You have me.

Title: You have me.
Author: Fishy(fishyz9@yahoo.com)
Beta: None.
Pairing: Glorfindel/Erestor.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: Glorfindel finds Erestor’s journal, and realises that his lover has been keeping a few things from him.


You have me.


Part 1.


Date.

He’s been reminisce of late, and I know why. It’s no longer new for him, the novelty has worn off, we’ve become casual, comfortable. Not as exciting and passionate as we once were.

I’ve tried little things, things such as greeting him at the days end with perhaps his favourite foods or wine. Just a small intimate setting on his porch, accompanied by myself and all else that I could think that would be to his likings…It did not go well, he did not much appreciate it. But he was neither unkind or untactful with his responses. Honestly, I should of given more thought to my actions, of course he would be tired. Come now, think nothing of it.


Glorfindel heavy sigh as he regarded the book that lay open in his limp palms with distant shock. Never had he thought to read such demurred words scripted in Erestor’s fine hand.

He had not sought to intrude upon Erestor’s personal items, truly he had not. But with Erestor in some meeting or another, he had thought nothing of letting himself into the councillor’s rooms without his permission, to find his boot. Yes a boot, such an unimportant and obscene thing to be looking for compared to what he had found. But he knew it to be in his lovers rooms somewhere.

He had been lifting the bed sheets that nary touched the floor to look beneath the lofty bed, and had incidentally, and rather accidentally, shifted the it but by a few centimetres at best. Those few small degrees however, had apparently dislodged something at the back of Erestor’s bed, behind the headboard if he were pressed to guess.

With a frown, he had pulled the bed back with a huff, and with an outstretched hand, blindly reached and searched with splayed fingers for whatever it was that had fallen, so as to put it back in his original place. When the tips of his fingers had brushed against something, he stretched just that little bit further, and encountered what appeared to be a small book. Pulling out from its fallen hiding place, he had sat upon the edge of the now strewn bed, and with for the moment his boot forgotten, he flicked through the pages.

‘Oh’ he had gasped when realising that what he held was no night time reading lost or misplaced, but was in fact, a most private scrawling of inner most and personal thoughts. And he had meant to replace it, to return it to its hidden place, honestly he had, but his name, had caught his eye.

He had deliberated on whether to read it, glance at it, or simply put it away for a fare while. But eventually, his curiosity as to what it was his lover could be writing about him had won out.

Now however, now he regretted reading it, finding it, coming to Erestor’s rooms and even loosing his blasted boot. The small passage he had read, he noted, was dated nearly six months ago. In six months, what other injuries could he of unintentionally inflicted upon whom he cherished most?

He should put the book back, rearrange the bed and its sheets and leave without looking back or even recalling the small amount of insight that he had gleamed. This is what he should of done, but did not. In his need to assuage his own admittedly, selfish worry, he turned the page. For a while he came across your average ramblings, some of which mentioned his name in passing, and always with a tenderness that made him smile. And he had thought to close the book and think nothing more of the past entry, but paused and read on, when coming across one particular date.


Date.

Of all the stupid and cliché of thing you hold dear, who Erestor, save elfling’s, look forward to, and counts their own begetting days?

He remembered this day, Erestor’s begetting day.

I do not recall a time where I had been so embarrassed, nay - humiliated, than this day. It was a beautiful hair piece, silver and simple, appealing to the eye. One I would of liked very much. But it had not been for me. Even now I cringe at how awkward I made the evening, how I ruined the night. When will I learn?

He gazed down sadly at the pages, and swallowed instinctively around a lump that was fast forming in his throat, when reading the last passage upon the page.

…He didn’t want to touch me. We laid there apart in uncomfortable silence. It was the first night we had not had relations since sharing a bed, and I can’t describe the relief I felt when finally he moved closer for a more intimate - though loose - hold.

But we did not make love, when I needed it most, he would not touch me...kiss me, and it was my own fault. My own damn fault.

