Growing Up - Part One: Descisions

Frodo almost choked on his bacon and coughed hard before staring at his young cousin. “Pip,” he said at length, “Are you sure? Is he pushing you?” If he was, he would have to answer to Frodo.

Pippin pursed his lips together. “Yes, I am sure.” He said defiantly. “And, no, he’s not. I just want to, is all.”

Frodo drew a deep breath and slowly let it out again. “Pippin, you’re still very young.”

Pippin dropped his fork on his plate with a clang. “Don’t treat me like a baby, Frodo. I’m tired of that. Everyone does that. Everyone.”

Frodo blinked and looked at Pippin. “So, that’s why you want to lay with him?” He asked. “Because you want him to see you’re not a baby?”

Pippin blinked and averted his gaze onto the half-eaten bacon on his plate. “I said I just want to.” He said quietly.

Frodo rose and walked over to Pippin, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Pip, look, Merry knows you’re not a baby, sweetheart. He just likes to look after you. That’s what people do when they’re, they’re… in love.” It was still hard for Frodo to admit that that was truthfully what his cousins were. He had watched them grow up, and felt responsible for them, sometimes wondering if he had set a bad example.

Pippin blinked against the tears as Frodo pulled him into an embrace. “I know that,” he said, his voice muffled against Frodo’s chest, “But I’m still scared.”

Frodo heard the unsaid words. “Pip, look at me.” He put his hand under the young hobbit’s chin and turned his face upwards, seeing the pain and despair in his eyes. He reached out his hand and gently wiped a few tears away with his thumb. He swallowed and tried to find the right words.

“Pippin, Merry would never, ever, leave you. He adores you, otherwise he wouldn’t still be with you. He’s happy to wait until you’re ready because, Pippin, he wants… when he lays with you for the first time, he wants it to be special, Pip. Because he loves you so much. He would never hurt you.”

Pippin sniffed and dried his nose on his sleeve. “But maybe I’m ready now.”

Frodo sighed and handed him a hankerchief. “Here, blow your nose sweetheart.” Pippin did as told, and then turned his green eyes on Frodo again. “Pippin, I don’t… I don’t want to… I don’t think you should rush into this.”

Pippin looked at him. “Rush?” He echoed. “I’ve waited years and years, no rushing.”

Frodo sighed and realised Pippin would not back down. He took the plates from the table and put them beside the basin, Sam would wash them up when he came in. It wasn’t like they would get any more eaten. “Come with me into the living room, Pip.”

Pippin followed him, and sat down on the sofa, slightly hesitant. Now it came to it, even though he knew Frodo had given in, he feared that there was another lecture to go with this. He looked at Frodo as he put more wood on the fire.

“Have you talked to anyone else about this, Pip?” Frodo said at length as he sat down in his arm-chair. Pippin shook his head. “Not even Merry?” Frodo confirmed, and Pippin shook his head again.

Frodo sighed. “Ok, sweetie, maybe you should talk to Merry about it instead. He’ll tell you everything.”

Pippin looked at him in anguish. “No, he won’t tell me. Frodo, every time it goes too far he stops me and tells me to wait. I’m tired of waiting. But I don’t know…” He stopped and blushed, “I don’t know… what to do. I want him to show me but he won't, so I thought…”

Frodo shook his head in wonder. “You thought I would tell you everything?” Pippin turned a pleading gaze at him. “Pippin, I can’t… I can’t tell you that sweetheart. If you… if you’re truly ready, you’ll just have to make Merry understand. You’ll have to find out for yourself.” He stopped and looked at Pippin. “Find out what Merry wants, and needs.”

Pippin looked at him thoughtfully. “Can’t you tell me anything? Nothing?”

Frodo smiled. “It’s very different for different hobbits, Pip.”

“But, how will I find out when he… he won't let me. He just pushes me away.”

Frodo reached for his hand. “Pippin, he’s afraid to hurt you. He wouldn’t want to do that sweetheart, not you, and he’s afraid… I think, Pippin, that he’s afraid that he’ll go too far if you start it.”

Pippin looked despaired. “What shall I do about it?” He asked, his bottom lip quivering slightly.

Frodo sighed and thought for a moment. “You have to make him understand that you’re ready Pip, and that you want it… need it mind you, and that he… that he just has to trust you.”

Pippin nodded eagerly, “How do I do that?”

Frodo smiled, “Show him, Pip, I can’t tell you how to, I’m sure you’ll figure it out, somehow.” Pippin nodded and Frodo brushed away a lock of hair from his cousin’s eyes. “And, Pip, tell your Merry that Frodo said that he is right to be careful and patient, but that his Pippin is growing up and he has to listen to him.” Frodo smiled reassuringly at Pippin.

Pippin smiled back and pressed Frodo’s hand. “Thank you, Frodo. I think I’m going to go back home.”

Frodo nodded. “Yes. I bet you forgot to tell Merry where you were going and he’s probably going mad with worry.” He couldn’t help but smile as Pippin clapped his hand over his mouth, the look on his face confirming this thought. He led Pippin out in the hall.

“Goodbye Frodo, and thanks again for your help.” Pippin said, a little shakily, as he stood in the door.

Frodo smiled. “I will see you soon, Pip.” He touched Pippin’s arm and made him look up. “Take care of yourself now, and don’t do anything you don’t want to, ok? You just stop him if he goes too far, because he won’t leave you, so you shouldn’t be afraid.”

Pippin nodded with a smile. “I will, Frodo, I will.” He turned and went on his way.

Frodo sighed as he watched him walk down the path and out the gate. His little cousin had grown up.

~Now, read part two! :)