breaking the ice

Chapter fifteen Old and new pain

When Erestor woke he blinked his eyes several times, trying to figure out why he wasn’t in his room. /Haldir locked us in./ He ed ted the sleep out of his eyes and looked out the window.

He startled, seeing it was too late. Breakfast had already passed and he had work to do. He quickly jumped to his feet and left, surprised at the chair that was laying on the floor. He grinned as he realised it was the chair Haldir must have used to lock them in and that it must have fallen inside when Rumil had left. /Must have picked the lock instead of kicking it in./

Not giving himself time to think on the questions forming in his mind he all but ran to his study.

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Elrond smiled at Rumil who was trying real hard to figure everything out. He had volunteered to replace Erestor today because the counsellor wasn’t feeling too good. Elrond had immediately taken him up on it, sensing a good opportunity to meet Celeborn’s request. “You know you are quite good at this.”
Rumil nodded. “Well, it’s not so different from home. I still remember the system.”

Elrond nodded and pointed out a few errors. “May I enquire why you are a soldier instead of a counsellor?”
Rumil looked stunned. “Don’t jest, my lord, I am no counsellor and not even fit to be one.”
Elrond arched his one eyebrow and Rumil shook his head. Elrond was the only elf alive that could do that; not even the twins could raise one eyebrow. “Why do you say that, Rumil? Do you really think there is no more to you than your skill at fighting?”
Rumil smiled. “I know I was good at this, but I am a natural warrior. I suppose it is in my blood.”

Elrond shook his head. “According to what I heard you showed a lot of potential in Celeborn’s library. Did you already wrote to him?”
Rumil nodded. “Aye, I did. I miss them. I miss guarding the woods.” He gasped. “O please don’t misunderstand, I enjoy myself here. Enormously, but I will be glad when I can go home and pick up my weapons.”
Elrond’s smile saddened at the words. They would not be sending a counsellor back after all.

Seeing Erestor stand in the doorway, carrying a dumbfound expression, he smiled at his old friend. “Erestor, meldir, I am glad to see you are feeling better. Rumil informed me you were in need of some extra rest.”
Erestor’s eyes settled on Rumil and Rumil wondered about the cold and distant expression in them. “I am sorry I overslept, my lord. It will not happen again.”
Elrond shook his head. At times he did not understand Erestor. “Well, I am off. I have a realm to rule.”

Rumil smiled at his words and looked at Erestor. “I don’t understand how you can do this daily, mellon nín, it’s positively boring.”
Erestor claimed his chair and shrugged. “Suppose you rather hunt orcs, risking your life.”
Rumil cocked his head. “No, I don’t. I protect my realm, I do not endanger myself or others.”
Erestor looked at him puzzled. “You patrol the borders, in groups of three at the most. If orcs attack there are more of them. It’s suicide.”

Rumil shook his head. “I disagree. Between the three partners there is a good change at survival. Even if we die, all others will be warned and the losses will be limited. Every soldier I know would rather die, thus saving the lives of others, than to abandon his post: surviving himself but bringing death and destruction upon others. We’ve learned to be cautious, Erestor.” He hesitated but added his thoughts after all. “No matter how tragic and horrific the destruction of Gondolin might have been, it served its purpose. It showed us to be cautious at all times, to never let our guard down or grow lax.”

Erestor’s eyes misted before they darkened and he glared at Rumil. “It was a massacre. You only have to ask Glorfindel how he died.” His tone was sharp and edgy but Rumil understood the pain behind it.
He nodded. “I know how he died, Erestor. But it wasn’t in vain. He gave his life, saving others. If he hadn’t Elrond would not have been. If he hadn’t Imladris would not have been. If Gondolin hadn’t fallen the Last Alliance wouldn’t have happened.”

Erestor stood up suddenly and threw Rumil away with force. “Get out! How dare you! You…you…you” He was shuddering in rage and Rumil had to swallow to get himself under control. He shook his head. “Nay, I am not giving up on you, Erestor. Why do you keep your past hidden? Why not tell people you originally hail from Ondolindë?”