Aye, it had been awkward, but it was not due to any doings of Erestor’s! In truth, he was surprised to read such self doubting words written from such a proud being. Perhaps that be the reason it stung all the more - he had had no idea as to how irresolute this elf could be when regarding himself.

He remembered the night clearly, he had been hiding the clasp in safe keepings for a dear friend who wished to surprise his spouse. His spouse whom was notorious for ruining any of his own surprises via searching for his gifts prematurely. It had amused Glorfindel in its silliness, for the two elves were both dear to him, having known them for many a year. He was aware of the games they played, the hiding of gifts and ruination or surprises, and he had even held a helping hand in the past, in safe guarding many a small item. But on this particular occasion, in his shameful lack of attentiveness, he wished that he had not offered his services as middle man.

He had come to his rooms that night, to find Erestor already waiting for him there as requested. He was mildly shocked however when Erestor, with an almost childlike of all smiles, wordlessly walked into his arms and embraced him. He was then gifted with so soft a kiss, and so sweet a smile, that at once his curiosity was peaked. Though before he could query his lovers behaviour, Erestor had spoken up first…

“Thank you”

“For what?” He asked in genuine bemusement.

“For the gift of course,” Erestor laughed quietly, and even slapped his shoulder playfully. “All day I thought you had forgotten my begetting day, but you were fooling me, weren’t you?” he spoke, smiling with such pleasure, such thankfulness. “…only to come here and find your gift waiting for me.”

It was then that Erestor relinquished the grip he had around his neck, and opened his hand to show the hair clasp that at last look, had been wrapped and kept idly amongst his things upon his dressing table. He spied the note that had been attached, now laying open, having obviously been read, and inwardly hissed, knowing what it had said.

‘To my love, one begetting day of many that I will love you by.”

“Oh Erestor..” he breathed, realising how carefully he would have to word his next sentence. “I…that’s..”

And once more, he was cut off as Erestor closed the gap between them, and pressed their lips together. When parting, he could not help but fall silent when seeing such warmth and tender regard in those dark eyes. Then Erestor had whispered something, something he had long waited to say, yet could not of been uttered at a more inopportune moment.

“I love you,” the darkling spoke so softly, biting the corner of his lip and awaiting a similar response. And when receiving a said declaration, beamed in absolute delight.

“Oh and I love you, truly I do…” he licked his lips nervously then, when Erestor had then handed the grip to him, his intent clear.

He was sorely tempted to carry on with the pretence, to fasten the clasp in his beloveds dark hair and take all credit for it and thusly, avoid any hurt. But the clasp was a gift intended for someone else, made by someone else, and he could not bring himself to do such a thing.

As Erestor turned, meaning for Glorfindel to fasten the silver gift into his hair, he was gently held by the shoulders, and brought back to face the warrior’s sorry countenance.

“Erestor, you don’t want this, I can get you something better,” he tried at first.

“Do you jest? I love it Glorfindel..”

“But it is so simple and you deserve something much greater, let me do away with this and..”

“Nay! Glorfindel..” Erestor began, gently touching the blond’s cheek. “…It could be the most ugliest of things,” he chuckled, “but I would love it endlessly, because it is from you. This is…” he became almost coy at this point, and Glorfindel thought he might die from his own horridness, “…this is the first thing you’ve ever given me.”

The advisor kissed him gently once more, and with a radiant smile pushed the clasp into the warrior’s hands and again tried to turn away, but was held fast by Glorfindel who, for the moment seemed to be withholding his own gaze.

“Oh, I know I probably should of waited for you to come before opening it but I was just excited and…”

“Erestor! Please…” he looked to Erestor then, with such guilt.

“What, what is wrong?”

“I…I forgot your begetting day Erestor, I am so sorry.” He spoke sadly, imploringly.

“What…what do you mean? You got me this..” He looked down to clasp he held, the confusion in his voice so very clear.

“’Tis not for you, Erestor.”

“Not… for me?” He replied quietly, and somewhat meekly.

“It’s a gift for Taran…’tis his begetting day also.” He admitted, feeling ashamed at knowing the date of his comrades begetting day, but not his beloveds. Something, that he knew Erestor wondered at now also.

