Vaniel, My Heart

Disclaimer: All familiar characters are owned by JRR Tolkien and are used without permission. No monies are being made from this work. Original characters are part of the story and owned by the author.

Vaniel, My Heart
by Sienna Dawn


~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Chapter 11 - Under the Stars

Imladris....some hours later...

After supper, Haldir sought out Vaniel and invited her for a stroll in the lush gardens of Imladris. Vaniel, who wished to make amends for her behavior earlier in the day, accepted quietly. They came to the secluded wood and walked silently under the brilliant stars, each consumed with their private thoughts. Neither wished to break the silence and simply enjoyed the company of the other. No word had been spoken of their heated words and truly neither knew not how that had come about as words of anger had never passed between them until that moment.

In this way did Haldir and Vaniel came to stand on a secluded low bridge where Vaniel knew had been the meeting place of Arwen and Estel.

Looking at the water below her, Vaniel suddenly felt uncomfortable. This was a place for lovers. Her being in this place was a mockery of its sanctity. She turned to leave and Haldir quickly fell in beside her. Although Vaniel was unawares, Haldir had been sensitive to her every sigh, gesture and movement. He knew her spirit was uneasy within her but knew not its cause.

"What disturbs you so?" His gentle voice was low and intimate.

Blinking back tears, Vaniel shrugged, her voice thick. "I know not." She turned tear-filled eyes to Haldir. "As you see, this place fills me with melancholy. Mayhap you are right, Haldir. For you spoke true. This fair city fills my heart with love of it, for it is my home. But my spirit tells me there is another path I must walk and to fight its call brings me such pain." Her voice faltered and she turned away from Haldir. She wanted desperately to tell him how her heart felt toward him, but she was terrified he would reject her and then what? She might lose his friendship as well. Her heart heavy, tears slipping down her face, she walked quickly ahead of him, and she called out, "Let me be for now, Haldir. Let me be."

Haldir stopped and watched her retreating form, worry marking his handsome features.

Turning toward the water below, he leaned against the stone railing. Ever since his return to Imladris, Vaniel was behaving erratically. Sighs and tears, far off looks, secret smiles. Sometimes he caught her watching him when she thought he was not looking.

He was beginning to suspect he knew the reason for Vaniel's emotional disquietude and the thought of it filled him with dread. They both knew they were not related by blood, but Haldir still regarded Vaniel as his kinswoman and elven customs forbade relations between kin. He personally battled his own demons whenever he was near her. Many times in the past he had cursed his weakness for her, and thought initially his attraction to her was no more than a physical reaction any male would have toward a beautiful female. Yet, he was no fool and his experience taught him he was not so easily moved by sheer physical beauty. It was her spirit, her soul, that called to him, and yet bound by customs and honor he refused to allow himself the one thing he most desired. If not, he reasoned, he would have soundedly kissed her by now, kissed her senseless, until she lay in his arms, gasping, desiring more....until her arms wound about his neck and whispered his name over and over....He closed his eyes, desire overtaking him, his mind picturing how he would make love to her, teach her, disrobe her...His body began to react to his thoughts, his manhood stiff and painfully straining against his breeches.

A sudden breeze and rustling of leaves brought Haldir out of the red haze of passion and he straightened, shocked in his most deepest self.

What was he thinking? How could he think such things? She was his kinswoman, his mind screamed at him! There could be nothing, nothing, save friendship, between them!

Horrified at his own thoughts, forcing himself to breathe in gulps of night air, he stood a while longer until his body calmed. Then, Haldir quickly walked away from the seclusion of the bridged grove, and sought the solace of his old friend, Elladan.

Finding the tall, gray-eyed elf in the empty banquet hall, Haldir approached the long table where Elladan sat and fell heavily onto a wooden chair. Elladan, swallowing his wine quickly, fixed Haldir with a quizzical stare.

"The Lady Vaniel, no doubt." Elladan said humorlessly, observing Haldir's flushed face and dilated eyes. He offered to serve Haldir, but the latter refused.

"Yes," Haldir sighed and leaned back into the chair. "My own sentiments in the matter are beginning to cloud my judgement, Elladan."

Elladan shook his head, and decided to drink a little more wine. "Nonsense, you are simply an honorable elf with far too much guilt in your heart." Elladan brought the goblet to his mouth and drank. After, he turned his face to Haldir, the goblet still in his hand.

"Haldir, " Elladan began slowly, pronouncing his name clearly, and Haldir half smiled. Haldir knew that tone of voice well. It usually indicated the start of a speech, but still regarded Elladan with sincere interest. "Life is like a wine goblet. At its beginning it is poured full, sometimes brimming and sometimes overflowing. It is how we drink that wine that allows us to either savor it slowly, tasting each delicate nuance, or to greedily drink it in one gulp, never knowing the sweet undertones of its rich flavor." Elladan sat back, proud of his wise words.

Haldir frowned. "I am sure that means something, my friend, but I am not quite certain I understand its import."

Elladan roused himself and fixed Haldir with a hard glare. "What I am saying is that you either live life or hide your neck from it."