Hearing Rumil call Gondolin by its Quenya name he realised the Galadhrim knew everything and he collapsed on the chair. His eyes were big and fear was palpable on his face. “How….do… you… know?”
Rumil approached and kneeled before Erestor. “You told me where to look for answers and I did.”

Seeing Erestor’s disbelief he locked their eyes. “How much do you remember of last night?” Erestor shook his head. “Haldir locked us in and you slept on the ground, giving me your bed.”

Rumil’s eyes watered, realising Erestor had successfully blocked everything out again. “You cannot continue like this or your past will consume you.” He grabbed Erestor’s hands, ignoring the deadly stare he received for it. “I am here for you. Talk to me about Gondolin. Let Elrond read your book. It needs to get out.” He tightened his hold. “You ordered me to sleep in the bed as well and you held me, Erestor. You caressed my hair and your feelings went into overdrive. You had a breakdown. Don’t you remember?”

At first Erestor wanted to push him away but then the memories assaulted him and he whimpered, realising he had confided in Rumil, had clung to him in his hour of need. He stood, the force catapulted Rumil to the floor, and he glared at Rumil. “What are you doing to me? Can’t you leave me alone?”

Rumil stood up and stepped closer. “I’m being your friend. I love you and I won’t let you hide any longer. I understand your need and desire to hide, but it is wrong. I know you lost everything when Gondolin fell and again at the Last Alliance, but you can’t let that consume you, Erestor.”

Erestor’s eyes became cold, icy daggers and he glared at Rumil with an intensity that would have shocked a Balrog. But Rumil didn’t back away. He retreated but didn’t avoid his eyes. “All right, I shall leave you with your thoughts. But also think on the following: If you keep this up some more centuries, you’ll be an orc, a creature without feelings, compassion or emotion. Is that what you want, to become one of those forces that destroyed your life? Because only then will you pay the ultimate price. It will have destroyed you.”

He didn’t stop his tears from leaving and ran away. He halted a servant and demanded to know where his brothers were. Upon hearing Haldir had gone to the borders with Elladan and Orophin was in the healing house his feet carried him towards it.

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Orophin looked through his eyelashes at Elrohir, who was sitting on his bed. Now that Elrohir thought him asleep Orophin could see the otherwise carefully masked feelings and was stunned to see love radiate from the Peredhel. Going over everything he knew he quickly reached the conclusion Elrohir had to be in love with him.
But it didn’t make much sense to him. If Elrohir was in love with Orophin, then why did he feel the need to hurt him so and play with his feelings? Or was that a cover? Or a cry for attention, any attention? That Elrohir preferred negative attention to none at all?
He didn’t know what to make of it. But he couldn’t ask. If he did he would have to tell how he felt towards him and he wasn’t sure what he felt for anybody at the moment.
His eyes flashed open the same moment the door flung open and revealed a crying Rumil.

Elrohir was on his feet at once, drawing the Galadhrim in an embrace. “Rumil, what’s wrong? What happened? Where were you at breakfast? Elladan said you missed it.”

Rumil shook himself free and flung himself at Orophin instead, who instantly buried him in a tight hug, rubbing soothing circles on his back. He knew that Rumil would tell what was wrong in his own time.
And sure enough; after he had cried for a while Rumil told everything to his brother, completely forgetting about Elrohir. Both he and Orophin were shocked to hear Erestor had lived in Gondolin but now understood the counsellor better.

Orophin drew his brother tight. “You did right, Rumil. Maybe this confrontation is what Erestor needs. We’ll all be there for him.”
Elrohir nodded. “Father has to know. And Glorfindel. Orophin, promise to behave and not to leave this bed until I return. I’m taking Rumil to see father.” He placed his arm around Rumil’s shoulder, who allowed Elrohir to steer him out.

Orophin sighed, not knowing what to do with himself. It had been easy staying in bed with Elrohir close but he already missed him and the Half-Elf hadn’t even left the room yet. But he knew he felt something towards Sílcalon as well. He closed his eyes and forced himself to think on everything. If Erestor hadn’t revealed the truth about Sílcalon his decision would have been easily made. But now?

