Shadows Of The Past
folder
-Multi-Age › Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
20
Views:
9,909
Reviews:
17
Recommended:
6
Currently Reading:
1
Category:
-Multi-Age › Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
20
Views:
9,909
Reviews:
17
Recommended:
6
Currently Reading:
1
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter 13
Title: Shadows of The Past (13/?)
Author: Janalynn27
Type: FPS
Pairing: Erestor/Glorfindel
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Slash, Rape, Non-con, AU
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. They belong to the estate of J.R.R. Tolkien. No disrespect is intended and no profit is being made.
Beta: Patricia Pleasant aka slayer9649, Thanks a bunch! Any other mistakes are of my making.
Summary: Glorfindel uses Erestor as a shield to say no to a suitor and Erestor is tormented by the past.
Timeline: Early TA
Feedback: It is greatly appreciated
Author's note: Okay, I know Greenwood the Great wasn't called Mirkwood until about 1050 TA but in my story it is already called Mirkwood. The twins are around 22 yrs. old which is about 8 human yrs. old and Lindir is around 29 yrs old which is about 10 human yrs. old.
Chapter 13
It was finally time for Erestor to pull down the walls that surrounded the memories of that atrocious night, to finally speak to Elrond. Taking a deep breath, his gaze followed Glorfindel as he took the Elflings into their chamber to keep them company while he and Elrond talked about the past. Erestor looked up as Elrond handed him a goblet of dark red wine before he settled in the chair across from him. “Hannon le (Thank you), mellon nín (my friend),” he said, trying to keep his voice steady.
Elrond nodded and took a sip of his wine before he said, “Erestor, I know that this is difficult to talk about, what happened, but I know that it will do you some good.”
Erestor looked into the flames that were engulfing the logs in the fireplace as he said, “I know, Elrond. I am ashamed that I have not given you the chance to speak to me before now. I know that there are things about that night that you want to tell me, but I just could not make myself listen to you. I could not accept your help.”
Elrond watched Erestor as he spoke, heard the recrimination in his voice, and he hated that Erestor felt that way, so he said, “Mellon nín, there is nothing for you to be sorry for. What happened to you, I cannot even imagine how you feel? I am just so sorry that I was not there earlier.”
And he truly was. The Valar had strict rules about meddling with the lives of the Firstborn. But, every now and again, they could not stay themselves, and out of care for their children, they would try to help indirectly by giving visions and dreams to others. Or in rare occurrences they would return a soul to Arda, like Glorfindel. Elrond, who was one of those who was visited by Manwë himself, was told of a very important ellon (m. elf) that needed his help. He was shown some of the horrible things that Mauron and his band of elves had done and the fact that they had been sentenced by the Valar to journey to Mandos’ Halls, to forever dwell there for the evil deeds that they had done. What Elrond had seen made him literally sick. He had felt the taint of evil that surrounded the souls of those elves and he did not question what had to be done. Yes, he could not say that it did not bother him on some level to have to kill his Kin, but he knew that it was up to him to give justice to all of the victims of Mauron and his followers.
Erestor watched Elrond, saw his eyes become cloudy and he knew that memories were playing through his meldir’s (m. friend’s) mind. In his own mind, that night and the ones that followed traipsed through his, and he had to close his eyes to still the tears that threatened to fall. All this time, all the years after, there was only one thing that Erestor wanted to know, why was he spared and why was he not allowed to fade?
That same question came into Elrond’s thoughts and he finally had the answer, Glorfindel. Even though Elrond did not know exactly what was going to happen in the years to come, he did know that it was going to be difficult. Such that one would need all the strength that one possessed, to make it through. The Valar returned Glorfindel for a purpose, he had a grand destiny and Erestor was his soul mate. Not only was Erestor important to Glorfindel, he was important to him. Elrond knew that as the years passed, the burdens that he must bear would increase and he knew that without Erestor’s strength, friendship, and knowledge, he would be hard pressed to make it through the darkness that ever clung along the horizon, just waiting for it’s time to come forth. That was when he heard Erestor’s whispered question.
“Why did I survive?”