“Oh,” he replied, his voice barely audible, his eyes now downcast.

“Erestor I am so sorry, but we - we can do something though, tonight, we can…”

“What are you doing buying Taran such gifts?” Erestor asked, looking up at him somewhat accusingly, the sound of hurt clear in his voice no matter how he may of tried to hide it.

“’Tis not from me! I promise you, it is from his mate, you see they have this…well, tradition of sorts, where they both seek our their gifts and..”

“How nice for them,” Erestor whispered, and then turned away.

Glorfindel briefly ran both hands over his face, having never thought to be in such a situation as terrible as this. The silence stretched out between them as Erestor walked now with clasp in hand, and back to the dresser where he had found it.

Glorfindel watched, shame faced, as Erestor then reached for the dark purple coloured paper in which the clasp had been wrapped, and then attempted to - with hands trembling slightly - to wrap the gift once more. The sound of the paper crinkling in the vast silence between them, being by far, the worst sound Glorfindel had ever had the misfortune to hear.

“I-I’m sorry, I’ve torn the paper,” Erestor spoke, his voice all aquiver.

When the advisor turned to him then, with torn parcel offered apologetically, Glorfindel thought he had never seen anything so saddening. He had never seen the councilor flushed before, save in passion. Now however, there was a deep, deep flush upon Erestor’s cheeks, and what made it worse was probably the attempt of an apologetic smile that shook ever so, and that he did not deserve in the least.

“Oh Erestor,” ignoring the parcel that was being handed to him, Glorfindel pulled Erestor to him by the wrist, and into his arms.

“This is so embarrassing,” Erestor whispered, trying in vain to pull away from the embrace.

“’Tis all my fault, I’m so sorry. Erestor please…”

He had continued to apologise until the words sounded untrue. Erestor had wanted to leave, but he had urged for him to stay, to not leave things as they were. So he had. And as the passage read in the journal, they had lain together not in passion, but slumber. There had indeed been awkwardness, and for a brief moment, he had hesitated to pull Erestor closer to him, though only out of worry as to whether his hold would be welcome! Never because…. he needed to read more.

Though as fortune would have it, the sound of a key turning in an already open lock could be heard from outside. Glorfindel lunged - with an urgency he had rarely experienced before - at the headboard of the bed to secure the journal in its not so secret place once more. The door opened just as he stood from the bed.

“Glorfindel?” Erestor asked, placing his key back in his pocket as he closed the door behind him.

“I was looking for my boot!” Glorfindel suddenly exclaimed, resisting the urge to roll his eyes a second later.

Erestor gave him a queer look, and holding his suspicious gaze, he quickly retrieved the allusive boot from the bottom of his wardrobe.

“Ah, the wardrobe, of course!” Glorfindel said with perhaps a smidgen of too much enthusiasm. “Well I shall be on my way,”

“Wait…will I see you later?” Erestor asked, with a certain something that Glorfindel would frequently see but could never decipher in those dark eyes.

He did not answer, but with a sudden, drastic need, pulled Erestor to him and kissed his with a devastating passion. When releasing him, he frowned when seeing the surprise in Erestor’s now hazy gaze. ‘He should not be surprised, this should be his every day’ he thought to himself.

“I love you, you know,” he spoke as tenderly caressed his lovers silky locks, brushing them from the advisor’s now slightly flustered face. “And yes, I will certainly see you later.”

He left then, boot in tow, leaving Erestor standing in the middle of his quarters both flustered, confused, and even worried.

“Oh no,” he breathed. Taking Glorfindel’s sudden show of affection and love, for something else entirely, something quite the opposite.


Part 2.

He could not sleep, he watched Erestor, as the advisor lay peacefully in his arms. Moving slowly, he extracted himself from Erestor’s hold, and quietly dressed in sleeping pants, and pulled on his robe. He made his way with quiet haste to the councillors rooms, and with the same key he had used earlier that day, and that Erestor had gifted him with long ago, he let himself in.

