Mary's Trip to Isengard Chapter 1/10

Title: Mary's Trip to Isengard

Subtitle: Mary's Excel Adv Adventure

Chapter 1/10

Starring: Mary Aseltyne and a cast of thousands! (ALL major characters from the first two movies and some from the first two books, also)

Author: Mary Aseltyne

FANDOM: LOTR Books and Movies, AU

Pairings: Elladan and Elrohir/OFC Haldir/OFC

Rating: Due to LAST TWO supplemental chapters, this whole thing will need to be rated NC17,
but the diary entries are rated "G"

Warning: lots and lots of foolishness, silliness, ale, wine and mead drinking, chocolate slinging, marshmallow fluff applying, liberties taken with Tolkien characters, and very hot sizzly sex for dessert!

Feedback: "aseltym@yahoo.com"

Archiving: attempting to store at Elffanfiction and Adultfanfiction.net

I do not own the many and various LOTR characters mentioned in my daily diary nor am I receiving financial gain from playing with them! This diary is written for entertainment purposes only!

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Authors note:

In July I was chosen as a finalist, quite against my will I might add, in a Win-a-date with Grima fan fic contest at a Haldir oriented group I belong to at Yahoo. The object of the contest was to NOT win a date with that slimey weasel but no matter how hard I tried to lose, I was chosen anyway. My "prize" was an all expense paid trip to Middle Earth where I was to visit Grima at Isengard for our big d I w I was ordered to post a daily summary of my travels at group site and this travel diary was a result.

I decided to take my two main squeezes, the Imladris Twins, Elladan and Elrohir, along with me for companionship and protection. We ditched Grima immediately and then took our sweet time getting to Orthanc by traveling from the Shire to Rivendell to Lothlorien then to Rohan and finally arriving in Isengard on the second to the last day of my visit.

I had been urgo poo post my travel diary with supplemental chapters here even though I thought the amount of inside jokes used would make the whole story rather senseless. So here is a rundown of the various characters mentioned and some background:

Haldir_Lovers Paradise Resort and Theme Park with Rididng Stables: Our group sites virtual park

Char: packed 2 bottles of chocolate syrup in my suitcase before I left so I could use them as elf condiments, very good for licking off of hot elf skin!

Julie: packed shampoo, meant for Grima, accidentally in my suitcase

Donna: sent me a jar of marshmallow fluff and a recipe for strawberry dip for sharing with the Twins

Dorothy and Zee: were my two co-finalists

All of the above participated at the group site in preparing Grima for our big date. I should note that this story was written at the same time that the movie, Pirates of the Caribbean, was having a big impact on the members of the group. So there will be references to "playing pirates."

The reason for the win-a-date contest? While our group moderator, "list mom," as we call her, was on vacation I was part of a conspiracy to remove a pic of Haldir from our Home Front Page and replace it with a pic of Grima, just for laughs, with a big "welcome home" banner across the top! All of the original conspirators in the prank were asked to write a story and then three finalists were chosen for the final write off! Grima was then to judge the final contest and pick his date from our entries.

Grima chose me for three reasons, my strength of character, my courage and my cleverness!

There are three sections to this fan-fic. Section one, "Mary's Trip to Isengard" is rated G, section 2 is called "Achieving Perfect Balance" and section 3 is called "Orthanc Reduxxx" which are both rated a hard NC17. For this reason I will rate the whole thing NC17, even though the diary itself is very, very "G" rated.

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Day one: The Twins and I left in the middle of the night, last night, in order to avoid traffic on the highways. Grima' was sent on ahead to prepare Orthanc for our arrival after many promises that we would make haste along our way. He was not happy with the arrangement but I promised him I would spend at least one whole day with him, alone, and that seemed to appease the little creep. We arrived in the Shire first, on our way to Isengard, and we stayed at the "Green Dragon," a very accomodating Inn that has rooms for "big people" (in case they get any visitors from Gondor or Rohan or from any one of the many elven kind who inhabit Middle Earth) After a good, hot meal followed by bubbly, hot baths we all crawled into our comfy feather beds and slept till late morning.

After a delicious breakfast,( the hot-tempered Imladris twins were a bit miffed at not being able to prepare it for and serve it to me in bed, but, oh well, the Innkeeper frowned on food in his sheets so those Bad Boys had to be content with standing guard over me while I ate in the dining room,) we were on our way to Rivendell to pick up some personal items for the Twins and to meet all the fair folk who live or visit there! You can imagine our surprise when we stepped out of the Inn and were greeted by a contingent of Shire Officials who were there to officially greet us and send us on our way! I was presented with the Key to the Shire-gate by the Mayor, Sam Gamgee (who was accompanied by his sweet wife, Rosie!) and was also presented with a scroll proclaiming my right to safe passage along all the roads of Middle Earth under the King's jurisdiction because, as the beautifully illuminated scroll proclaims, "Mary is the Bravest, Cleverest and Strongest Lover of Middle Earth in the Whole Tolkein Universe!" ( a bit overstated-- but these Shire folk rarely get first dibs on visiting celebrities!)

If that wasnt enough, who should step forward with "Welcome to Middle Earth" gifts but Merry and Pippin! From Merry I received a pouch of Old Toby (the finest pipe-weed in ME) and from Pippin I was given a small, gray clay pipe used by him during the Ring quest!

Last, but not least, Frodo Baggins, himself, stepped forward to lay a garland of fragrant flowers around my neck (compliments of Sam's cutting garden) and leant to me Galadrials Phial for my personal use during my stay in Middle Earth. I was nearly speechless at the gesture and promised to keep it safe and return it before going back home. After that, the Shire's Marching Band played us off on our way! It was very hard to say good-bye!

We traveled by horse-drawn carriage for most of the day until we reached Bree where we stopped for a meal at the famous "Prancing Pony" Inn and decided to spend the night there after imbibing in a wee tad too much of Barliman Butterburs famous ale! The twins accompanied me on a foot tour of the small village before we returned to the Inn's Common Room for poetry and songs! The Bree fok were quite curious about how travel plans and my diary, they love to think of having their town promoted as some sort of resort area, and offered many tidbits of information about the surrounding area and its history.

It is now time for bed. The Twins are groggy from the ale and want to get me undressed and tucked into bed and properly put to sleep. We are hoping to get an early start in the morning and should reach Rivendell before night falls!

The weather is beautiful-wish you were ALL here!

Now, where did I put that pouch?

(searches through suitcase)

OK, where did these bottles of chocolate syrup come from?

Love you, Mary