To be known.

Title: To be known.
Author: fishyz9@yahoo.com
Notes: Un-beta’d, all my mistakes. Xmas fic written *very* quickly.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Rating & Pairing: PG, Erestor/Glorfindel.
Summary: Just to know someone else cares, can make one feel so much better, don’t you think?

To be known.

Glorfindel loved Yule, it had to be by far, his favourite time of year. There were decorations and gifts, singing and snow, cheer and goodwill, as well as a simple joyful atmosphere that could be broken by none. Yes, it was indeed, his favourite time of year.

He had spent a most enjoyable evening settled in the hall. The fire had seemed even warmer on this, yuletide eve. He had watched with a grin as gifts were exchanged, as dancing had ensued, and kisses shared. And as the hour grew late, those of the hall began to disperse. He thought to retire himself, when spying one familiar looking elf standing alone just outside the hall, near one of the balconies.

The darkly clad form was Erestor, and he smiled when realising so. For he very much enjoyed this one elf’s company. He enjoyed his whit, he enjoyed his subtle humour, he also privately coveted his smile and was drawn to his dark gaze in a manner that - would anyone else know of it - might be considered inappropriate.

He approached the elf who stood so quietly and still, alone and what seemed thoughtful. A gentle touch to his shoulder alerted the advisor of his presence, and he was surprised to see a hint of sadness in those dark eyes before a cleverly concealing smile was offered to him.

“Glorfindel, you’re still up.”

“That I am, being my favourite season and all, I tend to stay late in the halls this time of year.”

“Aye, I must admit I do enjoy Yule. So many happy faces.” He smiled.

“Indeed, though … I would not account your own among them.” He spoke carefully, reaching out an arm he gently rubbed Erestor’s shoulder down to his elbow where his arms crossed over his chest, “is there something amiss this eve?”

He received a lopsided smile in return that said both yes, and no. “You, are a kindly elf, to be asking after a grumpy one such as myself.”

“You are not grumpy,” the warrior chuckled, “but you do not seem happy either. Come, share with me your woes and I will see you sleep easy this eve with contentment.”

Erestor laughed quietly, and turned his view back to the open Valley. “’tis silly, really.”

“I am sure it is not.” He said, and then waited patiently for Erestor to speak of whatever troubled him.

When Erestor turned, His arms were down by his sides, and his hands held something that had been concealed beneath his folded arms.

“Is that mistletoe?”

“You have a sharp eye.”

“Aha, I see,” Glorfindel said in a conspiracy manner as he leaned a forearm upon the railings of the balcony. “You did not get that special kiss, am I right?”

“Actually no, I was not kissed at all,” Erestor spoke with a small, sad laugh as he looked down to his hands.

“Oh come, do not tell me that one as lovely to look upon as yourself was turned away?”

“No no,” Erestor said, smiling at the compliment. “My un-kissed state,” Erestor began with a self mocking tone that made Glorfindel laugh, “..is my own doing.”

“So how is that?”

Glorfindel frowned ever so slightly, as the advisor quickly licked his lips and looked up with the hint of sadness that the warrior had glimpsed at earlier.

“Do you ever..” He began, looking seriously, before quickly waving off whatever it was he was about to say with an embarrassed smile, “never mind.”

“No wait..” Glorfindel gently grasped his elbow again, turning the slighter elf back to face him. “..it’s alright, you can say whatever it is you were going to say, really.”

Taking heart, Erestor faced him, and spoke in the quietest of voices, as if worried of being overheard, even though they stood alone. “It’s like this..” he began, looking trustingly to the warrior , “..people don’t really, well, talk to me, that much…”

Glorfindel tilted his head to the side, never looking away and giving his full attention as he nodded. Because it was true, this elf, was a quiet elf. He was dab handed in the council room, but a rather respectfully quiet elf otherwise.

“And that’s okay,” Erestor nodded, “because it is not out of any unkindness of others, in fact, I may not speak to my fellows, but I do love them all the same.”