Without preamble, he quickly lit a candle, and reached behind the headboard of Erestor’s bed. Without hesitation, he flicked through the pages, his guilt of invading Erestor’s privacy vastly outweighed by the guilt of having made Erestor feel such anguish.

For a while he sat there, and he had even smiled and chuckled to himself when reading Erestor’s private depictions of those about him. He loved his humour, he always had, although, of late it had been lacking. He knew that Erestor had not lost his sense of good grace and humour, but recently it had simply seemed as though, he had either not felt inclined to share it, or worse, felt unable to conjure any mirth amidst the sadness he may feel.

Sadness, yes! That was what he would catch from the corner of his eye. And reading on, he could find no great cause as to why Erestor would be feeling this way. After that one entry, the rest were, regarding him, only loving, devoted and heartbreakingly besotted.

So it was that only by coming across one other entry, that light was shed unto the problem. It was not as demure or as sad as the one before that had so aroused his worry. In fact, if anything, the entry was of utter excitement, ecstatic even. But when following the script, that though written in joy, it did nothing to but tear at Glorfindel’s already foreboding heart.


Date.

Valar, I think this is it. Ai gods, please, let this be it. Never have I wanted anything more, and if any gods be listening to my thoughts upon this eve, then I prey they give me this, that they let it be true.

Let his announcement to me tonight be one of marriage. I wish us to be wed.


Marriage?

……………..

Marriage?!

Glorfindel blinked dumbly at the page, he looked to the date, and groaned with anguish anew when recalling that very eve, of only a few months before.

He had been made protector of Imladris, safe guard of the Rivendell and all those who resided there. This had meant a great deal to him, and for very personal reasons. For he had once held this title before, in a time past, and all had come to sunder. He had never thought to hold such a title again, and to - more importantly - feel….worthy, of it.

He had wanted Erestor to be the first to know, he wanted to share it with no other until his lover knew of this life altering step of his - of theirs. He had burst into Erestor’s office unannounced, pulled him up from his seated position and kissed him soundly before the advisor to speak a single word.

What’s more, he left Erestor, with a kiss on the hand and the most cryptic of words.

‘I will see you tonight, and after, our lives will never be the same.’

They had seemed harmless to him, but now he could see. He could see how his words could have been misinterpreted. He thought back to that night, and adding it to what he knew now, could not believe how he had not seen the disappointment in his lovers eyes. So wrapped up was he in his own personal transgressions.

He remembered how enchanting Erestor had looked, and as he thought longer on it, he recalled how Erestor’s hands had shook. And… oh gods, the worst of it all, when he had dropped to one knee…..

“You look beautiful,” he murmured, staring intently at his lover across the small table laden with food and sweet wine. The candles had given the atmosphere a most romantic mood, and reflected in Erestor’s eyes bewitchingly.

He grinned as Erestor smiled, dropping his gaze to his plate a moment later. Noticing that neither of them had barely touched their food, he had found himself unable to wait a moment later. Reaching across the table, he had taken Erestor’s hand in his.

“Erestor..” he’d breathed.

“Oh my,” Erestor had gasped, seeing the purpose in Glorfindel’s stead fast blue gaze.

Then he had - without releasing the slender hand he held - moved from his seat, down onto one knee before Erestor. Had he seen Erestor’s sudden fluster, had he seen how Erestor had quickly covered his mouth with one hand, or the sudden tears in his eyes, had he seen all this, he had misinterpreted it.

“Erestor,” he began again.

“Oh gods,” Erestor had laughed nervously, and smiled unabashedly.

“Erestor…” he let it hang in the air a moment for effect, “…I was made protector” he revealed with such pride that he had completely missed Erestor’s frozen countenance, the dimming of his eyes, and the falter in his smile. Nay, he had pulled Erestor to him, smiling and laughing, completely oblivious as to how his partners heart had plummeted.

“I know,” he spoke, when Erestor had still yet to utter a word, “I know it is big news. Erestor, this is…I never thought that I’d - you know because of, because of the past and…well are you not happy for me my love? Say something!” He laughed.

