as sons will be held later when the formalities are ended and we are among those we call kin.

Concluding Elladan steps back to join me, standing close by my side. We will together talk with Glorfindel come the morning to discuss further the intricacies of what we have learned and plan anew. Ada nods and we are dismissed to see to a welcome bath and dustless clothes.

Elladan is somber as we walk along the corridors of our home that we have seen too little of since our coming of age. It will be different soon. We will no longer be free to leave and return at times of our own choosing. We will be governed by the wishes and needs of others as we have not been since we were ourselves elflings. There will be demands on our attention that will force us away from what we have always known and felt kinship with. I catch hold of Elladan's hand as we step over the threshold of our shared rooms. I understand that with this last hunting my brother has come to see things that he had not before. That he understands with more clarity what it is we undertake. It is not only new life that we bring to this earth, it is a new life for us also.

I squeeze lightly his hand, turning to face him when there is little response. His eyes are downcast and my heart panics.

"Do you regret?¨ I ask haltingly.

He shakes his head and a little of my fear disappears.

"I set out on this journey by your side, I will not abandon you now it is done. I cannot, for it is what I wish for as dearly as you. It is...,¨ Elladan hesitates.

I kiss him. I too will feel the emptiness when the time comes for him to ride alone.

"That time is not upon us yet,¨ I whisper as I hold him to me. His arms curl round me and I feel strong in his embrace. "And I will not let you leave me to watch Ada and Glorfindel dance around each other for too long. "

Elladan laughs. "When do you think they will stop the pretence?¨

I shake my head as Elladan steps a little away from me. "Perhaps it is that they enjoy the mystery.¨

There is no mystery about how I love my brother. The passion I feel for him is consuming. I hope that Ada and Glorfindel feel as we do about each other. I know there would be no replacement for Elladan, he is my soul and heart.

"I know,¨ my brother replies, "as you are mine.¨

There are times when Elladan's perception of my thoughts surprises me. Times when my warrior brother is far more the one who sees beyond what is apparent and into the soul and heart of others. It has oft taken others aback who are challenged in their perception of him. It oft causes me to reconsider my own perception of love and to love him the more for it.

We undress, Elladan on the way to the bath to prepare the water for us. He returns to wrap his arms around me without the sound of running water.

"It is done for us.¨ He shrugs as I begin to ask the question who. He takes my hand and leads me to the bath. At the entrance, he turns to sweep his arms under me and lift me from the ground. He twirls round, laughing, his eyes sparkling. "It is good to be home,¨ he announces setting me down at the bath's edge. His mouth draws into a tight shy smile. "It is good to be with you,¨ he whispers quietly, "I love you.¨

My hand caresses his cheek. "I love you Elladan.¨ It seems simple and inadequate as it always does but we speak with more than our words to each other, more than with our bodies. "So very much.¨

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We lie on the soft bed, refreshed from the bath. Elrohir is curled round me, his head resting on my chest, soft damp hair floating over us both. He breathes quietly, the rhythm of it soothing.

I would that we ask to stay awhile here in our home and not ride again soon. It is not in deference to only Elrohir but for myself also. I am weary in body and spirit for the moment. The blood lust is abated for a time and I wish to spend days and nights in the easy company of my brother and those around us, not to plan and track and kill and track again. I want to notice the beauty of the world, not assess it for the advantage of attack. I want to notice what is around us before it fades from my memory and all I am left with is the nightmare images of war and all I can recall is a sword in my hand. I know I am not made for book and libraries, nor is Elrohir, but even sworn warriors such as us require a time to reflect on what life can be and why we fight so determinedly to keep it.

The mortal beings go off to plant their crops and later to reap the produce. It gives them relief from the slaughter and for their short lives a foothold in the future. What I wish for now is a peace within and without, if it is only an illusion I do not care to see. Imladris is as a balm to my soul.

Elrohir shifts against me and I gaze at his beautiful face and am lost. It has been what seems an age since we were able to simply be with each other. He deserves more than hurried couplings on leaf strewn forest floors, yet he tolerates such and my oft restless spirit. Stroking him back to slumber, I too drift off to sleep, our hands linked together.

When we wake it is to gold light streaming through the open window. Elrohir stretches beside me, his eyes slowly losing their glazed look as he stirs to wakefulness. He smiles to me as his lips softly touch mine.

"Tis morning,¨ he accurately observes, running his hand over my chest. It sends shivers through my body as it always does. It will never fail to excite me, not matter how often he touches me. I lift my hand to touch him and I feel his body shudder under my fingers.

"We will be expected for breakfast,¨ I counter the look in his eyes. His hand slips lower until his finger tips brush against my hip.

"And Glorfindel will expect to meet with us,¨ I arch into his touch as his hand trails across my groin.

He leans over once more to me. "They will wait for us,¨ he whispers.

Elrohir is correct, they will wait, perhaps not willingly but it is certain they will allow us this indulgence and smile knowingly at us when we emerge.