Elrond watched as Erestor lowered his gaze to stare at the dark liquid inside of his goblet. He saw the slight tremble in his Advisor’s hands and he said softly, “Because you are needed here. You are so important, Erestor, to so many. I could not run Imladris without you. Lindir would not have someone who understands his pain and Glorfindel would not have his soul mate. I cannot tell you why those horrible things had to happen to you; all I can tell you is that you were meant to live.”
Erestor took a gulp of air before he said, “But you had to commit Kinslaying. I know that if I had had a chance, I would have killed Mauron and his evil companions, but you... I am so sorry.”
Elrond’s eyes filled with tears as he watched a single tear make it’s way down Erestor’s pale cheek. Leaning forward, Elrond said, “Erestor, those elves, they needed to be stopped. There was no redemption that could be found for them, either here on Arda or in Valinor. I will not deny that it did not bother me, to take another elf’s life, but I was shown some of the things that they had done before they found you and your companions. I was told by Manwë himself that I needed to find you and to bring a stop to their evil doings.”
Erestor’s gaze shot up and he gasped, “Then why did he not warn you in time, why did Gelduron and the others have to suffer?!?”
Elrond did not have an answer for him, he himself had asked many times, but was never told the why. He shook his head sadly and replied, “I do not know, meldir (m. friend).”
Erestor became furious. How could the Valar let these things happen? Suddenly he could not contain his anger and he rose to his feet and threw his goblet into the fireplace, a great burst of flames roared in the hearth as the alcohol was consumed. His body shook as the memory of Gelduron’s cries filled his mind, and tears fell freely down his face.
Elrond felt Glorfindel’s mind brush his in concern and after telling him that it was all right, he stood and said, “Mellon nín, I do not know why bad things happen. The Valar are not allowed to intervene in our lives too much, that is all I can give you for an answer. You must know that Gelduron and your other companions are no longer feeling the pain of what happened. Their souls are healing in Mandos’ Halls.”
Erestor whispered, “I know, but why was I left here. Why could I not just forget what happened. Why do I not get to find peace? What did I ever do to garner this torment that I live in everyday?”
Elrond could not contain his tears any longer and he desperately wiped at them, trying to clear his vision. His heart hurt for this precious soul before him. All he ever wanted to do was heal Erestor’s spirit, to set him free from his past. When he saw Erestor’s legs give out on him, he impulsively caught him and he gently lowered the weeping ellon to the floor, following him down. When Erestor doubled over, Elrond wrapped his arms around him and willed his healing energy into his meldir’s body, willing it to reach his soul.
Erestor sobbed as he finally came to terms with what Elrond said, why he was there to save him. Wrapping his fingers around Elrond’s forearms, Erestor rocked back and forth as his soul cried out, the walls finally crumbling to dust. He did not know how long he knelt there, with Elrond’s arms wrapped around him, but slowly he started to feel his meldir’s energy surround him, blowing the dust from his soul. He knew now that he could truly start to heal. The walls were no more, nothing to hide the gaping wounds that lay open. All that was needed was time and tender care and he could only hope that he had enough strength in him to make it through the healing process. He felt so tired and cold, he could not say at that moment whether he would make it or not, but he knew that he had to try.
Elrond felt Erestor shudder has his tears started to abate and he knew that he needed rest. Calling Glorfindel in, he looked up as the door opened and he saw the worry in the Slayer’s eyes. “Erestor needs some rest now,” Elrond said as he let Glorfindel take Erestor into his arms.
Erestor wound his arms around Glorfindel’s neck and closed his eyes, “Lindir…” he breathed.
Elrond stood and walked Glorfindel to the door, opening it for him and said, “Fin can tell me when you want him to come to your chambers and I will send him to you.”
Nodding, Glorfindel tightened his hold on Erestor as he made his way to the Advisor’s chambers as quickly as he could. During the whole time Erestor had been with Elrond, Glorfindel had felt his meldir’s emotions. If it had not been for the Elflings that were with him, he was not sure what he would have done, broke down in tears or break something. Whispering in Erestor’s ear that he had him and he was never going to leave him, he walked into Erestor’s bedchamber. Carrying Erestor over to the settee, he sat down, arranging him on his lap and wrapping a blanket around the shaking ellon, gently rocking him as he started humming a lullaby.