Glorfindel smiled sadly, “you have a good heart,” he nodded, feeling strongly about his statement at that moment of confiding and trust, “a good heart.”

Erestor smiled thankfully, and dropped his gaze for a moment in slight embarrassment. “That is kind of you to say.”

“’tis but the truth. Please, go on…”

Erestor sighed, “yes well, ahm, I was sitting at the feasting table earlier this eve, like yourself, and I suddenly felt… quite alone, actually.” He admitted, and cleared his throat tellingly. When looking up to unsurely meet Glorfindel’s gaze, the warrior’s concerned frown and silence was all he needed, to know to continue.

“And so I was sitting there, and ahm…” feeling suddenly emotional, he squeezed his eyes shut and waved a hand with an embarrassed laugh, “Oh I’m sorry,” he said through a pitifully fake laugh, and quickly turned his back to the other elf.

“Erestor?” gently squeezing a slender shoulder in both worry and support, he was saddened when seeing a watery quality to Erestor’s warm gaze when facing him once more. “Are you alright?”

“Oh yes I‘m, I‘m just being foolish,” he said, and then cleared his throat once more.

“I don’t think you are, what were you going to say?”

Erestor sighed and ran his hands down the front of his robe, straightening out any creases. “It really does not matter.”

“No, it does. Very much. I would like for you to continue, please…”

The slender elf sighed and, trying to ignore the heat that flushed his cheeks, continued. “Well I was sitting there and…”

“Go on..” Glorfindel prompted in the most tender of voices.

“..And I realised that, that no one there, no one present…knew me.”

Glorfindel smiled and even laughed gently, though was careful as to not offend, “Erestor,” he gently chastised, “your are chief councillor, we all know who you are.”

“Aye, that is true yes, but, no one actually.. Knows me.”

“I don’t think I follow you.”

Erestor sighed, and then bit into his lower lip, “you know the cook? Well he and his wife are expecting. If they have a daughter they intend to call her Tulla, and if a son, Vellron.”

A little confused as to where Erestor was going, Glorfindel frowned, “I was aware they were to be parents but..”

“And the smithy? His son begins his training with the guard next week, as you know. The seamstress is engaged, the twins to this day still see who can finish their pudding the quickest and you…” by now Erestor had worked himself up into a bit of a state, and realising this, he took a deep breath and sighed, “.. and you have a mug of hot coco every eve before you retire.”

“Erestor, I’m still not sure what it is you are getting at.”

“Do you not see?” Erestor asked forlornly, “I know at least one small intimate detail about all those I work with yet, yet no one can tell you a thing about me.”

Glorfindel swallowed a little hardly, and felt at a loss for words.

“I have always,” Erestor began, his voice slightly more hoarse, “…have always considered the people in this house my family. But tonight,” he shook his head sadly, “I realised that I am not apart of theirs.”

“I am sure that…” One look told Glorfindel that any bland words of reassurance weren’t needed, and he fell quiet, not knowing exactly what to say. He looked in a somewhat pleading manner to the advisor, pleading with him to not feel so, as he found no words forthcoming. “Ahm,” he said a little shakily, “I’m just..” he shrugged helplessly, “I’m so sorry you feel this way, I wish that..”

“Oh,” Erestor suddenly gasped, his glistening eyes widening slightly. “Oh Glorfindel I never meant to, oh I am so thoughtless!” He chastised himself, rubbing his forehead with the palm of his hand. “My own self pity has just.. I never meant to ruin your evening, truly, I shouldn’t of..”

“Hush, Erestor. I am - I’m glad you told me about this, I do not like that you feel this way, but I would hate even more that you would suffer in silence.”

A somewhat, awkward silence hung between them, now that polite conversation and happy pretences were no longer an option, and it was Glorfindel who spoke up first.

“So… the mistletoe?”

“Ah, this..” he looked down to his hands and gave a slight shrug of the shoulders, “..it was a foolish thought of mine.”

“In what way?”

