Mending a Heart

A/N: Warning. This chapter contains mild violence and blood. Please read with caution.

Chapter 15: Grieving

“Legolas! Legolas!”

“Mother!” Legolas shouted as he tried to destroy the creatures that were mercilessly fighting him. “Mother!” The prince could hear his mother screaming. . . they were killing her and there was nothing he could do. He fought bravely, killing every orc in sight, but he was too late.

Legolas walked over and knelt down beside his mother. He held her bloodied body in his arms.

“Legolas,” the dying female said, breathing unsteadily.

“Mother. . . please,” Legolas begged softly. “Please don’t leave me.”

“I love you,” the queen said softly. She smiled at her youngest child, knowing that his tears would be the last thing that she would ever see. Closing her eyes slowly, the queen of Mirkwood died.

“No. . .” Legolas said, barely able to breathe. “No!” the prince yelled, clutching his mother and sobbing uncontrollably. “NO!”

Suddenly, he heard something moving behind him. Turning around slightly, he saw an orc approaching. He tried to move, he tried to get away. But his legs would not budge; he couldn’t stand.

The orc moved to where Legolas was sitting on the ground and drew his sword.

The prince placed his mother’s body on the ground and met the goblin’s eyes.

It smiled menacingly and thrust the sword into Legolas’ heart.

The prince’s scream filled the air as the beast twisted the weapon and laughed cruelly.

*Wait, that laugh. I recognize that laugh.* He looked up at the orc as the blood spilled out of his chest and saw Elladan standing above him, smirking.

“I have won the jest this day, Prince,” Elladan spat maliciously.

“Elladan,” Legolas said, becoming weak, “please. . . help me.”

“I have to go,” Elladan remarked icily. He yanked the sword out of the prince’s chest and began to walk away.

Legolas slumped over, clutching his chest as the life drained out of him. “Elladan! Don’t leave me. Please! Elladan. . . please! Please! Don’t leave me!”

Without warning, Legolas’ mother sat straight up and fixed her completely white colored orbs on him. Smiling evilly, she screamed, “HE IS GONE!”

Legolas awakened with a start, clutching his chest. He couldn’t breathe. He looked around wildly and knocked over a vase on the bedside table as he stumbled out of his bed.

*Legolas! Legolas!*

The prince fell to his knees and covered his ears with his hands.

*I have to go!*

*Legolas! Legolas! I have to go!*

The voices chanted over and over again as the prince rocked back and forth on the floor, trying to make them stop. . . trying to make the voices and the pain go away. Suddenly, he was being pulled to his feet.

“It’s alright,” Elrond said gently. “I am here.”

Legolas looked into the lord’s eyes and began to sob. “Help me,” he heard himself say. “Please, help me.”

Elrond nodded and pulled Legolas into a tender embrace.

The prince rested his forehead on the lord’s shoulder and cried until the tears would no longer come. He didn’t know how long they stood there, but Elrond never left his side. The lord simply held him until the tears stopped. Legolas raised his head and avoided his eyes.

“Do you wish to rest?’ Elrond asked softly.

Legolas shook his head slowly, unable to speak.

“Do you want some time alone?” Elrond asked, maintaining his soothing voice and gentle demeanor.

“Nay,” Legolas heard himself say. “Please. . . don’t leave me.”

“Alright,” Elrond said warmly.

Legolas sat down on the edge of his bed, trembling slightly.

Elrond sat beside the prince and grasped his hand.

Legolas sighed and closed his eyes. He could feel the pain in his chest and wondered if he was dying of a broken heart.

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Legolas’ condition had begun to deteriorate since Elladan’s departure. His nightmares had become more frequent once again, and the prince’s appetite became non-exit. Et. Even though he still spent every day with his female friends, Legolas had become more distant as he was having difficulty maintaining his façade.

Legolas missed Elladan terribly and couldn’t believe that he had been gone for eleven days. He never realized how much comfort he had found in Elladan’s company and longed for a jest or even some of the cuddling that he often found so annoying.

Legolas realized, however, that Elladan might not come back to Rivendell while he was still there. He couldn’t help but wonder why Elladan would treat him this way.

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The next day, Legolas decided not to go to the morning meal. Instead, he went to the stable to spend some time with the horses. He spoke with Yon and some of the other steeds and found that his spirits had lifted a bit.

As he left the stable, the prince decided to go see Elrond. Despite his embarrassment, he wanted to thank the lord for his kindness.

Legolas walked to the manor and into the lord’s study. There, Elrond was busily preparing some documents.

The lord smiled warmly as Legolas entered. “Legolas, ‘tis a pleasure to see you. Please, have a seat, if you wish.”

“Alright,” Legolas said a bit hesitantly and sat down. He looked around the study, trying to think of something to say. “I. . . I wanted to. . . to thank you. . .” Legolas broke off and stared at the floor in embarrassment.

