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June 13, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I must be honest and say that I think this needs a lot of work.
While your plot has potential there are just too many inconsistencies. For example, you say that these 'maternal elves' are rare and special, but they are not treated as such. When Rúmil 'comes out' as it were, Haldir assures him of his love, yet as soon as he shows any sign of thinking for himself, he is only too happy to punish him, now that he is apparently 'inferior'. Rúmil’s reactions are the only 'realistic' ones in the whole story, in my opinion.
As for the spanking, there really is far, far too much. Going back to my previous point, these elves are treated like no more than property, despite constantly being told they are loved. Not to mention that constant spankings cannot be healthy for either ‘mother’ or child.
I sincerely hope that you plan for this to end with some kind of equality for the 'maternal elves' as their lives are currently rather pathetic, particularly Rúmil. But then he is my favourite, so I'm biased.
You also need to look at your spelling and grammar and preferably get a beta as well. There were points where I had to read a sentence three times to make sense of what I was reading.
Do not take all this the wrong way, I am simply trying to help. If I thought the story was completely beyond hope, I would not have commented.
Tux
While your plot has potential there are just too many inconsistencies. For example, you say that these 'maternal elves' are rare and special, but they are not treated as such. When Rúmil 'comes out' as it were, Haldir assures him of his love, yet as soon as he shows any sign of thinking for himself, he is only too happy to punish him, now that he is apparently 'inferior'. Rúmil’s reactions are the only 'realistic' ones in the whole story, in my opinion.
As for the spanking, there really is far, far too much. Going back to my previous point, these elves are treated like no more than property, despite constantly being told they are loved. Not to mention that constant spankings cannot be healthy for either ‘mother’ or child.
I sincerely hope that you plan for this to end with some kind of equality for the 'maternal elves' as their lives are currently rather pathetic, particularly Rúmil. But then he is my favourite, so I'm biased.
You also need to look at your spelling and grammar and preferably get a beta as well. There were points where I had to read a sentence three times to make sense of what I was reading.
Do not take all this the wrong way, I am simply trying to help. If I thought the story was completely beyond hope, I would not have commented.
Tux
schedule
March 26, 2005 at 12:00 AM
please up date
schedule
March 26, 2005 at 12:00 AM
please up date
schedule
August 31, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Love mpreg fics. they are so cool.
schedule
August 28, 2004 at 12:00 AM
What's with the corporal punishment?Now Elrohir's pregnant!?
schedule
August 28, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Haldir's first priority should be his wife.And further more,he shouldw thw that Legolas would never do that.If he keeps up on punishing Legolas,he will not only lose his him,but also his unborn child.As for Rumil,immature bastard!He's going to get his!If not sooner!
schedule
August 27, 2004 at 12:00 AM
I love H/L pairings and mpregnancies!!!Though I hated the fact that Haldir told Legolas he had to obey him because he was his wife!?It doesn't matter if Legolas is pregnant.Relationships has to be on equal grounds.If Haldir manages to hurt him,I'll give him a thing or two.I would really love to read on how they met.fell inlove,and got married.