A Gift of Love

CHAPTER 12
All In Readiness

I wake with Elrohir's hand on my arm. In the night we have turned so that he lies behind me, his body, hard and needy pressed close to mine. His hand moves over my arm slowly from shoulder to wrist then back again. It sends a shiver through my body, it will never cease to no matter the times we lay together, but that we have been unable to indulge such simple things makes it all the more joyous. We both have waited so long for this day that now I can hardly breath for the need for it. I lie still, calming my mind and body before I turn to face him. The first rays of the new day shine over his shoulder. I raise my hand to his cheek.

"It is over,¨ I whisper.

"And a new path begins,¨ he answers.

"Aye,¨ I sigh, knowing what he means. With this day there is indeed a new beginning for us. It marks more definitely my part as beyond feeding Elrohir his daily potion and consuming my own. I do not know why this day I am filled with apprehension as well as anticipation. I have known it coming since we began this journey. Yet now it is here I doubt. I have oft said it is not in my nature to be the one who is dominate. I know to submit to Elrohir is not that. What is between us is equal in ways I do not think others would understand. Yet,.......

Elrohir senses my unease as he does in all things. His gaze softens as he kissed me gently. As he pulls a little away the smile is wicked. "It pleased you last time.¨

I have to laugh, and cannot deny it. When we first heard how it must be, I did take command of our love making and it was not an experience I need to shy from. I smile back at him, remembering the velvet heat that enveloped me as I pressed inside his body.

"Yes, it was most pleasant,¨ I grin at him, knowing how the words belie my true feeling.

His hand runs over my hip and down my thigh, hooking my leg over his.

:But I am loathed just now to give some things up too quickly.¨ His eyes gleam in the light of our room.

I meet his gaze. "As am I.¨

To be with Elrohir is my greatest treasure. That he accepted my love for him and returned it was a dream I had not thought would see reality. Yet as he prepares to love me, I can at times think it still a dream. But it is not, the hands that touch my flesh are real enough as is the moan that escapes both our lips as he enters my body. We love with our whole hearts and bodies. Once done there is nothing for us but to enclose each other in the circle of our arms and forget that there are those in the world beyond who would condemn us for what we do and what we seek.

"Content?¨ My brother asks me. I nod my head against his cheek where he has fallen into my arms, still breathless. I am content, yet fear gnaws at me once more.

Elrohir lifts his head wearily to me with concern. His hand caresses my cheek and for the moment all is well. We sleep curled together as we have always until the glow of the sun is higher in the sky.

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I drink again the vile liquid while my brother tries hard not to look relieved that his part is done in this. At least he has some comfort. And so do I, for I can now hold him close to me and not temper my passion, nor he his. Though there is new worry for him. I understand better than perhaps he thinks of me. I feel more each day the changes within me. They are not outward signs of difference and if pressed I could not say what it is that changes. But change they do, and yet I am still Elrohir, a lord's son and lord in turn. Yet soon I hope I will carry my brother's children. I will read again the parchment placed in my safe keeping and trust to it. As Elladan must trust to me. He will not go out this day as has been his want these past weeks and I will not venture to the library of our father. Elladan will sit with me in quiet company and I will seek to reassure him by word and touch. Would that he could see what I see when I think on the life we together will create.

His kiss is sweet even after the honeyed concoction I sip at thoughtfully that serves unsuccessfully to hide the bitter of the potion. He takes it from my hand to guide us out into the garden where awaiting us is a feast of such proportions that it would take a week of breakfasts to consume. I look to my brother for explanation.

"A celebration of sorts,¨ he shrugs. I draw him close. My brother who would slay a minion of the Dark Lord with no thought displays such tenderness when the heat of battle is cool. I cannot help the smile as in my mind I can see him with his sons. Tiny bundles of life nestled to his strong form, given all the protection they will ever need in this world in those arms.

"A celebration,¨ I repeat as I kiss the corner of his mouth.

I surprise myself in the food I consume. Elladan raises an eyebrow at me, a gesture that would serve Ada well.

"They said you need to eat more, yet had I not seen it.....¨ Elladan's voice trails off. He turns to study his bread knowing he had revealed a secret that is best kept in his own keeping.

I wonder not to whom he refers but what else has been discussed between them. Gandalf is ever the secretive one, Ada no better when the mood is upon him and it appears they have caught my brother.

Elladan seems compelled to speak further. "There were matters......matters I sought answers to, Elrohir. Aspects of this that we undertake. ¨ He looks at me and then away again to study the bread in his hands.

