The New Yorker is pretentious
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Lord of the Rings Movies › General › Lord of the Ring Stars
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Adult +
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Views:
915
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Currently Reading:
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Category:
Lord of the Rings Movies › General › Lord of the Ring Stars
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
915
Reviews:
1
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is work of fiction! I do not know the celebrity(ies) I am writing about, and I do not profit from these writings.
The New Yorker is pretentious
Orlando had just woken up, on the floor in front of the sofa, when the phone rang. Cursing, he fumbled around for pants. What the fuck had he gotten into last night? Oh, yeah, Jack Daniels, he realized as he slipped on the bottle.
“Hold on!” he called out to the phone, to whomever was calling. Hopefully Colin. Yes, that was why Jack spent the night with Orli. Because he was lonely. He caught the phone after five rings- whoever it was was persistent.
“Hey, hang on a minute,” It took all the effort in his sore legs to find the TV remote. Currently the little box was showing a program of Celebrity beauty secrets. Had he he left it on last night? Probably.
“Okay, ‘m here,”
“Don’t read it,”
“Colin?”
“The New Yorker, don’t read it,”
“Colin, what is this about?” Orlando’s immediate rush of joy faded as he heard the tone of Colin’s voice.
“Just, don’t. That’s all love,”
“Uh… okay,” Alright… What time was it? Orlando drew back the thick shroud of curtains to reveal sunshine. Lots of it.
“Oww…”
“What did you do?”
“Opened the curtains. It’s bright out,” This phone call was rapidly becoming one of the many he had endured over the course of their relationship. There would be a lot of long silences.
“So… why am I not supposed to read the New Yorker,” He asked, trying to stir up a conversation.
“They reviwed Kingdom of Heaven,” Colin answered simply. Orlando could hear the enhale of a cigarette on the other side. That actually sounded good right now.
Orlando didn’t say anything- he knew what the New Yorker would say. Quite frankly he wasn’t concerned so much about the review right now as he was about finding cigarettes. He could think of the review when he lit up.
“Jesus, Orli, you know the New Yorker doesn’t like anything- they’re psuedo-intellects who hate everything that everyone else likes, just so they can be different,”
“Yeah, we’ll see,” Orli snorted. Ah-ha! Treasure sighted.
“So why didn’t you call me last night?” Orlando asked through teeth clenched around a cigarette. It was probably better to address the big pink elephant sitting in the corner sooner, rather than later. And the elephant probably only sat in Orlando’s room, seeing how usually when their relationship fell into problem, only Orlando could be bothered by it. Or notice it.
“I forgot,”
“Uh-huh,”
“This is the worst part about our relationship,” Orlando tried to make his voice sound serious. He had the unfortunate habit of making serious conversations into jokes, just to avoid the embarrasment of the situation.
“What? Forgetting to phone?”
“Yes,”
A pause.
“You know I feel like an absolute teenager whenever I call up and you don’t want to talk. I feel like… what’s the point?” Orlando’s voice went soft.
London was awake and alive in front of him. On the kitchen counter lay his suit for the premire. He knew that by 10:45 his meager entourage would come for him, come to dress him and ready him.
“Don’t do that,”Colin’s voice was that of a man who had just worked up his courage, only with Colin, he probably used a pint to help.
“What?”
“You’re upset and lonely but you know I still love you,”
“Do I?”
“I spent the whole night calming James down- he had a nightmare. He absolutely wouldn’t stop pissing himself,”
Orlando laughed at the thought of Colin Farrell, sex icon, wiping off baby pee from his face.
“I know, funny,”
“I’m sorry,” Odd, his laughter turned to tears. It wasn’t really crying, just dry, frustrated heaves of someone too worn out to cry.
“Hey, baby…”
“I just miss you. I can’t help think that we could fall apart so easily,”
“I’ll see you soon,”
A pause.
“I don’t think like you, Orli,”
“Huh?” His cigarette was almost to the filter.
“You think of missing me, I think of seeing you. You think about day-to-day achievements, and I… think of it on the whole,”
“Oh, well, then there’s our problem,” Orli laughed.
“We’ll sort it out tomorrow evening,”
“And we’ll fuck,”
“Yes, lots, only-fuck! James is here, oh fuck, don’t say fuck, the kid’s here!” Orlando laughed harder.