Haldir nodded slowly, at last understanding Elladan's words. "That part of my life is not open for discussion, my Lord." Haldir answered quietly, deciding after all to share a cup with his old friend. Reaching for a goblet, he poured himself a good measure of the rich, russet-toned liquid and sat back to enjoy it. Imladris boasted some of the finest wines in all of Middle Earth.

Elladan grinned at the slight rebuke, but decided not to pursue the subject, instead opening another round of questions, "What disturbs you regarding the Lady Vaniel?"

Haldir drank his wine and sighed, "I am not certain of things now, Elladan. Not as certain as I was before." Haldir drank deeply of the wine, feeling the fiery liquid warm his belly. Turning his blue gaze to Elladan, he found wise grey eyes studying him.

Haldir arched an eyebrow. Elladan laughed heartily and sat up. "It would seem the great Haldir of Lorien is completely unawares of the meanings of a maiden's sighs and tears!"

Haldir frowned. He did not like the way this conversation was going and made to stand, but Elladan held him fast by the wrist. "Nay, my friend. See you not that Vaniel has fallen in love with you?" Elladan's voice was steady.

"Nonsense", replied Haldir, but he sat down again, his face unreadable.

Elladan grinned. "Do you mean to tell me that you, experienced as you are, have not the eyes and ears to know when a maiden pines for you?" Elladan shook his head in disbelief.

Haldir no longer heard his friend's voice, so deeply did they shatter the self-imposed and carefully wrought wall of ice around his heart. That Vaniel loved him, or thought she loved him! That could not be! They were kin....his mind refused to entertain the thought and he turned to look at Elladan, who sat studying Haldir's face as a hawk watches its prey.

"Nay," said Haldir. "You are wrong, my Lord. Vaniel merely grieves for her mother and believes it is her responsibility her mother died thus. There is nothing other than that."

"Aside from that, my Lord," and Haldir turned to face Elladan fully. "We are kin. Vaniel is my cousin. Nothing save friendship can exist between us."

Elladan's eyebrows lifted at these words, "Believe you this? There is no blood tie between you. Eryniel raised the child but did not give birth to her. Haldir!" Elladan's voice raised, "do not lose sight of that. She is not your true kinswoman and no law stands between you. None, except," he added softly, "those imposed by you, for she is young and has still much to learn in the ways of love."

Haldir stared hard at Elladan, the words clamoring for attention. He could not listen to these words. He would not, could not, give his heart hope. It was one thing for him to have forbidden feelings for he had long learned to live without love, but it was another thing for Vaniel to pine for a thing he could not give. He would listen to no more of Elladan's words for they echoed what his secret heart harbored and this was a hope he could allow himself to have. Standing, Haldir bowed to Elladan, and turned to go, but stopped when Elladan called him back.

"Haldir," Elladan called from the table. "Know you what the star mark on Vaniel's arm means?"

Haldir turned and shook his head, "Nothing, save some said in Lorien it was the mark of a high born family. Noldorin I believe" His blue eyes had darkened. What was Elladan after now?

Elladan waved an arm toward Haldir, "Come my old friend. I vow to not rankle thee again." His face was serious, an unlined youthful countenance that belied Elladan's true age. Haldir decided to stay and hear Elladan out.

Returning to the long table, Haldir sat but refused wine. He wanted his head clear. Blue eyes met grey ones, "What know you?"

Elladan sighed and placed his hands on the table, "Only this. Long ago, the line of Glorfindel and of the House of the Golden Flower came to dwell in Imladris. In peace did they long dwell here for fast friends are Elrond and their Lord, Glorfindel. Alas, soon after my brother and I were born, was there a bitter division between that House and Adar. What about matters not now, but it was said that the friendship was sundered and some of that great House left Imladris forever. Years later, when I rode with the Dunedain, did I come to learn that their descendants lived with the Men of the North, and many had married daughters and sons of Men. It was rumored that one such dalliance fathered an illegitimate child to Imrahil, prince of Dol Amroth." Elladan poured himself more wine.

"Soon, we began to hear tales of a breed of half elves bearing the mark of the star. Elrond then sent myself and Elrohir to discover the truth of these rumors but they seemed unfounded. Why he was concerned I have never discovered, for certainly what interest should one have in the siring of children? Unless," and here Elladan paused and fixed Haldir with a cold stare, "they are royal children, whose lives can determine the fates of kingdoms."

Haldir frowned, "Always have the princes of Dol Amroth sought to lay claim to the line of Mithrellas, and none can deny or confirm this. And in this matter who is to say where the truth is to be found?" Haldir waved his hand as if to dismiss the idea completely. "And this, my friend, is truly the concern of Men, not of elves. "

Elladan shrugged, "Listen to the tale first and then judge whether it be the concern of elves or not."

Haldir nodded in agreement and listened as Elladan picked up the trail of the story. "As time passed, our attention was drawn elsewhere, mostly to Sauron and his armies. But Elrond did not forget and sometimes my brother and I travelled to the cities of Men, beyond the Silverlode, and inquired discreetly over the mark of the star." Elladan's eyes were lost in memory.