“Well,” he faced him again, and attempted a slanted smile, “I thought that rather than sitting and moping, I should do something about it. So I ah,” he laughed a little half heartedly. “I thought I would try putting myself out there some, you know, be a little more approachable?”

“I see,”

“I thought a friendly yuletide kiss would break the ice perhaps - would be nice, maybe.”

“But…?”

“But, it would appear that I am quite the coward. I haven’t left this balcony all night.”

“Oh.” The warrior smiled affectionately.

“And now,” he gestured to the empty hall, “..everyone is gone, and.. and well, I don’t know.”

“What do you mean, I’m still here aren’t I?” He asked a little indignantly after a thoughtful pause.

Erestor blinked rather owlishly, and frowned to whatever it was the warrior meant. “Well, yes you are but…”

“So, am I not worth the effort?” He asked with a playful smile.

“I’m sorry?”

Glorfindel smiled. “I would like your yuletide kiss, Erestor.”

“Oh,” he breathed. “Oh,” he then chuckled despite himself. “You wish for me to kiss you.”

“That is right.”

“Oh Glorfindel,” he smiled genuinely, his melancholy mood for the moment forgotten, “that is kind of you, but you don’t have to.”

“I know that, but I am still waiting, and I shall not budge until I get this kiss.”

“You,” Erestor pointed first to the warrior, and then at himself, “you actually want me to kiss you.”

“Yes, I actually do.”

Erestor tilted his head to the side and smiled, as if judging the elf’s sincerity. He laughed somewhat sheepishly, and then shrugged rather coyly. “Very… well, if you are sure?”

“Quite sure.”

“I don’t have to hold this above our heads do I?” Erestor asked, meaning the mistletoe.

“Given that I am taller, I think we can do without that one small detail.”

Erestor nervously cleared his throat and trod closer, “All-all right.”

The advisor tilted his head up, to press an innocent kiss to Glorfindel’s cheek. But to his confusion the warrior pulled back, looking him in the eye. He frowned slightly, and instead, tilted his head right this time, only to be denied again. He pulled back and looked to the taller elf questionably.

His stance was patient and waiting. But when Glorfindel glanced to his lips, then back to the advisor’s own dark gaze, it dawned on him as to what it was the elf waited for. Heat suddenly flushed his cheeks, and he smiled a little nervously before clearing his throat, and unconsciously wet his lips, a sight that affected the blond elf quiet a bit.

He tilted his head straight and upwards, with hooded eyelids so as his dark lashes swept across his high cheekbones, and brushed their lips together in a feather light touch. The kiss was fleeting and sweet, and it was as Erestor pulled away - just as their lips were to loose soft contact, that either side of his jaw was gently cupped and held in place.

He did not gasp or pull away, but rather, breathed in a quick breath through his nose as his eyes closed fully. The pressure against his mouth at once became firmer, and his hands hung unsurely mid air as Glorfindel’s confident lips slowly began to open and close against his own.

He was unable to stifle a small whimper as a smooth tongue gently brushed against the tip of his own. And at that first touch of Glorfindel’s sweetness, the warrior seemed to slow, to wait for his permission to continue, to go deeper. And as Erestor’s hands finally came to settle on Glorfindel’s arms that held him so securely yet gently, permission was given, as the darkling elf opened to him.

A low murmur, not quite a growl or moan, but a sound of satisfaction most definitely, sounded from deep within the warrior’s throat. He tilted Erestor’s head to the side, controlling the pace, depth and speed of the kiss, and enjoyed it far more than he had intended to.

Finally it was Erestor who ended the blissful encounter, by placing his hands over the ones that touched his neck to gently, and pulling away to let out a deep breath. Their eyes met, and without words Glorfindel pleaded for more. Not waiting for permission this time, he swooped down and partook of more.

Erestor smiled into the kiss, loving the feeling of being enjoyed, and again pulled away from the kiss. He laughed quietly as the warrior pressed forwards again for more, but was able to stop him by ever so gently pushing away the hands either side of neck.

“I didn’t know you were going to kiss me like that,” he breathed, smiling with eyes closed as he fought to regain his breath.

