A Gift of Love

CHAPTER 16

We are resting in our rooms when the food Ada had sent for us arrives. Elladan has decorated the room with candles. He looks beautiful, glowing in the soft light. Since Ada confirmed what we both felt in our hearts my brother has a calm about him that he has not had since we first rode. There is still trouble in his eyes, concern in each thing he does, but for this moment, this night, he has put it all aside. For this night we celebrate the realization of my dream.

My brother arranges the food on the table in a precise pattern. Each side a perfect mirror of the other. I smile at the significance of it and wonder if Elladan too knows or whether it is instinct that has him arrange things thus. We bathed and dressed separately, yet we have chosen the same white tunic and blue leggings to wear. Our hair hangs loose about our shoulders, no adornments other than the dark gleam as it catches the light. I chance at my reflection in the mirror, seeing myself as I now am and wondering what the months ahead will bring. I am fiercely determined to not let this have any about me treat me with difference. I will be who I am and remain so. Come the morning we will discuss with those who know already and those who will need to be informed what is to be done. Most important is how this news will be spoke of to the ones who live among us. I have little concern for the effect such news will have as it ripples within and without our borders. I would have those we see around us understand why we have chosen this path. I would have them understand the depth of the love I share with Elladan. This hope may be as elusive as the thought I could give Elladan the child he so desires, yet as I watch the holder of my heart, we have seen this become reality. Perhaps I may chance to dream once more. I know and understand Elladan¡¦s silent concern. He fears for me and the words that would be said against us. Against me. He guards my honour as his own, fierce in any defense of me, as I have been of him, since we first entered this world, and even perhaps before. I smile a little as I think back on past times, when to judge one meant to judge both. I wonder amused, what it will be like for our sons. Will they share the same bond their sire and I do. My hand rests over the surface of my stomach and I fancy I hear the peal of tiny laughter.

I do not realize my thoughts are so far away until I feel Elladan's arms around me. He stands with his cheek to mine, holding me back against him, one arm across my chest, the other with his hand on my stomach. I place my right hand over his and for a long moment we stand together in this embrace.

"I cannot think how it will be.¨ Elladan's voice is but a whisper in the quiet of our rooms. "Sometimes I hear a voice here and there and I fancy it is our child.¨

It is the first time Elladan has truly spoken on such things and I turn to face him, cup his cheek in my hand and gently kiss his lips. I often think he has a greater gift than any of us, yet it is his choice not to see or speak of it.

"What do you hear?¨

"Laughter, whispers.....¨ He looks far away, over my shoulder as if something is already calling him. "I have dreamed.....¨ Elladan shakes his head, perhaps unable to believe what he has seen. I stroke the soft silken strands of his hair as I kiss his brow.

"I have dreamed also Elladan,¨ I reply as I bring his eyes to meet mine. His grey eyes sparkle in the candle light, glistening with tears as yet unfallen. He nods, a wry smile on his lips.

"Do you see?¨

I nod this time to his question. Later it will come to me that we spoke of the same yet different thing.

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I guide Elrohir to the table. The food will grow cold if we do not take ourselves to it. I could become lost in his embrace, leave the world behind us, but it would not be cautious to do so.

While we sit I think on what my brother has said. I am reassured that he too dreams of what is to come and that his dreams have none of the pictures that seem to plague mine. He too has heard voices calling and for that I am glad for it eases the burden of my thoughts. Along with the joy of our child is constantly mixed the fear of Elrohir suffering and most of all that I can do nothing to prevent it. I know he thinks I am able to see much more than he, that I have our Grandmother¡¦s gift in abundance. He is right, I have seen more, but it is more than I wish and I am not yet ready to speak wholly about it. So I will listen to Elrohir as he speaks. I sip at the wine, smile at his thoughts and plans, marvel at this wonderful creature who chose to love me.

We make little mention of what is to be announced. Ada is the one who can turn words most eloquently, not his soldier sons whose skills in diplomacy do not lack for want of his guidance, but merely our own reluctance. Too many years holding sword and bow do not provide training for words.

Almost without notice the meal is complete. We, or rather Elrohir, has spoken of the needs of the born child. As we take the final bites of the honey cakes he looks intently to me.

"Elladan,¨ his voice is soft and low, my name on his lips sounding as it can from no other. I look back to him, waiting. I know to give him time, for he wishes to say something that he is unsure of between us. He reaches over to touch my hand, looking to it and then searching my eyes.