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Glorfindel walked to his rooms to change. The patrol had encountered some orcs and had to fight them. Outcome: twenty dead orcs, some cuts and bruises on the elven side and bloodstainemourmouries. He felt dirty in his armour, stained with orcblood.

He knew he should head for the healers first and have them tend to his wound, but he needed to bathe desperately. Glorfindel sighed. He had been so eager to get the fight over with and hurry home he had gotten careless and had received a rather mean blow. He knew he would not be able to shoot an arrow for some days. That vexed him but not as much as the thought of Elrond did right now.

He instinctively knew Elrond would not make love to him as long as he was wounded. The only thing he would receive tonight was a lecture.

He kicked his door open in annoyance, ripped off his armour and tended to his wound, as good as he was able, while the water was warming. He looked at his room, a picture telling image of last night’s activities. Growling he kicked over some candles. Muttering in himself he went to the bathroom and took his bath, not enjoying it one bit.

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Elrond looked up when the door suddenly opened and Elrohir walked in, steering a sobbing Rumil inside. His parental instincts immediately surfaced and he approached the Galadhrim. “Rumil, hendunya, man raica?”

Now that his father had a hold on Rumil Elrohir walked to the water carafe and filled a glass. His eyes showed his concern when he handed it to Rumil. “Nyara ata man te nyarnë met.”

Resting his head against Elrond’s chest he repeated his story.

Elrond locked his eyes with Elrohir, who shrugged. “He burst into the room, flinging himself at Orophin. I don’t even think he knew I was still in the room when he talked to him. I decided you and Glorfindel should know. Maybe Glorfindel and Erestor should talk.”
Elrond nodded, determined. “They most definitely should.”
But Rumil shook his head. “No, don’t! That will only open his wounds further. I don’t think they knew each other and seeing Glorfindel is painful to him.”
Elrond shook his head, not relenting his hold. “Nay, pen-neth. They did know each other in Gondolin.”

He paused, hesitant he should disclose this information. Knowing Rumil was the only who could help Erestor he decided the needed to know everything. “When Glorfindel arrived here his memory was still fragmented and he didn’t recognize Erestor. I don’t believe I have ever seen more relieve in anyone than in Erestor at that moment. A great contrast to the pain I saw when I told Glorfindel would be joining us.”
He closed his eyes in pain, but opened them again to look into Rumil’s eyes. “Years later Glorfindel burst into my room in the dead of night. It took me a long while before I could make sense of his ramblings. He had remembered Erestor and didn’t understand why our counsellor had never shown any signs of knowing him.”
Elrond shrugged. “That night Glorfindel also told me he had felt like he knew Erestor from somewhere but not knowing where, how and why. He had approached Erestor once to ask if per change they had once met but Erestor had denied ever seeing the blond before he had joined our household. It was this more than anything that compelled Glorfindel to continue pretending he didn’t remember Erestor. But slowly more and more memories came back, probably triggered by Erestor. And with every memory return Glorfindel saw fear in Erestor’s eyes.”

He smiled a bitter smile and wiped the tears away from Rumil’s face. “Glorfindel and I had long ago realised why Erestor was acting this way.”
Elrohir sat stunned. “But…but…but it doesn’t make sense. I mean, Glorfindel lost everything as well, not to mention his life, but he isn’t bitter or cold or afraid or anything.”
Elrond nodded. “True, but Glorfindel only suffered through that once. Erestor still suffers from it. I know he cries himself to sleep at night and there are nights he doesn’t sleep at all.”
Rumil’s eyes widened and he hung his head. “Lindon.”
Elrond nodded. “Aye, Lindon too.”

He smiled at Elrohir’s dumbfound expression and explained. “To Erestor the Last Allliance was a second fall of Gondolin. Almost all elves he knew died that day. He resembled a walking ghost, Elrohir, and I gravely feared losing him to Mandos. One day he came to me, his whole posture changed. No more emotion shone in them. I never met him in Lindon so I figured he always masked his emotions and had found a way to deal with the pain. Only from Glorfindel I learned how the real Erestor was. I blame myself for never seeing past his mask until it was too late.”

