Sea Monkies

Sea Monkies
~Complete~
Disclaimer: This is fiction. I make no claims about the actors, their life-styles, sexual orientation, or anything about them. I don't know them. I'm making no money off of this. It Is Not True!

Inspired by Elf_Monkee and her Sea Monkeys..
AN: No Sea Monkeys were harmed in the making of this crack fic.

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Orlando was wringing his hands as he paced the room. "Bloody Hell.." He muttered again.

Viggo was watching from his position in the chair. He felt torn between sympathy and amusement. "Have you found anything helpful, Elijah?" Tearing his eyes from Orli to look over at Elijah's back.

The man in front of the computer chuckled, "Listen to this." He began to read from the monitor, "Question, How long does mating take? Answer, Sometimes you may see your Sea-Monkeys attached for several weeks, so try to give them some privacy. Question, Do Sea-Monkeys get hurt while mating? Answer, Not usually, although sometimes things can get pretty rough.'

Dom snickered, "That's some libido, Orli. Suppose that will happen to you?" Nudging Billy with his elbow as he spoke.

"If it works lets us know, we'll start serving them at parties." Billy turned to grin at Dom.

"Wow.. " Elijah turned to glance over his shoulder. "This is interesting. Someone asked What ARE Sea-Monkeys? Their answer was, Sea-Monkeys are a hybrid species of brine shrimp called "Artemia NYOS". "Artemia" is the genus they belong to, which includes Fairy and Brine shrimp. NYOS is the acronym for the New York Ocean Science Laboratories where they were created. They were created in a lab Orli. You drank bio-genetically engineered microscopic organisms."

"I think I'm going to be sick." Orlando's pacing continued.

Viggo reached out and grabbed him as Orli paced by his chair. "Come here." He said as he pulled Orlando into his lap.

"You have got to stop pacing."

"Viggo, I drank Sea-Monkeys."

"Shrimp are meat, aren't they?" Billy commented. "Hey Viggo, that means Orli now eats meat. Oops, guess you already knew that, huh?"

"And he has a taste for long lasting, rough sex; sure you didn't feed him those sea-monkeys on purpose, Viggo?" Dom replied, then he and Billy burst into giggles.

"Wankers! Elijah, have you found anything useful?" Orli pleaded with him.

"I just don't think anyone ever drank them before.. " Elijah responded then snickered.

"It's not funny. I may be poisoned."

"I'm sure you have enough alcohol in you to kill anything down there." Viggo breathed the words softly into his ear.

"I wasn't laughing at you," Elijah responded, "it was one of these questions. Some of them are priceless. Here's one where someone mentioned eating the food that comes with them. It's non-toxic." He started laughing again.

"He laughs at my pain."

"Poor baby. I'm here for you." Viggo said as he pulled him closer so Orli could rest his head on his shoulder. Viggo's hand stroking up and down the younger man's back slowly.

"Thanks Vig. I knew you would care." He shifted around on Viggo's lap getting comfortable and nuzzled in close to his neck.

"Oh my God! I just thought of something.." Billy was waving both hands in the air in his excitement.

"There's a first time for everything." Orlando commented dryly.

"No, no, this is good, listen. If you go down on Viggo.."

"And that's enough of that talk." Viggo interrupted as Orli wiggled a little more on his lap.

"No, seriously.." Billy continued. If you go down on Viggo and swallow, could you get pregnant? You got those things in your stomach and then add sperm.." He raised his eyebrows and looked earnestly at Orli.

Orlando's head jerked up and he stared at Viggo. "Vu..ee..goh?" The word slowly left his mouth. His eyes were wide and one hand slowly moved to his stomach.

Viggo had never heard anyone put three syllables in his name before. He had also never seen this look on Orlando before.

"It can't happen, Orli." Turning to glare at the two hobbits giggling madly, "For so many reasons."

"But Viggo.."

"It can not happen."

"Bloody Hell.. how will I explain this to me mum?"

Dom wailed and fell off the sofa; he was laughing so hard. Billy was pointing and trying to say something but couldn't get it out.

Elijah swiveled his chair around to smirk at them. "I think I saw an episode of Southpark like that. You really aren't suppose to introduce sperm to Sea Monkeys." Elijah had to steel himself against the laughter threatening to erupt. "I take it, it's too late?"

Billy tumbled off the couch onto Dom, who was laughing so hard he was wiping tears.

"Orli, listen to me." Viggo gently slipped his hand under Orli's chin and leaned close to his face, "You can not get pregnant, period. Not by drinking Sea Monkeys. Not by blowing me. There is stomach acid, for one thing. Enough alcohol to.. well, to mistake Sea Monkeys for a glass of liquor, for another, and that just isn't the way babies are made. You have none of the necessary stuff for, uh, growing them. You can not get pregnant. No way, no how."

"Um guys, they have egg sacs, you don't need any of that female stuff, just sperm." Elijah turned around to consult his monitor, "Yup, egg sacs."

"Viggo.."

"Orli, you can not get pregnant." Then Viggo had an idea, and it sounded crazy enough to work. "You know," he whispered into Orlando's ear, "You can't get pregnant with anal sex, right?"

Orli nodded his head slowly.

"So, let's go do that, right now, and you can't get pregnant."

Orli looked at Viggo thoughtfully. "That would prevent it?"

"No one has ever gotten pregnant after having sex that way. I guarantee it." Viggo whispered.

Orli looked around, "When?" He whispered back to Viggo.

"The sooner the better, I would imagine."

Orli shifted around on Viggo's lap again. "Elijah, your bedroom have a lock on the door?"

"Yeah, why?"

Orli got up, grabbed Viggo's hand and started toward the room in question.

Elijah looked up from the monitor as they walked into his bedroom. "Hey! Where do you think you are going?"

"Remember, Ring Bearer, this is your fault for leaving the damn things sitting on the table with the booze." Then Viggo grinned at him before shutting and locking the door.

"I claim the guest room!" Dom shouted as he jumped up and pulled Billy to his feet, then the two of them making a hasty exit.

"Cunt! Fucking Bastards!" Elijah yelled after them.

"Fucking Bastards, quite literally. Personally, I thought they would never leave."

"Yeah," Elijah said as he got up from the computer and crossed the room. "I'm inclined to agree," Crawling into Beanie's lap and snuggling in. "You didn't really let him drink my Sea Monkeys, did you?"

"Nah, they are in a jar in the kitchen. But, if there is an award for best results from a practical joke, then I win."

"I may just have an award for you."

"Hmmm, I was counting on it." Sean growled in response.

~FIN~

This is the Sea Monkeys FAQ site that has the actual questions on it.
http://www.sea-monkeys.com/html/customercare/faq_whataresm.html