“I…” Erestor began in a croak, his eyes shimmering with tears, though for other reasons quite different as to Glorfindel’s own. “…I am proud of you,” he spoke truthfully.

They had gone to bed after that, and until reading the passage, Glorfindel had always thought that that night had been a precious night, a crowning achievement for the both of them. Though…turning over the page, and reading what was dated as the next day, he felt a sickening fright in him.

Date.

Why would he marry you?

That was all there was to the page. Glorfindel clenched his jaw to keep from loosing control of his emotions, even though he sat alone. He closed the book with a finger between the pages to keep his place, as he knelt an elbow on his knee and covered his mouth with his own hand.

Clearing his throat and running a hand roughly through his hair as he anxiously tapped his foot upon the floor, he opened the book once more. He leaned back into the chair he had come to sit upon, and breathed deeply before turning the next page.

There was no date on this one, so he determined that it was following the accounts of the same day. As he read on, he realised that he was right.


He took me to bed afterwards, and made love to me with unbridled passion. I’ve never know such a lover. He has the stamina greater than any stallion. He has the ability to make me feel such intense emotions that no other ever could. But that night…I wasn’t there with him. I was…empty, useless and unfeeling of his love.

I recall not knowing what to do with my hands as he moved above me. I remember waiting for him to finish. I’m only grateful that despite the pain I felt within, he was still able to rouse my more carnal stirrings, and thusly I found completion with him.

It was only after another earthmoving bout loving, where he took me on my side, that finally he succumbed to slumber. When sure he was asleep, I turned away from him, and dampened his pillows with my damned tears. It was then that I was overwhelmed with such a sense of…selfishness.

It hurts, it does. But I am so - proud of him.


With that, Glorfindel closed the book. With heavy steps, he placed it back in its hide away. There was more to read, but he felt himself disinclined to read the rest that night. For right now, Erestor lay alone in his bed.

As he re-entered his own chambers, he stopped to smile sadly at seeing Erestor curled up in the middle. Climbing back in, Erestor startled suddenly, waking as Glorfindel snaked in beside him.

“Shh shh,” he crooned, leaning down to kiss those red lips. He was surprised however, when Erestor ripped his lips away.

“Where were you?” He whispered.

Blinking in surprise, he nodded over to the bathroom, “bathroom.”

“The bathroom,” Erestor repeated, leaning up on his elbows, actually looking towards the adjacent room.

“Umhm,” he murmured, his worry peeking over Erestor’s slightly odd behaviour. He gently eased Erestor to lay back down by the shoulders, and then manoeuvred himself to be leaning above him, and between the darkling’s thighs.

“Are you overly tired?” He murmured again.

“Not…exceedingly.” Erestor replied with a slight pause that was not missed by his bed partner.

“I need to love you, my darling.”

In reply, Erestor eased himself further against the pillows, and spread his thighs wider so as to accommodate Glorfindel’s girth.


“And I need you to love me, Erestor.” He then whispered, taking Erestor apparently by surprise with such a remark.

“You are never without my love, you know that Glorfindel…my heart.” H added so quietly, and with such a vulnerable countenance, that Glorfindel knew, that whatever was left to read in that journal, would be the exacting reason as to why Erestor would look perpetually hurt, at the most intimate of times.


Part 3.


It had been hard to find a time when he could slink away from Erestor, and into the advisor’s rooms without him knowing. Only now was he noticing how wary Erestor was of his words, as if questioning their truth. Eventually, he had claimed to be visiting with Elrond with a matter regarding his troops. He hated lying, but he needed to know why it was Erestor questioned his honour. And to do that he would need to read the rest of the journal.

He sat now, book in lap. He glanced to the door in which he had cleverly locked this time, and taking a breath opened the journal to the last entry.

He immediately wished he had not.

Date.

He has found another, I know it. And I know whom it is. It is that elf, Taran.

He was aghast, stunned.

