Vaniel, My Heart

Disclaimer: All familiar characters are owned by JRR Tolkien and are used without permission. No monies are being made from this work. Original characters are part of the story and owned by the author.

Vaniel, My Heart
by Sienna Dawn


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Chapter 15 - Nightmares in Bree

Deep night, like a mantle of black velvet, descended over the village of Bree.

Outside The Prancing Pony, the cobblestone streets were deserted, and only the chill winds of the North swept up and down the narrow winding lanes. No candle light filtered from warm, cozy homes to the frigid outside. Street lamps glowed softly in the dark, and the only sound heard was the whistling winds that rushed down from the Misty Mountains.

This was the time when light yielded to the dark, and lovers met to share secret kisses and empassioned embraces; a time when brilliant stars glittered in the heavens and none save the wood sprites danced 'neath their magic. This was the time favored by the elves, an ancient memory of their first awakening under the stars.

But on this frigid night nothing save dreams and nightmares in the minds of Men and Elves journeyed in the town of Bree.

At The Prancing Pony all was still, its doors having closed for the night long hours before. And so it was more frightening still when the piercing scream rent the night, followed by wails and more screams.

The barkeep, warm 'neath his woolen blanket, fell out of bed at the first scream, hitting his head on the wooden floor. Sitting up and shaking his head, he heard the heavy sound of footsteps above him.

"Damned elves." he muttered and climbed back into his warm bed.

Above him, soft weeping came from the women's chamber, where the entire company had burst in at the first scream, weapons at hand. There they had found Aladwyn vigorously shaking Vaniel, who still writhed in the grip of a nightmare. Standing agape at this scene, none moved until Haldir acted, shoving the woman aside, and rather unceremoniously Aladwyn had perceived. Then they had observed him gently take Vaniel into his arms and whisper to her, calling her back to the light of the world. Slowly, she awakened and sobbed into Haldir's shoulder while he cradled her in his arms, waiting for the sobs to subside.

Aladwyn stood in the center of the room, her long blond hair spilling loose about her body and reaching to her knees. Her blue eyes narrowly studied the elves on the bed. Inwardly she chuckled, "Who would have known", and then turned to Elladan.

" 'Twould be safe to say no one is getting any sleep tonight." She saw her brother's eyes narrow in warning, but she ignored him. Instead, she turned her direction to Elladan. Standing closer to the tall elf, she did not realize that the light of the candle he held cast a warm glow over her, creating a nearly translucent effect over her sleeping shift. In an instant, Eodwyn had covered his sister in a cloak. She frowned at him, but said nothing and wrapped the cloak about her. It was cold in the room.

Elladan considered the situation and did not respond to Aladwyn's rhetorical comment.

Back on the bed, Haldir caressed Vaniel's hair and waited for her breathing to ease. Her body felt warm and less rigid and he knew she was returning to them. Raising his eyes to Elladan, an unspoken message passed between them. It was then that Elladan decided.

"Aladwyn, you will take our chamber and your brother and I will go to the other room." He turned to leave.

But Aladwyn was having none of it, "I daresay not!" She pointed to the bed, "She is come out of it. I will be well here, Elladan. There is no need to disturb the slumber of others over a dream."

But Elladan had decided, "Dreams are not mere wisps of fancy for elves, Aladwyn. Not as they are for Men." He fixed worried eyes on the pair on the bed, watching with a pang of sympathy as Haldir stroked Vaniel's hair and spoke to her in hushed, soothing tones. He had never once known such love, not in his long life.

Turning to look at Aladwyn, he continued, "A dream to an elf is real, Aladwyn, and if they delve too deeply into Lorien's garden of dreams, they could lose themselves and never return to the world."

Elladan reached for Aladwyn's elbow, "Come, let us rest. There are still some hours left before sunrise."

Taking her elbow, he led her and the rest of the company out of the room, closing the door behind them.

When Haldir perceived that he and Vaniel were alone, he pulled her slightly away from him so he could see her face. Her eyes were closed, and the trails of shed tears marked her pale skin. Reaching with a hand, he rubbed her cheek and was greeted by the warm, golden gaze of her eyes, focused and alive. He knew she was fully returned.

Haldir's eyes, warm and soft, captured hers and he asked her, "Do you wish to tell me what it was about?"

Vaniel nodded slowly and sat back against the pillows and stared straight ahead, remembering. "I remember images and feelings. There was such anguish....a spirit torn from its former self, and twisted into something it was not meant to be. There was a fire, a terrible burning, and then falling inside water...and I could not breathe." She focused her eyes on Haldir's face, noticing how deeply etched on his brow were the lines of worry. "I knew something was pursuing me, what it was I do not know...but its breath was foul and it meant to kill me." Vaniel closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, her bosom rising and falling slowly.