"I have told you how it is to be.¨

At this I nod, he has spoken of how the child will be separated from him when I spoke of my fears and the vision. He grips my hand tight, as he reaches now for the other.

"I want these hands to be the first felt, your arms to the first to hold and your face the first seen.¨

I look down at our joined hands. Spectres of the blood washing over them rise unbidden from my thoughts. It slowly comes to me what he is asking. My gaze shifts to eyes that brim with crystal tears. I turn away for a moment as his grip becomes fierce on my hands. I know he fears my answer. Yet how can I deny him this thing. I face him once more. The one who would sacrifice all to give me what had lie secret in my heart only for him to discover it there. I smile slowly.

"For you Elrohir, beloved brother, anything you ask of me.¨

There is such relief in his manner that the tears do fall. It will not be easy for me. All my life I have strove to protect him from harm and pain. That I would willingly cause it casts a shadow on my heart.

"It will not be so bad,¨ he jests, "your blade will be sharp and clean, we have had worse with the weapons of our enemies.¨

I laugh a little. It is true, we have suffered our share of blades across our flesh, but none with metal that cut deep, though they are rough and ill made.

The sky is crimson when we pull away from the table and once more stand looking over the secluded garden. The breeze that tugs at our hair is warm, it is a perfect night. Soon the firmament above us will blaze. I find myself, as Elrohir slips his arm around my waist, wishing that our child will be born under such skies, with the silver light of the stars guiding his way. It is my favoured time, a cast back to when the fall of night would bring dreams and longing for my brother. That I have him now changes nothing other than I no longer have to dream alone in a cold bed.

And it is to that bed we have shared for so long we now go. There will be much debate on the morrow and much to be decided.

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We rise early and bathe. We had not made love in the night. We had lay close to each other in the quiet, tangled in each other's arms, Elladan's leg hooked over mine and while there was no diluting of the passion we feel for each other, it had simply felt as though this night should be for retrospection. So we had spoke of our lives, the games we would play, the havoc on the ordered ways of those around us we had caused, for young ones among us are so rare. Thus we were able to roam as freely as we wished, without the restraints that may have been placed on us had we not been of elf kind. We grew with love and understanding, even if our own understanding had come much later to us. As we dress now, Elladan comes to me. We embrace and kiss long before stepping together to the door and the world beyond. We will take breakfast with Ada, an occurrence not strange enough to set tongues wagging. Though what will come next has already had some whispering at its intent. It is not usual for Ada to call his captains together as he has done this day when no threat is abroad in our lands. There is much speculation as to the reason, yet no talk has come within a league of the truth.

Ada smiles in greeting, nodding to the places set for us, enquiring as to our rest. It is unspoken, yet I can still marvel at his acceptance of us. Perhaps it that he sees in us two other close born sons and wonders what may have been.

Ada's golden haired lover joins us as Elladan and I bow our heads to disguise the smiles. We have both wondered when it will be that they acknowledge their love to other than each other. It is perhaps the other badly held secret within Imladris.

There is no talk of that nor of what will be discussed later this morning. That Glorfindel knows there is no doubt. Nor that Ada¡¦s other closest ally, Erestor knows already. They would have been informed almost as soon as Gandalf had left us three, on instruction from Ada. That they had been awaiting confirmation upon our return, I did not wonder, both had greeted us with more enthusiasm than was seemly. I did wonder whether the wizard had perhaps forewarned them of news.

The meal complete we move to the private chambers within Ada's rooms. There are a few already waiting, not seated until their lord arrives. We are greeted warmly, asked concerning our travels. There will be 12 of us in all, all well known to us and we to them. We have grown in their company and within their guidance. Ada calls us to sit and so we begin.

All listen in hushed silence to Ada's announcement. All turn to look at us with a myriad of expressions. Some are clearly disturbed and unbelieving. The wizard is with us to explain how it is all possible. I do not know if what he says is understood by those present, but it is not the reason we are here. It is to the matter of how this news is to be broken that is at point. I am in awe of the way Ada can speak, marvel at the words he chooses. And I am forever grateful that he understands. He speaks as if it were he himself who had wished this. When he is done there are none who would gainsay us. Private thoughts are uttered when discussions begin and with that I am relieved. I would not have those we trust with this hide what is in their hearts. Some voice concern at what has been done, some talk of others like us who would wish the same. Both Ada and Gandalf answer what questions there are, Elladan and I happy to leave it thus. Then talk turns from the past to the future. There will be hiding of this and Elladan speaks strongly now of truth and I of the same.