I should of known, that gift, the gift I thought had been for me and that was for this adulterating disgusting elf, it had not been from his lover, but from mine. It had been from Glorfindel.


“No it was not!” Glorfindel bellowed to the empty room in disbelief.


I know this, because I saw them, I saw them on the training grounds, they laughed, they embraced, and there was a look, I swear there was, I can‘t just be my insecurities. This is why I am not wed, this is why Glorfindel was flustered when I found the gift. It was not out of guilt of forgetting the relevance of the day to myself, but it was out of guilt of being caught.

Oh what a fool he must think me. I warrant that they laugh at me whilst they lay in bed, and I can not bare the thought. I simply can not bare it!

Never before have I felt the need to inflict harm upon one of my own kindred. But I want him dead, this Taran. By my own hands I want to kill him.


Glorfindel’s breath caught, as he fought against the urge to give into his own emotions. He felt sick to his stomach. He was both enraged at Erestor’s lack of faith, and delirious with anger at his own mishandling of this. Yet it was the last few lines he read, that made his blood run cold.


I will end it. I love him, and my life will be empty and a disgrace without him. But I can not be so used, I can not be his entertainment. I will end it tomorrow.


Glorfindel quickly scanned the rest of the pages, and to his dismay, he found them empty. That had been the last entry. Looking at the date, he realised this had been nearly a month ago, a month ago. Erestor had not uttered a word. And he, in his sublime ignorance had not, and would not of even known anything was amiss had it not been for a missing boot!

He stood on shaky legs and left the advisor’s rooms, but this time, he took the journal with him.

~*~

They sat quietly now, in his quarters in front of the fire he had burning in the heath and upon the soft fur rugs. He lay with Erestor in his arms, there was no talking, though so much needed to be said. And there was no more intimacy other than that hold, though loving of an enormity was needed.

“I read Elrond’s schedule today,” Erestor began out of nowhere. “You’re meeting was not logged on there, all his meetings are logged on there.”

Erestor did not look away from the fire, and he did not move away from Glorfindel’s embrace.

The hairs on the back of Glorfindel’s neck prickled, there it was. There was the first subtle questioning of his fidelity. And had he not the hindsight he had now, he would be completely oblivious as to the accusation. He leaned up on his arm, and peered over Erestor. The look of deep hurt was on the very surface now, and his heart clenched at the sight of it. He gently moved Erestor onto his back, and still leaning on his side, towered over the advisor.

“You checked the log because you did not believe me.”

“Where were you?” Erestor whispered, and any anger Glorfindel might of felt, dissipated as the advisor’s brows drew together sadly, and the first tears of open misery slid down his cheeks.

He shakily wiped away the tears, his own eyes beginning to sting. “I have to tell you something, Erestor.”

“Oh gods,” Erestor breathed, and with his face contorting he tried to sit up, to move away, but Glorfindel held him there.

“I was not with Elrond, you know that.”

A chocked sob left Erestor’s lips. “I don’t want to hear this,” he gulped, shaking his head.

“Erestor I was..”

“No!” He suddenly sat up, clinging to the font of the warrior’s shirt in tight fists. “We can...we can get past it. Let’s just forget it,” he looked up, his eyes begging, “please? I don't care who he is, we can..”

“Erestor!” he nearly shouted, his voice breaking and effectively quietening the trembling elf he held. “I have never,” he ground out passionately between his teeth, and not through anger but pure need to make his words known to be the absolute truth, “…I have never, been unfaithful to you.”

“You lie.” Erestor whispered, for his voice could muster nothing more.

“I speak the truth. My confession is that I have indeed done you an injustice,” seeing Erestor blanch he quickly continued, “and that injustice is but a breech of your privacy”

“W-what?”

“I…forgive me, I read your journal.”

Erestor’s eyes went wide, he gasped, and managed to sit up and back away, up against the divan. “You - you read my journal?” He asked, a hint of incredulity in his voice.