Erestor drifted in a semi-conscious state, hearing Glorfindel’s soft voice, but it sounded as if it were far away. He looked around him, at the haze that filled his vision until suddenly the fog cleared to reveal sad dark green eyes, Gelduron. Erestor tried to reach out to what seemed like a phantom before him and he mentally cried out when he could not touch his beloved meldir’s face. Those eyes, so full of tears, silently pleaded with him, and that was when Erestor knew, Gelduron had never left him. Erestor nodded, knowing that Gelduron had been waiting for him to start to heal, and a sad smile filled his vision before the phantom disappeared.
Slowly coming to, Erestor looked into the cerulean eyes of his soul mate and a peace settled over him. His heart swelled with love for this Golden Warrior. Reaching up with one hand, he wound his fingers through Glorfindel’s hair before he slowly closed the distance between them, touching his lips with Fin’s.
Glorfindel willed himself to stay absolutely still, so as to give complete control to Erestor. He closed his eyes as the Advisor brushed his lips across his once, twice and then a third time. He did not know what happened, but he saw something in his meldir’s eyes that had not been there before, and it gave Glorfindel hope. He just prayed that he would be able to will his body to behave until Erestor was free from his past enough to accept his love in all it’s forms.
Erestor drew back and he smiled shyly at Fin as he opened his eyes. “I know that I have said this many times these last few days and I am sure that I will be saying it a lot more these coming months, but, hannon le,” Erestor said.
Glorfindel smiled and he rested his chin on the top of Erestor’s head when the Advisor lay against his chest, “You are welcome.”
They sat there for a few minutes until Erestor slid off Glorfindel’s lap and onto his feet, saying, “We had better go get Lindir, I am sure that he is worried.”
“Yes, I am sure he is. I know that you want to retrieve a few books from the library; why do I not go and get Lindir while you go there. I can take him to the kitchens and we can bring back a light snack for us,” Glorfindel said as he followed Erestor to the door.
“That sounds perfect. I will not be long,” he said, then turned the corner, heading to the library, while Glorfindel went the other way towards Elrond’s private wing.
Erestor took a deep breath upon entering the library, knowing that he was going to miss this place while he was gone. So much time had he spent amongst these bookcases over the years, he had memorized many of the books that lined the shelves. Lightly running his finger over the bindings of the books, he walked down the aisle and up the stairs to the second floor in search of the books that he wanted to take with him. Finding the first one, he then found the second and third. Holding them closely, he was about to turn and make his way down the steps once more when he spied a book of fables and he smiled as he added it to his pile and made his way back to his chambers.
By the time he had the three books that he would be taking with him wrapped up, so to protect them should they somehow fall out of the bag, and put into a satchel, Glorfindel arrived with Lindir and a tray of hot cocoa and cookies. Sitting down in front of the fire, Erestor patted the space next to him and once Lindir was seated he said, “I thought I would read us a story before we go to sleep.”
Lindir, even as young as he was, could see the slight difference in Erestor’s dark eyes. Happy at this and the thought of a bedtime story from his Erestor, he smiled, “Oh, that would be wonderful!”
Glorfindel agreed, “Yes, I would love to hear a story,” he said as he passed around the cocoa and cookies.
The two listened as Erestor’s melodious voice made the story come alive. The tale was filled with friendship and hope, of overcoming obstacles, of never giving up. The hot cocoa, cookies, and the excitement of the last couple days took their toll on Lindir, who fell asleep before Erestor made it half way through the story. Quietly closing the book, he set it aside and stood. “I think it is bedtime,” Erestor said as he scooped up his penneth and carried him to the bed.
Glorfindel followed him and pulled the covers back for Erestor, who laid Lindir down and proceeded to slip off the Elfling’s shoes before covering him up. “Why do you not go change into your sleeping clothes while I clean up the food,” Glorfindel offered.
Erestor nodded his thanks and entered the bathing chamber and closed the door. When he walked back into the bedchamber, he found Glorfindel already dressed in his sleeping garments and extinguishing the candles. Erestor crawled into bed next to Lindir and sighed as Glorfindel settled behind him, wrapping him and Lindir into his arms. Closing his eyes, he whispered, “Goodnight, mellon nín.”