He smiled at Rumil. “Go to the gardens or your room and rest. Do not expect Erestor to change overnight or come to you soon, but show him your words are true. Be stubborn and don’t let go. You’re walking a narrow and treacherous path, young one, but if anyone can walk it, it is you.”
Rumil beamed at those words and hugged Elrond close. “Thank you. The only ones who ever took care of me were my brothers and Galadriel and Celeborn, but I never looked upon them as my parents.”

Elrond smiled, saddened by the knowledge of the brothers’ past. He had been there when they had found the brothers in the woods. “May I give you some counsel?”
Seeing Rumil nod and look at him expectantly he grasped one shoulder and squished it gently. “It might be an idea to talk to Erestor about your past. Show him you understand.”
Rumil thought for a while and then nodded. “If he’ll still talk to me.”
Elrond nodded. “He will. Love always listens.”

Figuring Rumil needed some pampering this day he called for Airësúra.
The girl arrived not long after and Elrond smiled fondly at her. “Airësúra, this is Rumil. Would you please look after him today?”
The girl walked towards them fast and placed her arm around the tear streaked elf. “What is wrong?”
Elrond released his hold on Rumil, letting the girl take charge. “He had a little bit too much to deal with. I trust you to take good care of him.”
The girl nodded and guided Rumil outside. “Where are your rooms?”
Rumil didn’t know it yet, but today he would be mothered after and pampered till he wished the girl to Mordor.

Elrohir smiled at the deviousness his father displayed. “You are hoping to catch two in one.” Elrond raised and eyebrow in insult and Elrohir shook his head. “Admit it: you called for her to pamper him and you are hoping that Erestor will become jealous.”

Elrond shrugged and walked to the door. “I wish I could go to Glorfindel, but I’ll have to wait until the patrol returns.”
Elrohir placed his hand on his father’s shoulder. “He will always return to you, ata.”
Elrond smiled at the comfort. “I know, Elrohir, thank you. How’s Orophin?” Elrohir blushed and quickly looked away, but Elrond had noticed and stifled a snicker. He would play innocent until Elrohir was confident enough to tell him. “Why don’t you go back to him before he tries walking around with that leg.”
Elrohir almost dashed back to Orophin’s side, making Elrond laugh at his eagerness to return. Not that he didn’t understand.

He frowned when a soldier approached him. The elf looked haphazard. “What happened to you?” The elf bowed and greeted Elrond, who waved it away. “What’s happened?”
“My lord, we stumbled upon orcs twice now.”
Elrond frowned. “Where?”
“Near the eastern border, my lord.” Elrond had to hold back a relieved sigh from leaving his lips. “The patrol, to which I belong, has just returned from there.” He paused, cag a g a quick glance at Elrond before continuing. “Captain Attëahyando told me to inform you, my lord.”
Elrond nodded. “Any casualties?”
The elf shook his head. “Nothing but scratches and bruises, my lord, for both patrols.”
Elrond raised his eyebrows. “Both patrols? I thought you said it was the eastern border?”
The elf gasped and his eyes widened, pain written over his face. “Aiya. I forgot. Pray forgive me, my lord. The southern border had to fight of a party of orcs as well.”
Elrond gasped as he heard that. /Glorfindel led that patrol. Please let him be all right./ “AND!” His tone carried venom, making the elf tremble.
“No injuries, my lord. At least that’s what I’ve been told. Lord Glorfindel, who was in charge, has sent everyone to their homes to change and relax.”

Elrond nodded and dismissed the soldier, marching towards Glorfindel’s rooms. Anger was building inside him. How dare Glorfindel not inform him? Dismiss him like that? As if he was a mere elfling? His eyes flared with the fire that burned inside him at the moment.

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Glorfindel had fallen asleep in the bath yelped when someone hard handily pulled him out of the tub. /What? Who?/ He cursed himself he let himself been sneaked upon. About to scream a hand collided with his face, the force sending him across the floor. He felt vulnerable as he was naked and had no means to defend himself.
Looking up at his attacker he stared at the enraged face of the Lord of Imladris. Never before had he seen Elrond this mad and he trembled in fear.

Elrond was beyond words at this time. He had already been boiling mad when he had arrived in the seneschal’s rooms, but seeing the blond relaxed, sleeping in his bath broke his last brake and he assaulted the poor Glorfindel.

