The Probability Factor

Chapter Sixteen-Decisions, Decisions

Lady Galadriel led me away from my husband, back to her suspended garden. She led me down a small set of stairs into a secluded alcove, with a stone bath in the middle and a small tumbling waterfall by a stone wall. She walked over to the waterfall and picking up a small jug, filled it with water. She then walked to the bath and poured the water in.

“Come here,” she motioned to me, “What do you see when you look into the water?”

I moved over to the bath and looked into the still swirling water. Colours appeared to me, swirling like the water had done, and it suddenly coalesced into a picture. I leaned in closer to see all the details. Haldir was standing alone, tears running down his face as he said goodbye to someone. I couldn’t tell who it was because they were turned away from my perspective. Then the scene changed and we were in a city I didn’t recognize. The Lady Galadriel’s husband Lord Celeborn was there, and he was talking animatedly to Haldir, who was laughing and holding my hand as we sat on a small settee. The scene slowly changed again, and Haldir and I were riding down a very empty road, and Haldir looked very tense, his lips pulled into a tight line. We came upon Lorien, the tall trees looking more worn, with the leaves turned brown instead of the lovely silver hue they were supposed to be. The city was empty, not a soul around, and with this revelation, Haldir looked sadder than I’d ever seen him. At this point, the scene in the water vanished and I looked up to see Lady Galadriel looking down at me, with a small smile playing around her lips.

“What do you think of these images?” she asked kindly.

I didn’t know what to think, and I said so.

She took my hand and led me to a low bench near the bath. As we sat down, she turned towards me and began to softly speak, “You were brought here to reunite with your husband, but you are going to be faced with many more decisions than you have been faced with as yet. You may not realize this, but the Eldar are leaving Arda and going home to Aman. The time of the Race of Man is upon us, and our work is done here. Haldir cannot take a human mate with him across the waters, so either he goes and leaves you behind, or he stays and you live here in Arda for the rest of your years. When you pass, he will be left to fade.”

I sat dumbfounded. I thought we had already dealt with this back on Earth. “Isn’t there another option? Haldir swore he wouldn’t leave me and I definitely do not want him to fade.”

Lady Galadriel stroked my hand gently, “I know you do not want him to fade. There is one other option, but it is up to Eru himself to grant it.”

“Who’s Eru?” I asked.

“Eru Ilúvatar is the One. The creator of all. It was he that used the Music of the Ainur to bring into existence all that lives in this world. He created the Valar, thus creating us in the beginning. The Valar can do many things, but not what is needed to keep you and Haldir together for eternity. You are mortal, and he is not. This is a fact that we cannot change, no matter how hard we wish it.”

A tear found its way down my cheek as I absorbed her words. Haldir and I could be together, but only if he sacrificed himself to fading upon my death. He would have no second chance at joining his kin across the waters in Aman. I leaned towards Lady Galadriel for a hug. Instead of looking at me like I was some kind of two-headed beastie like some people would, she leaned into me and hugged me in an all-enveloping embrace. I let myself go and cried on her shoulder, as she patted my back gently, murmuring soft words of comfort in my ear. I lay in her arms for a while, letting the tears dry up of their own accord, and she patiently held me.

Sitting up, I wiped my cheek of the last salty remnants of my tears, and Lady Galadriel stroked my hair.

“I think it is about time you called me Galadriel. Seeing as how you’ve just cried all over my dress,” she smiled puckishly.

I coughed up a giggle, and I tried to wipe off the evidence of my emotional breakdown. It was no use. The saline trail I had left on her shoulder needed to be washed out.

She held out a handkerchief, “Blow your nose. You have gotten a bit stuffed up.”

I dutifully blew and stuffed the hanky in my bodice, “I’ll wash this before I give it back.”

“Of course, but you may keep it if you wish,” she generously told me.

“May I ask you a question?”

“Of course,” she waved for me to continue.

“How do you know English so well?”

“Your husband taught me and my husband as well. He wanted us to be able to communicate with you. He has been teaching his brothers too, but Rúmil has not been taking to it too well. He seems to have difficultly with the way your words are formed. Orophin has fared better, but he has not come as far as Celeborn and I have.”

I smiled, “Thank you for taking the time to learn my language. I will try to learn yours as well, but I must warn you, I have a terrible time with French, nevermind Sindarin. I may never master your language.”

Galadriel let out a tinkly laugh, “I think you will be fine. You have enough assistance, as both I and my husband have pledged our help.”

“Thank you,” I said seriously, “Sorry about your dress.”

“Do not worry. We will also find a better solution to your problem,” she helped me up and we walked out of the garden alcove, “Go to your husband. He is anxious about your well being.”