“Neither did I,” Glorfindel spoke, his voice now retaining a deeper, more intimate quality. “I’d like to again.”

Erestor opened his eyes and swallowed when seeing how dark Glorfindel’s gaze had become. “It is late, however.” Erestor smiled.

“Aye, you are right, I should retire to my bedchambers.”

Erestor nodded, then swallowed when Glorfindel leaned down, and whispered huskily into his ear. “Come with me.”

He let out a harsh breath, and licked his lips. “I… I don’t know if I can..”

Glorfindel pulled away only a little bit, to look the advisor in the eye, and then smiled. “Ai, forgive me, I am not usually so forward.”

Erestor smiled and spoke as if in a daze of sorts, “that’s alright, I quite like it. Though…”

“Though?” Glorfindel asked, bolding running his fingers along one smooth, flushed cheek.

“Though if you.. just felt bad for me then..”

“Oh no,” he smiled and shook his head, and even stole another fleeting kiss. “No, that was me taking what I wanted.”

“Oh good,” he breathed, and could not help but smile with clear relief. “I must say, I feel better than I did.”

“I am glad,” the warrior chuckled, “a happy accident for it was but your kiss I sought with no forethought..” he took on a more serious countenance then however, “though Erestor, you’re feeling lonesome…it will not do.”

“Will not do?” Erestor repeated, and closed his eyes and breathed deeply as the warrior trod closer, caressing his cheek and then whispering into his ear.

“You are wrong, you know,” was the reassuring, so gentle and deep voice that murmured into his ear.

“I am?” Erestor whispered.

There was no answer at first, just the masculine scent invading his senses, the warmth that threatened to overwhelm him, and then came the words, the words that may of saved him that night.

“You’re favourite flower is the bluebell. You prefer red wine. You straighten out your clothing when nervous. You get this adoring look on your face when you watch the twins tease one another. You are proud of your Lord. You love your people. You hate the thunder but love lightning.” This statement was accompanied with a hint of amusement, and he went on... “You like the scent of rain and fresh grass. You toy with the ring on your forefinger when in deep thought. You are an absolute gentleman. And you watch me in council, you think I do not notice, but I do.”

Erestor clenched his jaw tightly and swallowed hard. His eyes were closed, yet only his dark lashes were wet. He sighed when feeling those soft lips brush his cheek, and opened his eyes when feeling the warrior draw away.

“You weren’t aware of that, were you?”

He shook his head no, too stunned to speak.

“And that is just what I know about you. Do not doubt what it is others feel for you, you are…. quite special, at least to me, anyway.”

Erestor laughed, and covered his mouth quickly when afraid a sob might escape instead. “Thank you,” he whispered hoarsely “thank you for that.”

“You are quite welcome,” Glorfindel murmured, “though I should inform you that I am taking your mistletoe.”

Again the advisor laughed, and sniffed also, feeling better than he had in a long time. “Any reason why?”

“So that whenever you feel this way again, I may remind you of my affection for you. I am torn between wishing you nothing but happiness, and wishing to come to you again.”

Chuckling now, Erestor - forgetting any previous self-consciousness, caressed one of the warrior’s cheeks and kissed the other. “I may let you remind me anyhow.”

“Oh I am glad,” the blond grinned.

“Glorfindel,” the advisor began in all seriousness, “thank you, I mean it.”

Glorfindel nodded, nodding being all he could do. He again kissed one of the advisor’s cheeks and even sighed in disappointment when questing after another, real kiss and being playfully denied.

Smiling, a blinding wide smile, Erestor walked backwards away from the warrior, and when he turned to leave to his chamber Glorfindel watched his every step until completely out of view, all whilst wearing the most wistful of smiles.

When in his quarters, he disrobed - smiling. He extinguished all lights in his rooms, and climbed into bed - smiling. When finally able to succumb to reverie, he was smiling. And all because what Glorfindel had promised him that eve in light-hearted banter, had come true.

He slept easy that eve, and was content.

The End.