"I have kept but one more secret,¨ Elladan's head is bowed. We have had no secrets between us since we declared our love for each other. I lift his head gently with the tips of my fingers so that he looks into my eyes. I see the hurt there and my anger that he did not come to me to seek his answers abates.

"Would that I did not, would that I need not reveal it to you.¨ With pounding heart I listen to his tale.

I had suspected the existence of such a thing but had shaken it from my mind.

There is the presence of yet another concoction. It dwells in the purple bottles that Elladan keeps hidden, but travels with us none the less. Poison. Should it go awry.

I nod.

"A precaution only,¨ I whisper as Elladan raises his head with a nod.

"Yes,¨ he whispers. His hand snakes under my tunic, his fingers on my bare skin as he pulls me the short distance to his mouth. The kiss is deep, his tongue at once pressed over parted lips. The next kisses are gentler. He knows he is forgiven, but also I will brook no more, we will seek out Ada and the wizard together. "Ride with me? To the waterfall?"

"Gladly¨ I return, kissing him once more. The water and Elladan are almost as inseparable as we two. It is to the water and its dancing colours that he would go, and to where he now takes me. There I know what is in his thoughts. My lover smiles to me, his eyes glinting. "It is not unpleasant. ¨ he chuckles as he uses my words.

And it is not. We ride headlong from the stables. Our mounts too, glad to be running free over the hills and fields once more. They, like their masters, confined to narrower vistas over the last days.

We ride toward the river, a race unspoken between us, acknowledged only with a tilt of the head. Elladan has managed to turn loose his hair and it streams behind him as he rides. For a moment I am distracted by the thought that soon the silken strands will be caressing my skin. Then another thought invades my musings.

Elladan in full battle cry is a sight not forgotten. I have seen the enemy flee just at the sight of him with sword held high above his head ready to strike a blow. I have seen also those who would dare to challenge him stand their ground to halt his charge. It is in those moments I fear for him. I will fear for him. My brother turns with a frown wondering no doubt at my lax pace behind him. I shake my head to him. Nothing is amiss as I urge my twinned mount to his.

At the river we stop. Riders and steeds are an equal match, so this race like so many others has no winner. Over time perhaps we have made it thus, like so much about us that others do not understand. And to that we seek to add one more puzzle. I have given little thought as to how our story will be told. It concerns me not. I do this for my brother with the consent of my brother and our father and lord. I seek no other's blessing on this. My brother worries for me though he does less in words than deeds. He will raise arms against those who would speak ill of me, of us. We will speak on these matters with Ada when next we meet. I would have it all done rather than scurry to concoct a way and wherefore .

We dismount, Elladan looks cautiously around. This is ours, this stretch of river with its protective screen of trees that hang low over the water. Yet it is best always to be sure no other comes.

Elladan holds out his hand and for a while we stand hand in hand before walking along the grassed bank of the river. It is a luxury we are not easily able to afford ourselves, this quiet togetherness when words are not necessary and we can be who we truly are to each other. I rest my head on his shoulder as we walk and he inclines his to mine. The sun is warm on our skin, the soft breeze rustling at our hair. Elladan kissed the top of my head as we continue. The river sparkles like the silver ring I wish to place on his finger to tell all to whom he belongs. This has been my secret since before I knew it was not right to love one so close in kin, but a dream still so remote from me that I dare not try to touch it. Elladan feels my wanderings stopping to lift my face gently to meet his. He tilts his head, his eyes shining as he places a tender kiss on my mouth. My arms snake round his back bringing him closer to me. As he pulls away a little he asks his question.

"What troubles you? Do you still feel aggrieved that I did not come to you to seek answers to my thoughts?¨

Our second kiss is my answer to the last question. "I understand why Elladan, it troubles me not now. You went to seek knowledge from those who know better than I on such matters ¨ I hesitate to answer his first asked question. I am not troubled. I have one more impossible dream I would wish to follow. I wonder if Elladan will see this one as more deadly than the first.

His smile at my kiss fades as he waits my reply. I know my silence is making this hard for him.

"Elrohir?¨ he questions.

" I dream,¨ I begin, "of the day we can walk thus among our own and not feel the weight of disapproval and condemnation.¨ I look at him, awaiting his reply.