“Are you hung over too?”
“Why?”
“I’ve never heard you sound this way. You’re too… lucid,”
“A-ha… did you think of me when you wanked?”
“Colin!”
“You tend to be quite horny when you’re drunk,”
“Okay, yes. You know they had your picture on VH-1 all night long. Imagine how many other guys wanked off to your image last night,” He chuckled throught the last words, and until the joke faded. They were back in a merry mood.
“Good. I love you,and fuck, I miss you. Even if I don’t say it.” Colin murmured.
“I love you too,” The cigarette was put out. Orli reminded himself not smoke.
“See you tomorrow, baby”
“Okay, cupcake,”
“Pumpkin,”
“Honey bunch,”
“The article…”
“Forget it,” Orlando said, sounding more confident than he was sure he really was.
Colin’s laughter rang out through the phone and over him. His earlier depression wilted and went to die in the corner.
“Bye,” Colin’s laughter carried on even as the phone clicked off. Feeling more invigorated than before, Orlando gathered up the mess in front of the TV. He really was going to have to never watch TV- it screwed with him too much. The stress of premiring Kingdom and missing Colin and having to be back on set was crushing him. The TV often triggered many depressions.
Time to prepare. The doorbell rang. He could hear the makeup artist gabbing with his manager, and his personal assistant. Orlando was often told it was odd that he requested separate rooms for his helpers- for most they became a family. Maybe that’s why he was so depressed all the time.
“Hey come in!” The phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Don’t read it, at least not until I’m there to fuck you into a better mood,”
“Okay, I’ll resist,” Later he could worry about the review. He would wail and cry and be weak later that evening, with no one else to witness it except Colin. He wasn’t weathered enough to handle reviews- especially if they were nasty and implied something personal.
“Bye love,”
“Love you too,”
The line went dead, but not uncomfortably so. Looking up at the quizzical faces of his help, he smiled.
“Just room service. I’ll go shower,”
He ignored the bewildered stares that followed him. In the bathroom, Orlando trembled with excitement. Yah! He was a famous actor who got good movie roles! Yah! He had a boyfriend who loved him, even though he didn’t often tell him! Yah! He was gonna get fucked tommorrow after how many nights with only his hand? Yah! Yay for Orlando Bloom. A goofy grin broke out on his face. Yay indeed!
(Cheesy, or what? Next chapter in the works...please review. Thanks)
“Hold on!” he called out to the phone, to whomever was calling. Hopefully Colin. Yes, that was why Jack spent the night with Orli. Because he was lonely. He caught the phone after five rings- whoever it was was persistent.
“Hey, hang on a minute,” It took all the effort in his sore legs to find the TV remote. Currently the little box was showing a program of Celebrity beauty secrets. Had he he left it on last night? Probably.
“Okay, ‘m here,”
“Don’t read it,”
“Colin?”
“The New Yorker, don’t read it,”
“Colin, what is this about?” Orlando’s immediate rush of joy faded as he heard the tone of Colin’s voice.
“Just, don’t. That’s all love,”
“Uh… okay,” Alright… What time was it? Orlando drew back the thick shroud of curtains to reveal sunshine. Lots of it.
“Oww…”
“What did you do?”
“Opened the curtains. It’s bright out,” This phone call was rapidly becoming one of the many he had endured over the course of their relationship. There would be a lot of long silences.
“So… why am I not supposed to read the New Yorker,” He asked, trying to stir up a conversation.
“They reviwed Kingdom of Heaven,” Colin answered simply. Orlando could hear the enhale of a cigarette on the other side. That actually sounded good right now.
Orlando didn’t say anything- he knew what the New Yorker would say. Quite frankly he wasn’t concerned so much about the review right now as he was about finding cigarettes. He could think of the review when he lit up.
“Jesus, Orli, you know the New Yorker doesn’t like anything- they’re psuedo-intellects who hate everything that everyone else likes, just so they can be different,”
“Yeah, we’ll see,” Orli snorted. Ah-ha! Treasure sighted.
“So why didn’t you call me last night?” Orlando asked through teeth clenched around a cigarette. It was probably better to address the big pink elephant sitting in the corner sooner, rather than later. And the elephant probably only sat in Orlando’s room, seeing how usually when their relationship fell into problem, only Orlando could be bothered by it. Or notice it.