Moved, Haldir stroked her forehead and whispered, "It is over now. 'Twas nothing more than mayhap a memory....and memories fade with time."

Vaniel nodded and reached for the hand that caressed her brow and brought it to her cheek and, with eyes closed, rubbed her face against it. Haldir's heart was unprepared for the sudden show of affection and he felt a deep well of emotion. One he was beginning to recognize as love.

He looked at Vaniel.

He could not deny himself any longer. If he continued to defy his heart and mind he would surely lose his reason. He loved Vaniel. He loved her with a force that did not seem to recognize boundaries or excuses, with a force that dimmed his willpower. He knew she could render him weak and pliable, and he sadly smiled. If she only knew, he thought.

Still looking at Vaniel, he studied her face, the long lashes which swept her cheeks; cheeks he knew instinctively were soft. His eyes dropped to her lips, moist, soft, asking to be kissed a million times over. He wanted to touch her, oh, how he wanted to....he wanted to hold her, whisper her to her, tell her he loved her, how much he treasured her...he knew that now, knew that he treasured her, and seeing her locked in the embrace of a deadly nightmare brought the realization home to his heart. He loved Vaniel, and for this he would be forever doomed.

Taking a deep breath, he fought for control, forcing his body to obey his command, but Vaniel's face pressed further into his hand, and he looked down at her again, focusing on her mouth, lips moist and slightly open. His heart constricted. Never would he know the taste of her mouth, the feel of her body against his. He looked at her with different eyes now, with the eyes of love and desire. And it was desire coupled with love that wound itself into his body.....desire to know how it felt to have her writhe beneath him in ecstacy and not torment.

Closing his own eyes, Haldir allowed his mind to drift, giving in to the desire coursing through his body, feeling his breeches stretch taut over his manhood, letting the sensation of her skin against his overrule his logic. But when Vaniel kissed his hand and whispered a soft, "Thank you," did his eyes fly open and he gently removed his hand from her grasp.

Forcing a calmness to his face and eyes that his heart did not feel, he smiled fondly, "Nay, Vaniel, there is no need to thank me. 'Twould not do to lose you to the realm of dreams before you reach Gondor." He fought himself, using the old techniques he had learned so long ago to calm his body so she could not see the desire that welled up in him.

But Vaniel, still remembering the taste of his skin, simply watched Haldir silently, forcing a small smile, her own heart beating wildly. She well knew her feelings for him had deepened over the course of time. She had been honest with herself over him and her love as it had grown over the past year or so, but she had had no idea how sweet would the feel of his skin be against hers, nor the taste of him beneath her lips. And yet, his eyes showed a serenity that she thought was forced, for his body was tense, as if ready for flight, and Vaniel was not certain if this was a good thing or not.

Vaniel studied Haldir's eyes and saw they were clear. He was not wed, this much she could see in his eyes. Yet, there was anguish there, buried deeply yes, too deep for others to see, but not too deep for her loving eyes to discern.

And she asked herself yet once more: What haunted Haldir of Lorien?

It suddenly mattered not to her, for her mind told her she loved Haldir, even as her heart admitted to this certainty. Vaniel was surprised at this revelation, for she had not really thought she could love, not like this, not so deeply and passionately. She watched Haldir as he watched her, realizing for the first time he was shirtless, wearing only his dark green leggings, his Noldorin knives on the side of the bed. She thought back to Aladwyn's words....extraordinary, magnificent, and she suddenly understood the woman had been speaking of Haldir. She let her eyes drop to his torso and her gaze lingered over him lonvingly, and she heard him take a deep breath.

Vaniel saw that Haldir was beautiful and the thought, coupled with her love for him, emboldened her.

Reaching a hand out toward him, she saw Haldir's eyes follow where it went and saw him close his eyes when she touched his chest. She did not see, but one of Haldir's hands gripped the edge of the bed until his knuckles whitened. The other hand was closed into a tight fist, resting on his lap.

Smooth skin tingled beneath her gentle touch and she heard his sharp intake of breath. He raised his gaze and Vaniel saw the clear sapphire of his eyes had turned to a smoldering blue fire of passion. She smiled, amazed at her own boldness, but beginning to feel a delicious weakness spread throughout her body. Was this desire, her mind asked. If it was, it answered itself, let it come. By the Valar, let it come!

Without breaking eye contact, Vaniel now brought her other hand to his body and caressed Haldir's smooth chest, running her hands over the strong shoulders, feeling the well developed muscles. She let her hands travel to his abdomen, marveling at how taut his body was, how strong the muscles, how lithe and supple his body was. During her explorations, they had not ceased staring at each other.

