New Love

Part Fifteen:

Dinner was over and Elrond and Arwen led the guest to the Hall of Fire. Galdor looked around the hall, Elladan and Gondithen had fond a quit corner and were talking about growing up with a twin. Nórdithen and Melpomaen were sitting close together listening to Bilbo recite his newest song with the rest of the elves. Galdor quietly slipped out a side door onto the veranda and began to walk towards the garden. His head was swirling with all the things that had happened to him in the past few days. He needed to get away and think.

Glorfindel had been keeping an eye on Galdor throughout the night. When he exited the room, Glorfindel made his excuses to Elrond and followed. He was just a couple steps behind Galdor when he entered a garden with a large hedge surrounding it.

Galdor pulled up short when he saw the dark clad figure sitting on a bench, they made eye contact and Erestor stood quickly “I am sorry, Galdor. I shall leave.”

“No, it’s ok, I disturbed you. You stay, I will walk elsewhere,” But before Galdor could turn to go Erestor called out to him.

“Galdor, wait, I want you to know how sorry I am for what I did to you. I know you can probably never forgive me, but I will always regret what I did.”

“Erestor, I know that you regret what happened. I just want to know why you are pretending to be something you are not. Glorfindel told me that he knew you and loved you in the past, I can not believe that he could fall in love with the same elf that was capable of doing what you almost did last night.”

“You don’t know what it was like; no one does unless they lived through it.” Erestor looked out into the dark night and Galdor could tell he was reliving old memories. “When you loose everything you have ever loved you stop caring and merely survive.”

“Then help me understand,” Galdor said as he walked over and sat beside Erestor. “Tell me your story.”

Glorfindel had stopped at the entrance of the garden unseen by the two elves within. When Erestor began his tale he quietly sat on the grass and made himself comfortable leaning against the hedge, he knew he should not eavesdrop, but could not help himself. Maybe he could learn something to help him understand why Erestor had become the elf he was now.

Erestor told Galdor of how he met Glorfindel and the courtship and binding that happened after. When he told of the fall of Gondolin, Glorfindel felt unashamed as tears gathered in his eyes. He cried not for himself but for his lost friends and the heartbreak Erestor had gone through alone after he had fallen.

“After Glorfindel fell I became a shell of the elf I once was. I had no family left, no home, and yet I had a responsibility to the remaining members of the House of the Golden Flower, they were Glorfindel’s people so they became my people. I took up the role of leadership and did what I had to do the help them survive. We followed Tuor and Idril to the Mouth of Sirion and settled with the survivors of Doriath. It was there I learn that I was desirable not just to my husband but to other elves as well. I began to take other to my bed to gain favor with the wealthy and powerful. The each time I felt someone else’s hands on me besides Glorfindel’s, a little more of me faded until I was completely numb inside. Everything I did was for the House of the Holden Flower and for Glorfindel. At least that’s what I told myself. I had remained friends for Tuor and Idril and when Earendil grew we became friends as well.

When Feanor’s sons attacked the elves were scattered. I traveled to Lindon and found favor with the High King Gil-galad. I never took him to my bed though. He could see right through me and knew I was hurting from deep pains. He became a mentor to me and trusted me enough to tutor Elrond and Elros when they came to live with the High King. By then conquest had become a game for me. I had stopped caring who I had hurt. I did what ever I could to forget. Through it all though I remained loyal to Elrond, he became my lord and as the last remaining member of the House of the Golden Flower in middle earth I pledged myself to the heir of Turgon. When he founded Imladris I helped him build and run it. I had settled into my role as chief counselor which brought new meaning to my life, but old habits die hard. If there was a warm body in my bed then nothing was missing from my life, and the pain I still felt from losing Glorfindel would be pushed to the back of my mind. It worked until he returned.”

Erestor paused and looked at Galdor.

“I don’t understand,” Galdor said. “When Glorfindel was returned why were you not reunited like you had longed to be. Why are you not together now? You are still bound.”

“That is where the tale gets complicated,” Erestor replied with a sad smile. “When Glorfindel was returned he was like a lost child. Imagine dying and coming back to a world you do not know, a world that is completely changed. The only elves that were still in middle earth that Glorfindel had know were Cirdan, the Lady Galadriel and myself. Even the geography had changed.

“When he returned I wanted to go to him and help him, but I took a hard look at what I had become. I was no longer the innocent young elf he had fallen in love with. I was and am nothing more than a whore. So I stayed away. I pretended I did not love him anymore and I broke his heart like he had broken mine.”

“Why don’t you go to him now? Glorfindel still loves you. He wants to be with you, I know he will forgive you.”

“Yes, he would forgive me, but I can not go to him because I have not forgiven myself.”

Glorfindel slowly got to his feet and walked back to his room unnoticed by the occupants of the garden. He had much to think about.