My brother is insistent, his lips moving where his hands have been. When his mouth reaches my firm flesh I arch into the warm wetness eagerly. He lays a gentle hand on my hip to ease me down, a sign that he does not intend to take me fully this way. I thread my fingers through his dark hair, allowing him to set what pace he may in this. My beautiful brother looks up to me and smiles with sparkling eyes.

In a swift graceful movement he straddles my chest. My tongues darts out over my lips then over him. He throws his head back with a low growl. The tip of my tongue glides over the firm velvet of him, while his hands rest behind him on my thighs. I give to him the pleasure he gave just moments before and yet I know this is not what he has in mind.

"Elladan,¨ he whispers as his fingers caress my leg. I suck a little harder, my tongue slipping over him as I do so. Then he slowly withdraws from my mouth with a sigh rent from both of us at this.

"Let me?¨ he asks though there is no need. I would let him have anything of me. He slides down my body until he kneels between my parted legs. His eyes are dark as he turns his head to me, hands smoothing over the inside of my thigh, teasing across my hard flesh with soft fingertips.

"Elrohir.¨ I murmur the name of the only one I have ever and could ever love. With as much love he answers my plea. His eyes do not leave mine as he slowly presses to me. I shudder at the touch, the movement within me, gripping at the hands that hold me. Slowly the rhythm increases, as we are lost in each other, our soft moans echo gently around our room. Always together, in this as all things. As his pace quickens so our groans of delight grow louder, until neither can hold what we feel. He spills warm into my body, the heat of it throbbing through me as I too find climax at his touch. He falls into my waiting arms, both of us breathless and flushed with spent passion.

It is nigh on hours later that we emerge from our rooms, bathed and cleaned, a kiss at the door of Ada's rooms before we enter the alcove where he sits surrounded by maps and parchments. Glorfindel leans over his shoulder, his cheek resting on Ada's. Elrohir and I share a smile before they move apart.

We give our report in detail, pointing to the places on the map before us as Ada frowns at the boldness of our foes. Glorfindel watches, his finger moving to indicate new areas of concern.

Elrohir looks to me. He knows my thoughts but I shake my head. I, we, will not go yet, others can see to this. We have cleared the immediate threats and they will need time to regroup.

Ada turns to me, nodding. No words need to be said. His warrior days still cling close in his memory, he knows the weariness. Glorfindel places a hand on Elrohir's shoulder. He too has his memories and experience.

"It will be a time yet before we need think on our course of action.¨

Ada concurs and there is relief in Elrohir¡¦s eyes. He knows his time is short when he can ride and would delay the time I would ride without him. It will come, but not yet.

We join others to partake of a meal as the day reaches its height. A simple meal of bread and fruit but welcome after what has been available to us on the road. We do not refuse what is offered to us as it is done with good spirit but with little understanding to the ways of elves.

Our time is our own after, all formality and duty done. Ada embraces us, eyes Elrohir and seems happy in what he sees. Elrohir does not allude to the time of his illness, nor will I if now all seems well. Glorfindel appears and Ada turns to him. We beg our leave of both of them, it is given with a smile.

Elrohir takes my hand, leading me to the gardens. In his hand is a small book given to us many years past, yet still a favourite.

"I would have you read to me,¨ he whispers.

We sit on the warm grass, his head resting on my lap, my back braced against the trunks of one of the trees planted at our birth. The two of them stand side by side, branches above us entwined one with the other so the two are barely recognisable as entities in their own right. I begin to read, not unmindful of the symbol the trees are endowed with. It is not long before Elrohir sleeps peacefully, for a while I watch him sleep, the sight never failing to mesmorise me. Then I return to the reading. I am lost in the story it tells of bravery beyond comprehension in times passed, a tale we have heard endlessly told yet no less powerful for the telling. A story also of heartbreaking sorrow of two elflings cast asunder by events around them. I do not hear or notice until the shadow is cast across the pages. Only then do I look up. The face that looks back at me is uncovered and for the first time I can truly see the elf who watches us. That he is beautiful is beyond doubt. Yet it is not the physical splendour of him that has me stare unashamedly at him. It is the air about him, the happiness that shines in his eyes. He smiles at me with a bow of his head. He understands though he says nothing to me other than return my gaze. He looks down at Elrohir and nods once more, the smile broadens. I would ask his name, this one who has given me such faith in what we do. My lips part to ask my question of him when Elrohir stirs. I turn away to soothe my brother back to rest, when I return my gaze upward he is further along the path, hood pulled over his head once more. I wish to call him back but my words falter.

"My thanks,¨ I whisper and I fancy the head turns just a little to acknowledge my words before the path takes him from my sight.

Elrohir wakes, his hand on my cheek to bring my attention to him. I hold his palm to my lips, meeting his slight frown with a smile.

"All is well,¨ I murmur to him, "all is as it should be.¨ I know he will continue to watch over us, lending his reassurance to me whenever I falter.