“I forgot,”
“Uh-huh,”
“This is the worst part about our relationship,” Orlando tried to make his voice sound serious. He had the unfortunate habit of making serious conversations into jokes, just to avoid the embarrasment of the situation.
“What? Forgetting to phone?”
“Yes,”
A pause.
“You know I feel like an absolute teenager whenever I call up and you don’t want to talk. I feel like… what’s the point?” Orlando’s voice went soft.
London was awake and alive in front of him. On the kitchen counter lay his suit for the premire. He knew that by 10:45 his meager entourage would come for him, come to dress him and ready him.
“Don’t do that,”Colin’s voice was that of a man who had just worked up his courage, only with Colin, he probably used a pint to help.
“What?”
“You’re upset and lonely but you know I still love you,”
“Do I?”
“I spent the whole night calming James down- he had a nightmare. He absolutely wouldn’t stop pissing himself,”
Orlando laughed at the thought of Colin Farrell, sex icon, wiping off baby pee from his face.
“I know, funny,”
“I’m sorry,” Odd, his laughter turned to tears. It wasn’t really crying, just dry, frustrated heaves of someone too worn out to cry.
“Hey, baby…”
“I just miss you. I can’t help think that we could fall apart so easily,”
“I’ll see you soon,”
A pause.
“I don’t think like you, Orli,”
“Huh?” His cigarette was almost to the filter.
“You think of missing me, I think of seeing you. You think about day-to-day achievements, and I… think of it on the whole,”
“Oh, well, then there’s our problem,” Orli laughed.
“We’ll sort it out tomorrow evening,”
“And we’ll fuck,”
“Yes, lots, only-fuck! James is here, oh fuck, don’t say fuck, the kid’s here!” Orlando laughed harder.
“Are you hung over too?”
“Why?”
“I’ve never heard you sound this way. You’re too… lucid,”
“A-ha… did you think of me when you wanked?”
“Colin!”
“You tend to be quite horny when you’re drunk,”
“Okay, yes. You know they had your picture on VH-1 all night long. Imagine how many other guys wanked off to your image last night,” He chuckled throught the last words, and until the joke faded. They were back in a merry mood.
“Good. I love you,and fuck, I miss you. Even if I don’t say it.” Colin murmured.
“I love you too,” The cigarette was put out. Orli reminded himself not smoke.
“See you tomorrow, baby”
“Okay, cupcake,”
“Pumpkin,”
“Honey bunch,”
“The article…”
“Forget it,” Orlando said, sounding more confident than he was sure he really was.
Colin’s laughter rang out through the phone and over him. His earlier depression wilted and went to die in the corner.
“Bye,” Colin’s laughter carried on even as the phone clicked off. Feeling more invigorated than before, Orlando gathered up the mess in front of the TV. He really was going to have to never watch TV- it screwed with him too much. The stress of premiring Kingdom and missing Colin and having to be back on set was crushing him. The TV often triggered many depressions.
Time to prepare. The doorbell rang. He could hear the makeup artist gabbing with his manager, and his personal assistant. Orlando was often told it was odd that he requested separate rooms for his helpers- for most they became a family. Maybe that’s why he was so depressed all the time.
“Hey come in!” The phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Don’t read it, at least not until I’m there to fuck you into a better mood,”
“Okay, I’ll resist,” Later he could worry about the review. He would wail and cry and be weak later that evening, with no one else to witness it except Colin. He wasn’t weathered enough to handle reviews- especially if they were nasty and implied something personal.
“Bye love,”
“Love you too,”
The line went dead, but not uncomfortably so. Looking up at the quizzical faces of his help, he smiled.
“Just room service. I’ll go shower,”
He ignored the bewildered stares that followed him. In the bathroom, Orlando trembled with excitement. Yah! He was a famous actor who got good movie roles! Yah! He had a boyfriend who loved him, even though he didn’t often tell him! Yah! He was gonna get fucked tommorrow after how many nights with only his hand? Yah! Yay for Orlando Bloom. A goofy grin broke out on his face. Yay indeed!
(Cheesy, or what? Next chapter in the works...please review. Thanks)