“Yes, the other day when I was searching your rooms for my boot I found it by complete accident. And I will accept any wrath you will inflict upon me, because I do deserve it. But I do not regret reading it.” He edged closer, until he kneeled before the councillor’s form, touching his knees gently as he leaned forwards. “Valar Erestor, if I had not…” he breathed, the consequences unthinkable. “How much longer would you of continued thus? Why did you not call me upon these false allegations? Why did you not say something?”

“I…” Erestor looked afraid, worried in answering him.

Seeing this Glorfindel reached forwards, and with a gentle hand each side of Erestor head, he kissed the advisor’s eye lids, making them flutter with heavy, wet lashes.

“Don’t be afraid, you have nothing to lose here, you have lost nothing.”

“I couldn’t…I mean..” his voice was an indiscernible croak.

“Shh, it’s alright, tell me,” he whispered, pulling Erestor forwards, so as they both knelt upon the rugs in a hold so utterly gentle.

Erestor breathed deeply for a few moments, his head nestled safely beneath Glorfindel’s chin. Finally he spoke.

“I could not bring myself to….to hear the truth, or what I thought the truth. I would of rather, have part of you, than none of you at all.”

“Erestor,” Glorfindel shuddered, his own voice imposibly tender, “how could you?”

Erestor raised his head and shook it with an urgency, “I couldn’t be without you, I couldn’t lose you entirely!”

“Alright, alright, shh now,” he crooned, seeing something akin to panic stirring in those dark eyes.

“This is my fault,” the warrior spoke a moment later, and seeing that even now, Erestor would deny such a thing, he beat him to it. “Yes, it is. The smallest of things always make a difference, Erestor. That gift, though such an insignificant a thing, should have been yours.”

“Glorfindel…”

“And I should have proposed.”

Erestor was quiet for a moment, as if in deep thought, and when he spoke, it was with quietly, and with a calmer air. “Then why didn’t you? I… I really wanted it, and I thought that you might of too…”

“I read as much. I…I have no excuse, no other than simply feeling just so….so secure with you, that I had thought to never question if we would wed, but perhaps when. I have been so content, so…happy, and thus ignorant, that I have not seen my failings as a mate.”

“’Tis not….I mean I’m just so..”

“You are, simply put, sweetheart, the opposite of I. And I love you for that, so do not eye this as a flaw, I won’t have it. Where I was content, and feeling at my most sure, you were at your most insecure and in need. We know this now, we can use this now, can't we?”

“…Yes,” Erestor whispered.

“I will not give you reason to doubt me, ever again, you hear me?” They were eye to eye, staring intently through a sudden clearing between them, a sort of gateway where a truth would be laid as foundation for all else. “Because I understand,” he continued, and gently cupped the advisor’s neck, “I understand why you would think what you have, so feel not guilt, and I shall try to forget my own.”

Erestor nodded, and drawing him closer, he took the advisor’s hand, and pressed it to his chest. “You have me, right here.” He squeezed the hand that he pressed over his quickly raising and falling chest. “Right here, is where you are, where you’ll always be,” he whispered.

Erestor closed his eyes tightly, his brow furrowing as tears escaped his heavy lashes and his head nodded yes .

They stayed that way a while, kneeling upon the rugs before a crackling fire. With hands desperately running over arms, over chests, through hair and against damp cheeks. Finally, it was Erestor who broke the silence with a now strong voice.

“Did - did you read about the night when…the night you made love to me, and - and I said..”

“That you were not there?” Glorfindel finished sadly.

“Aye,” Erestor breathed, now gently cupping the warrior’s face, brining their brows close.

“Yes, I read it, and I could of wept.”

Erestor shook his head, “no weeping,” he whispered. “Because you are going to take me there now, just as I am here,” and again he pressed his hand to the warrior’s chest, “And you'll be there for me.”

Glorfindel shuddered, and somehow they made it to the bed that had ever only bore the two of them. Through deceit only was the truth known, and through a melding of flesh was Glorfindel felt in his thrusts, felt in his kisses and felt in his entire presence. Glorfindel could scream in ecstasy knowing it reflected his darkling’s bliss, and Erestor could feel him once again. In his entirety.

The End.