Glorfindel kissed the back of Erestor’s head, and then replied, “Goodnight,” before he followed the two that he held into reverie.
TBC
Author: Janalynn27
Type: FPS
Pairing: Erestor/Glorfindel
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Slash, Rape, Non-con, AU
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. They belong to the estate of J.R.R. Tolkien. No disrespect is intended and no profit is being made.
Beta: Patricia Pleasant aka slayer9649, Thanks a bunch! Any other mistakes are of my making.
Summary: Glorfindel uses Erestor as a shield to say no to a suitor and Erestor is tormented by the past.
Timeline: Early TA
Feedback: It is greatly appreciated
Author's note: Okay, I know Greenwood the Great wasn't called Mirkwood until about 1050 TA but in my story it is already called Mirkwood. The twins are around 22 yrs. old which is about 8 human yrs. old and Lindir is around 29 yrs old which is about 10 human yrs. old.
Chapter 13
It was finally time for Erestor to pull down the walls that surrounded the memories of that atrocious night, to finally speak to Elrond. Taking a deep breath, his gaze followed Glorfindel as he took the Elflings into their chamber to keep them company while he and Elrond talked about the past. Erestor looked up as Elrond handed him a goblet of dark red wine before he settled in the chair across from him. “Hannon le (Thank you), mellon nín (my friend),” he said, trying to keep his voice steady.
Elrond nodded and took a sip of his wine before he said, “Erestor, I know that this is difficult to talk about, what happened, but I know that it will do you some good.”
Erestor looked into the flames that were engulfing the logs in the fireplace as he said, “I know, Elrond. I am ashamed that I have not given you the chance to speak to me before now. I know that there are things about that night that you want to tell me, but I just could not make myself listen to you. I could not accept your help.”
Elrond watched Erestor as he spoke, heard the recrimination in his voice, and he hated that Erestor felt that way, so he said, “Mellon nín, there is nothing for you to be sorry for. What happened to you, I cannot even imagine how you feel? I am just so sorry that I was not there earlier.”
And he truly was. The Valar had strict rules about meddling with the lives of the Firstborn. But, every now and again, they could not stay themselves, and out of care for their children, they would try to help indirectly by giving visions and dreams to others. Or in rare occurrences they would return a soul to Arda, like Glorfindel. Elrond, who was one of those who was visited by Manwë himself, was told of a very important ellon (m. elf) that needed his help. He was shown some of the horrible things that Mauron and his band of elves had done and the fact that they had been sentenced by the Valar to journey to Mandos’ Halls, to forever dwell there for the evil deeds that they had done. What Elrond had seen made him literally sick. He had felt the taint of evil that surrounded the souls of those elves and he did not question what had to be done. Yes, he could not say that it did not bother him on some level to have to kill his Kin, but he knew that it was up to him to give justice to all of the victims of Mauron and his followers.
Erestor watched Elrond, saw his eyes become cloudy and he knew that memories were playing through his meldir’s (m. friend’s) mind. In his own mind, that night and the ones that followed traipsed through his, and he had to close his eyes to still the tears that threatened to fall. All this time, all the years after, there was only one thing that Erestor wanted to know, why was he spared and why was he not allowed to fade?
That same question came into Elrond’s thoughts and he finally had the answer, Glorfindel. Even though Elrond did not know exactly what was going to happen in the years to come, he did know that it was going to be difficult. Such that one would need all the strength that one possessed, to make it through. The Valar returned Glorfindel for a purpose, he had a grand destiny and Erestor was his soul mate. Not only was Erestor important to Glorfindel, he was important to him. Elrond knew that as the years passed, the burdens that he must bear would increase and he knew that without Erestor’s strength, friendship, and knowledge, he would be hard pressed to make it through the darkness that ever clung along the horizon, just waiting for it’s time to come forth. That was when he heard Erestor’s whispered question.
“Why did I survive?”
Elrond watched as Erestor lowered his gaze to stare at the dark liquid inside of his goblet. He saw the slight tremble in his Advisor’s hands and he said softly, “Because you are needed here. You are so important, Erestor, to so many. I could not run Imladris without you. Lindir would not have someone who understands his pain and Glorfindel would not have his soul mate. I cannot tell you why those horrible things had to happen to you; all I can tell you is that you were meant to live.”