Vaniel marveled at the tautness of his muscled torso, the contrast of the smooth skin of his chest and the calloused roughness of his hands. She explored him without shame, breaking eye contact to reach out for one of his hands and turn it over to study his fingers, fingers which were long and strong, with nails cut short and shapely. She wanted to kiss his fingers, show him how dear he was to her. And just as the thought entered her mind, she raised his fingers to her lips and pressed her mouth to them.

Haldir's breath quickened and he closed his eyes, swallowing hard, breathing out once to say her name, "Vaniel." But she did not stop, and once more Haldir felt her soft lips on his fingers, gently kissing the calloused pads.

He was drowing in her sweetness and he couldn't breathe. How could she do this do him? He was not an inexperienced elf, but she was quickly overwhelming his senses with the fire of delight and desire. He felt himself grow hard again and nearly groaned outloud. Just then he felt Vaniel's breath, warm and moist, on the center of his palm and he whimpered and breathed her name again, "Vaniel...." His eyes opened, but they were unfocused from the desire which blinded him to all thoughts and sensations except Vaniel's lips and presence.

Vaniel had heard Haldir and delighted in the effect she was having on him but did not realize that his iron control was slipping. She raised her face to his, saw his eyes were still closed and leaned into him, placing a feather-light kiss on his cheek, finding his skin there soft and warm.

Taking his hand toward her mouth again, Vaniel kissed the pads of his fingers, lightly licking the last digit, watching his face, not knowing how this idea came to her, an unfamiliar throbbing beginning to pound deep in her loins as she saw Haldir close his eyes briefly, gasp and then stare at her.

While Vaniel had explored him and kissed him, Haldir had not dared to touch her, fearing his own reaction, knowing he might lose control and take her as he wished to take her, over and over, as he had never taken another. But this he knew he could not do, did not dare to do. Many times he had dreamed of this intimacy between them, but always tore the desire out of his heart. Yet now, with Vaniel before him, showing him how she desired him, drowning him in the scent that was her, his will abandoned him, and with a low groan of want, Haldir surrendered to the sweet vortex of desire coursing through his veins. He raised a hand to cup the back of her head, Vaniel's kisses finally having pushed Haldir over the edge and crumbling his iron will.

His eyes dark with desire and his breath ragged, his gaze finally lowered to Vaniel's lips, as she still licked his finger. He took a deep uneven breath, feeling himself swell and harden. This time he did not force his body to calm, and he knew Vaniel had no idea of the suggestive nature of her actions and how this affected him. And this thought seduced him more, the knowledge he would be the one to teach her, to initiate her.

Looking into her eyes once more, he leaned toward her, pulling his hand out of hers. A question came to her eyes and she frowned, but he smiled and placed a hushing finger on her lips....and from there, he caressed them, tracing their outline, seducing her with the lightest of touches. Vaniel leaned into the touch and raised her golden eyes to meet Haldir's, and she could not stop the small moan that escaped her mouth as Haldir continued his feather-light touches on her lips. His other hand still cupped the back of Vaniel's head, and Haldir caressed the scalp, feeling the silken strands of Vaniel's hair fall between his splayed fingers. He saw her eyes darken to a muted amber and he could hear her quick breathing, her lashes sweeping her cheeks as she closed her eyes while he caressed her hair.

"Haldir..." her voice was feathery, sweet to his ears and she opened her golden eyes to met his sapphire gaze. "Haldir..." she whispered again, "I want..." she breathed and placed one hand on his chest. She lowered her gaze to his lips.

Haldir smiled softly, delighting in her desire, "What, my sweet," he husked, "what do you want?" His eyes dropped to her mouth and then returned to her gaze. He could feel the heaving of her bosom and longed to caress her breasts. "What, my heart?"

Vaniel could not speak, she could not tell him she wanted his lips on hers, his kiss, wild and deep. She could only feel the fire in her body, the humming of desire in her heart. But when she looked at him and brought her hand to his face, he captured it with his own and placed a deep kiss on the inside of her palm. Then, she saw his eyes explode into liquid fire and felt him draw her into his embrace, the warmth of his body casting a warm glow about her, cocooning her. Watching his face, she closed her eyes as Haldir touched her lips and then she felt the light pressure of his mouth on hers. Unbidden, a moan escaped her lips and she raised her hands to his shoulders. Lightly she squeezed his shoulders and she felt him kiss her more deeply.