I nodded and thanked Galadriel for her time, and then I wandered off in search of Haldir. I found him back in our talan, waiting for me on a settee. He looked up at me with love and motioned for me to sit down beside him.

Once I was seated, he said, “How was your talk with the Lady?”

“It went fine. She had me look into this pool of water and then we talked about what I saw.”

Haldir mulled this over, “What did you see?”

“Nothing good,” I replied truthfully, “It seems our life together is destined for a tonne of heartache.” I got on my knees in front of him, “I want you to swear that you will sail when the last ship leaves. I’m not kidding. I will live again, you won’t. I won’t have that. I can live on in new incarnations if I know you are living happily in Aman.”

Haldir’s eyes narrowed, “You know I will not leave you here. In less than a decade there will be no Eldar in Arda. You will be at the mercy of Man, and I do not trust them with females. They are coarse and rough, and they treat their women like chattel.”

I grimaced. I knew how women were treated during the centuries before mine, and even now women were being stripped of their power as men tried to subjugate them using sex. It was still an uphill battle as young women had forgotten what their ancestors had fought for; and instead slid into a subservient position, flashing their breasts at any camera, or getting into sexual situations because they wanted a guy’s attention. Feminism had become a dirty word once again, and I wished women could see what existed when they had no status, so that they could understand exactly what they were doing to themselves.

“Haldir, I will survive without you. I am sure they won’t keep me here. I may be lonely, but if I know you’re alive, I can go on. I need to know we will meet again. I need to know you’re all right. Please Haldir, promise me you’ll sail,” I begged.

Haldir pulled me to his chest, “I cannot promise that my love. I cannot leave you alone. These past few months have torn me apart, not having you with me. I knew I would see you again, but the wait was unbearable. Do not ask me to sail. Allow me time to seek a better solution.”

Tears pricked the back of my eyes as I realized there was a huge possibility that Haldir would fade. I just leaned into him, not saying a word, lest they betray me. We sat like that until lunch, and then we joined Orophin and his friends for a light repast amongst the canopy of the huge trees. Orophin tested his English skills, and told me I would learn Sindarin, as I now had a good incentive to. It would allow me more freedom within Lorien and I would be able to travel to other Elven realms with Haldir and be able to fend for myself.

My first days in Lorien were busy, as Haldir showed me around, introducing me to all the people he deemed important for me to know. I got used to the jealous looks that the ellith shot me, and I mostly ignored them. Haldir spoke sharply to a couple of aggressive ellith who had cornered me, and told me he warned them of my station, and how he would see them turned over to the nearest settlement of Men as their penance. I thought that was a tad rough, as I figured they’d be sold into slavery or something horrible. Orophin had been regaling me with sordid tales of what humans were like on this planet. I was glad I had married an elf.

Orophin and Haldir related the history of Arda to me over many nights. When Orophin returned to the borders, and Rúmil came back to the city, it became Rúmil’s turn to act out the history as Haldir told me more about how Arda grew up. The days turned into months, and soon it was Fall. I had grown closer to Galadriel and Celeborn during these months, as they had me tell them about what Earth was like. Celeborn was fascinated by my explanations of technological advances, and had employed his engineers into designing a septic system based on the system I had told him about from home. The Eldar were very concerned with hygiene, and Celeborn was very interested in how we had almost eradicated water-borne diseases in developed countries. He was damned lucky I was a Federal Government officer, and had an extensive education, as I was sure someone else might not have this kind of knowledge available to them.

One day a huge procession came into the city. Haldir had left four days before to go to the borders for some reason. He didn’t say why, and I didn’t ask. Galadriel kept me busy doing things to get ready for some kind of celebration. I was vaguely aware that whatever was happening was big, but my handle on Sindarin wasn’t that good, so I wasn’t completely sure. I kept catching words like, ‘Imladris’, ‘Lord Elrond’, and something about a long goodbye. A part deep inside me knew this had to be about sailing to Aman, but Galadriel had not uttered a word, so I could not be certain. In fact, it was as though every single elf in the city had been instructed not to say a word about Aman, sailing to Aman, or even the ‘Great Exodus’. I couldn’t get any info, no matter how sneaky I was.

In the procession was a whole swack of elves, but they were all dark, except for one, who had hair as golden as a field of ripe wheat. The one who seemed to be in charge was tall, dark, and he looked really tired. I felt badly for him. Galadriel had me wait with her and Celeborn, while the important members of this travelling gang came to greet them. Galadriel held my hand and smiled broadly at me as they entered the gardens near the huge talan that the Lord and Lady lived in.