Erestor took a gulp of air before he said, “But you had to commit Kinslaying. I know that if I had had a chance, I would have killed Mauron and his evil companions, but you... I am so sorry.”
Elrond’s eyes filled with tears as he watched a single tear make it’s way down Erestor’s pale cheek. Leaning forward, Elrond said, “Erestor, those elves, they needed to be stopped. There was no redemption that could be found for them, either here on Arda or in Valinor. I will not deny that it did not bother me, to take another elf’s life, but I was shown some of the things that they had done before they found you and your companions. I was told by Manwë himself that I needed to find you and to bring a stop to their evil doings.”
Erestor’s gaze shot up and he gasped, “Then why did he not warn you in time, why did Gelduron and the others have to suffer?!?”
Elrond did not have an answer for him, he himself had asked many times, but was never told the why. He shook his head sadly and replied, “I do not know, meldir (m. friend).”
Erestor became furious. How could the Valar let these things happen? Suddenly he could not contain his anger and he rose to his feet and threw his goblet into the fireplace, a great burst of flames roared in the hearth as the alcohol was consumed. His body shook as the memory of Gelduron’s cries filled his mind, and tears fell freely down his face.
Elrond felt Glorfindel’s mind brush his in concern and after telling him that it was all right, he stood and said, “Mellon nín, I do not know why bad things happen. The Valar are not allowed to intervene in our lives too much, that is all I can give you for an answer. You must know that Gelduron and your other companions are no longer feeling the pain of what happened. Their souls are healing in Mandos’ Halls.”
Erestor whispered, “I know, but why was I left here. Why could I not just forget what happened. Why do I not get to find peace? What did I ever do to garner this torment that I live in everyday?”
Elrond could not contain his tears any longer and he desperately wiped at them, trying to clear his vision. His heart hurt for this precious soul before him. All he ever wanted to do was heal Erestor’s spirit, to set him free from his past. When he saw Erestor’s legs give out on him, he impulsively caught him and he gently lowered the weeping ellon to the floor, following him down. When Erestor doubled over, Elrond wrapped his arms around him and willed his healing energy into his meldir’s body, willing it to reach his soul.
Erestor sobbed as he finally came to terms with what Elrond said, why he was there to save him. Wrapping his fingers around Elrond’s forearms, Erestor rocked back and forth as his soul cried out, the walls finally crumbling to dust. He did not know how long he knelt there, with Elrond’s arms wrapped around him, but slowly he started to feel his meldir’s energy surround him, blowing the dust from his soul. He knew now that he could truly start to heal. The walls were no more, nothing to hide the gaping wounds that lay open. All that was needed was time and tender care and he could only hope that he had enough strength in him to make it through the healing process. He felt so tired and cold, he could not say at that moment whether he would make it or not, but he knew that he had to try.
Elrond felt Erestor shudder has his tears started to abate and he knew that he needed rest. Calling Glorfindel in, he looked up as the door opened and he saw the worry in the Slayer’s eyes. “Erestor needs some rest now,” Elrond said as he let Glorfindel take Erestor into his arms.
Erestor wound his arms around Glorfindel’s neck and closed his eyes, “Lindir…” he breathed.
Elrond stood and walked Glorfindel to the door, opening it for him and said, “Fin can tell me when you want him to come to your chambers and I will send him to you.”
Nodding, Glorfindel tightened his hold on Erestor as he made his way to the Advisor’s chambers as quickly as he could. During the whole time Erestor had been with Elrond, Glorfindel had felt his meldir’s emotions. If it had not been for the Elflings that were with him, he was not sure what he would have done, broke down in tears or break something. Whispering in Erestor’s ear that he had him and he was never going to leave him, he walked into Erestor’s bedchamber. Carrying Erestor over to the settee, he sat down, arranging him on his lap and wrapping a blanket around the shaking ellon, gently rocking him as he started humming a lullaby.