Although Vaniel had never been kissed, she instinctively knew to close her eyes and open herself to Haldir as his lips claimed her own. When Haldir's mouth covered hers, his tongue gently slipped inside the moist warmth of her mouth, exploring, licking, suckling. At first his kiss was gentle, exploring, asking, waiting. But when Vaniel moaned against his mouth, Haldir deepened the kiss, bringing her into his arms, holding her tightly against him as his mouth tasted every inch of her lips. With every passing second, Haldir deepened the kiss more and more. Haldir's kiss was all-encompassing in its intensity and Vaniel felt a current of delirium coursing through her body like a river of liquid fire, leaving her lightheaded and weak.

Then Haldir increased the pressure of his kiss, sucking her mouth, licking her tongue, as Vaniel began to respond to him. When she touched her tongue to his, Haldir groaned and slowly lowered her back toward the bed. Vaniel brought her arms around his neck and let Haldir teach her how to kiss him. When his tongue licked hers, she licked him in return, and eventually, they molded their mouths into one another, suckling deeply of the other, tasting, nipping, tongues slowly twirling around each other as they imitated a far more ancient ritual. His tongue delving inside her mouth repeatedly, Haldir sucked her moist lips, hungry for them as if they were a freshly picked Summer peach. Her mouth reminded him of sweetness and youth, and he showed her how to kiss, lick and nip. Long did they kiss each other, breaking to breathe, returning to suckle moist lips that hungered for more.

Breaking the kiss, Haldir watched Vaniel, his mind fevered and intent on showing her his desire, his devotion and his love. His manhood was hard, painfully trapped beneath the leggings he wore. He wanted her to know how he desired her, how she affected him and drove all rational thought from his mind. He wanted her to know how he loved and showed love. With this thought before him, Haldir's mouth travelled to Vaniel's slender neck. Slowly and sensually, he licked the slender, pale column of flesh, as Vaniel allowed him full access to her body. His kisses ellicited small moans of pleasure from deep inside her. Slowly, his mouth descended until his lips captured a taut nipple as it peaked stiffly beneath her shift. At once, Vaniel sucked in her breath and moaned, her body arching toward him, her hands coming to Haldir's hair, conscious that the delicious sensation from the pleasured nipple tugged deeply at her loins. Gently, Haldir suckled the nipple, wishing with his entire being he could taste the taut peak without the cover of its garment. He suckled rhythmically, noting the peak hardened and swelled stiffly inside his mouth, and he groaned in delight.

Overcome by this completely unfamiliar sensation, and wholly inexperienced, Vaniel moaned and writhed beneath Haldir, her body raising itself off the bed, searching of its own will to join with him, her mind awhirl with the unfamilar pressure that was beginning to mount between her legs, at the apex of her womanhood. The longer he suckled her, the greater the fire and hunger in her loins. Her hands found his back and she caressed the smooth skin, conscious of the constant tug of his mouth on her nipple, writhing and caressing his shoulders. But when Haldir brought his other hand to rub the nipple of the free breast, Vaniel cried out, while her hands shot to his head, urging him away from the stiff peak he suckled. Forcing Haldir's eyes to focus on her face, Vaniel saw them covered with a haze of passsion she had never seen before, and his breathing was ragged and uneven, matching her own.

"Haldir!" she whispered, her amber eyes languid, one hand toying with his blonde hair as it fell between them. Vaniel's eyes fastened onto Haldir's mouth and then back to his eyes. She raised her face to his and captured his mouth in a honeyed kiss. Breaking the kiss when she realized he was going further, Vaniel looked into Haldir's eyes. She saw the passion there and she smiled. "Haldir, beloved, if we love each other like this and join, then we are surely wed. You know this is our way."

Vaniel's words came to Haldir like a chill wind from the North.

Abruptly his eyes cleared and he looked down at Vaniel, her hair fanned out on the pillows, her nipples stiff beneath the shift she wore, sweetly begging for his mouth to suckle them once more. His eyes took in his own half nakedness and finally he looked at her lips, swollen and red from kissing. His kissing her.

Guilt, black and bitter like bile, washed over him in surging waves and he sat back away from her, anguish clearly written on his fair face. His eyes dared not meet Vaniel's for he knew there would be anguish and confusion there. He did not trust himself just then.

"By Elbereth, sweet one, forgive me!" Haldir's voice was a hoarse whisper, ragged with emotion and guilt. "Forgive me," he repeated sadly.

Still not meeting Vaniel's eyes, Haldir dropped to one knee and reverently kissed the hem of Vaniel's shift. Standing again, Haldir silently collected his knives and without turning to meet her stricken expression, strode out of the chamber, softly closing the door behind him.

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Key:

Lorien - A Vala. In Tolkien's earlier works, Lorien's name was translated to "god of dreams", but afterward became associated with Loth Lorien...garden of dreams. Nevertheless, Lorien, the Vala, brought dreams to the elves.