A Gift of Love

CHAPTER 14
What is


It is less than a week ¡¥til Elladan¡¦s patience had grown thin enough for him to speak.

I had taken the vial from my pouch in the early dawn light and moved to the trees away from the campsite. We had met with the Dunedain in the days previous and I had thought that this would distract my brother from his constant watching of me. It was not so.

As I walk it is I who is distracted. My thoughts consumed with the imaginings of my dreams. They leave me puzzled and yet come morning there is a contentment to my spirit. Elladan walks behind me and we are nearly to the trees when he catches my shoulder, turning me to face him.

"Enough of this, Elrohir, you will tell me.¨

For the first time since we have ridden from Imladris I look at my brother with open eyes. And see the hurt there. I recall how I had berated him on his secret kept from me and how he had opened his heart to tell me of that which pained him. That I have now withheld from him that which he should truly know pains me now. Yet there is no anger in his eyes. Those soft grey eyes glisten and I know he thinks the worst.

I catch hold of his hand and gently lead him away from glances that are now cast in our direction as the camp moves to wakefulness.

Among the seclusion of the trees I draw him into my arms and kiss him with the passion that has built up within me. He does not withdraw from me and I am heartened.

I hold Elladan long after the kiss ends, then step back, caressing his cheek with my hand. I have no excuse for this, expect the one he had offered me. I did not wish to hurt him but in my regard of this I have.

"Elladan,¨ I whisper.

"We promised no secrets, Elrohir, in this above all things I would not have you harbour them.¨

His voice is soft, I can feel even if I had not heard his worry for me. I had fought to block this tide of emotion I now feel. Fought with a false calm of my own in an attempt to soothe him.

I hold out my hand to him, uncurling my fingers to reveal the bottle. I look down at the colours that swirl within it.

"It is this,¨ I murmur to him, ¡§my body rejects it though I continue to force it. I am not certain what it means.....¨

Elladan cuts short what I cannot not say.

"But you suspect what the signs mean?¨ He asks cautiously, he too unsure that he has interpreted from my unspoken meaning.

I can only nod my head and wait for his reply.

My brother looks hard at me, trailing his eyes over my body in a way that does not fail to stir me, yet it seems he searches for something else.

"You think.....¨

Again I nod my head. And wait.

Elladan's eyes glisten, the tears this time are not unshed. He steps forward the small distance that has parted us. The kiss is fierce, passionate and protective. There needs to be no words, I understood his joy.

He steps away, his hand on my cheek, his thumb wiping at my own tears. He gazes deep into my eyes to search my very soul.

"The day at the waterfall¡¨ he whispers slowly. I could see him replaying it all in his mind, "that first day.¨

I nod my head to him.

"Yes,¨ I reply, the words hoarse from my dry lips, ¡§if it is so, that would be the time.¡¨

Elladan gathers me into his arms once more, his cry surely awakening any who still slumber and likely to bring armed men to our rescue had his laughter not come soon after.

I could think of no more perfect place for his sons to begin life than in that place, watched over by their Ada¡¦s rainbows, and I fervently hope it was so.

Elladan looks anew at me. "Yet......¨

"I do not know Elladan, I wish I could be more certain in this, then I would know the next step we should take.¨ I had thought it weeks, if not months before our unions would bring what we hoped for. I had not thought beyond awaiting that day, not thought we would be away from those who held the secrets. I curse my lack of foresight in this.

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It would be weeks before we can return to Imladris. I would have it that we return immediately but it cannot be so. We had been charged with a duty and neither of us would turn on our oath. I doubt Ada would overly berate us, yet we know where our responsibilities lie and long had we learned to put aside feelings that could stand in their way. So we continue.

Our quarry is not difficult to track, they are for the most part clumsy and inefficient in their hiding. But they are numerous and single minded. We need all our skill to combat them and I wonder if I will be as I should be now Elrohir has imparted his news. It is true we do not yet know, yet so many things tell me it is so. My dreams become increasingly real to me, less do I think of them as memories from youth, the veil surrounding them lifting a little at a time to reveal dark hair blowing in a breeze and the laughter of elflings. I do not yet see his face for he is forever turned from me, but I know he is ours.

We come upon them in the early light of dawn. They are massed by the river readying to cross when darkness falls once more. They are trapped as we sweep down from our vantage point, swords raised, gleaming in the predawn light. My heart leaps at the deadly shine in Elrohir's eyes as he cuts through the ranks. I try to keep track of his movements as he weaves in and out, sword flashing from left to right. I cry out when I see him dislodged from his mount, pressing my way to his side. Everything seems to move too slowly for me as I too am on foot as I near him. The pounding in my chest and the taste in my mouth subside a little when I see him wielding his sword still, though the blood that stains his tunic at the sleeve does naught to quieten my fears. There is anger at those who press him, anger at myself for not seeing what was to happen. And strangely anger at Elrohir that he allows himself to be placed in danger like this.