There is debate until the sun moves upper most in the sky until it is decided that Ada should make the proclamation as he would any conceived child. There will be a gathering and the impending birth proclaimed.

Elladan nods in agreement and I too am happy. What we have conceived between us will be no different to any who have gone before, our own birth date announced in similar manner.

We retire for the midday meal with the knowledge that in three days hence all will know what has been our secret for many months. As we eat curious ones ask more personal questions of us that would seem too prying had they been spoke in open forum. Those we cannot answer are taken to Ada or Gandalf. Both Glorfindel and Erestor embrace us, placing a kiss on our brows as they did when we mastered some task set for us in earlier days. Then the Wizard draws us aside. There is still danger he warns us, from many directions, still chance that we may lose what I carry, chance others will challenge the right to do so. Through it all Elladan stands close to my side, his hand holding mine tight. I nod at the spoken warnings and will heed the advice offered to us. The wizard will leave us now to return much later when there will be further news to be heard.

I am lighter of heart as we make our way back to our rooms. Elladan is deep in thought as we walk. I know he dwells on the warnings given, that they have upset the calm of the night. We retire to our chambers for the day to try to recapture the peace he has lost. I touch his hand quickly as we near the door that separates us from the world. My beautiful brother smiles.

"I will get us some breads and drinks for later,¨ he whispers, knowing I do not intend for us to leave this evening. I watch him depart before stepping inside, closing ht edoor behind me with a sigh. It has gone better than I had thought it may.

I look up from my book as Elladan returns. There is something amiss with my brother that I can feel before he turns to face me. His eyes blaze when he does.

"Our planning was for naught,¨ Elladan announces solemnly, "word travels through Imladris of what has happened.¨

I looked at my brother, startled, it has been mere hours. He looks pale, his eyes flashing with a conceal anger. He shakes his head at my unasked question.

"I do not know, one or several could have heard or guessed.¨ He sits down heavily on the seat with me, his arm instinctively around me, though in truth it was he who requires the comfort.

"I am sorry Elrohir.¨

I put my arm around him and hold him close to me. For a long while there are no words between us. I know well what his thoughts are. It has concerned him more than I. He turns his head to look at me.

"We have each other,¨ I tell him as he nods,¨ we need the approval of no other than those who already know the tale in full.¨

He nods again, and a small smile graces his features, a little of the anger dying. "We have a champion however.¨

I cock my head in puzzlement as Elladan's hand runs over my cheek.

"There is one who spoke on our behalf to those who would cast a shadow on what we do. I do not know a name, but he watches us,¨ Elladan pauses, "watches me.¨

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I begin to relate to Elrohir my tale of only moments passed.

I hear them talking. The speak of what has come to be. They speak of the news that Elrohir son of Elrond and lover to his brother Elladan is with child. The call question upon he nature of my brother.

I would have wished more time before it came to this. We had not reckoned on a chance overhearing and the workings of the wild spread of it.

As I listened my hands curled into hard fists. They speak of Elrohir in harsh tones and jest. I would have stepped from the shadows to challenge them, thinking with my heart to defend him. Yet I did not have chance to reveal myself as a listener to this discourse. A cloaked figure approached, looking to my direction though I was certain I could not be seen. The covered head nodded to me, and I was certain I caught a smile even in the darkness of the hood. And whereas those whose words still echoed in my mind remained unaware of my presence they were not so of him. He approached with an air of command though he has no rank I know of. They looked to him as he spoke, his voice soft, lilting, demanding of respect. I listened as intently as they.

"A child of our race is so infrequently graced into our world. Each is to be cherished and the Valar thanked for their conception. It matters not the source of their life force, nor the vessel of their deliverance. It matters only the love that brought this forth. They are truly a gift of love.¨

With that he bowed to the assembly and with a further nod to me, departed. Those present watched after him. Not further words were said, yet the air around them had shifted. I would trust to hope that these words were repeated oft.

I look to Elrohir, my tale at an end.

"It is good,"¨ he says simply.

Ada will as is custom still announce the birth right of our child and I will remember the words spoken. This child we have brought forth between us is a gift of love and we will hail it so.