“You are welcome,” Elrond said, looking at the prince sympathetically.

“I made a fool out of myself last night,” Legolas said, still looking at the floor. “I am an embarrassment to my entire family.”

“That cannot be true,” Elrond said, smiling faintly and shaking his head in disagreement.

“Why not?” Legolas asked slowly, studying the floor with interest. “You saw the way that I behaved last night. I cried. . . I cried for hours. Warriors do not behave like that.”

“Legolas,” Elrond said gently, “you cannot be a disappointment to your family because you are just like your father.”

Legolas looked at Elrond abruptly. He had never felt so flattered in his entire life.

“Your father and I used to be the best of friends,” Elrond said earnestly. “Although we have not spoken for many years, I know how much he loves you. He would not be ashamed of you for crying. He sent you here to get well. . . to grieve. The king is wise and he knows that part of grief is mourning. Thus, it would not be logical of him to be angry with you for trying to get well.”

“But, my family has an image to uphold,” Legolas protested, beginning to realize the truth of the lord’s words. “In Mirkwood. . .”

“This is not Mirkwood,” Elrond said gently, interrupting the prince. “This is Rivendell. You do not have to try to maintain your image here, as you would in Mirkwood. It is alright if you want to grieve.”

Legolas pondered Elrond’s words and found that he had nothing to say.

“When Celebrian left,” the lord said quietly, “I cried. Do you think me weak?”

“Nay,” Legolas said, unable to believe that Elrond would tell him something so personal. “My father told me. . . about your loss. I am sorry.”

Elrond smiled faintly. “When Celebrian left, my whole family suffered. We are still trying to deal with her departure,” he said slowly.

“What was she like?” Legolas asked curiously, hoping that the question would not offend the lord.

Elrond looked at the ceiling thoughtfully. “She was always smiling,” he said fondly. “Celebrian filled this house with joy. Her laugh was contagious; she was a wonderful mother and a great friend. I miss her.”

Legolas looked at Elrond carefully. He had never noticed how lonely the lord seemed.

“She was your true love,” Legolas stated, looking in Elrond’s eyes.

“Nay,” the lord said slowly.

Legolas looked at Elrond in incredulity.

“Our marriage was one of convenience,” Elrond said plainly. “Even though I cared very much for Celebrian, she was not my true love. I was not her choice, either. However,” he continued, “we became very good friends and in time, we grew to love one another. I respect Celebrian above all others as she is the mother of our children and my truest friend.”

Legolas nodded slowly, but couldn’t help but wonder who Elrond had loved other than Celebrian. The prince pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind and decided to ask the lord about something that was troubling him. “Do you. . . do you think that I am dying?”

Elrond looked at Legolas carefully before continuing. “I do not think that you are dying. . . not yet. But if you do not find a way to get beyond your grief. . . death may be inevitable.”

Legolas sat in silence for a few moments, pondering Elrond’s words. Finally making a decision, the prince said, “I want to live. Will you help me?”

“I will do everything that I can, if you will trust me,” Elrond said earnestly.

“I trust you,” Legolas said seriously, realizing how true the words were. “What must I do to be healed?”

“Unfortunately, there is not an herbal remedy for grief,” the lord said, smiling. “You must heal in your own way. . . in your own time. You have taken the first step. You are beginning to face your loss. When you can accept what has happened, the healing process will be complete. It may sound simple, but it is not. If you want to begin to heal, you must no longer try to hide or deny your feelings. Grieve. . . mourn the loss of your mother. In time, you will heal.”

Legolas thought for a few moments and looked at Elrond seriously, “May I ask something of you?”

“Of course,” Elrond replied.

“I wish to do something. I want to be of some use. Would you allow me to take up some sort of duty here?” Legolas asked hopefully.

“Very well,” the lord said, nodding. “What would you like to do? Do you want to join the bordetroltrol?”

“Nay,” Legolas replied, meeting Elrond’s amazed gaze. “I would like to learn something new. Could I assist you in some way?” he asked. “I wish to learn about herbs and such.”

“Alright,” Elrond said, smiling.

“And perhaps. . .” Legolas said slowly, “I could talk to you. . . about. . . about my mother, sometimes.” He wanted to ask Elrond about Elladan; he wanted to know why Elladan left. But the prince knew better than to ask such questions. After all, Elladan was Elrond’s son. And even though the lord had always been kind to him, Legolas knew that Elrond loved Elladan and would never do anything to jeopardize their relationship.

“As you wish,” Elrond said, nodding. “Would you like to start assisting me tomorrow morn?”

“Aye,” Legolas said, feeling happier than he had in a while.

“Very well,” the lord said.

Legolas stood and turned to leave the lord’s study.