Still Haldir did not see a connection to Vaniel. Birthmarks were not common to elves, but he knew very common to Men and Vaniel was but half elf. "I do not understand how this connects to Vaniel."

Elladan snorted, "You will soon." Sitting back more comfortably, he continued, "When Faramir was struck and wounded by a Southron arrow, it was Imrahil's horse which led him back to Minas Tirith. There, Elessar tended Faramir who is nephew to Imrahil. I learned later from Elessar that Faramir, under the power of the mind fever, spoke of many strange things. Strangest of all things spoken by Faramir was the tale of a lost babe, a child sired by Imrahil, a child none of us knew. Aragorn made discreet inquiries and soon learned the truth of the matter. Though it was believed the child was long dead. A child with a star mark." He studied Haldir's face.

Haldir frowned, suddenly realizing the meaning of Elladan's story. "You mean to say, my Lord, that Imrahil is father to Vaniel?"

Haldir considered this for a moment and then looked back at Elladan. "It makes no sense, my Lord. Vaniel was found with the Druedain, after she was taken unwilling by them. She was found as a babe by the Galadhrim and sent here to Imladris by the Lady Galadriel, and it happened by chance that my cousin Eryniel raised her. You know this, my Lord. Here she grew in Imladris until she was taken unwilling when she was but 15 summers." He shook his head, "I do not understand." His blue eyes reflected a growing worry.

Elladan sighed, "As neither do I...at least not everything. If this tale bears the fruit of truth, then there is much at stake. If there was a child born to the Numenorean house of Dol Amroth and the House of the Golden Flower, then would that child be a rare treasure indeed..." His words tapered off gently.

It was then that the enormity of Elladan's words finally entered Haldir's mind and he was stunned. Sitting back, his mind numb, he was for once, at a loss for words.

And so in this manner did the two elves sit, quietly, each attempting to sort out the incredible story. It was Haldir who eventually spoke first. "My Lord, if this is so then we must tell Vaniel at once."

But Elladan had shaken his head, "Nay, we have no true proof she is daughter to Imrahil. If we act reckelessly, it could bring civil war to Gondor!"

Haldir closed his eyes and fervently prayed that proof would never be found. But Elladan's voice intruded into his thoughts.

"I have a mind that Vaniel languishes in Imladris. For fair a city it still is, its magic is fading, now that Elrond has passed. I can feel its fading, Haldir, and so must you." He saw Haldir nod in agreement, and continued, "This cannot be good for Vaniel, whose own spirit has been taxed by her captivity. Mayhap we can persuade her to visit one of the cities of Men, and in this manner she can discover what her path is." Elladan's eyes bored into Haldir with deep meaning.

This was not lost on Haldir, who nodded slowly, "Aye, I agree. A trip to Bree, perhaps?" Haldir's voice lowered conspiratorially, his eyes flickering in the candlelight.

Elladan grinned, "And more beyond, mayhap." He sank lower into the chair. "Come Spring, as Gondor reckons the days, will that city celebrate the fall of Sauron. Perhaps Vaniel may be interested in seeing not only how her kindred live, but how they celebrate as well." He waited for Haldir's response.

The blonde elf considered for a moment, doubt on his youthful face. "I do not think it wise to conceal anything from her. I agree it is a fine idea to suggest a trip to Bree or Gondor come Spring, but she is quick to spot a falsehood. I do not wish her to be led into a noose. We must be honest with her, my Lord."

Yielding to the logic of Haldir's argument, Elladan consented. "Very well, then tell her. But we cannot wait for the ice to melt in Imladris if we are to make fair time, for it shall take us the better part of a month to reach Gondor. It is now the third day of Coire. If we are to make for Bree first then we must leave within two days at the most."

Haldir cocked an eyebrow at his old friend, "We?"

Elladan laughed, "Of course! Think you that you and the Lady Vaniel would make the journey alone?" His grey eyes flashed with good humor, "You need protection, my friend." He stood and drank the last of the wine.

Standing, Haldir frowned, "Protection, my Lord? From what foe?"

Setting the goblet down on the table, Elladan turned to Haldir. Seeing the astounded expression there, Elladan slapped his friend's back and grinned. "From the sweetest of foes, my friend. From the dart of love....which in this case bears the name, Vaniel."

Haldir shook his head and cast Elladan a doubtful glance. Seeing it, Elladan laughed, and together the friends exited the hall.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Key:

Estel = Aragorn

Adar = Father (In this case, when Elladan speaks of his "Adar", he is referring to Elrond.)

Mithrella = A Lothlorien elf who, according to tradition, who was lost in Belfalas and was found by the Numeronean nobleman, Imrazor. Their son went on to found the princes of Dol Amroth.

House of the Golden Flower = A noble, possibly royal, elven line whose Lord was Glorfindel. Originally, dwelled in the elven city of Gondolin, until it was sacked by Morgoth's troops. Survivors of this House fled and some are believed to have eventually come to Imladris/Rivendell.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~