When least expected

Chapter eleven admissions

Rielle was singing a lovers’ song in the kitchen. She had seen the looks and movements. It wouldn’t be long now, she figured, before something happened. On her way down she had collided with Celeborn, who was on his way up to Rumil and Orophin. He had dismissed it as mere host’s interest, but she knew it was more than that. In all the years she had served him, she had learned how to read him very well. Even though she desperately wanted to know what was going on up there, she remained where she was. Soon, maybe, Haldir would stop glaring at her. She really hoped so.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After some minutes in the tub Celeborn had left. He couldn’t take it anymore. A treat that was very Celeborn. It would take forever for him to make up his mind or realise something, but once he did, speed was the only thing that mattered. He had the feeling his departure had both pleased Haldir as it had saddened him.

Forgoing the curtsey of knocking Celeborn threw open the door, making Rumil and Orophin jump up in sudden shock. They were busy waxing their blades. He smiled fondly. Seeing it reminded him of an earlier idea that had not yet been put to action. “Rumil, Orophin, I came to talk.”

They bowed and made room for him on their bed. “I am sorry, you have to share your bed, but the repairs of your talan are coming along nicely.” Yes,Yes, they are my lord.” Rumil and Orophin looked at each other. They were unsure as to why Celeborn was here. Orophin feared it might be because of his angry response to Galadriel’s betrayal.

Celeborn read the indecision of his face. “It’s alright, Orophin, I understand your motives and I am greatly warmed by your affection, but now you also understand why I couldn’t let you go. I did not came here to discuss that though.”

“Thank you my lord.” It was a relieve to Orophin that Celeborn was letting him go that easily. He had daieareeared hearing his own dismissal.

“The subject why I am here is of a more personal nature, but when I entered I saw you waxing your blades. That reminded me: you need to teach others how to fight. Train whoever wishes it to become a Galad….I mean Celebhrim. I will leave the details to you two. I want you to start right now. When Haldir can do so, he will help.”

“Of course, my lord. You have mentioned it earlier and we have been working on some sort of scheme and we wanted to show it to you for approval.” Rumil was pleased he could now say it without sounding bold. Celeborn’s anger was easily aroused lately and he did not wish to become it’s recipient.

“Approved.”

Orophin’s eyes widened. He had laughed when Haldir had told them Celeborn constantly kept surprising him nowadays, but now he himself was totally surprised. In the past, Celeborn wanted to see everything himself and now he gave them carte blanche? “But, my lord, you’ve not even…” “Looked at it? I don’t need to see it to know it is the best possible way. You are the finest warriors there are. And you all have extensive knowledge on training techniques. I trust you completely on this.”

“We thank you, my lord, we will not fail you.” Rumil stated. “Now, what is it you did came here for, my lord?”

Celeborn reddened a bit. How was he going to say this? He decided to just get it over with. No use in beating around the bush. “Haldir’s in love, and apparently it isn’t returned. Now, you three know everything about each other, so you two know who that fool of an elf is. Haldir deserves to be happy and I am going to make sure he is, even if I have to borrow your arrows to achieve it.”

Once more Orophin’s eyes widened. Did Celeborn just make a threat? Against the one who was breaking Haldir’s heart? Rumil was a little more coherent. Hearing it he had immediately concluded what happened. “You heard his song.”

“Aye, but he doesn’t wish to tell me who he wrote it for.”

Orophin and Rumil shared a look. They knew Celeborn would not leave without an answer. They also knew they were incapable of lying to him. They still could not understand how Haldir successfully continued lying to him. But they also couldn’t tell him the truth. Haldir would kill them.

Celeborn did not like there silence. He decided to use an old trick he had seen Arwen use on her brothers on occasion. She had always managed to wiggle out the truth. She had broken a lot of both Elladan’s and Elrohir’s relationships before they had even started. He smiled when he thought of his grandchildren. Maybe he could visit them? Or invite them here? They must be lonely in deserted Imladris.
“I see, you do not wish to betray Haldirrustrust in you. But I also wish to know. It’s a man, and it can’t be either of you, so maybe it’s Envinyaroa”

In the following minutes Celeborn would mention every elf’s name, closely monitoring their reaction. After some minutes Celeborn had mentioned the name of every male sti still living in Imladris. And Rumil and Orophin had not giving anything away. They were not good enough to hide anything from him so he had just not mentioned the right name. ‘Does this mean Haldir’s love lives in Valinor. But no, he said his love lived here, in Middle-Earth.’ Giving it one more change Celeborn voiced two more names. “Elrohir? Elladan?”