"Keep to your dream brother, it may one day be granted, at least in part.¨ He holds my hand as we walk once more, silence between us. "The day will come when what is between us will be no more the secret we think it is. When all will know openly, not as gossip and rumour among those with little else to do. " Elladan is quiet again, the noise of the rushing water our only companion. "Would I able I would have them hold their bitter tongues.¨

I see the flash in his eyes as he speaks on those who would denounce us. My hand tightens on his. "It is no matter what they think, it will not change how we feel. I love you Elladan, no harsh words or looks of shame cast on us will have me change that.¨

Elladan calms a little at my words. "I love you and that cannot be changed, but I would that they look and see what is between us, see the love we have.¨

We have reached the foot of the falls. Here were the water cascades down in torrents and Elladan found his troubled soul¡¦s balm. The rainbows are with us this day. He looks at them and smiles, acknowledging them with a nod of his head.

"Come,¨ I whisper, tugging at his hand. We strip of our clothes as we go, stopping by the water¡¦s edge to remove boots and pull down leggings.

Elladan then takes my hand, and laughing as though we were elflings, we run head long into the cool water. We play. Elladan splashes the water at me, a shower that wets my face, I run my hand over the surface of the water and lift it as a spray of droplets over him.
The water is splashed back and forth, our laughter ringing out. It is good to see Elladan so happy and carefree. The weight of what we do is often heavy in his thoughts. To see my brother of old warms my heart.

As I think of times past, I look and he is gone. My gaze turns to the grassy bank of the river but there is no dark haired elf standing there smiling. I look around the surface of the water, waiting. I know he is close by, but where I do not know.

Then I feel hands around my waist, mouth at my shoulder. He nips my flesh hard, pressing himself to me. I take his hand and run it down my body. I am needy for him as he is for me.

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I turn Elrohir around, my mouth on his neck. I suck hard enough to leave a mark of my passion on him. When we sink below the surface, I guide us to the rock ledge beside the waterfall. Long ago, I imagined my lover reclined there, dark wet hair spilling over his shoulder and chest, leg bent as he rests on his elbow. His eyes were always as dark as his hair and he would smile as I walked to him, holding out hand to guide me into his arms. I would sit and play it all out in my mind. How we would make love, how he would tell me how much he loved me, all the while the tears would fall knowing it was a ghost, a shadow in my mind.

Tears threatened now as I recall that unhappy time, yet the one who had stirred such dreams is in my arms. Elrohir loves and desires me. It would not change. What further dreams would we dream and make real I wondered as I looked at my beloved brother.

I took his hand and led him to the rock. Smiling back at me he pressed his body to it. With nothing more than instinct, he lay back, his arms open to accept my embrace. Shyly I stepped to him. Instinctively I knew what would happen. Elrohir will have me love him, here in this place that holds so many memories for us. We would add one more. One that would make a dream reality for us both.

My brother nods and head and whispers a yes to me as I approach him. His wet hair is splayed around his shoulders, so much like I had imagined that it takes my breath. I reach out a hand and touch him as if I expect this to melt away. But it does not. Elrohir takes my hand and runs it over his body, gliding my finger tips over his glorious form, spreading the beads of moisture over his skin. He curls my fingers about his erection, together we run the palm of my hand over it. His head is thrown back as his back arches forward and he moans loud. Then he halts, takes my hand away.

"I would have us together when that time is close,¨ he whispers as our hands now are laid on my chest. Our joined hands turn as it is his skin that touches mine. The back of his hand wanders over my chest and stomach. I gasp a little at the feel of it though it wet and slick. Another incline of his head, his legs part for me, then wrap around my waist as I step closer still. He looks at me with eyes blazing, dark as the hair he tosses from his face.

"Elladan,¨ he murmurs as I press against his body. He brooks no indecision on my part, his strong legs folding tight around me, pulling me ever closer. Our voices are raised together at that first penetration, his velvet smoothness closing around me tightly. My breath is held for moments before I realize Elrohir is urging me deeper and harder. I watch him, the flush that rises to his cheeks as he lets go of all control and surrenders to me. The water gently rains above us, a veil of silver crystal and shimmering colours. It is as if the whole world delights in this with us. I grow ever more bold, seeking to give to Elrohir the joy he so often offers me. He moans my name over and again. It stirs me the way only he ever has done. My movements thrusting into his willing body become more erratic, I will soon give into the flood of emotion that courses through me, the fiery heat of my desire for my brother. As I feel us both ready, our voices are raised above the roar of the tumbling water. We call out as for a moment my movements are stilled, both our bodies arched to meet each other. I feel the warmth of his seed between us, I feel the warmth of mine fill him. We have begun the next part of our journey with this. Another step along our path. I have left behind many misgivings, discovered a new joy.

We lay on the grass and watch the water fall, letting the rays of the afternoon sun dry us before we dress. Soon we will return . I look to the rock ledge where we made love. I see shadow nod to me and smile.