I try to calm my thoughts and cool my temper for it will serve neither of us as the horde falls to sword and arrow. When it is over there is nothing but relief as I lean heavily on my sword. I touch the cut on his arm and he flinches but allows me to look deeper. We will wash in the upstream of the river and I will bind it for him.

The men have begun the task of burning the bodies and gathering their own as we return to them. Those we have lost deserve a more honourable end than to be placed along side the vessels of evil. We leave them to their mourning as they set about their task, standing aside to give peace in our own way. Once complete I hold Elrohir tight to me, thankful that he is not among those whose spirits are now released.

There is no time for more that what we have done. We ride once more with the hope that our child will not know what it is like to see such things. That we will rid the world of these creatures and their masters for whom they fight with such ferocity.

The night is more gentle, a time to speak of those passed from us, to rejoice as men do in their lives. The flames burn bright, as stories, each more improbable as the ale is consumed, are told, tears and laughter mix in equal quantities. I would not think on it, of life beyond my brother, for I know there is none to be had. The fires add an eerie glow to each face and as I hold my hands, staring at the yellow and red flames, I see them glow. I shudder, pulling my hands away. Elrohir's hand rests on my shoulder, for a moment I lean my head on its warmth, reassurance that he is with me. We nod to our companions to walk a distance away. None question us, those who know smile, those who do not think it merely the strange ways of elves.

In the relative sanctuary of distance Elrohir takes me into his arms. My body thrills at the touch even through the clothing we wear. We have so little opportunity to share a touch much less a kiss and so as he presses his soft lips to mine the desire within me sparks full fold. My arms hold him tight to me, tongue pushing against his. My brother does not fight this need as he shares it too. The events of the day past heighten our awareness of mortality, serve as warning that immortal beings are not guaranteed an immortal life. I take hold of Elrohir's hand to take him further away from the camp where our cries need not be restrained lest they be heard.

"I would doubt they would hear the rumble of Mt Doom brother much less us at this hour,¨ Elrohir laughs knowing of our intent.

I have but one question to which he shakes his head.

"No harm will be done,¨ he says quietly.

So I eagerly strip him of his clothing and he mine. Though we scarce know the outcome of our coupling, I would that he loves me. I am in need of his touch on me, to feel him move within me. I look to the one who holds my heart to ask. He caresses my cheek with a tender smile. That he understands is enough for me. Later I will love him, for we will not be missed this night if we return late to our appointed beds. Elrohir is hot against me and as he pushes me to the bed of leaves at our feet and sinks into my willing body I do cry aloud.

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True to his unspoken word Elladan rolls over, the leaves clinging to his back and hair. He presses my back to them. I see the concern flicker again in his eyes. My thumb rubs over his lips.

"There is no need,¨ I seek to assure him once more, "there will be no harm done even if....even if we have succeeded in our quest.¨ I could not bring myself to voice any other words, thought stolen in part by Elladan's dark eyes regarding me and part by the hope I was not wrong in this.

I willingly part a space for him as he had done for me as he settles and I wrap my legs around him to draw him closer. I am in as much need of his presence as he has been of mine. Slowly, cautiously, as has been his want, Elladan presses to me. Even if we have achieved what we set out to, I would be loathed to lose this too soon, for despite his claims to the contrary, my brother is a consummate lover. I could ask for no more care and love. He is gentle as he delves deep to my body, yet he wakens such passion within me. I moan before he begins to move such is the manner in which he stirs me. He does not falter in his gaze upon me and I am truly lost with the depth of his grey eyes. And when I feel him begin the rhythmic movements of the flexing of his hips, I cry out, gripping his arms tightly. There can be no greater love than that which we share.

When the heat between us cools, satisfied for the moment, we lie curled in each other's arms allowing our bodies to rest before we return, and allowing ourselves some peace within the circle of our arms.

"I feared for you this day,¨ Elladan murmurs when he finds his breath.

I nod against his shoulder. I felt it in him, felt his anger also. At them, at where we found ourselves and at me. I say nothing for he continues.

"I always fear for you in battle, but it was not that today, it was....¨ Elladan struggles to find the words. I turn my head to him. I know.

"I am no different Elladan from the last sunrise to this setting of the day. I am Elrohir still and will remain so.¨

My brother regards me as if allowing the truth of it to take hold in his mind.

"I know Elrohir, I know,¨ he manages attempting to convince himself.

"Do not treat me differently Elladan.¨

"There will come a time.......¨

"Yes, there will come a time,¨ I kiss the corner of his mouth, "a time when I know I will not be able to ride with you, and then it will be my turn to fear, to wait for your return.¨

"I will take care my brother, there will be much to return to.¨ His hand glides down the side of my body before he lays the flat of his palm against my stomach. "Much to return to.¨

I cannot yet bring myself to believe. When we are home and Ada has seen, I will trust what I feel.