His hands flew forwards and, expecting another punch, Glorfindel raised his arms in defence. He was shocked to feel Elrond’s hands close on his upper arms, holding him in an iron tight grip.
The Peredhel hauled the blond to his feet, glaring at the being in his arms. Glorfindel hissed at the pain that was caused by this treatment. “Elrond?” His voice trembled in fear and pain. Tears welled in his eyes. He just didn’t know what had brought Elrond in such a state.

“How dare you?” Elrond’s voice stabbed him and hurt him like an orcblade never could and he crumbled. He now was a dead weight in Elrond’s arms who suddenly released him and turned to walk away.

Glorfindel landed on his injured arm, already throbbing from Elrond’s death grip, and he screamed in pain. It was enough to bring Elrond back to his senses and he turned around to stare at his lover in bewilderment. /Ai, Glorfindel, what did I do?/ Ignoring the guilt that attacked him in full force he rushed forward and knelt nest to his crying lover.

Glorfindel flinched and pulled back when Elrond’s arm reached out. Fear was the main emotion in the bleu orbs and Elrond’s eyes filled with tears. “Glorfindel, meleth, I… I… I’m sorry.” He cried all his tears at the thought of losing the blond because he had lost it, at seeing the blond injured, at his shame of hurting his beloved.

Not caring about any reaction he laid his head on Glorfindel’s lap, crying his tears. Feeling a hesitant hand caress his hair brought out tears of hope. In between his tears he stuttering told the blond what had just happened to him.

Glorfindel’s eyes widened at the tale. Not caring about his injury he grasped his lover and lifted his face, to level it with his own. “Elrond, I didn’t main for it to look like that. I needed a bath and I fell asleep in it. I figured you would be too busy. Never think I would forget about you. I couldn’t.”
Elrond now released his tears of happiness, hearing and seeing the love Glorfindel still bore him. “Can you ever forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive, Elrond.” The fear he had felt was gone now and he smiled at his lover, who shuddered in his arms.

Suddenly Elrond buried the distance and fiercely claimed his lips. His arms locked around the blond’s waist and pulled the naked body closer to his own. He pulled back when Glorfindel released a strangled yelp, filled with pain. His eyes widened in shock when he saw blood on his arm and he blinked.

For a second Elrond sat motionless but then his eyes roamed Glorfindel’s body for wounds, gasping when he found a gash at the blond’s side, fresh blood seeping though the opened wound. Elrond’s guilt was palpable. He had no doubt his actions; either the undignified angered actions or the passionate kiss, had been responsible.
His eyes darkened in anger and Glorfindel hissed at the sight, preparing himself for another battle. “No injuries indeed.” With one swoop Elrond effortlessly lifted his lover and walked to the bedroom.

He carefully planted his lover on the bed, walked to the wardrobe and retrieved a loose fitting robe which he helped Glorfindel put on. “I’ve got all the herbs I need to treat that in my room. And just when did you think of having that tended?”
Glorifndel smiled weekly. “After my bath. Elrond, do not worry. It’s just a.” Elrond’s eyes settled on him and he swallowed in the rest. “It is not just a anything, Glorfindel. And even if it were, I would still be acting this way. Get used to it.”
The blond shrugged and allowed Elrond to carry him away.

“When I’m done tending to your injury we have to talk about Erestor.”
Glorfindel winched. “Do we have to?”
Elrond nodded. “Aye. Rumil came to me today and it is important we talk about this. Both for you and for Erestor.” Seeing the blue orbs darken he quickly claimed the blond’s lips, not caring about the elves that happened to walk past. As if carrying him in his arms wasn’t indicator enough. “And it appears Elrohir is falling for Orophin. But we’ll talk about that afterwards.”

Glorfindel smiled. Now that he had some interesting talk to look forward to he did not mind talking about Gondolin.”

End chapter 15
TBC

Translations:
Rumil, hendunya, man raica? means Rumil, my child, what is wrong?
Nyara ata man te nyarnë met. Means Tell ata what you told us
Ariësúra means holy wind.