But all their names did was making them laugh. They shook their heads. “No, my lord, you have not mentioned the one Haldir desires.” Rumil stated. Now Celeborn got irritated. “Don’t tell me he lives in Valinor. That can’t be. Or that he’s another race.” The words were practically yelled at them.

Orophin and Rumil exchanged a look. If they answered these questions Celeborn would know the truth and they weren’t sure if Haldir would be pleased. But Haldir would not be pleased with Celeborn thinking him in love with a human or a Dwarf. And if they made Celeborn believe Haldir’s heart dwelled in Valinor, the lord was highly capable of sending Haldir there. Realising they had no choice they sighed and Orophin spoke. “No, my lord, Haldir is in love with an elf, a male,” “And he does not dwell in Valinor.” Rumil finished. They had the somewhat dubious honour of seeing Celeborn look like he’s just been stabbed. His eyes were wide open and mouth agape.

As in a daze Celeborn left the room, going over everything they had said, over and over again. He came to the conclusion that if Haldir was in love, and that love was a male elf residing in Middle-Earth it had to be someone from Thranduil’s lot. He had mentioned every Lorien male. He started going over every elf that still lived with the Mirkwood king. Still deep in thought he re-entered his room and he didn’t even notice it when he moved to the bathroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Haldir had released a relieved sigh when Celeborn had quickly left the bathroom again. He had felt extremely uncomfortable and the questions Celeborn had asked did little to relax him.

He knew Celeborn had gone straight to Rumil and Orophin. He knew he would be in trouble soon. Celeborn would not keep him close if Haldir’s feelings were known. So Haldir decided to stay in the tub and took the most of the little time he had left. He inhaled deeply. Celeborn’s scent was still in the air.

As Haldir was awaiting Celeborn’s return every minute seemed like an eternity to Haldir. Agonizingly long minutes filled with trideptation. When the door opened his heart stopped beating. He did not want to hear his dismissal. He had to force himself to look up at Celeborn.

“Haldir,” his voice sounded stern, “there’s been little traffic between us and Mirkwood. When your leg is healed, you will go to Mirkwood and see if we can’t set up some kind of communication system between our realms.”

The words stabbed Haldir in the heart. He hated Mirkwood. He lowered his head in defeat, hiding the tears he could not stop.

His behaviour puzzled Celeborn. He had expected Haldir to be pleased. He had just gotten an opportunity to go see his beloved. Shouldn’t he be cheerful rather than this sad? Closely observing Haldir he said: “Of course, Rumil or Orophin can also go, if you’d rather stay here.”

Haldir was unable to hide his surprise and confusion at these words, but he grabbed the chance with both hands. “I do, my lord. Please don’t send me from your side.”

Celeborn kneeled at the rim of the pool and locked his eyes with Haldir, making sure Haldir could see the honesty of his words. “I would never send you from my side, Haldir. I just thought you would welcome a trip to Mirkwood.” When Haldir showed even more confusion in stead of understanding, he added: “Isn’t that where your love dwells?”

For a moment Haldir was lost in thought. He figured his brothers had told Celeborn his love was a Mirkwood-elf. But he could not phantom why. That he had no idea of what exactly had been going on in his brothers’ room, was not helping him reach a conclusion. But he could not affirm this; if he did Celeborn would not rest until Haldir was packed for Mirkwood, he knew that. “No, he doesn’t”

Celeborn, who now was the confused one, sat down, making his legs dangle in the water and wetting his robes. Haldir looked on with mirth. This was something he never could have imagined. It was a pleasing sight.

“Haldir, forgive me my curiosity, but who is he? I mean, he does not live in Valinor and he is elven, your brothers told me that. You just inform he does not live in Mirkwood. And I have mentioned every name of every male elf here.” Suddenly a horrible thought entered his mind. He had thought about it before, but hen he had quickly dismissed it as not being possible. But now……it seemed to be the only logical solution. “How did he die?”

Haldir had instantly understood Celeborn’s line of thinking and he would have let him thinking his love was dead had he not seen the pain and hurt in Celeborn’s eyes and on his face. Pain on his behalf. Now, all he could do was reassure him. “He isn’t dead, my lord, though he came real close several times.”

Celeborn’s face lit up in glee, hearing Haldir’s love was alive still, but then frustration hit again as he realised he was back where he had started. He growled. “Haldir, what is his name?”, he demanded.

But Haldir lowered his head and turned away. He could not answer this question, he would not.

Having had enough of this Celeborn got in the water and waded over to Haldir. He briskly turned him around. “Haldir, tell me.”

Haldir tensed completely. “I…I can’t” The words were soft, almost too soft. Hearing them mellowed Celeborn down. He released his hold and moved his arms to grab Haldir’s shoulders comforting. “Haldir, I am sorry, but you must. This is hurting you and I will not allow that. You deserve to be happy and I will do everything I can to ensure that you are. Now tell me his name.”

