Eomer's Steam House

Disclaimer-I don't own Lord of the Rings, the characters, films books or movies. . .(however I do have a poster of Theoden.) ;) I make no money off of anything I write based off of the stories by J.R.R. Tolkien, or the movies offered by New Line. Alas.

1.
------------------

It was a coronation gift from the Prince of Dol Amroth. An ugly, squat structure erected outside of the quarter's of the new King of Rohan.

'' Everyone should have one" the Prince had said.

" What exactly is it?" Eomer had inquired, skeptical about the large stones that were being placed inside.

" Oh, it's a steam house. Really. I promise you that there is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a steam house."

Eomer had been skeptical at first, but soon found it very easy to ' warm' up to the idea of the sauna, especially after a hard day on a horse. It was also good for a long night in the ' saddle ', so to speak, as there seemed to be quite a few women who were eager to help the Rohirrim build a little extra steam after dark.

Unfortunately, it was so popular, that Eomer rarely got a chance to use the structure; it was always occupied by another guest. So, being practical and a wise ruler, he ordered a few more of Steam houses built; large ones that could be utilized by many at a time. This emptied out his little steam house so that he could have the private use of it himself.

Soon, he came to rely on the relaxing atmosphere of the damp heat to alleviate the stress of his new position, and many nights would see the King, slipping through the dusky shadows to seek a moment of solitude in the sweaty confines; where he could puzzle in peace about the affairs of state. It was even more conducive to problem solving than the privy, which was where, until the introduction of the Steam House, all important decisions had been made.

However, all good things never last for ever, and the incident which was to prevent him from ever utilizing the facility again, came one night after he had entertained a large amount of visitors. There had been much laughing and singing a drinking and making merry, to the point where everyone's heads rang gleefully.

After the great festivities of the evening the King thought he would sleep better should he slip into the sauna and unwind before retiring. He exited his chambers and tiptoed to the sauna, dressed in naught but one should wear when planning on taking a steam bath. He was more than a little irritated to find the door locked.

He thought about pounding heavily on the door and demanding whoever was inside to exit immediately. Then he decided that perhaps it would be best to confront the offenders afterwards and have them punished. No one used the King's private sauna anymore. . . that was what the public baths were for!

Moodily he sat on the bench and leaned against the rough wall, arms crossed. Surely whoever it was could not remain inside forever.

" Ohh...it's slippery...'' someone cooed, the voice was female, but was muffled by the thick walls.

" Of course it is. " a man answered.

" It is too much. . .I think I might faint." she laughed.

" No you won't, you can take it. . .you just have to give yourself a moment to get used to it is all."

" Mmmm...that feels wonderful!"

Eomer almost choked on his own air. Jerked like that from his sullen mood, he turned to stare at the wall, squinting as if this would allow him to see through the planks. He really should leave, but it was just too intriguing to remain. Besides. . .it was a bloody long walk back his rooms.

" Don't stop. . . Ouch! not so hard!!" the woman giggled.

" I slipped. . .sorry." the man answered.

Eomer pressed his ear to the wall. There came from within little tiny moans of satisfaction from the female of the species.

" Where are you going to put that!?" the woman demanded.

'' Just turn over, and you'll see."

"Mmm. . .I love it when you are stern. . ." she simpered. There followed the sound of bodies moving.

" Ohhhh. . .that is. . .is. . .mmmmm." apparently she liked it, whatever it was. There were several more moments of moaning, before the woman gave a long, contented sigh.

" Did that cure all of your ills? " the man asked, rather smugly.

" That was no doubt the most wonderful thing I have ever felt. Come here and I'll show you my appreciation." The sound of loud kisses filled the air.

" Do you want me to reciprocate? '' she inquired. " You look so hard, and tense. . .should I work that out?"

" Not here. It's cooling off. . .how about we return to our bed, and further our negotiations there?"

More kissing, and some giggling.

Eomer stood, pulling himself up to his full height, prepared to bawl out whoever was to exit that door.

After what seemed like another five minutes, the inside latch was finally to be heard lifting, and two figures barreled out of the sauna, and into the King.

" Ow ! " she exclaimed. looking up to see what was obstructing her path.

The partial moonlight and the dull glow of the stones from within illuminated her face just enough for recognition.

" Eowyn!!" Eomer exclaimed.

" Eomer!" Eowyns' face turned bright pink. She was very shiny, as if she had been doused in a great amount of oil.

'' What are you doing here?'' they all demanded simultaneously.

" This is my steam house" said Eomer.

" The other houses were too crowded." said Faramir at the same time.

" Faramir wanted to show me what he could do with his hands." unfortunately, Eowyn's words rang loud and clear, and both men turned look at her. She changed to crimson.

" I mean. . .like a massage. Goodnight." she tugged Faramir's hand, realizing that nothing she could say was going to alter the embarassment of the situation.

" You can still go in, we left plenty of steam in there. . ." Faramir began, but decided it was best if he followed his wife's example. " Goodnight."

And they scampered away into the shadows

Eomer turned to look at his little empty steam house. So that is where they had gone to after disappearing from the party!! He wrinkled his nose. . .well, he would never be able to consider important affairs of state in there anymore.

Guess that meant it was back to the privy.


THE END