I spotted Mithrandir standing behind one of the dark-headed chaps, and he winked at me. I was so surprised I think I may have gasped, and Galadriel gave my hand a quick squeeze as she gently brushed my mind with hers. The one who looked so dammed tired approached Galadriel and Celeborn and bowed. I caught something about greetings from Imladris, and would the Lord and Lady of Lorien please extend hospitality to these weary travellers. I thought that the chap speaking was really weary, and not in a good, gee-whiz got loads of exercise, way. A wisp of laughter brushed my mind, and I knew Galadriel was listening to my musings. She did that quite a bit as she said I was very interesting for a mortal. She said she likes it when I think about silly things and when I fret about being gone from work as long as I have been. Says I’m illogical to worry about something that no longer is an issue.

Galadriel and Celeborn bowed and offered their humble city in welcome, and it seemed the introductions were done. Until Mithrandir came forward and shook my hand.

“Good day Susan. I see you are well. How do you fare in Lorien?” his tone was gentle and friendly.

“I’m good Mithrandir. You know English too?” I was a bit surprised at his easy grasp of what I was told was a difficult language.

Mithrandir laughed, “Yes I know your language. I know many languages. Your world is not unknown to me. I did send a certain someone there on purpose.”

I blushed. Mithrandir sent Haldir, but didn’t know I was there, otherwise he may’ve chosen somewhere different. I said slyly, “And aren’t you glad you did?”

Mithrandir snorted indelicately, “Hmmmm,” he mumbled.

Tired guy came up to us and said in perfect English, “Is this the woman you have told me about Mithrandir?”

I just about keeled over from the shock. Mithrandir gently pushed my mouth closed as he replied to tired guy, “Yes. Lord Elrond, may I present Susan. Susan, this is Lord Elrond, master of Imladris.”

I curtseyed as best as I could, seeing as how I was in a state of shock, and said, “My Lord.”

Lord Elrond looked amused, “I understand you came from Earth, to join your husband, Marchwarden Haldir.”

I nodded, dying to ask him why he was so tired. I didn’t because I knew that would be the height of rude.

I felt Galadriel’s mind brush mine, and then she joined us in conversation. “Elrond, why don’t you tell us what has you so tired?” She kindly spoke in English.

Elrond looked at her askance, “My Lady, you already know why I am tired.”

“For the benefit of our guest, who has not been here during those trying times,” she nudged.

Elrond gave me a look, “I am tired because of the Great War of the Ring, and all the events that preceded it. I have been in Arda too long, and I look forward to resting within the Blessed Lands.”

I didn’t know what else to do but pat his hand, “I’m sorry sir. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. I hope you find peace in Aman, and I just want you to know that you’re not alone and you are loved.”

This left everyone looking a bit shocked and/or perplexed.

“Why do you say that?” Elrond asked.

“What part?” I asked, a bit confused. I thought I had been perfectly clear.

“The part about not being alone and loved,” Elrond arched an eyebrow at me.

“Well, you’re not. Alone I mean. No matter what you’ve been through, no matter how horrible, people have had similar situations and experiences. No one has had the singularly separate experience that absolutely no one else would understand. Everyone has stuff that is kinda like this or that, but close enough that people’d get your experience. Plus, you are loved. Love is an intrinsic part of the fabric of the universe. All you have to do is let it in. So, you’re not alone and you are loved,” I reasoned.

Galadriel clasped my hand in hers, “Very true indeed.”

Mithrandir took a drag on his pipe, “I would still send Haldir to you if I had known you lived there.”

Elrond may not have known why Mithrandir said that, but I got it. Mithrandir knew I understood stuff, and while I may not be the most desirable person on the face of it, I had what it took to be with Haldir. It took my honesty to give him the answers he needed.

Haldir joined me as Elrond and his posse moved off to claim their telain and assorted baggage. He stroked my hair and kissed my neck.

“Did you meet Lord Elrond?”

“Yup. He’s pretty tired. I hope he gets some sleep,” I said.

Haldir laughed, “Yes he is tired. He does not have a woman like you to keep him active and well rested.”

“You don’t rest well,” I accused, “Neither do I. I have gotten less sleep here, than I did back on Earth.”

“And is that a bad thing?” he purred in my ear.

“No,” I said curtly, “But I need a facial so I don’t look as haggard as I feel.”

I felt a pair of hands circle my waist, “I will give you a massage if you join me in our talan for a few hours before the welcoming feast.”

I calculated the time and when I would be needed to help Galadriel out, “I have three hours free. Let’s make use of them.”

We practically ran back to our place.