Realising Celeborn would not stop until he actual came with a name Haldir panicked. He could not say, but he had to. Every alternative was destroyed. Somewhere in his mind a little voice asked if perhaps Celeborn had already known before he entered the room and that this was nothing but a confirmation. But he would not take the risk. “It doesn’t matter, my lord.”
He freed himself from the grip and started wading away.

But Celeborn voice tried to stop him. “Haldir, avá, vá vanya. Saes, nyaren. Vá orë nin caritas cenelyë mi naicë. Im anhármëalyën cenë naical.”

“Umin naica” He had not turned to answer, but merely continued wading to the rim.

“Yes, you are. Now tell me his name and I will drag him here if I have to, but I will not watch you like this. I know what grief does, Haldir, and I care too much to let that happen to you.” Haldir did not reply but made to move out of the bath, his hand was already moving the towel to his body.

“Melin lle.” The words were a mere whisper and Haldir blinked his eyes several times, wondering if it had been real or not. He had to know. He slowly turned around. The towel he was holding followed and the movement lifted it over his shoulder.

Celeborn stood on the other side, shocked himself. Apparently the words weren’t planned. ‘Or he’s just shocked about your reaction and he rees tes the truth’, Haldir thought.

When Haldir did not move or speak, but did not turn around either, Celeborn closed the distance between them. Now Haldir was willing to believe it hadn’t been his imagination but really Celeborn’s voice. “Melinyel?” His voice was close to disbelief. Celeborn nodded. “Oírë elérienyel sintiello nan óven hanya tenna i-síré.”

Haldir couldn’t believe his ears. In that single moment millennia long desire, longing and the pain of hiding and secrecy came to the surface. Many tears started to flow freely. The love he had always hidden behind a carefully constructed mask now was visible.

Seeing it made Celeborn realise he had been an idiot. He opened his arms to pull Haldir to him, but Haldir swayed and fell before he had completed his intentions. Haldir buried his face in Celeborn’s robes and hair as he let his tears fall. He felt the embrace tighten around him, possessive and protective. He smiled and in between his tears he managed to voice his own love. His own crying almost made it impossible to hear Celeborn’s words but he understood Celeborn asked for how long he had been in love with him.

Seeing the state Haldir was now in made Celeborn realise the other must have hid his affections for a long time. But Haldir’s answer lay way beyond even his wildest imagination. “Tenna ecénielyen minya hennen”

He pullaldialdir’s naked body closer to his own, still covered in the now wet robes. He cared not how long they would stand like this. All that mattered was Haldir. He would never let him go.

End chapter eleven.
TBC

Note:
Just a to emphasise: this is not the end. There will be more.

Another thing:
I grow tired of constantly adding how I made this sentences. Rest assured I do my best to make everything correctly Quenya. If you still whish for a complete list, mail me.

Translations:
avá, vá vanya. Saes, nyaren. Vá orë nin caritas cenelyë mi naicë. Im anhármëalyen cenë naical. means don’t, don’t go. Please, tell me. I don’t wish to see you suffer. I care too much to see you hurt.
naicë pain. ( there’s no verb for suffer, so I had to alter my sentence a bit so literally Celeborn said he doesn’t like to see Haldir in pain)

Umin naica means I’m not hurt

Melin lle means I love you ( ps. I know it differs from any other translation in fanfics, but I used the aorist, stating a timeless truth. It’s not likely he will stop loving Haldir tomorrow.)

Melinyel? means You love me?
I would like to point out that ~nyel isn’t a mistake. When adding pronouns the subject comes first. I just thought I’d mention it because most of the times you would see ~l


Oírë elérienyel sintiello nan óven hanya tenna i-síré. Means ever since you saved me from fading. But I didn’t realise it until today.
Please note that oírë is one of my own creations and I can’t vouch for it’s correctness. Most of the time I can but here I had to do some mayor guessing.
i-síré means today, literally the now day;
I actually had three ways of saying this:
i-síré, i-síar or i-sínaurë.; sí means now; the i means the (I use it to emphasise the fact we are describing this day and now any other.) the three different endings are the three different ways to say day: Ré, aurë and ar. So I have tried all three and decided I liked the first best. But I don’t want to let you be without other ways.
PS. My first way was Sinaré, but that was totally wrong: it meant this day. I felt it was more open, less pinpointing.

Tenna ecénielyen minya hennen means Since I first saw you : literally when I saw you with the first eye. (being a little poetic here; forced for there are no ways to say the first sentence that look nice)