Erestor drifted in a semi-conscious state, hearing Glorfindel’s soft voice, but it sounded as if it were far away. He looked around him, at the haze that filled his vision until suddenly the fog cleared to reveal sad dark green eyes, Gelduron. Erestor tried to reach out to what seemed like a phantom before him and he mentally cried out when he could not touch his beloved meldir’s face. Those eyes, so full of tears, silently pleaded with him, and that was when Erestor knew, Gelduron had never left him. Erestor nodded, knowing that Gelduron had been waiting for him to start to heal, and a sad smile filled his vision before the phantom disappeared.
Slowly coming to, Erestor looked into the cerulean eyes of his soul mate and a peace settled over him. His heart swelled with love for this Golden Warrior. Reaching up with one hand, he wound his fingers through Glorfindel’s hair before he slowly closed the distance between them, touching his lips with Fin’s.
Glorfindel willed himself to stay absolutely still, so as to give complete control to Erestor. He closed his eyes as the Advisor brushed his lips across his once, twice and then a third time. He did not know what happened, but he saw something in his meldir’s eyes that had not been there before, and it gave Glorfindel hope. He just prayed that he would be able to will his body to behave until Erestor was free from his past enough to accept his love in all it’s forms.
Erestor drew back and he smiled shyly at Fin as he opened his eyes. “I know that I have said this many times these last few days and I am sure that I will be saying it a lot more these coming months, but, hannon le,” Erestor said.
Glorfindel smiled and he rested his chin on the top of Erestor’s head when the Advisor lay against his chest, “You are welcome.”
They sat there for a few minutes until Erestor slid off Glorfindel’s lap and onto his feet, saying, “We had better go get Lindir, I am sure that he is worried.”
“Yes, I am sure he is. I know that you want to retrieve a few books from the library; why do I not go and get Lindir while you go there. I can take him to the kitchens and we can bring back a light snack for us,” Glorfindel said as he followed Erestor to the door.
“That sounds perfect. I will not be long,” he said, then turned the corner, heading to the library, while Glorfindel went the other way towards Elrond’s private wing.
Erestor took a deep breath upon entering the library, knowing that he was going to miss this place while he was gone. So much time had he spent amongst these bookcases over the years, he had memorized many of the books that lined the shelves. Lightly running his finger over the bindings of the books, he walked down the aisle and up the stairs to the second floor in search of the books that he wanted to take with him. Finding the first one, he then found the second and third. Holding them closely, he was about to turn and make his way down the steps once more when he spied a book of fables and he smiled as he added it to his pile and made his way back to his chambers.
By the time he had the three books that he would be taking with him wrapped up, so to protect them should they somehow fall out of the bag, and put into a satchel, Glorfindel arrived with Lindir and a tray of hot cocoa and cookies. Sitting down in front of the fire, Erestor patted the space next to him and once Lindir was seated he said, “I thought I would read us a story before we go to sleep.”
Lindir, even as young as he was, could see the slight difference in Erestor’s dark eyes. Happy at this and the thought of a bedtime story from his Erestor, he smiled, “Oh, that would be wonderful!”
Glorfindel agreed, “Yes, I would love to hear a story,” he said as he passed around the cocoa and cookies.
The two listened as Erestor’s melodious voice made the story come alive. The tale was filled with friendship and hope, of overcoming obstacles, of never giving up. The hot cocoa, cookies, and the excitement of the last couple days took their toll on Lindir, who fell asleep before Erestor made it half way through the story. Quietly closing the book, he set it aside and stood. “I think it is bedtime,” Erestor said as he scooped up his penneth and carried him to the bed.
Glorfindel followed him and pulled the covers back for Erestor, who laid Lindir down and proceeded to slip off the Elfling’s shoes before covering him up. “Why do you not go change into your sleeping clothes while I clean up the food,” Glorfindel offered.
Erestor nodded his thanks and entered the bathing chamber and closed the door. When he walked back into the bedchamber, he found Glorfindel already dressed in his sleeping garments and extinguishing the candles. Erestor crawled into bed next to Lindir and sighed as Glorfindel settled behind him, wrapping him and Lindir into his arms. Closing his eyes, he whispered, “Goodnight, mellon nín.”
Glorfindel kissed the back of Erestor’s head, and then replied, “Goodnight,” before he followed the two that he held into reverie.
TBC