“Legolas?” Elrond asked. “How is your fa?”
?”

“What?” Legolas asked, dismayed.

“In the letter that he sent to you?” Elrond asked, looking at the prince curiously. “Is all well in Mirkwood? How is your brother, Joren? Is he well?”

“Elrond,” Legolas said, looking at the lord in incredulity, “I have not heard from my father since my arrival in Rivendell.”

“Oh,” Elrond remarked, eyeing the prince in dismay. “Glorfindel told me that you received a parcel and letter from the king. Perhaps, I was mistaken. Elladan brought me a letter from your father several days ago and I just assumed that he must have given you one, too.”

A servant walked into the study and began to speak to the lord about some urgent matter.

Legolas forced a smile and nodded, deciding that this would be the ideal time for him to depart. Leaving the lord’s study, the prince knew what he would do next - search Elladan’s bedchamber.

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Legolas entered Elladan’s bedchamber and began to look for a letter or a parcel that was addressed to him. As he searched, he felt himself becoming more and more angry at the idea that Elladan could have hidden something so personal. He looked in drawers, in two chests and in a large armoire and then felt guilty for his deceit when he found nothing. Deciding to check only one more place before departing, Legolas looked r Elr Elladan’s bed. He shook his head with disgust when he reached underneath and retrieved a letter and an unopened parcel from Mirkwood.

Legolas felt the blood rush to his face as his anger overwhelmed him. He could not believe that Elladan would deceive him.

He observed the note from his father carefully, and saw that seal had been broken. *Elladan has read my letter!* Legolas was so enraged at Elladan’s intrusion that his whole body began to shake. Quickly, he read the letter and tried to decide what to do next.

*I have been concerned for Elladan! I have thought about him every day and every night. I have longed for his touch. . . craved his lips. . . his smell. . . his hands on my body. . . his companionship. I will think of him no longer! He is a treacherous liar and he has been using me this whole time! I am a fool! I allowed myself to fall in love with him, when it has become obvious to me that all he wanted was to bed the youngest prince of Mirkwood! If he returns to Rivendell be I d I depart, he had better stay far from me. I shan’t be treated like this again!*

Legolas stormed out of Elladan’s bedchamber and walked down the hallway and into his own room. He placed the items from Mirkwood onto his bed and then went back down the hallway and down the stairs, racing out of the manor as fast as he could.

Legolas wanted to speak to Elrond, but he didn’t want to impose on thrd ard any more than he already had. So, he began to run. He didn’t know why he was running, he just knew that he had to do something to keep himself from hunting Elladan down and killing him. The prince ran and ran. He ran as fast as he could. He wasn’t sure where he was going; he just wanted to run. He hoped that the warm air rushing through his hair and the sheer exhilaration of physical exertion would relieve his anger somehow.

Arwen, Zera, Ellaria and especially Tialise became very concerned when Legolas did not show up that afternoon.

Legolas, however, had completely lost track of the time of day. He was only aware he whe warm sun, the wind and his body as he tore through the forest.

As Legolas ran, he let his anger pour out of his body. Suddenly, he hated Elladan and. . . he hated his mother. They left him. They hurt him and neither one of them cared. He hated everything. He hated everyone, and nothing else mattered anymore. *Elladan will rue the day that he deceived me!*

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Late that evening, an exhausted Legolas crept into the manor. Walking into his bedchamber, the prince stumbled onto his bed. He suddenly realized that he was sitting on something hard and stood up to see what it was. The prince picked up the parcel that he had found in Elladan’s bedchamber. He had been so angry earlier that he had forgotten to open it. Eyeing the package curiously, the prince ripped open the parcel and read the note inside.

Legolas,

Although I already wrote you a letter, I thought that I would send you something from home to aid you in your recovery. As you know, your mother loved this little stone. She carried it with her everywhere and said that it brought her good fortune. I believe that she would have wanted you to have it. If your struggle is as difficult as I suspect, perhaps this will bring youd fod fortune, too. If for nothing else, it is a reminder that your mother loved you, as do I.

-Father

Legolas sighed emotionally and reached into the parcel. Carefully, he pulled out a beautiful, little, light blue stone that shone in the moonlit room. Legolas had never asked his mother where she had gotten her favorite trinket, but he knew that she treasured the little pebble and carried it with her always. Legolas cradled the little stone in his hands, treating the object as though it were priceless. Holding it in his hands, he felt as though he were holding his mother. So, he cradled the stone for hours. He felt guilty that he had been angry at her only hours ago, but he was happy that he had been allowed to have something that had been so precious to her.

The prince laid back onto the bed, still holding the stone. As he fell into a deep slumber, he dreamed that he and his mother were laughing and running in the rain. In the depths of sleep, Legolas had no idea that the rhe fhe felt upon his face was in actuality, his very own tears.

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TBC. . .